WWF Raw Is War 8/6/01

Kane vs Rob Van Dam WWF Hardcore Championship

Oh wow, Kane rudely attacks during RVD's entrance taunts. RUDE. Rude as heck. I expect more out of a WWF talent. These dudes will be tag champs about a year from now. RVD is one of the few Alliance guys that JR will 100% put over without any reservations. Even guys like Booker he'll put over with some backhanded compliments. Kane controls most of this match. DDP comes out and drills Kane with a chair. A VILE chairshot. You know, the DDP/Taker angle should be over. How many times can Taker beat his ass at this point? RVD hits the frog splash with DDP's chair. Title retained. Kane IMMEDIATELY sits up after getting pinned and chases DDP into the crowd. 


A recap of Debra blasting Steve Austin with the cookie tray on Smackdown. Debra has a lot of moxie! But what's the point of this angle? Debra costing Austin the title? Austin beating Debra on screen? 

EARLIER TONIGHT. Debra and Steve arrived together. 

ALSO EARLIER TODAY. Booker T went to Paramount Studios to audition for a movie role. The PA pulled Rock lines on him. 

Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring, nipped out to heck. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! Lmao, how did Steph go from Drowning Pool to Lil' Kim as her entrance theme? Steph shits on the WWF and Rock in particular. Her brother Shane is a GLADIATOR! This brings out Chris Jericho. Kind of weird that Jericho's tron has the WTC so prominently featured, considering he's Canadian. I guess if you consider his actual birthplace of Manhasset, NY, it might make a bit of sense, since it was about 20 miles away. It's still weird either way since it's clear that all of Jericho's tron that doesn't have him in it is recycled or stock footage. Shit from the DX tron video is in there. And the DX video is like 70% shit from 1995-1997 Raw intros. Jericho calls her a whore in about 6 different ways. Mind you, she's the boss' daughter. The same boss that called her a slut on the last show. "Your comments are catty. You remind me of a girl." Shout out to Steph dropping Drowning Pool lyrics in her promo. #synergy. Jericho implies that Steph is getting gangbanged by most of the roster and the crew while HHH is out hurt. "As a matter of fact, I think you've been with every single human being in both companies." Again, this is the boss' daughter. This somehow leads to Jericho bringing out extras from Planet Of The Apes, because everything I love is somehow connected. The worst part about this is that they came out to KAMALA's them. WTF. Jesus fucking Christ. Try to be a little less racist. Fuck. That's genuinely disgusting. Fucking APES coming out to Kamala's theme, which is pretty suspect to begin with. Fuck. One of them brought a pie out, which Jericho threw in Steph's face. Even in 2001 this is WTF on all levels.

TO THE BACK. Lita tells Debra how impressed she is for putting Steve in his place on SD. Yet, Debra takes offense for daring to say that Austin is a hard man to live with.

TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri are celebrating the 101st birthday of the Queen Mum. X-Pac comes in. He's pretty hot that he hasn't been on Raw or SD since becoming both the WCW Cruiserweight and WWF Light Heavyweight Champion. Tajiri says it's because X-Pac sucks, and a match is made.


Stacy Keibler/Torrie Wilson vs Jacqueline

This is a match built upon Jackie getting emotional over a guy getting eliminated from Tough Enough, then Stacy/Torrie pretending to strip to cheer up the WWF New York crowd. Jackie is going to beat the shit out of them. If Jackie doesn't beat the shit out of them after that last segment, wtf. Of course, Jackie dominates for 30 seconds, then Ivory shows up to hit her with a DDT. Torrie makes the pin and wins the match. Are you really fucking serious after having APES come out to Kamala's music, you have the one black woman on the roster lose a match to two white women non-wrestlers via interference by a woman named IVORY. Man, what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. Even by 2001 standards this is wtf as hell.


TO THE BACK. DDP does yoga in his new Sara shrine. We've all seen Kim. No one buys that DDP is obsessed with Sara.

TO WWF NEW YORK. JR asks Terri how she feels getting dumped by a mop. Paul then goes hardcore shit head on her about how much make up, hair, and surgery she needs to compare to a mop. What the fuck is going on on this show?

TO THE BACK. Debra rants to Stone Cold about Lita shit. Debra exaggerates their conversation, saying Lita called him trailer trash and that Matt could beat him any day of the week. Debra pls.

EARLIER TODAY. Booker met with the director.  He asks if Booker knows the movie is about an 18th century British aristocrat. You know, a white guy. What the fuck with this whole show.

TO THE OFFICE. Steph and the Dudleys show up in Regal's office, demanding Jericho to be punished. 


Tajiri vs X-Pac WWF Light Heavyweight Championship

What's really weird here is X-Pac has has X-Factor lighting, but comes out to his DX era theme, with DX era tron. Not just a weird dub, but full on 1998 X-Pac theme and tron. An indie respek stand off gets a respectful applause. Lol at Pac going for his normal backdrop spot and getting kicked in the mouth. Also Tajiri no selling the bronco buster to hit a power bomb. Kid hits a dive that is completely missed by the cameras, despite X-Pac having been doing dives in the WWF since 1993. Tajiri hits the mist and buzzsaw kick, which Charles Robinson is really eager to count and all I can wonder is why he's the ref when it's a WWF title match between two WWF wrestlers. New champion.


TO THE BACK. Matt Hardy and Lita are chatting when Stone Cold comes in and gives them both a lot of shit. Austin vs Matt later tonight! Austin threatens to beat Lita's ass as well. I'm not surprised, mother fucker. 

EARLIER TODAY. Booker continues his audition. Booker gets offended for being considered dumb for reading stage directions. Booker calls the actress a sucka. It's called improvisation, sucka. "Are you related to Mr. T?" "I want her ass fired." 


Dudley Boyz vs Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle

Good news for the Dudleys that they have Kurt Angle to let them look good. Bad news that Jericho didn't give a shit. Luckily for the Dudleys, Kurt spends a lot of the match as FIP. Jericho had the match won, but Bubba pulled the ref out of the ring. Rhyno hit the ring and GORE GORE GORED Jericho. And Jericho kicked out. Because of course. The Gore has killed everyone. Why Jericho needed to kick out of it in the middle of a tag match is beyond me. Kurt didn't even break the pin. He just kicked out, made the tag, and then was on offense. D-Von counters the moonsault from Angle, but Kurt locks on the ankle lock and makes Bubba tap out.


TO THE BACK. Austin confronts Lita, who seems genuinely afraid she's about to get punched out. 


Christian vs Lance Storm WWF Intercontinental Championship

The big C actually got some promo time by himself. He was inspired by Lance's words last week. He's a Canadian first and foremost. He asks lance to do a special 5 second pose. Lance agrees only for Edge to pull his tights down, revealing what appears to be Power Rangers underwear. Bootleg Power Rangers underwears. He didn't protect them, man. Most of the match is spent talking about Rock/Shane and plugging upcoming dates. Lance wins with a roll up while holding the ropes. Because god forbid a title holder get a clean win.


TO THE BACK. Taker and Sara arrive on their hog. Kane was waiting for them, and he knows where DDP's shrine is. Elsewhere, Kurt Angle confronts The Rock, but lets them know they're on the same team now. He's gonna give Rock his secret weapon that has let him win against every guy he's ever fought: MILK! In a tall pilsner glass. Rock chugs it. "That's some of the best damn milk The Rock has ever had." 

Elsewhere elsewhere, Austin gets back to Debra, saying Lita said she was country dumb. Even talked about her dark ass roots that need touched up. 

TO THE SHRINE. Taker finds the shrine and flips his shit. DDP walks in and gets attacked. Wait a minute. THAT'S POSITIVELY KANYON! HE'S BACK! The real DDP attacks Taker under Kane runs them off. 


Matt Hardy vs Steve Austin

Austin has new music. Again. Matt attacks as Austin hit the ring and got booed for it. I guess you could say that Steve's glass is BROKEN. Austin actually gives Matt more than Taker had given to any Alliance guy. And then he stands on Matt's throat for a very long time. Lita gets up on the apron and Debra pulls her off. Debra runs into the ring and Lita gets hit with a stunner. So does Matt.


TO THE BACK. Rock heads to the ring.

EARLIER TODAY. Booker embarrasses himself again. He says he's going to take Rock out at Summerslam. The actress asks if he's Rock's chauffeur. "This is The Rock's butler!" Book eventually attacks the director, who certainly had it coming by this point. 


Shane McMahon vs The Rock Street Fight

This is Rock's first match back after being suspended the night after Wrestlemania. This almost immediately heads into the crowd, which is always so great when both the crowd and home viewing audience can't see any of the action. Within minutes, Shane McMahon is DOMINATING The Rock. Even before the weapons come into play. Of course Shane is booked as more of a physical threat than the rest of the Alliance. Rock needs weapons to beat Shane's ass. Booker runs in and immediately gets laid out. Rock wins with the Rock Bottom. Eventually, Rock got hit with the WCW Championship and Shane hit the leap of faith. The show ends with Booker's music, but Shane is the one that put Rock down. 


I don't even know where to begin with this one. The blatant racism on this show was 80s Memphis level wtfuckery. 

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WWF Raw Is War 7/30/01

Tazz vs Chris Jericho

Tommy Dreamer and Paul Heyman are with Tazz. Tommy takes Michael Cole to the back, and Paul Heyman resumes his position as color man for Raw. Tazz goes on to get solo promo time to talk about how great The Alliance is and how well they're going to do tonight.  Why Tazz is doing this is anyone's guess. Once Jericho stops talking, he wins in about 45 seconds. 


TO THE BACK. Vince McMahon has decorated Rock's locker room with every piece of merch the WWF has for him. Regal and Tajiri come in with pies. Vince explains what kind of pie Rock really likes. Tajiri had taken a slice of the blueberry pie.


Tajiri vs Rob Van Dam WWF Hardcore Championship

Indie KARATE respek stand off to start this. Then Tajiri gets Rob in the mouth. Rob has some FIERCE swamp ass. The match is 2 minutes in. How could your ass possibly be that sweaty so quickly? This is the first time Tajiri really got to be ECW Tajiri in the WWF, what with his multiple chair shots and trying to kill RVD. RVD won with a frog splash on a chair. Title retained.


TO THE BACK. Austin, Steph, and Shane have decorated their own locker room for Rock. Debra made cookies. Booker is pissed about this stuff. Nick Patrick arrives to say Rock is 5 minutes away. Book almost throws up after eating one of the cookies.

Elsewhere, Vince is heading to greet Rock when he runs into Big Show. He wants to run some marketing ideas by Vince. "Right now I don't give a damn if you call yourselves Double Trouble Crap On A Stick!" Big Show thought Double Trouble had some real potential. 

TO THE COLE. Mike talks to WCW Champion Kurt Angle about his no DQ rematch against Booker tonight. Mary Lou Retton was so inspired by Kurt's win that she now has the the confidence to return to public. He's officially challenging Steve Austin to a title match at Summerslam.

TO THE PARKING LOT. The McMahons argue over who will be greeting Rock. A limo arrives. It's KANYON! LOLOLOLOLOL. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!


Matt Hardy/Lita vs Hurricane Helms/Torrie Wilson

Why is Torrie teaming with Hurricane? They have had no interactions. Oh my god, Paul has said LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR at least 5 times already. Torrie and Lita have a very bad exchange, then the men have a completely forgettable exchange. Torrie COMPLETELY missed her cue, three times in a row, to low blow Matt. So much so that Matt had to hit the TOF when he clearly wasn't supposed to, and then Helms had to no sell it to roll Matt up.


TO THE BACK. Austin gets Booker hyped up to regain his title tonight. "Last time I had 3 or 4 of those, I crapped for 3 days straight." Debra's cookies. 

TO WWF NEW YORK. Test is pissy that the APA thought he'd jump to WCW, but he's staying with the WWF.


