Kane vs Rob Van Dam WWF Hardcore Championship
Oh wow, Kane rudely attacks during RVD's entrance taunts. RUDE. Rude as heck. I expect more out of a WWF talent. These dudes will be tag champs about a year from now. RVD is one of the few Alliance guys that JR will 100% put over without any reservations. Even guys like Booker he'll put over with some backhanded compliments. Kane controls most of this match. DDP comes out and drills Kane with a chair. A VILE chairshot. You know, the DDP/Taker angle should be over. How many times can Taker beat his ass at this point? RVD hits the frog splash with DDP's chair. Title retained. Kane IMMEDIATELY sits up after getting pinned and chases DDP into the crowd.
A recap of Debra blasting Steve Austin with the cookie tray on Smackdown. Debra has a lot of moxie! But what's the point of this angle? Debra costing Austin the title? Austin beating Debra on screen?
EARLIER TONIGHT. Debra and Steve arrived together.
ALSO EARLIER TODAY. Booker T went to Paramount Studios to audition for a movie role. The PA pulled Rock lines on him.
Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring, nipped out to heck. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! Lmao, how did Steph go from Drowning Pool to Lil' Kim as her entrance theme? Steph shits on the WWF and Rock in particular. Her brother Shane is a GLADIATOR! This brings out Chris Jericho. Kind of weird that Jericho's tron has the WTC so prominently featured, considering he's Canadian. I guess if you consider his actual birthplace of Manhasset, NY, it might make a bit of sense, since it was about 20 miles away. It's still weird either way since it's clear that all of Jericho's tron that doesn't have him in it is recycled or stock footage. Shit from the DX tron video is in there. And the DX video is like 70% shit from 1995-1997 Raw intros. Jericho calls her a whore in about 6 different ways. Mind you, she's the boss' daughter. The same boss that called her a slut on the last show. "Your comments are catty. You remind me of a girl." Shout out to Steph dropping Drowning Pool lyrics in her promo. #synergy. Jericho implies that Steph is getting gangbanged by most of the roster and the crew while HHH is out hurt. "As a matter of fact, I think you've been with every single human being in both companies." Again, this is the boss' daughter. This somehow leads to Jericho bringing out extras from Planet Of The Apes, because everything I love is somehow connected. The worst part about this is that they came out to KAMALA's them. WTF. Jesus fucking Christ. Try to be a little less racist. Fuck. That's genuinely disgusting. Fucking APES coming out to Kamala's theme, which is pretty suspect to begin with. Fuck. One of them brought a pie out, which Jericho threw in Steph's face. Even in 2001 this is WTF on all levels.
TO THE BACK. Lita tells Debra how impressed she is for putting Steve in his place on SD. Yet, Debra takes offense for daring to say that Austin is a hard man to live with.
TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri are celebrating the 101st birthday of the Queen Mum. X-Pac comes in. He's pretty hot that he hasn't been on Raw or SD since becoming both the WCW Cruiserweight and WWF Light Heavyweight Champion. Tajiri says it's because X-Pac sucks, and a match is made.
Stacy Keibler/Torrie Wilson vs Jacqueline
This is a match built upon Jackie getting emotional over a guy getting eliminated from Tough Enough, then Stacy/Torrie pretending to strip to cheer up the WWF New York crowd. Jackie is going to beat the shit out of them. If Jackie doesn't beat the shit out of them after that last segment, wtf. Of course, Jackie dominates for 30 seconds, then Ivory shows up to hit her with a DDT. Torrie makes the pin and wins the match. Are you really fucking serious after having APES come out to Kamala's music, you have the one black woman on the roster lose a match to two white women non-wrestlers via interference by a woman named IVORY. Man, what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. Even by 2001 standards this is wtf as hell.
TO THE BACK. DDP does yoga in his new Sara shrine. We've all seen Kim. No one buys that DDP is obsessed with Sara.
TO WWF NEW YORK. JR asks Terri how she feels getting dumped by a mop. Paul then goes hardcore shit head on her about how much make up, hair, and surgery she needs to compare to a mop. What the fuck is going on on this show?
TO THE BACK. Debra rants to Stone Cold about Lita shit. Debra exaggerates their conversation, saying Lita called him trailer trash and that Matt could beat him any day of the week. Debra pls.
EARLIER TODAY. Booker met with the director. He asks if Booker knows the movie is about an 18th century British aristocrat. You know, a white guy. What the fuck with this whole show.
TO THE OFFICE. Steph and the Dudleys show up in Regal's office, demanding Jericho to be punished.