Kurt Angle vs Booker T WCW Championship

No Disqualification

A no DQ title match as the hour one main event? Expect some fuckery. OH WHAT A SURPRISE, Alliance members attack Kurt before the match even starts. It takes way longer than it should for the WWF guys to show up, and a big brawl breaks out while Booker is hiding in the crowd. The match hasn't even start and we have 20 run ins. The match also goes to break BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS, and Booker is now in control when the show comes back. Kurt pretty much immediately fires up and it's like nothing happened to him. So here's the deal: Booker T, the biggest star to come in from WCW, is treated as a performer who needs run ins from 20 guys and multiple distractions from Shane McMahon to get any offense. Even then, that certainly doesn't mean he's going to win even if Austin himself interferes. 

TO THE BACK. The fight still continues in the back. Lol at Scotty 2 Hotty beating up Mark Jindrak. 

Austin hits the ring as Booker is in the ankle lock. Kurt knocks him around, and Austin goes flying into Earl, who goes flying to the floor. Little Naitch comes sprinting down the aisle to count a pin for Booker, but Angle kicked out. He then decks Charles. Austin pops up to hit a stunner. Earl is thrown in the ring and Booker T has regained his championship. Boy, my fuckery detector never lies.


TO THE BACK. The Hardys are brawling with Helms and Justin Credible. Austin runs by them and heads to the parking lot, where his truck is waiting.

TO THE BACK. Debra offers Kurt some of her cookies. Actually, the cookies were for The Rock. Kurt threatens Debra, then tells her THE TRUTH: "These cookies suck!" 


Edge & Christian vs Lance Storm/KANYON

KANYON!!! He should shoot on Edge for stealing his finishers. Shout out to Lance/Kanyon doing Quebecers' spots. Christian spends most of the match in the ring. Once Edge gets the hot tag, he has Lance down with the spear, but Kanyon hits a flatliner on one of the titles. REVENGE, MOTHER FUCKER. Who betta?


TO THE BACK. The Alliance celebrates Booker's win. And by The Alliance, I mean Shane, Steph, and O'Haire/Palumbo. That's it. Kurt barges in and chases Booker away.

Elsewhere, Vince is pacing, pissed about the title situation. Regal comes in to say that it appears Rock is actually on his way this time.


Billy Kidman vs X-Pac WWF Light Heavyweight Championship/WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Title for title! Lol at Kidman getting face pops for sneak attacking X-Pac. X-Pac hits a crazy over the top rope hip toss and follows it with a tope. Then he gets his balls squashed on the post. They go back and forth for a few minutes, ending with an avalanche X-Factor to unify the titles. Kidman sure is doing whatever he can to make sure he's noticed every week. That's more than what most of the WCW guys are doing, since the majority seem pretty content to blend into the big blur of the brawls and leave it at that.


TO THE PARKING LOT. Everyone has gathered once again for Rock. The limo with ROCK1 on the license plate has...The Fink in it. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!

TO THE COACH. Dudleyz are going to put Sara through a table tonight. Then they basically threaten that DDP is going to rape her.

TO THE BACK. THE ROCK HAS RETURNED IN FRONT OF THE ROCKY BALBOA STATUE!  


Dudley Boyz vs Brothers of Destruction

Tables Match

Since these guys aren't DDP, maybe they'll get some offense on the Taker family. In reality: Lol. Nick Patrick moves a table to save D-Von, then DDP showed up to low blow Taker. This was all to set up Sara to get powerbombed through a table, but she bit Bubba until Taker could recover to hit an avalanche chokeslam through a table to win. Just to be clear here: Taker/Kane just beat the Dudleys in their signature match even with a ref in their pocket and a run in.


TO THE BACK. Vince is on his cell, telling whoever that he's on his way to the ring to welcome Rock. Elsewhere, Shane and Steph also head to the ring.

TO THE PARKING LOT. A limo arrives. This time, it's THE ROCK! BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!

The McMahons are all in the ring. Here comes THE ROCK! HE'S BACK! BUT WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?!?!?! Now comes the time for the hard sells. Shane reminds Rock of why he was suspended in the first place. If Rock comes back to the WWF, Vince has no intention of screwing Rock again, but he can't promise it wouldn't ever happen again. If it was the right thing for business. The devil that you know, compared to the devils that you don't. ROCK BOTTOM TO VINCE MCMAHON! THE ROCK HAS JOINED THE ALLIANCE! ROCK BOTTOM TO SHANE MCMAHON! WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?!?!? "Finally, The Rock has come back...to the WWF." 


Isn't it just fascinating that none of the WCW guys can win a match without interference and cheating? Even the guys JR hypes as being great wrestlers and great athletes still need help from one or multiple members of the Alliance, or use a weapon or low blow to get a win. The WCW Championship is being used as a prop for the WWF Championship feud, for fuck's sake. The only guys in the Alliance who can get wins on their own are RVD and Rhyno. Undertaker continues to make every Alliance member he faces look like dog shit.

StroComment
WWF Monday Night Raw 7/23/01

Last night at Invasion, Steve Austin turned his back on the WWF and joined the WCW/ECW Alliance. WHY, DAMN IT, WHY?!?!?!

Steve Austin, Shane and Stephanie McMahon, and Paul Heyman come to the ring to start the show. "Stone Cold Steve Austin is, and I apologize for this, Stone Cold is a first class asshole." Austin has new even more heel music, which is basically just his normal theme but slowed down considerably. Fans are all over Austin, so his heel turn while already a heel is working. You know Steph is EXTREME, because she wears leather now. You know the fans are EXTREME because they chant "SLUT SLUT SLUT" at her. This is your normal heel I TOLD YOU SO gloating promo that goes on for 10 minutes before Austin even speaks. Ya see, Stone Cold wasn't feeling very appreciated. Basically, Austin turned on the WWF because Vince kept hugging Kurt. "A hug used to be something special between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon." Kurt comes out. Austin shit talks for a while until Kurt finally hits the ring and hits a suplex. 

 
 

TO THE BACK. RVD celebrates his Hardcore Championship win with the ECW crew. RVD thinks they can hand pick anyone they want now. 


Rob Van Dam vs Matt Hardy WWF Hardcore Championship.

Only 20 minutes into the show (not counting commercials) before the first match. Matt Hardy is the European champ, but his title is not on the line. Matt starts the match before RVD can even make it into the ring. Matt quickly brings a ladder into play, and it is quickly kicked back into his face. You have to imagine all of these guys instantly regretted making a ladder their signature prop. When you've got to do hip tosses and leg drops from the ladder in the opening match of Raw, I'm sure you were wishing you had picked a kendo stick or something. RVD hits a frog splash with Matt stuck in the ladder for the win. Title retained.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Edge and Christian brag about their win last night when they walk into those damn Dudleys. Dudleys brag about winning the main event, and now a tables match is going to go down. Booker took offense at the idea of Austin being the only reason the Alliance won, so Booker makes this a six man later tonight. Six man tag team elimination match. E&C make Mr. T jokes.

Elsewhere, DDP and KANYON chat. KANYON! KANYON! KANYON! Kanyon is wearing an INVASION MVP shirt, because if he hadn't won his match, the Alliance would have lost. 

 
 

Lance Storm vs Albert WWF Intercontinental Championship

Will the Alliance steal another title? The answer is ABSOLUTELY. Albert dominated the very short match, but Mike Awesome distracted Nick Patrick, then X-Pac came out to fight with Awesome, and Hugh Morrus hit Albert with the title. Now, Nick Patrick clearly saw the interference, as Hugh slide out of the ring right in front of him. Why was a WCW ref handling this match anyway? Anyway, a huge brawl breaks out between both rosters. The WWF decisively won the brawl. Bradshaw powerbombed Mark Jindrak, and Kane chokeslammed Kidman.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Shane, Steph, Paul, and Austin celebrate having three of the WWF's titles. KANYON busts in. Austin has no time for his bullshit. "From now on, I'll say 'Who betta than Kanyon besides Stone Cold Steve Austin'". Lol.

Elsewhere, Torrie and Stacy talk about Torrie's tits. 

TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri talk about Austin's betrayal. Tajiri will take apart Raven for the WWF's honor tonight.

TO THE BACK. E&C ask Kurt Angle to put their issues aside and join the tables match.


Tajiri vs Raven

This is as awkward as you'd expect with Raven trying to take all of Tajiri's strikes. These guys have zero chemistry. Tajiri wins with the buzzsaw kick.


TO THE BACK. Paul Heyman gets Rhyno hyped to take out The Undertaker to put the final nail in the coffin of the WWF.

Elsewhere, the APA give Kurt some beers. He's never had one. 


The Undertaker vs Rhyno

Rhyno has looked like king bad ass since his WWF debut. He's destroyed everyone in his path. Yet this is The Undertaker, and he basically runs through Rhyno. He didn't even bother to hit the Last Ride. Beat him with a chokeslam. DDP came out to mess with Sara, and Taker beat his ass yet again. Not only did Taker beat his ass, but Sara beat his ass, too. Again. But then DDP pulled Sara in the way of a chair shot. SWERVE! Taker hit her fucking HARD, too. Audibly knocked the wind out of her. Still, Taker just made Rhyno and DDP look like shit for no real reason other than he wasn't going to give any shit to anyone that came from WCW or ECW.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Taker won't let medical staff tend to Sara, who is dead. Elsewhere, DDP runs away to his car. Coach catches him and asks how he could do such a thing. DDP got a boner over it all. 


Chris Jericho vs Kanyon

KANYON KANYON KANYON! Kanyon ran to the ring as he was being mocked, but Jericho side swiped him. Once in the ring, Kanyon got to do some neat MOVEZ to leave an impression, at least. It was pretty competitive, and JR put Kanyon over big, but Jericho won with the Walls of Jericho.

 
 

TO THE BACK. A limo arrives. It's Mr. McMahon! BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!

Vince comes to the ring and congratulates The Alliance on their victory. That was just one battle in a war. We're taking this shit nuclear. And the first bomb being dropped is the reinstatement of THE ROCK! Vince basically challenges Rock's manhood to get him to come back. Then he does all of Rock's catchphrases and begs him to come back. 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Vince and Kurt share a moment. Kurt supports Rock's return, but he wants to be the leader of the WWF.

TO WWF NEW YORK. Big Show and Billy Gunn sit at the fucking restaurant talking about all the things they had accomplished in the past, but now they're fucking losers. They're going to MAKE people respect them again. 

TO THE BACK. Torrie hits on Jeff Hardy. Trish shows up. "Paddle this, bitch." 


Trish Stratus vs Torrie Wilson

Paddle On A Pole Match

Russo has joined the Invasion! This is terrible. Torrie isn't a god damn wrestler. Trish is barely a wrestler. Torrie won via paddlin'. 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Shane hypes up the Dudleys and Booker.


Dudley Boys/Booker T vs Edge & Christian/Kurt Angle

Elimination Table Match

Amazing how Booker is already a CLEAR underlining of Austin in the Alliance. That was made very, very clear on this episode. You'd think the WCW and WWF champs would be equals, but lol. Christian is the first eliminated with a table 3D. Booker shortly after eliminates Edge, leaving Kurt on a 3-1 situation. He tries to put Booker and D-Von through tables, but those fucking things won't break. It takes two tries for both. Of course, there's a ref bump, so Nick Patrick comes out and safes Bubba. Kurt puts him in the ankle lock, and Austin appears to attack Kurt. Bubba powerbombs Kurt through the table to win, then the WWF guys chase Austin and Bubba away.

 
 

Taker making ECW and WCW guys look like shit for no reason, Booker clearly being made Austin's subordinate when he's the WCW champion, Vince bringing back The Rock as the nuclear option. But most importantly, KANYON got 3 different segments. 

WWF Monday Night Raw 7/18/01

With just 6 days before Invasion, Vince McMahon is trying to get Steve Austin motivated to bring back the old Stone Cold, for the sake of the WWF's future.

TO THE FRIENDLY TAP. Stone Cold drowns his sorrows and thinks over his issues with a cold beer.

The show opens with...Spike Dudley coming to the ring for a promo. He asks for Molly Holly to come to the ring. Spike publicly declares his love for Molly. Molly loves him, too! And he gives her a rose. She has something for him, but she can't give it to him here. As he takes off to get his BJ, Paul Heyman comes out to ruin the mood. Paul wants to talk to Spike. Spike is still welcome in the Alliance. Spike won't leave Molly for Paul or ECW. Well, there is a place for Molly. Given she gets lipo and fake tits. Paul Heyman, king of the negging. The Dudleys come out. Bubber is sick of Spike stealing the spotlight anyway. They attack Spike. Molly tries to save him and gets powerbombed through a table. Thou shalt not fuck with the Dudleys, I guess. What a weird way to start the go home Raw for Invasion.

 


Mike Awesome vs Edge

Before the match, Lance challenges Edge and Christian to a match at Invasion. E&C accept. Edge cost Awesome the Hardcore Championship on Smackdown. People have always talked about how they can't believe how Awesome was handled in WWF (and WCW), but I don't think it is that hard to understand. Horrific promo skills. An intense and hardcore style that didn't fit in the WWF even for hardcore matches. His size became a non-factor. Edge is as tall as him. There were a lot of guys his size and bigger in the WWF. Too much working against him. Anyway, during the match Edge hit that goofy half nelson face buster that looked much better in games. Awesome responded with a huge German suplex. Then Lance got involved and E&C attempted a conchairto on Awesome. The WCW ref stopped it and Lance hit Edge with a superkick. Awesome wins!

 

TO THE BACK. Steph is hyping up Booker.  Then Jericho shows up and makes whore jokes. Booker takes offense and this sets up a WCW Championship match later tonight.

TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri talk about teaching Tazz some respect. Tajiri wants to do commentary for the match. Regal agrees.

TO THE BACK. Shane, Steph, and Heyman talk about Invasion. They finalize their team.

TO THE FRIENDLY TAP. Vince shows up to talk with Steve. Austin turns his back to Vince.

 

William Regal vs Tazz

Tajiri is on color. On Smackdown, Tazz attacked Tajiri at the announce table. Regal beats the brakes off of little Tazz until there was a Tazzplex OUTTA NOWHERE. Tajiri enters the ring and reveals his ECW shirt. SWERVE! And the he kicks Tazz in the head. DOUBLE SWERVE! Tajiri puts Tazz in the tarantula while Regal knocks the shit out of him.

 

TO THE BACK. Rhyno and DDP go over some strategy for their tag match tonight. DDP has the unedited tape of Mrs. Taker that he wants to show to the group. The King of Bada Bing's Best of Sara compilation.

TO THE FRIENDLY TAP. Owner and ref Tim White gives Steve another beer, on the house. Bu then Tim touches Austin and gets a dirty look. Austin is on his 5th or 6th beer in about an hour. Would that even phase a man as big as Austin that drinks as often as Austin?

 

Booker T vs Chris Jericho WCW Championship

WCW champ comes out first. Of course. JR BERRIES Booker, saying he isn't the kind of proud and honorable champion that...RIC FLAIR was.  Ric Flair. The Dirtiest Player In The Game. So proud and honorable. Jericho controls the opening moments and the fans are hot for it. Nick Patrick is the ref for this. No mention of the Jericho/Patrick feud. They had a match on PPV. Seems like that could have been brought up. Some big kicks put Book in control. DOPE spinebuster. Cole and JR are a weird team. Both are doing color and play by play. And they're both faces. It's just weird. "I never thought much of a champion that wears an earring, but that's just my personal preference." Uh. What? Austin wears an earring, JR. Pretty sure Dusty and Flair had earrings at some point as well. I'm not sure if that is racist or homophobic. Maybe both. Nick's shoulder just pops right out of socket while doing a pin. Freak injury. Walls of Jericho! Nick's knee dislocates itself. Freak injury. Earl Hebner hits the ring and hits Nick. Booker taps out. As Earl goes to ring the bell, Shane decks him. Booker gets a roll up and Patrick gives the fast count. Title retained.

 

TO THE BACK. Terri tells Saturn to stay in the back during her match tonight. Heyman shows up and tries to convince Saturn to come home to ECW. "Now Perry, you know in ECW we care about the health and welfare of our performers." "Snausages!"

 

Raven vs Kurt Angle ECW Rules

Angle immediately scores a take down and pounds Raven with his gold medals. It's been a while since I've seen a not on death's door looking Angle. What a beast. Kurt has a real mean streak tonight and quickly wins with the ankle lock. After the match, he puts Reven in an amateur hold and then a modified arm bar. Then he gets a chair and beats on Raven. KANYON (and Justin Credible/Meat) run down to save Raven, but Kanyon gets smashed with the chair as well and the other two stay back. BANG!

 

TO THE FRIENDLY TAP. Austin is playing pool with Debra.

Hardy Boys vs Dudley Boys

Matt and D-Von start the match. Hardys start off hot. Doesn't last too long. JR claims he worked his whole life to get to the WWF. I find that hard to believe. JR was in the game for 10 years before the WWF even went national. The Dudleys win in a short match with help from RVD. After the match, RVD hit a flying karate kick on Matt and frog splash on Jeff with the Dudleys holding Jeff down.

TO THE BACK. The APA are not happy about what they just saw. Vince also isn't happy about it. Vince says that Austin probably isn't coming, so they have to stick together. Elsewhere, The Alliance holds their big team meeting. One last hype fest from Steph, Shane, and Paul. Paul is definitely the best at it. Elsewhere, the WWF has their own meeting. The APA, Vince, and Taker run the meeting. Freddie Blassie is wheeled in for one last hype. He stands up and tells them to FIGHT.

TO THE FRIENDLY TAP. Austin was watching and breaks his pool stick.

 

Trish Stratus vs Terri

Cesaro Swing! I wonder who had the idea to put Terri in matches. She's about as bad as it gets. Trish wins with a standard bulldog in about 90 seconds. Trish tried to strip Terri after the match. Torrie and Stacy hit the ring and attacked until Lita made the save.

 

DDP/Rhyno vs Kane/The Undertaker

Holy SHIT are the Brothers of Destruction over as fake. God damn what a pop. Rhyno is so fucking wide. I wounder how he was able to buy clothes. Pants seem impossible for that body shape. BoD dominate Rhyno. Then Taker dominates DDP. The rest of Team Alliance hits the ring and attacks. 5 on 2! The WWF locker room comes out. Then the rest of the Alliance. Things are breaking down in the Impact Zone!  

TO THE BACK. The lowest of the low carders brawl outside. STONE COLD HAS ARRIVED!

Austin hits the ring. STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER! STUNNER!

TO THE BACK. Shane and Steph confront Freddie Blassie. "You and the WWF have a lot in common: You're both about to die!"

 

Technically not the go home show, but the one that counts. And it was kind of weird. Starting the show with the Spike and Molly thing, matches for the BIGGEST SHOW IN HISTORY still being made on the spot 6 days before, two WWF women wrestling against each other, Austin spending most of the show in a bar and then decimating the entire Alliance single handedly. The pops for Kane/Taker and Austin were IMMENSE. Like holy shit. I forgot crowds could be that hot. My boy Kanyon got some TV time and took a great stunner by flipping backwards and spinning on his head.

WWF Monday Night Raw 7/9/01

Well, Linda apparently doesn't give a shit about WWF guys interfering in WCW matches like she said she would. WCW is at odds with itself, with DDP attacking Shane McMahon, and the rest of the roster attacking Booker T. Vince McMahon apparently forgot WCW even existed, spending Smackdown going to a titty bar with Tajiri after embarrassing himself and having a breakdown in the ring. Raw is emanating from WCW's home base of Atlanta. Shane McMahon will face DDP in a street fight. The first ever WWF vs WCW match will take place, with Mike Awesome/Lance Storm facing The Undertaker in a handicap match. JR's commentary is very similar to that of Survivor Series 1997, in which he essentially spoiled the Screwjob in the opening minutes of the show.


Shane McMahon vs DDP Street Fight

Yes. This is real. McMahon vs Wrestler already in WCW. Undertaker comes to the ring before DDP and tells Shane to back the fuck off. Shane agrees, and then helps Taker fight DDP. So, I guess this is now Taker vs DDP officially? Taker beats the shit out of DDP, then Shane attacks Taker with his kendo stick. This was the first logical thing in the Invasion, because Shane was saving one of his top stars, even if he had a personal issue with him. On the other hand, it was treated as a planned heel turn. Shane and DDP beat up Taker for a bit, then Sara beats up Shane with the stick. DDP hit her with the Kanyon Cutter. OUTTA NOWHERE! BANG! So, that whole fight with them on SD was a set up. The implication being that Shane has been behind the stalker thing the whole time, which...obviously. I don't know why that was ever in doubt. It was hinted at once at the very beginning, then never mentioned again, but obviously Shane was at least complicit in it.

 
 

TO THE BACK. DDP and Shane come across Taker's bike. DDP steals it. Elsewhere, Sara is loaded into the ambulance as Taker promises revenge.


Dudley Boyz vs APA WWF Tag Team Championships

Forgot the APA even wrestled.  Maybe the Dudleys are moles. You ever think about that? Where were they when Booker was attacking Vince/Austin and running out of the building? Bradshaw isn't nearly as stiff as he needed to be, and Faarooq has his arm taped up all the way to his fucking shoulder. Spike comes down and hits Bubba with a crutch. This distracts D-Von. JBL hits him with the lariat from heck to win the titles. When did Spike break his leg?



TO THE BACK. Austin, Vince, and Debra brainstorm. Austin keeps mimicking Vince. "Let's face it: Shane McMahon is a bad apple. "He's a bad apple." "And I guess apple doesn't fall far from the tree." "Now that's enough of that." Kurt shows up with gifts. "Did you get one for Debra?" "I'm sorry, what'd you say?" "Is that one for me?" "Uh..no." "Ha ha ha." Lol. Angle got them badges. Angle got a giant gold badge to match his gold medals. "Badges? Badges? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' BADGES!" Austin convinces Angle to go attack Booker T. Elsewhere, Kane arrives. Why is it okay for so many guys to show up to work late?


Rhyno vs Albert WWF Intercontinental Championship

"The mohel of misery." Jesus fuck, Paul. Might as well call him the dick slicer. "The Meshugganator." The...idiot maker? We get it, Paul, you and Albert are Jews. Me, too. You're being obnoxious.  X-Pac got involved one too many times and got gored. Rhyno then turned around into a bicycle kick from the "Canter of Chaos". That one makes even less sense. A canter is basically a priest. So Albert is a dick cutting priest of chaos, whose finisher is the Idiot Maker, according to Paul Heyman. Title retained.   

 
 


TO THE BACK. Kurt confronts Booker T. Booker got booed. In Atlanta. Same city Kurt won gold in. And Kurt is more popular. Says it all about the state of WCW. Kurt challenges Booker to a match tonight.  "With that cute little cowboy hat you had on last week, you really think got a chance against me, Mr. Cowboy?" "Yippie Kai Yay, Mother Hubbard."


TO THE OFFICE. Regal informs Kane about Sara's condition. Kane then takes Undertaker's spot in the handicap match.


Jeff Hardy vs Big Show

Eligible bachelor Brother Nero facing Brother Big Show. Trish is out to support Jeff. "JR, I don't know if you ever noticed this, but Trish is rather hot." Show dominated and won with the reverse powerbomb. Trish kissed Jeff after the match, so who really won? 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Angle prepares for his match by stretching with his asshole right in Austin's face. Lol. "Please tell him to get his ass away from my face." Austin volunteers as leader for the Inaugural Brawl at Invasion. Kurt thinks he should be the leader if he wins the WCW Championship tonight. Kurt brings up Gilligan's Island, and they argue over who is the Skipper and who is Gilligan. Both are in the match, so they should stop arguing. Taker is also in. Chris Jericho shows up, saying the rumors about him taking the title to WCW were just rumors, because he would never go back to WCW. He wants to be on the team. They turn him down, and Angle mimics Austin like Austin did earlier with Vince. These three has so much chemistry. Every segment knocks it out of the park.