Tajiri vs X-Pac WWF Light Heavyweight Championship
What's really weird here is X-Pac has has X-Factor lighting, but comes out to his DX era theme, with DX era tron. Not just a weird dub, but full on 1998 X-Pac theme and tron. An indie respek stand off gets a respectful applause. Lol at Pac going for his normal backdrop spot and getting kicked in the mouth. Also Tajiri no selling the bronco buster to hit a power bomb. Kid hits a dive that is completely missed by the cameras, despite X-Pac having been doing dives in the WWF since 1993. Tajiri hits the mist and buzzsaw kick, which Charles Robinson is really eager to count and all I can wonder is why he's the ref when it's a WWF title match between two WWF wrestlers. New champion.
TO THE BACK. Matt Hardy and Lita are chatting when Stone Cold comes in and gives them both a lot of shit. Austin vs Matt later tonight! Austin threatens to beat Lita's ass as well. I'm not surprised, mother fucker.
EARLIER TODAY. Booker continues his audition. Booker gets offended for being considered dumb for reading stage directions. Booker calls the actress a sucka. It's called improvisation, sucka. "Are you related to Mr. T?" "I want her ass fired."
Dudley Boyz vs Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle
Good news for the Dudleys that they have Kurt Angle to let them look good. Bad news that Jericho didn't give a shit. Luckily for the Dudleys, Kurt spends a lot of the match as FIP. Jericho had the match won, but Bubba pulled the ref out of the ring. Rhyno hit the ring and GORE GORE GORED Jericho. And Jericho kicked out. Because of course. The Gore has killed everyone. Why Jericho needed to kick out of it in the middle of a tag match is beyond me. Kurt didn't even break the pin. He just kicked out, made the tag, and then was on offense. D-Von counters the moonsault from Angle, but Kurt locks on the ankle lock and makes Bubba tap out.
TO THE BACK. Austin confronts Lita, who seems genuinely afraid she's about to get punched out.
Christian vs Lance Storm WWF Intercontinental Championship
The big C actually got some promo time by himself. He was inspired by Lance's words last week. He's a Canadian first and foremost. He asks lance to do a special 5 second pose. Lance agrees only for Edge to pull his tights down, revealing what appears to be Power Rangers underwear. Bootleg Power Rangers underwears. He didn't protect them, man. Most of the match is spent talking about Rock/Shane and plugging upcoming dates. Lance wins with a roll up while holding the ropes. Because god forbid a title holder get a clean win.
TO THE BACK. Taker and Sara arrive on their hog. Kane was waiting for them, and he knows where DDP's shrine is. Elsewhere, Kurt Angle confronts The Rock, but lets them know they're on the same team now. He's gonna give Rock his secret weapon that has let him win against every guy he's ever fought: MILK! In a tall pilsner glass. Rock chugs it. "That's some of the best damn milk The Rock has ever had."
Elsewhere elsewhere, Austin gets back to Debra, saying Lita said she was country dumb. Even talked about her dark ass roots that need touched up.
TO THE SHRINE. Taker finds the shrine and flips his shit. DDP walks in and gets attacked. Wait a minute. THAT'S POSITIVELY KANYON! HE'S BACK! The real DDP attacks Taker under Kane runs them off.
Matt Hardy vs Steve Austin
Austin has new music. Again. Matt attacks as Austin hit the ring and got booed for it. I guess you could say that Steve's glass is BROKEN. Austin actually gives Matt more than Taker had given to any Alliance guy. And then he stands on Matt's throat for a very long time. Lita gets up on the apron and Debra pulls her off. Debra runs into the ring and Lita gets hit with a stunner. So does Matt.
TO THE BACK. Rock heads to the ring.
EARLIER TODAY. Booker embarrasses himself again. He says he's going to take Rock out at Summerslam. The actress asks if he's Rock's chauffeur. "This is The Rock's butler!" Book eventually attacks the director, who certainly had it coming by this point.
Shane McMahon vs The Rock Street Fight
This is Rock's first match back after being suspended the night after Wrestlemania. This almost immediately heads into the crowd, which is always so great when both the crowd and home viewing audience can't see any of the action. Within minutes, Shane McMahon is DOMINATING The Rock. Even before the weapons come into play. Of course Shane is booked as more of a physical threat than the rest of the Alliance. Rock needs weapons to beat Shane's ass. Booker runs in and immediately gets laid out. Rock wins with the Rock Bottom. Eventually, Rock got hit with the WCW Championship and Shane hit the leap of faith. The show ends with Booker's music, but Shane is the one that put Rock down.
I don't even know where to begin with this one. The blatant racism on this show was 80s Memphis level wtfuckery.