 
 

TO WWF NEW YORK. Matt Hardy and Lita are at New York to talk about the bra and panties tag challenge at Invasion. They don't know if they can trust Trish. Lita then makes out with Matt. 

TO THE BACK. Shane hypes Booker up. Booker now has the US Championship with him, which had not made its appearance on TV outside of a promo picture. Shane is now a heel, and Booker is getting hyped with him, so does that mean Booker is now a heel, too?

TO THE BACK. Vince and Austin get Angle hyped up. Austin says they'll be behind him more than in spirit. "Where were you in 1996?" "Well, what day?" Lol. Fuck. These guys consistently make me laugh at least once per segment. Kurt doesn't need them in his corner, because he won the Olympics by himself. He's going to do it for his God blessed country! 


Kurt Angle vs Booker T WCW Championship

The first ever interpromotional match between WCW and the WWF! Shane comes out with Booker. Booker was already getting a mixed reaction earlier in the show, and now he's getting a 80% heel reaction. IN ATLANTA. IN A WCW VS WWF MATCH. Christ. And Booker starts with cheap shots and working heel. Amazing. What backwards booking. This whole angle is such a mess. Oh, and they got rid of Stacy, Arn, and Scott Hudson. JR and Paul are calling the match. Even though this is a WCW match. With WCW logo, apron, and announce table. Shane gets involved, and Nick Patrick allows. Man, Booker does not look good. So sluggish. Maybe he was injured coming into the Invasion or something. Regardless, he has not looked like the Booker of WCW in his entire WWF run so far. Booker controls most of this match, usually with heel tactics. This Atlanta crowd is literally chanting for heel Kurt Angle over WCW Champion Booker T, who was a face up until about 6 minutes ago. The only thing Booker gets a pop for is the spinarooni. It's hilarious that JR is talking about Shane like it is 1999 again after talking so positively about him for the past few months. Booker taps to the ankle lock. Nick Patrick manages to miss it. Then Nick is bumped, so Earl Hebner counts the pin after the Angle Slam. Nick pulls Earl out of the ring, then Earl spears Nick and they brawl. Booker hits Kurt with the belt to retain his title. This angle is FUBAR'd. 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Angle wonders where the fuck Austin and Vince were. WHAT THE HECK?!? 

TO THE SCOTT. Wait. Scott Hudson was in the building and wasn't used for the WCW Championship match? The fuck? He talks to Torrie and Stacy about their upcoming bra and panties match with Lita and Trish. 

TO THE BACK. The APA and Dudleys talk about their match. APA had nothing to do with Spike and offer them a rematch on SD. They also offer some beers, which the Dudleys rebuke. "Why don't you ask us again at the end of the night." 


Kane vs Lance Storm/Mike Awesome

So, Lance is the first WCW guy to Invade and then...doesn't even make an appearance on WWF TV for a month. Mike Awesome wins the Hardcore Championship IN MSG, hasn't made an appearance in weeks. Now they're in a handicap match against Kane, which was supposed to be against Taker.  The last time we saw Lance, he was a face. The last time we saw Awesome, I guess he was a heel since he was attacking Taker and then Booker. Chris Jericho makes his entrance, so this is now a tag team match. Jericho is trying to show his loyalty. The 24/7 rule for the Hardcore Championship has been waived until after Invasion. Paul tries hard not to shit on Mike Awesome, making reference to his jump to WCW while being ECW Champion, then losing to WWF contracted talent Tazz, who then jobbed to WWF Champion HHH on Smackdown, then dropped the title to Tommy Dreamer, who immediately lost it to Justin Credible. It was a weird time. There is quite a bit of talk about the Thrillseekers, although their time in SMW is not acknowledged at all. Strangely, this has WAY more heat than Booker/Angle. There are also some oblique references to WAR and FMW. Jericho spends most of the match as FIP. I'm not sure it was a great idea to debut Awesome against Kane, one of the few guys bigger than him, but then WCW did the same thing by debuting him against the bigger Kevin Nash. Jericho puts Lance in the Walls of Jericho, but then RVD and Tommy Dreamer hit the ring OUTTA NOWHERE. They team up with Lance and Awesome to beat up the WWF stars. A section of the WWF mid card hits the ring. Wait a second. Those are all ECW guys! HOLY SHIT. ECW HAS REUNITED IN THE WWF! "Feel it, JR! Feel this moment for the rest of your life!" ECW beats up Kane and Jericho. Then Paul Heyman jumps into the ring to explain it all. Everyone done forgot about the TRIBE OF EXTREME. These men were TOO EXTREME for WWF vs WCW. The Invasion just became WWF vs WCW vs....ECW! The Invasion just got taken to the...EXTREME. This was a hot as fuck angle, even with my distaste for ECW as a whole. 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Vince and Shane run into each other. They almost get into a fight, but Shane convinces Vince that they should work together to get rid of ECW. 5 WCW guys, 5 WWF guys, against the 10 ECW guys. One night only! 


Scotty 2 Hotty vs X-Pac WWF Light Heavyweight Championship

I wish they'd be more consistent with the X-Factor music on the Network. Some weeks it is the real song. Most weeks it is some random rock dub. Regardless of music, X-Pac is still the most over heel on the show. JR continues the show on his own. Kid won by countering a sunset flip and holding onto the ropes.

 
 


TO THE BACK. Vince and Shane hold a meet with the WWF and WCW locker rooms. Vince wants the WCW guy to follow the WWF guys. Shane wants the WWF guys to follow the WCW guys. Shane will PERSONALLY lead the match so WCW can be in charge, but Vince will hold him personally responsible if something bad happens. Crowd is chanting for Goldberg for most of this segment. After Shane leaves, Vince tells the WWF guys to not listen to Shane, who had no plans to follow him in the first place.


WWF/WCW vs ECW 10 Man tag

The WWF contingent: APA, Billy Gunn, Big Show, Hardcore Holly. The WCW contingent: Shane McMahon leading Sean O'Haire, Chuck Palumbo, Mark Jindrak, Shawn Stasiak, and Chris Kanyon. KANYON IS MAIN EVENTING RAW!!! The ECW contingent: Tommy Dreamer, RVD, Dudley Boyz, Rhyno, Tazz, Raven, Justin Credible, Mike Awesome, and Lance Storm.

The WWF and WCW guys start brawling before the ECW guys even coming out. ECW guys then come out of the crowd. The WCW guys are all knocked out of the ring, leaving to a 10 on 5 advantage. Shane holds the WCW crew back. ECW knocks of the the WWF guys out of the ring. WCW hits the ring, then the two sides join forces. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Shane and Paul embrace. Vince comes out, wondering what the hell is going on in his ring. Sean O'Haire hits a F5 on Bradshaw. The first in a WWF ring. Faarooq gets hit with the 3D. Shane reveals that ECW and WCW have merged and introduces the new owner of ECW: STEPHANIE MCMAHON. OH MY GOD!

 
 

This angle is totally off the rails. The show STARTS with Shane turning heel, and therefore turning WCW heel as a result, even though WCW was already heel to the audience despite being portrayed as the face faction in the writing. And this happens in Atlanta, the home of WCW. But before Shane turned heel, DDP got almost no reaction anyway. Later in the show, Booker T, who was still a face, got booed against comedy heel Kurt Angle in a backstage segment. Then Booker is with Shane, so that automatically makes him a heel despite not actually turning. He just now cheats because if Shane's a heel, he must be a heel, too. 

But the thing is, Smackdown ended with DDP attacking Shane, then the rest of the WCW roster attacking Booker. This show reveals that the DDP/Shane fight was just a set up. Does this mean the WCW roster attacking Booker was also part of the plan? It is notable that Booker was not involved in any of the stuff at the end of the show, so maybe he was still salty, but turned heel anyway because...well, WCW is a heel group, and he's the WCW Champion, and even though he's been portrayed as a face while the rest of the group was heel, he has to be a heel, too. I guess.

Then RVD and Tommy Dreamer come out of the crowd, and most of the ECW guys on both rosters join together, adding ECW to the Invasion. In Atlanta, ECW was over more than WCW and the WWF. Then all that is ruined at the end of the show when it is revealed that Stephanie owns ECW, adding even more McMahon Family Drama to an angle that has been about the McMahons from day one. Now, Stephanie obviously didn't JUST buy ECW. She would have bought it went it went under, right around the same time that Shane bought WCW. But various ECW guys had been either doing the Invading, or been involved in matches and attacked by invaders. So, does that mean that ALL of it was a set up? Was Mike Awesome powerbombing Rhyno on a ladder a set up to fool the WWF and its fans? Was the NBT taking out the Dudleys all part of the plan? Or, did Shane and Stephanie come together one day shortly before this Raw and decide they should really stick it to Vince? Did this come about due to him trying to fuck Torrie for that entire episode of Raw? 

WWF Monday Night Raw 7/2/01

WCW invaded MSG TWICE in one week. Linda McMahon announced the first ever WWF vs WCW PPV. And tonight, for the first time ever, there will be a WCW match on Raw. And to start the show , the video package uses Rey Mysterio's WCW music. Odd choice.

Vince McMahon starts the show, as usual. He hypes up Invasion by getting local heel heat and shitting on Booker T. Kurt Angle comes out to show footage of Booker attacking Austin multiple times. This, of course brings Austin out. Angle fucking with Austin every week while playing the aloof goof is really quite wonderful. It's easy to just see it on the surface level, but Angle is clearly playing mind games with Austin every week. They get into an argument over if Angle is a hero or a jackass. Then they start hugging Vince. Lol. Shane comes out and basically calls them queers. He goes on to suggest the first ever inaugural brawl at Invasion, then announces Booker T vs Buff Bagwell for the WCW Championship tonight on Raw. Oh, and Linda will be watching with her lawyers and will be very unhappy if Steve Austin were to get involved in WCW's match.

 
 

TO THE BACK. The APA discuss who let Shane and Booker in last week, deciding there must be a mole.



The Undertaker Albert WWF Intercontinental Championship

You would think Taker would stop bringing Sara to ringside with him. It's worse when she's around than when he's got her hidden somewhere. Why not keep her surrounded by security or something? Albert didn't want X-Factor around so he could make his name off of Taker on his own. As Taker is about to win, DDP runs in and hits Taker with a chair. Kanyon Cutter. BANG! DDP and Sara squared off until Kane showed up behind DDP. Sara then booted DDP in the balls. Why is Linda okay with WCW interfering in WWF matches, but not the other way around? Seems suspect. WHOSE SIDE IS SHE ON?

 
 

TO THE BACK. Torrie meets Fink.


Crash Holly vs Molly Holly

Crash and Jackie seem to have made up after SD. I'm going to assume she's going to turn on him. Oh hey, that's exactly what happened. Molly wins with the Molly-Go-Round, and again looks like she broke her leg on it. Jackie beat Crash up again.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Vince is trying to get Austin and Angle to get along. Torrie comes in and wants to finish the conversation about her contract. Vince leaves with her, which makes Angle and Austin argue about who made him leave. Angle says it was Debra's fault. "...you gotta point." Elsewhere, Edge is still kind of weirded out about Christian's obsession with the KOTR trophy. 

TO THE OFFICE. Regal wants to make sure Tajiri is prepared for the worm doing the dance. The Dudleys walk in on him. They're mad that they have to face Jericho tonight. Regal wants them to hurt Jericho. Tajiri then tries the dance. 

 
 

TO THE BACK. The APA question Hardcore Holly about being the stooge. Elsewhere, Vince and Torrie talk business in the showers. Before Vince is about to get it in, Austin cockblocks him. 


Scotty 2 Hotty vs Tajiri

Tajiri (and ECW) is super over. Lol at Scotty throwing those soft ass superkicks when Tajiri is murdering with all of his kicks. YES. Tajiri mists during the worm! 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Vince and Torri are in a mop closet now. "It's not a mop closet at all. It's Shangri-La." Kurt cockblocks him. Elsewhere, Booker T meets with Test, with the discussion being about Test possibly joining WCW one day.


Dudley Boys vs Chris Jericho

I'm sure you can figure out how this match goes. Jericho has the match won when Bubba pulled Earl out of the ring. Before they could put Jericho through a table, Spike made a save. Jericho then pinned D-Von to beat the tag team champions by himself.



TO THE BACK. Now Vince and Torrie are in a bathroom. Saturn was taking a shit. 

LAST THURSDAY. Chris Benoit got his neck surgery.



Christian vs X-Pac WWF Light Heavyweight Championship

Christian is looking to win a singles title so he can be as successful as Edge. Edge is KOTR and all, but it doesn't seem to have mattered much for his career. He's really just been a Mcguffin, there to set off Christian's character development and being the reason Austin/Vince started hanging out with Angle. But he himself has had no development and has been feuding with Billy Gunn. Justin Credible got in the ring, Edge followed and hit him with the belt. X-Pac then got the belt and hit Christian while the ref was distracted. Title retained.


TO THE BACK. Referee Jack Doan snitches on Test for talking to Booker. 

TO WWF NEW YORK. Tazz is sitting there with a ton of food, being pissy about being emasculated by Austin on SD.


Rhyno vs Test

The winner of this match will face Mike Awesome for the hardcore title...sometime. Why wasn't anyone pissed at Rhyno for letting WCW take a WWF title in the first place? The Mid Card Militia come out to watch this match. After Rhyno wins with the gore, they give Test a beat down. 

 
 


Matt Hardy/Lita vs Big Show/Trish Stratus

BROTHER BIG SHOW, I knew you'd come. Weird amount of man vs woman matches lately. Two on this show alone. Lita hits Trish with a hilariously bad twist of faith before winning with the moonsault. Big Show screams at Trish after the match, who was saved by the eleigble bachelor Jeff Hardy.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Vince and Torrie's saga is still continuing. Come on. This shit should have been wrapped up at least 3 segments ago. Elsewhere, Shane offers good luck to Buff. Elsewhere elsewhere, the MCM celebrate killing the mole. Sgt. Slaughter shows up to inform them that Test couldn't be the mole, because he and Test were together talking about Sarge vs Patterson in 1981 when Booker and Shane got away.


Buff Bagwell vs Booker T WCW Championship

Paul and JR leave, replaced by Arn Anderson and Scott Hudson. Stacy Keibler is the special ring announcer. Official Nick Patrick will be seeing over the match. Regal comes out to escort Shane out of the building. Even the logo has changed. It's all quite strange. This is Buff's one and only televised WWE match. We can get into that on Smackdown. The lighting has also changed, giving a purple/blue tint to the crowd. Buff starts out hot and clearly working heel. The crowd turns on this minutes in. Not only are there BORING chants, but also THIS MATCH SUCKS chants. It's not that bad. Both guys have only had one match in 4 months (the night before at a house show), and it is a bit slower than the WWF matches. Certainly not worthy of the scorn it is getting. It's just an average match. It was only like...5 minutes long, if that. Kurt and Austin run out to attack Booker. Buff joins in like an idiot, not realizing he's beating up the flagship of his company when they're going to be facing the WWF at a PPV in 3 weeks.

 
 

TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM. Vince and Torrie continue to find a place to bone down, this time in the laundry room. Torrie strips him and has him close his eyes. When he turns around, Linda is giving him the wife stare.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Elsewhere, Austin/Angle/Buff are still beating Booker. Buff got too excited, so they beat his ass, too.   

 
 

I'm starting to think this angle was tanked on purpose. WCW continues to look like utter shit, with their first match on Raw ending in 5 minutes by DQ and loud chants of THIS MATCH SUCKS. Then, the WCW Champion is beaten all the way to the back and thrown out the door like trash, which is what happened to the WCW Tag Team Champions on SD. DDP got kicked in the balls and looks totally ineffective. Buff Bagwell randomly decides to beat on Booker T, even though he's part of WCW and should be pissed that Austin/Angle just cost him the title. 

On the flip side, you have most of the show being about Vince trying to get Torrie to suck his dick, with Austin and Angle being jealous of her getting Vince's attention, which was all a SWERVE in the end to get him (literally) caught with his pants down in front of Linda so she can punish him and presumably get more WCW stuff on WWF TV by threatening to take more in the divorce. You also have the WWF guys beating up one of their own and celebrating like assholes under the most tenuous of suspicions. Obviously it would make the most sense that the mole is in production, as Shane had been seen multiple times celebrating with production people in the weeks prior when WCW music/logos would get played. And the best part of the MCM is that it is full of people who never even wrestle on Raw/SD. The rest of the roster that actually wrestles on those show seem to not even notice the Invasion is happening.

WWF Monday Night Raw 6/25/01

Steve Austin retained his title at KOTR, but the WCW Champion Booker T made a shocking appearance in the match, attacking Austin. Edge became the King of the Ring. Undertaker and Sara beat the shit out of DDP. Kurt Angle nearly killed Shane McMahon. And now, the WWF returns home to Madison Square Garden.

Vince storms to the ring to start the show. Vince pontificates on what the T in Booker's name stands for, and how it's spelled. And he shits all over Booker. Perhaps it stands for Temporarily Employed, because Vince is going to put WCW out of business...again. No WCW stars are welcome in MSG. Clips of Vince Sr. being inducted into the MSG Hall of Fame are played. It was a package from 1996 or 1997, with the crowd popping for Andre, Freddie Blassie, and Gorilla Monsoon. 


Test vs Rhyno  WWF Hardcore Championship

Will Stacy's ass return to distract Rhyno? NYC is 100% behind Rhyno. It doesn't take long for things to head out into the crowd, and then backstage. Test finds two conveniently placed tables to put Rhyno on so he can drop an elbow from some weird scaffolding thing. And wouldn't you know it, neither table broke, because they just pushed them apart and smacked off the floor. Rhyno hits the gore. New champion! Wait, who's that? That's...MIKE AWESOME! He just Awesome Bombed Rhyno on a ladder on the concret! New champion! WCW has stolen the Hardcore Championship in Madison Square Garden! 


Jeff Hardy vs X-Factor WWF Light Heavyweight Championship

Fans are ALL OVER X-Pac. God damn. Go away heat my ass, they should have put the world title on X-Pac with that kind of heat. Jeff misses the swanton. X-Pac wins with a backslide with his feet on the ropes. New champion! 


TO THE BACK. Vince is beside himself. Austin and Debra show up. Where the hell have they been?!?! "HE RAPED ME, and he left with a WWF title!" Austin doesn't give a shit about Vince emotional sexual assault. Vince promises he really cares how Austin is doing. Then they have an awkward hug. 

GARDEN CLASSICS. Clips of Bruno's WWF Championship runs in MSG are shown.

TO THE BACK. Trish is on the phone when Big Show shows up to hit on her. He made a shirt that says Big Show with an arrow pointing down to his dick. GET IT?! He offers to take her on a European vacation. Elsewhere, Vince, Austin, and Debra share a veggie platter. Kurt Angle hobbles in. Vince is so proud of Kurt. Austin gets jealous and points out that 3 matches in a night is nothing like wrestling 2 guys at once.

 
 

GARDEN CLASSICS. This time, Superstar Billy Graham gets his moment in the sun.

Stevie Richards is in the ring shitting on NYC. This brings Tazz out.  


Tazz vs Steven Richards

Tazz wins in about 30 seconds.


TO THE BACK. Regal and Tajiri are bringing the KOTR trophy to the ring. Elsewhere, Austin is staring down Kurt for eating his veggies. Austin whispers to get rid of Kurt. Vince doesn't want to leave Kurt alone during the KOTR coronation. 

TO THE KING OF THE RING CORONATION. Regal presents Edge with the KOTR trophy. Christian takes over the promo, pointing out that Shane cost him his chance to face Edge in the finals. Anyway, he's proud of Edge. We are now in the Era of Awesomeness. Billy Gunn comes out. You see, Billy wanted to defend his crown last year, but was injured. Then he wasn't even entered into the tournament this year, and instead had to spend the night at WWF New York. Edge wants Billy to promise to shoot him in the head if in 2 years, Edge isn't in the KOTR and is eating a meatball sandwich at WWF New York. He will not "Billy Gunn" his title. Even Regal had to laugh. Edge will totally annihilate Billy Bitch Cakes tonight. Boy, if Edge doesn't utterly dominate Billy Gunn after this promo, he's going to look like garbage.

GARDEN CLASSICS. The Patterson/Slaughter boot camp match is showcased. 


Brothers of Destruction vs Dudley Boyz WWF Tag Team Championships


BOD dominate the entire match. Albert comes in to hit the Baldo Bomb on Kane while the ref was outside of the ring. D-Von pins Kane. Titles retained. Champs sure didn't come off looking good in this at all. Bubba got chokeslammed after the match. To recap, the champs were squashed, only won by outside interference, then were beaten up after the match and the whole thing ended with Taker's music playing. As Taker and Sara stood on the ramp, DDP attacked from behind with a chair. Sara puts her dukes up and starts throwing fists. DDP rips some of her hair out and runs away.


TO THE OFFICE. Regal tries to think of a way to punish Jericho. Tajiri volunteers for it. 


Matt Hardy vs Big Show WWF European Championship

Matt has the idea to work Big Show's arm. Trish was with Big Show and she kissed Matt. This pissed Lita off something fierce. Show pulls her into the ring. She kicks him in the dick. Matt is disqualified.


TO WWF NEW YORK. Somehow, Shane McMahon is able to be at WWF New York, getting promo time. Vince has GOT to start firing these people letting him do this shit. Shane talks about WCW needing television exposure, but Vince has been able to block WCW from airing anywhere. It's now time for WCW to invade the WWF...hasn't that been going on for weeks now? Shane brings out Booker T. He's calling Stone Cold out.

TO THE BACK. Austin was watching this. He does not deserve that. Vince suggests Austin go to WWF New York to kick Booker's ass. It's only a few blocks away. Austin wants Vince to go, but Vince convinces him to take Angle. 

TO THE APA. The mid carders are getting a pep talk from the APA about not taking any of WCW's shit. What's hilarious is the amount of dudes who came directly from WCW, including god damn Faarooq, former WCW Champion. And Meng, Dean Malenko, and Raven were all prominently shown. Elsewhere, Billy and Edge head to the ring.

GARDEN CLASSICS. Snuka's top of the cage dive is shown.


Edge vs Billy Gunn

Kind of hard to take Billy seriously here since not only did Edge ruthlessly shit all over him, but the crowd, announcers, and commissioner all agreed with him. Billy is a straight up joke, and Edge losing to him would make Edge look like a joke. In fact, even struggling with Billy now makes Edge look weak, which is why those type of burial promos are so stupid. I'm pretty sure a "HOGAN HOGAN" chant breaks out. This match is boring as shit. Boring chants actually start up. Off to a great reign as king, Edge. I think there must be a fan dressed as Hogan, as the crowd suddenly started booing, which I assume was when he got ejected or something. JR and Paul ignore the chants. Edge won with help from Christian. Against Billy Gunn. The guy Edge earlier in the show had pointed out was a giant fucking loser. 


TO THE BACK. Vince and Debra talk about what Austin and Angle are going to do to Booker. Austin calls Debra's phone. They're stuck in traffic. "I know Angle's a dork, okay?" 

GARDEN CLASSICS. Wrestlemania 1 is highlighted. Although, the main event wasn't mentioned at all. 


Tajiri vs Chris Jericho

KICK HIS DICK OFF. Jericho has a pre-match promo and gets booed for shitting on Austin. JR tells us that Benoit is expected to be out 3-6 months due to injuries sustained at KOTR. He was actually out for a full year, not returning to the ring until July of 2002. Tajiri doesn't kick Jericho enough for my liking, but the crowd seems to be into him more than Jericho. Jericho, like a prick, attacks Regal unprovoked. Regal then hits the ring to get his revenge. He holds Jericho in place for Tajiri, who spits the green mist, but Jericho moved. Regal writhing in pain distracts Tajiri, which allows Jericho to hit a bulldog and Lionsault for the win. 


TO THE BACK. Vince is on the phone with Austin again. He's going to go to the ring and give the signal on live TV. 

Vince comes back to the ring to give the signal to Austin and Kurt to attack Booker. However, they're just now getting out of the limo at WWF New York, so they probably didn't see the signal. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?! Security tells them Booker and Shane have already left. Shane, in fact, is at MSG! He's outsmarted Vince! Booker T attacks Vince from behind! SPINAROONI! The WWF roster hits the ring as Booker and Shane run off.



Big show. The Invasion took a giant step forward, with WCW invading WWF's home of MSG, stealing a title, and the WCW Champion beating up Vince in the center of the ring. After weeks of small attacks, WCW fires the big cannons and war has finally been declared. Thankfully, the Austin/Jericho/Benoit angle is done, and Jericho seems to be out of the title picture all together. 

WWF Monday Night Raw 6/18/01

Finally closing in on KOTR. Will Austin find a way out of the triple threat? Will anyone from WCW make themselves known? 

Spike and Molly come out to start the show. Great. All I want is MORE promo time from Spike. Spike liked being in the ring with Steve Austin on Smackdown. He's calling Steve Austin OUT. Austin comes out and I hope he just murders Spike. "Well you ain't gettin' no title match, ya lil' bastard!" Lol. Molly slaps Austin after getting called a bimbo and slut again. Austin then offers his hand to Spike and gives Molly the stunner...to a huge ovation. Even though Austin is a piece of shit heel, and Molly is the sweet girl next door face. Wrestling fans, eh? 

DURING THE BREAK. Austin walked by the Dudleys, who did and said nothing. 

TO THE BACK. The trainer is checking on Molly. Bubba and D-Von barge in to give Spike his props for standing up to Austin...then point out that they've been in WWF much longer and have never received a world title shot. Which is actually not true, as Bubba had a title match against Kurt Angle just last December. Not even a year ago.


Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy King Of The Ring Quarter Finals

Is there any way the light heavyweight champion who is also primarily a tag team wrestler should have a chance against a former world champion, Olympic champion, and reigning KOTR? Kurt hits a giant belly to belly and follows it with a huge German suplex. Jeff has to use his speed advantage , but come on. He has no chance here. Kurt gets his feet on the ropes after getting hit with the swanton. Jeff goes up top again and is yanked off leg first and put into the ankle lock. Kurt advances.


TO THE BACK. Austin paces in the locker room. He needs a friend, a confidant. "Honey, I can help you." "Not now, Debra." Lol.

TO THE OFFICE. Regal tells Tajiri about his upcoming match with Rhyno. Austin comes in. Regal tells him Spike wanted a title shot tonight, but he suggested Austin/Dudleys vs Benoit/Jericho/Spike. Austin agrees, then asks for Tajiri to be his confidant.  

TO THE COLE. Cole talks with Tazz, who does another hard sell for Tough Enough. Hardcore Holly shows up to make fun of him for no longer being tough. A match is set up for tonight.

TO WWF NEW YORK. Kane plays the crane machine. He busts the case open and gives a kid a bunch of toys. 

Paul and JR talk about the stalker videos...then purposely play them for everyone to see. What the fuck? Taker should beat the fuck out of them. He probably would, if he was in the arena. 



Hardcore Holly vs Tazz

Another video plays during Holly's entrance. The stalker says he's in Tampa, but he was filming Taker and Sara yesterday. The stalker will reveal himself TONIGHT. IN THIS VERY RING. There are obviously two people recording this, since when you see the stalker's body come out in front of the camera, the camera itself was still wavering like it was a hand held. Tazz is still over, even though he's short, fat, annoying, and rarely even wrestles anymore. Tazzmission gets the win in a short match Holly dominated.


TO THE OFFICE. Austin is confiding in Tajiri about Linda McMahon ruining Steve's life. Tajiri is a very wise man and has lifted a heavy weight off of Steve's shoulders.

TO THE BACK. Edge and Christian argue. They're both psyched about maybe facing each other in the KOTR. Kurt Angle breaks up the argument since it is pointless anyway. Kurt is in the semis and is going to repeat.


Rhyno vs Tajiri King Of The Ring Quarter Finals

Paul should be hype as fuck for this. Once again, Tajiri gets over based on physical charisma and kicks. However, Regal gave him bad advice to go up top when he could have pinned Rhyno, and Tajiri was GORE GORE GORED out of mid air. Rhyno advances.



TO THE BACK. Regal reads Tajiri the riot act for losing. 

The Undertaker's music hits. Someone in a balaclava, sunglasses, and black duster rides out on a bike. Who is it? Who is the stalker? The mysterious man is in the ring. He has his fist up in the air. Black power. He pulls the mask off to reveal...DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE! DDP IS THE STALKER MY GOD! "Undertaker! Like the Diamond (Kanyon) Cutter, you never saw it comin." DDP explains he did this because to make the biggest impact, you find the biggest dog in the yard and make it personal. Really, this is Taker's fault for revealing to Steve Austin that if Austin messed with his family, he'd make him famous. "Duh, Taker, you idiot. Stone Cold Steve Austin's already famous." DDP calls Taker a liar. He's afraid of things. Things like DDP. Basically, DDP buries WCW as a whole, admitting that you ain't shit unless you made it to the top of the WWF. "Taker, I'm begging you, MAKE ME FAMOUS!" Poor ass DDP. Spent years in WCW, was a world champ during the hottest period, still thinks he hasn't made it because he hasn't been made famous by the WWF. DDP will be at the KOTR this Sunday.


Edge vs Saturn King Of The Ring Semifinals

How will Saturn get hit in the head this week. Luckily, the guy he's facing uses a DDT as a finisher. And for the whole match, Saturn is clear headed and in control. Then Edge wins with the DDT, and Saturn goes back to being so wacky.


TO THE BACK. Vince McMahon arrives in his Summer gear. He's greeted by the Brooklyn Brawler. Vince is in a bad mood after dealing with Linda's lawyers all day. He's looking for Austin. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!


Matt Hardy vs Albert WWF European Championship

How does Albert get a title shot after losing an IC title match just a few days ago? Lilian is awful tonight. She's fucked up almost every entrance tonight. Albert gets disqualified for choking Matt for too long. Lita gave him a low blow, then Matt hit him with the twist of fate. X-Pac and Justin Credible (in overalls and jorts, respectively) come out to hit Matt with a double superkick. #fuckthebucks. Jeff runs out to save his brother. Lita also tries to help, but Jeff ends up getting double superkicked as well. It makes a lot of sense, since the Young Bucks are to X-Factor as X-Factor was to the nWo.



TO THE BACK. Vince finds Austin. "That hug you gave me..." "It felt good, didn't it?" "No, it didn't. I mean, it kind of did, and it kind of didn't." "What's wrong with a good old fashioned hug?" Vince isn't happy about Austin taking title matches without even talking about him. "Tajiri was right. He had a hell of an idea!" Austin gives Vince an ultimatum: Pick Linda or Steve. 

DURING THE BREAK. Vince left in his limo. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?! 

TO THE BACK. Spike thanks Benoit/Jericho for saving Molly. It had nothing to do with Spike or Molly. They don't give a shit about Spike, this shit ain't about him...JK. They were just playing. Elsewhere, Edge and Rhyno talk about the KOTR. Christian shows up, upset that they started without him and pissed he's had Kane and Big Show to advance. Rhyno gets all pissy and wonders why any of them are even bothering since Kurt is going to win anyway.



Christian vs Big Show King Of The Ring Semifinals

Kurt Angle is out to do commentary, as he'll be facing the winner of this match. Show dominates Christian. Then he gets annoyed with Kurt and shoves him. This makes Kurt distract the ref so EC cna hit the conchairto. Christain advances. 


Spike Dudley/Chris Jericho/Chris Benoit vs Steve Austin/Dudley Boyz

I'm already sick of everyone in this match besides Austin and Benoit. The momentum of the Austin vs Benoit/Jericho angle has completely come to a halt. Seems like an afterthought at this point, as Austin is more focused on Spike than them. Bubba slaps the FUCK out of Spike. Good. Fuck Spike. Austin ends up throwing him through a table, and D-Von gets sent through one by Jericho. Austin is disqualified for shoving Earl Hebner, and the show ends with Jericho/Benoit putting Austin in the Crippler Walls Of Jericho.


DDP as the stalker is....something. So far in the feud, WCW is the face side, yet Shane clearly helped DDP get stalker videos of Taker's wife on TV every week. Shane proved he had an in with the production team, which was helping him put up WCW logos and music for run ins. So, it is really difficult to get me to believe he didn't have a hand in this whole thing, which seems awfully terrible and suspect for the face invader to do. Then the biggest star WCW has who ended WCW as a main event face is a creepy stalker heel who says he never really made it since he didn't get popular in the WWF, and is begging the top dog to make him famous. What a way to tank the entire angle in one segment.

WWF Monday Night Raw 6/11/01

Commisioner Regal comes to the ring to ask the fans where all the sportsmanship has gone. Chris Benoit cheated to win and promoted nudity on Smackdown. The fans chant asshole, which is confusing because we just saw a picture of Steve Austin's asshole. Are they chanting for that, or calling Regal an asshole? The world may never know. Austin's asshole might just be that over. He's putting Jericho in a match against Rhyno/Big Show. Meanwhile, Benoit will face...Kurt Angle...in a steel cage! He vaguely mentions Mick Foley, so Mick comes out to plug his book some more. This isn't leading to a match, and Foley has promoted his book as much as you can. Regal clearly says "fuck off" to him, and I have to agree with Regal. These promos with Foley are leading to nothing. Foley just comes out, plugs himself/his book, makes stupid jokes, and bounces. LINDA MCMAHON comes out to the dope WM music. Unlike Regal, she believes both Jericho and Benoit deserve a title shot against Jericho. After a lot of awkward talking, a triple threat match was devised for KOTR. 

TO THE BACK. Edge and Rhyno are chatting. Christian is upset that they're talking about being in the KOTR while Christian has to face Kane. "You know what? He's my brother, but sometimes he can be such a BITCH." "Yeah."


Kane vs Christian King Of The Ring Qualifier

I'm pretty sure Kane's "cast" just now just athletic tape. Christian is giving up 100 pounds and about 8 inches of height to Kane. Edge distracts the ref, which allows for Albert to hit the Baldo Bomb on Kane. Christian did it! He's in the KOTR! 


TO THE BACK. Steve Austin and Debra arrive as Linda and Mick are leaving. Austin gets all up in Linda's face. Mick does NOT like how Steve treats women. He's really not going to like it about a year from now. Mick drops the triple threat bombshell on Austin. Austin flips his shit.


Hardy Boyz vs X-Factor

Eddie Guerrero was apparently injured 2 weeks ago by that press slam to the floor from Albert, so he's nowhere to be found. I'm amazed that Paul Heyman doesn't even bother to hype Justin up. He'll hype the fuck out of Tazz/Rhyno/Raven, but basically ignores Justin's existence. Just like the Kliq documentary that had him as a talking head and never even acknowledged him as an associate. Really nothing to see here. I do wonder why the Hardys are doing tag matches instead of defending their singles titles. Lita hits X-Pac with a huge diving rana, which Jeff followed with the swanton for the win. Jeff got blasted with a chair after the match.


TO THE OFFICE. Regal convinces Tajiri to keep doing him favors if he wants to be a WWF Superstar. Steve Austin bursts into the office, none to pleased about the triple threat. There is a CONSPIRACY to get the title off of Austin. Tajiri steps up to Austin and gets his ass kicked.

TO THE BLACK. Steve Blackman warms up with his stick. Trish offers to be in his corner for Steve's match at KOTR against Saturn. He had his cane pointing up the whole time until she embarrassed him and walked away. Then it fell down. GET IT?!?! Elsewhere, Benoit and Jericho talk about their upcoming title match. They each agree to give the other the first title shot should they win. Elsewhere elsewhere, Spike and Molly are STILL trying to have their first kiss. Just fucking kiss her, Spike. Jesus fuck. Just travel together and kiss in the car. Or fucking anywhere. These are two grown ass adults who can't find a place to kiss? The Dudleys will face the Hollys in a 6 man tag tonight.

TO THE PARKING LOT. Austin is now confronting Vince, who apparently has just arrived to the show despite being the boss. Things are very heated between the two...so Austin gives Vince a hug.


Chris Jericho vs Rhyno/Big Show

Jericho tries to beat Rhyno before Big Show can get to the ring. It didn't work. Big Show chokeslams Jericho, then Rhyno GORE GORE GORES Show before pinning Jericho. Okay. 


TO THE BACK. Shane McMahon has arrived and doesn't even sneak into the building. He just walks right in. He runs into Kane and thanks him for saving him from Taker on Smackdown. Shane tries to pin the stalker thing on Kurt Angle. 

TO THE COLE. Cole catches up with Rhyno about why he gored Show. With his win tonight, he's pinned Jericho 3 times in a row, which would make himself number one contender should Jericho win at KOTR. "Not bad, eh?"

TO THE TRAINER. Jericho is being checked for a concussion when Austin attacks.  


Kurt Angle comes to the ring to shit on the Confederacy...which gets him heel heat. Lol. Wow. Well, more like neutral indifference leaning towards heel heat. They popped huge for Richmond being called the heart of the Confederacy, but didn't really react much when Angle talked about them being losers. Progress, I guess. Kurt shows footage of him being inducted into the National Wrestling hall of fame 9 days ago. This goes on for a long time with nothing happening before he calls out Shane McMahon. Instead of Shane, DA UNDERTAKER comes out. Kurt can't be the stalker because he met Taker's wife and didn't even find her attractive. Lol. Last Ride. Just then, another video airs. The stalker has broken into the hotel room Taker has hidden Sara at. After Taker runs to the back, Shane hits the ring and delivers the Olympic Slam to Kurt.


Perry Saturn vs Steve Blackman King Of The Ring Qualifier

How is Saturn even qualified to be in a KOTR qualifier? He hasn't won a match in quite a while. Although, I guess Tazz somehow was able to qualify for the qualifiers despite having not wrestled in  2 months. Terri tries to cause a distraction. Trish chases her away, but TMF Dean Malenko is out there to prevent her from doing anything. "IT'S PARTY TIME!". Lol. That was from Blackman, btw. Saturn wins with the as of yet unnamed twisted fisherman's suplex. A cat fight breaks out after the match. Dean was going to hit Trish with the kendo stick. Blackman takes it and hits Saturn, you guessed it, in the head.


TO THE BACK. Debra tries to calm Austin down. She tries to give him a carrot. Then broccoli. "I don't want no broccoli!" Lol. Steve then eats a bunch and throws the tray. Elsewhere, Molly begs her cousins to not hurt Spike tonight. What does she know? She's just a dumb LITTLE GIRL! She's clearly in her 20s, guys. 

TO THE OFFICE. "Look at my knob. It's completely useless." It appears Austin did a lot of damage to the office. Terri and Dean Malenko approach Regal to get Saturn some time off for his brain to recover. Finally. "British people fight dragons so they don't get all fiery." 


Dudley Boyz vs Holly Cousin

Spike and Holly should just pin the other and bounce. Then make out. Lol wow, Paul is bringing up Ike and Tina. "PUNCH HER IN THE DAMN HEAD!" JR calls Spike, "Mike". This was around the time I got sick of the Dudleys...the first time. They were stale in 2001, so of course they'd be back/still on the national scene 15 years later. Crush gets hit with the 3D. Dudleys win. Hardcore and Bubba fight on the apron and both fall through a table after the match. Spike and Molly finally kiss. Why they had to wait for it to be in a wrestling ring, in front of 12,000 people, with their family members dead on the mat is beyond me. They could have done that at any point in the past month not on camera.


UPDATE ON THE GAME. Hunter is now able to do rehab.

TO WWF NEW YORK. Test is there, wearing an all orange outfit. Test calls Steph a whore and then congratulates Shane and hypes up WCW. WTF DUDE. Test might want a piece of that action, the action being WCW. DUDE. You're on WWF TV you fuck. Why would you say something like that?


Chris Benoit vs Kurt Angle Steel Cage Match

Steve Austin comes out for commentary. This seems a bit random. I mean, they had a feud after WM, but it is over, and Kurt has just been floating around without a clear purpose since then. Yes, this is punishing Benoit to weaken him up for KOTR, but it very much feels like "Let's put two great guys in a cage match to kill time" to me. Angle attacks as soon as Benoit enters the cage and continues to control the match for the next few minutes. "I hate both these guys, but I wanna see Benoit get his ass handed to him." Kurt tries to escape. Benoit stops him with a super German suplex. I really don't get the point of an unannounced cage match with crazy bumps in an era without any competition. It's so needlessly crazy to have dudes doing super German suplxes and moonsaults from the top of the cage in a match out of the blue  when you're number one no matter what. Like...what is the benefit of that besides telling your audience you should expect crazy shit like that on TV every week? It's not like these guys are in the middle of a serious feud or anything. This is literally a random cage match for the benefit of a different storyline. And about 2 minutes after the missed moonsault, Kurt is on the offense. Then Benoit hits 6 German suplexes. It's hard to watch a match like this knowing what happened to both men and not realizing stupid shit like this was a big part of the reason. Oh look, 3 more Germans. And a diving headbutt from the top of the cage. Benoit was doing that spot in random matches on Thunder for no reason, too. It's no fucking wonder his brain and neck were mush. Kurt wins after Austin slams the cage door in Benoit's face. Austin then beats the shit out of Benoit with a chair.



It feels like Shane is the only important part of WCW, and they're already teasing putting WWF guys in it. There have been no invaders for a few shows, and Shane doesn't even count since apparently he can just walk into WWF buildings and have people wave to him. Mick Foley has reached maximum saturation for me, as has the Austin/Benoit/Jericho angle. Both need to end as soon as possible. 

WWF Monday Night Raw 6/4/01

How will Chris Benoit respond after getting screwed out of the title again in his hometown on Smackdown? How will Kurt Angle and Vince McMahon respond to Shane McMahon making it to the ring? Will the mysterious videos of Undertaker's wife continue? 


Kane vs Christian WWF Intercontinental Championship

Kane's cast is smaller this week. Christian has recovered enough from TLC 3 to have this match. He was unable to even be at Smackdown while recovering. Edge frequently gets involved. After he's hit with a chokeslam, Kane and Christian brawl on the floor. During the commotion, WCW's HUGH MORRUS hit the ring to deliver a moonsault to Edge. With music and a titan tron. WCW has a new logo. "The Invasion continues!" Kane pins Christian with a powerbomb. Title retained. Shane was shown celebrating in the production truck. 



TO THE BACK. Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring.

Mr. McMahon has continued to make his way to the ring. He does not look to be in a good mood. I'd be pretty pissed if my production team just worked with Shane to put WCW logos/music up for a run in. And then celebrated with him on camera. Vince makes it clear that WCW will not be a disruptive force in his company, then moves on to Benoit. After Benoit's actions on Smackdown, he's being "rewarded" with a match against the Big Show tonight. OUTTA NOWHERE, Mick Foley comes to the ring. He's here just to plug his new book. What a liar. He was actually there to talk about his legally binding WWF contract. That contract stipulates he can make a main event for any Raw of his choosing. Which happens to be this Raw, right here in Minneapolis. And the match he's making is Steve Austin vs Chris Jericho for the WWF Championship. Benoit and Vince will be banned from ringside. Oh, but poor Mick, that contract was signed in Connecticut and is only valid in the state of Connecticut. Mick planned for that and brings out Jesse The Governor Ventura. Jesse, as the highest elected official in the state of Minnesota, mandates that Jericho/Austin will happen tonight. Not only that, but Mick will end the night with a big surprise. This was certainly MUCH better than having Jericho/Benoit do a dueling promo with Vince for 15 minutes. Vince's reactions are unmatched in wrestling history. 


TO THE BACK. Austin and Debra arrive in their limo. Austin makes Debra carry his  bag. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!


Jeff Hardy vs Matt Hardy King Of The Ring Qualifier

I don't think these two ever really had particularly good matches against each other. Some VINTAGE Jeff sloppiness in this. As you'd imagine, they have counters to everything. It ends with Jeff countering the twist of fate into a backslide. Jeff advances to the KOTR.  Matt is definitely not happy for his brother, but Lita's reaction is super weird. It was basically like, "Yep, I knew Jeff would win". 


TO THE BACK. Austin makes Debra hold his title belt while he shines that sumbitch up. Vince informs Austin of the Jericho match tonight. Austin was not pleased. His back is killing him, damn it! This divorce with Linda is impacting Austin, so he wants Vince to STFU and give her half of everything. Vince is VINCE MCMAHON, DAMN IT. That woman doesn't deserve half of his money. "Well, you're right about that. I don't believe a woman *glare from Debra*...nevermind." Lol. Elsewhere, Mick hits on Trish, who doesn't want to do a bra and panties match with Terri. Mick convinces her to do with by talking about the Alexander Hamilton/Aaron Burr duel and her duty as an American. Even though she's Canadian.  

TO THE OFFICE. Regal is teaching Tajiri the finer points of tea when Kurt Angle shows up. Regal lets Kurt know that Shane has agreed to the match at KOTR. Regal didn't realize Kurt also wanted to be in the KOTR tournament. And he wants a match against Spike. Kurt is very needy, Christ. He'll get Spike in a 6 man tag with the Hollys against the Dudleys. 

TO THE BACK. Spike gets a talking down to by his brothers. 

TO WWF NEW YORK. Molly Holly is there to reveal she really likes Spike as well. Spike was watching it and might have popped a boner. 


Dudley Boyz vs Holly Cousins/Kurt Angle

Kurt has a not so pleasant history with the Hollys, having broken Bob's arm, smashed Crash with a chair, and attacked Molly. The Hollys try to ice Kurt out because...well, I just explained it. Spike gets the shit kicked out of him from everyone and is in the ring for most of the match. Kurt pins Bubba with the Angle Slam.



TO THE BACK. The Big show heads to the ring.



Big Show vs Chris Benoit

Big Show seems like a mid card gate keeper at this point. He exists to put over guys who are already above him on the pecking order and therefore don't really benefit from beating him. It doesn't really enhance a guy like Benoit to be able to beat Big Show after clearly being shown to be better than Steve Austin for a month straight. It's just kind of weird to me. Show counters the diving headbutt with a choke, Benoit then counters the chokeslam with the crossface, Show rolls that over, Benoit rolls back and gets Show to tap out. 


TO THE BACK. The Undertaker arrives on his bike over an hour into the show. 

The Undertaker comes to the ring. He's pissed. Somebody's got a death wish, and that wish is about to come true. He calls out the stalker. He's gone out of his way to keep his family out of the business. Well, except for Kane. This whole thing started with JR getting a letter and tape, and he best be jogging his memory or he'll be the first on Taker's list. Paul says something about "old lady", so Taker slaps the piss out of him. JR suggests Taker ask Vince about it. During this, the Titan Tron plays another tape of Sara Taker playing with their dog. 

DURING THE BREAK. Taker confronted Vince McMahon. Vince ain't got nuthin' to do with this. Vince suggests that Shane is behind this, using Shane being in the production truck to run WCW logos as his reasoning. That...makes a lot of sense, actually. Obviously, someone has an in on the production team or is able to hack the truck's signal to get those tapes playing. Shane has proven that he can do that. Hm.



Rhyno vs Tazz King Of The Ring Qualifier

ECW represent. Lol that Paul got slapped in the mouth before this match, and as such can't talk these ECW guys up. I hate the ticker with upcoming dates. It takes up a huge chunk of the screen and changes the aspect ratio. Plus has a super annoying guitar riff to introduce it. Tazz hasn't even had a match since WM17, focusing on his broadcasting career instead. And boy does it show. He's gassed and sloppy as fuck. I'm not sure why he was able to be competing for the KOTR if he hasn't had a match for 2 months. He dumps Rhyno on his head a few times, then hits a GORE GORE GORE of his own for some reason. Weirdly, it actually looked better than most of Rhyno's gores. Tazzmission! Rhyno breaks it and hits the real GORE GORE  GORE to gain entry into the KOTR. Fun little match, surprisingly, because Tazz is a dude I think suffers harder than most guys as far as "This guy was dope at the time" shit goes.



TO THE BACK. Austin and Debra talk about the upcoming match with Jericho and what Mick's surprise might be. Austin sends Debra to try to get info out of Mick, as they are still friends. You know, Austin and Debra have great on screen chemistry if you can try to put the end result of their relationship out of your mind.

TO THE BACK. Debra goes looking for Foley. She finds him...sitting on the steps, drawing faces on his sock. She brought Mick candy. He won't tell her the secret, but he did give her an autographed copy of his new book. Elsewhere, Edge and Christian complain about Kane. Both want to be IC champ, but Edge doesn't really think Christian should enter the KOTR, since he's already entered. Edge never told him.

TO THE COLE. Chris Jericho gets to talk about his upcoming title match, but damn, I'm so sick of Jericho in all forms. His promos are so fucking lame. It was fun when he was a mid card heel in WCW. It's not fun as a top level face in WWE. 

TO THE BACK. Terri heads to the ring for her bra and panties match.


Terri vs Trish Stratus Bra & Panties Match

Terri is again wearing heels to wrestle in (real heels) and is barely clothed to begin with. Why would you wear damn near stilettos and an ultra mini skirt to a wrestling match? I'm not going to gif women ripping their clothes off for you pervs. Saturn comes out in a robe, revealing himself to be wearing a bra and panties. This distracts Terri and allows Trish to strip her. LOL BRAIN TRAUMA.


Chris Jericho vs Steve Austin WWF Championship Special Guest Enforcer: Mick Foley

I guess Mick being the enforcer was the big surprise. Austin attacks as Jericho enters the ring. Look, It's clear that Benoit is better than Jericho, and better positioned as a dude who is clearly better than Austin. Austin shouldn't be worried about Jericho, and he doesn't seem to be. He also throws Jericho into Mick, presumably because he was tired of Mick plugging his fucking book. It was already a best seller. Do you really need to plug it every 30 seconds? Austin controls most of the match since Jericho really doesn't have the "oh he's got Austin's number"  thing going that Benoit had. Austin taking super frankensteiners is fucking weird. Not only was Foley bumped, but Earl got bumped as well. As Austin is about to tap out, William Regal pulls Foley out of the ring and punches the shit out of him. Then he beats on Jericho. Mick comes after Regal with a chair, but accidentally hits Jericho. Austin rolls him into the ring and...Jericho kicks out! Austin picks Jericho up and hits the stunner to get the win. Title retained. Regal gets put in the Walls of Jericho and mandible claw at the same time.


I think it says everything you need to know about WCW when the first guys to invade are Lance Storm and Hugh Morrus. Two mid card for life guys who couldn't even get to the main events in the dying days of WCW when all the top stars were gone or out of action. Vince pointing out Shane's involvement with the production team gives the eventual revlatation a little less OUTTA NOWHERE. I don't recall that at all. E&C and Hardys break ups begin here, both over the KOTR. 

WWF Monday Night Raw 5/28/01
 
 

Last week on Raw, HHH tore his quad in a match that led to Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho winning the tag team championships. On Smackdown, the champs were put into a TLC match to defend their titles for the first time. They were able to retain the gold, and Vince McMahon looks to find further ways to fuck with them tonight. The show is from Calgary, so you can probably expect a Screwjob reference or attempt from Vince tonight.

JR talks about getting an anonymous letter saying we would meet The Undertaker's wife tonight, which is odd, since Taker is not even at the show.


Vince McMahon comes to the ring. He is very thankful for Canadian hospitality, then goes on to shit on their weak dollar, patriotism....which stops the show so Canadians can cheer themselves for being Canadian. Lol. Jericho interrupts him. Great, can't wait for MORE Canadian references. The same ones that happen at every show in Canada for 30 years. Jericho's Canadian microphone didn't work. Jericho wants a title match with Austin tonight. Fans are so hot for literally anything either guy says. Must be so easy. Vince created two of the biggest sluts that have ever lived, according to Jericho. This gets a SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT chant going. Oh, he wasn't calling Shane a slut. He was talking about Steve Austin. Steph is definitely a slut, though. He then plays a clip of Vince performing Stand Back at the Slammy Awards in 1987. I'm pretty sure DX did this same segment at least 3 times. Vince gives Jericho his title match...against the Big Show, for the Hardcore Championship. This brings Benoit out. Who would have guessed that little Chrissy Benoit from Stampede would be one day having dueling promos with Vince McMahon and dancing on stage? Wtf, Benoit tries to get a title shot with Austin. Dude. Your teammate JUST asked for that and got denied. Real dick move. More clips from Stand Back are shown. Benoit gets to face Rhyno. Whoever is the most impressive in their match will get a title match with Austin tonight. This went on way too fucking long. 


Fink comes out to introduce the Hart Family. Poor Stu looked like he had no idea where he was.

 
 

Hardy Boyz vs X-Factor

I don't remember Eddie being paired up with the Hardys at all, but he's out there with them, dressed up in Hardy gear. People really don't like X-Pac. No one cares at all about Justin Credible. Even Paul E. isn't hyping him up. Lita is the most over person out there, though. Outside interference from both sides. Hardys get the win. Eddie saved Jeff from Albert after the match.


TO THE BACK. Trish and Terri fight over mirror time.

TO THE OFFICE. Commissioner Regal and Tajiri set up a picture of the Queen when Albert comes in to demand a match with Eddie tonight.


Rhyno vs Chris Benoit


Benoit starts the match hitting German suplexes. So, Vince will choose which guy was more entertaining tonight. How do you quantify that? Is Mr. McMahon scheming? GORE GORE GORE to the already injured ribs of Benoit sends him to the floor. Why is Benoit, a dude with taped up ribs, doing superplexes? Benoit counters the GORE with the crossface for the win. 


TO LAST THURSDAY. Grandmaster Sexay thought he saw Trish giving Steve Blackman a handjob. It was HILARIOUS. A HILARIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING.

 
 

Trish Stratus/Steve Blackman vs Terri/Perry Saturn

What a time 2001 was, when a guy gets a comedy gimmick of having brain trauma and acting weird because of it. Literally said as "he has a bit of brain trauma". More Stampede representation here with Blackman. Terri is wrestling in big chunky heels. That seems really terrible idea. Speaking of terrible, look at that bulldog from Trish. The men weren't much better. WTF at the spot of Blackman spanking Terri, then just chucking her over his head without knowing Saturn was behind them. WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S LANCE STORM! HE'S A WCW GUY! Superkick to Saturn! Blackman and Trish win as Lance runs away through the crowd.


DURING THE BREAK. Lance ran outside straight to Shane McMahon's limo. It's on! 

 
 

TO THE BACK. Vince rips security a new asshole for allowing a WCW talent on his show. Each and every one of them will be fired if another WCW wrestler shows up tonight.

TO WWF NEW YORK. Al Snow is there giving the hard sell for Tough Enough. 

TO THE BACK. Spike and Molly hate that their families are fighting. Kurt Angle interrupts them before they can kiss. Kurt gives them them the birds and the bees speech about how awful their babies would be. Spike bows up to Kurt...then slaps him. Kurt beats his ass. Molly runs for the Dudleys to help. As it turns out, the Hollys were walking about the locker room as the Dudleys left, so the Hollys attacked. After the break, Spike has no idea what happened to his brothers, but they think Molly just set them up. They're going to beat her ass tonight if she's at ringside.


Big Show vs Chris Jericho WWF Hardcore Championship

Things I don't miss at all: shitty hardcore matches. Show is just completely reckless in this. After getting dominated, Jericho wins with a missile dropkick while Show was holding the ring steps. New champion. As Jericho is walking to the back, Rhyno GORE GORE GORES him on the stage and pins him. New champion!


Albert vs Eddie Guerrero

Right before this match starts, there is a weird audio issue that separates the commentary and arena audio. Left channel is commentary only, right channel is arena sounds only. Very odd. I'm going to choose to listen without commentary, because it seems more interesting. Albert just smashes Eddie. Shaping up to be a total squash. Lita comes to ringside, which allows Eddie to roll up Albert for the win. Although, she was totally late on her cue and Eddie was doing the roll up before Albert even saw her. He gave Lita a hug after the match, but acted very shocked at himself for doing it.


As JR and Paul are talking, the Titan Tron is interrupted with a video of Undertaker's wife brushing her hair as a modulated voice speaks over it. 

TO THE BACK. The Hollys talk about about their table match with the Dudleys. Molly tries to make sure Spike won't get put through a table. Elsewhere, Benoit and Jericho chat about their wins. Vince shows up ad says Austin wants to face both at the same time...but Vince won't allow that. Benoit gets the nod. Jericho hypes Benoit, then asks for the first shot after Benoit wins the title.

TO THE OFFICE. Commissioner Regal is giving Tajiri the business when Vince steps in. "Bloody foreigners." Lol. Austin has a great plan that Vince wants Regal to see.


Dudley Boyz vs Holly Cousins Table Match

Fuck the match. Dudleys won even injured. After the match, they got a hold of Molly. Spike begged them to let her go, then laid down on the table thinking it would stop his brothers from powerbombing her through it. It did not. They were both tended to by medical staff during and after the break. Both were worried about the other being okay. JR and Paul take this opportunity to talk about HHH's quad tear last week. Which had a pre-made video with interviews from HHH. Good thing Spike and Molly got injured!


HHH's has interviews with him, Dr. Andrews, and Stephanie. Footage of his surgery. They were projecting him to be back in action in 4 months.


Chris Benoit vs Steve Austin WWF Championship

Vince is out with Austin. Paul keeps saying "something is going to go down tonight", so I'm expecting a screwjob finish. And Earl is the ref. Specifically announced as the ref. They also had Fink out to do boxing style intros for the match with both guys not getting announced until they were standing in the ring together. #bigfightfeel. Fans are 100% on Benoit's side. Austin focuses on the taped ribs. Weird seeing him do roll up trading spots. He might have actually tapped out in the crossface, but it wasn't really highlighted. As he was reaching for the ropes, he missed it and his hand pounded on the mat. Seems like something JR/Paul should have picked up on. Paul talks about Benoit's training in Stampede as Benoit is getting rag tagged. Sharpshooter! Gets the biggest pop of the night, except for that self congratulatory chant the crowd gave themselves at the start of the show. Austin fights out of it, "But by God, the damage has been done". Austin tries to get himself disqualified by using the belt. Earl stops him, then argues with Vince out on the floor. While they're arguing, Austin hit the stunner and had Benoit pinned. Benoit then used the title to hit Austin, but Earl was late getting back into the ring to count the pin, so Austin kicked out. The crossface is on...Vince pulls Earl out of the ring. Earl shoves him on his ass. Vince is so good that Earl Hebner got a face pop. In Canada. Right in front of the Hart Family. Austin locks on the crossface. Vince immediately calls for the bell. Lol. Right in front of the Hart Family. Earl got a stunner after the match. Jericho came out and he and Benoit beat up Austin and Vince to end the hsow.

 
 

This marks the start of the Invasion. Why they had it be Lance Storm interfering in a meaningless mid card match is anyone's guess. However, since he was a hometown boy, it got a great reaction. Imagine if he had done the run in in the main event, costing Austin the title. That would have started the angle off on a completely different level. As it was, the message it sent to me was that "WCW guys are mid carders" right from the start. Technically, DDP also made his debut with the stalker angle, which as far as anyone knows has nothing to do with WCW at this point.

Crowd was super hot for pretty much everything, although nothing in the mid card is interesting at all. The Molly/Spike angle would be a lot better if either of them could deliver lines. The main event angle is basically what it had been for the past 4 years: Evil Vince McMahon trying to hold down the top face(s). Benoit definitely should not have been involved in nearly 20 minute opening promo segments. Even with Jericho doing most of the work, it felt like it went on for hours.