WCW Monday Nitro 2/28/00

It's Sid vs Tank for the title. It's Monday night! It's NITRO!
EARLIER TODAY. Sid and Tank arrived.

TO THE BACK. Mike Tenay catches up with Double J to let him know about the title match. Regardless, he still gets his title shot. But he's not gonna take this lylingdown. What the fuck does that even mean? Take what laying down? He's getting his title shot no matter what. There is no war, god damn it.

The Mamalukes vs Lane & Idol

Get this shit out of here. Stacy almost immediately comes out and joins for commentary with Disco. She dances again. Lenny and JTB try to give her money. Vito hits Lodi with a DDT. Vito then asks Stacy to hit the ring and dance. The Harris Brehs hit the ring and attack. 

TO THE KID CAM. Buff is being caught hitting on Liz. She turned him down flat. Flair got HEATED about this. Much more than Lex.

EARLIER TODAY. Bam Bam picks Sid to beat Tank tonight.

TO THE RIKI. Fucking Riki is back. FUCK. Getting prepared for Sprang Breakout.

TO THE BACK. Hulk Hogan, drenched in sweat, cuts a promo on Ric Flair about the YAPAPI STRAP MATCH. "The thousands of Hulkamaniacs I had to strap back to keep off your back, Jack, wasn't the answer to the problems." "THE YAPAPI INDIAN STRAP MATCH, JACK!" I'm assuming this was taken directly after Nitro last week based on the background set and that Hogan looks like he just wrestled a match. 

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Why yes, it's the year 2000 and they're running Hogan vs Flair...AGAIN. "HOGAN, HOGAN, HOGAN, WHOOOO!" "I know what camera to talk to, idiot, I'm Ric Flair!" Lex is pleased that Stang didn't show up Monday, because he's a big painted pussy. He goes on to call out Buff. "You say you're the stuff? But tonight, you get stuffed." As they shit on the Twin Cities, Curt Hennig comes out to defend Minnesota. "Right now, you're in gopher country!" Perfect vs Flair tonight! Flair has been ON ONE for weeks. If Perfect can't beat Flair tonight, he'll streak down the street next Monday.

TO THE TENAY. Booker and Kidman had some miscommunications teaming on Thunder, and they lost to the Harris Brehs as a result. 

TO THE BACK. Kidman and Torrie head to the ring. It seems like someone stole the Kid Cam again.

Tony Schiavone is taking a phone call in the middle of the show. STING IS GOING TO BE HERE! 

TO THE JURASSIC SLAPASS. Jeff claims WCW is trying to screw him by...giving Tank a title shot. And making him defend his US Championship. You know...Jeff is acting commissioner again. He can just...make up the card any way he wants.

Booker vs Kidman

Booker has new music and new designs on his trunks. He's also very, very aggressive. Almost heelish. The Harris Brehs attack about 90 seconds in. Torrie got knocked off the apron and hurt her foot.

TO THE MEAN SUCKA. Harlem Heat 2K Inc. LTD. Ahmed is wearing a duster, wave cap, and leather gloves he can't stop adjusting. "You know what they say, dawg, a very soft ass." 

EARLIER TODAY. Lash LeRoux also picks Sid to win tonight.

TO THE ARNOLD CLASSIC. The man with the largest arms in the world (not Scott Steiner) will be highlighted on Thunder.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Norman Smiley has been troubled lately with injuries, and he also has a problem with what Dustin Rhodes did to Terry Funk.

Brian Knobs vs 3 Count WCW Hardcore Championship

Fuck this. 3 Count wins! New champion.

TO THE BACK. Vampiro is just chilling somewhere mysterious, talking to himself about letting someone else taste his pain. Elsewhere, Dustin Rhodes heads to the ring.

EARLIER TODAY. A group of fans pick Sid to defeat Tank.

TO THE MEAN GENE. A god damn Brian Knobs promo. Fuck me. He wants a rematch. He and Finlay are going to make 3 Counts' lives hell. IT'S TIME TO BRING OUT THE DAWG.

Norman Smiley vs Dustin Rhodes

Shout out to Dustin now having the JHV of The Midnight Rider as his music. I'd love it if Norman went full UWFI in this. While dressed as a football player. Against Goldust. That doesn't happen at all and Dustin wins with a flying lariat. He had to be stopped from continuing a beat down by security.

TO THE BACK. Jeff Jarrett and Vampiro head to the ring.

EARLIER TODAY. Nick Patrick picks Tank Abbott.

Jeff Jarrett vs Vampiro WCW US Championship

What are the odds the Harris Brehs interfere again? This seems like a terrible match on paper. Jeff being boring as shit, Vampiro being a dude who seems like he was never trained. Like, Vamp's whole thing is doing MOVEZ and shit where people have to take big bumps for him. I don't think Double J is going to be taking a double powerbomb or back drop driver or gutwrench superplex. You actually get Jeff doing powerbombs in this. Of course, the Harris Brehs come out, but Vamp fights them off. Sid comes out and fights off the Harris Brehs. During the distraction, Jeff hit Vamp with the title. It was a 2 count, but the bell rang. It was only a 2, the match continues! Vamp misses a guillotine leg drop and gets hit with the Stroke. Title retained. 

TO THE BACK. The Mamalukes pay some stagehand to give a box to the Harris Brehs. 

TO THE BUCKEYE CAFE. Disco, Nitro Girls, and Riki were at this cafe because 3 Count brings in the chicks.

TO THE BACK. Finlay attacked Vampiro.

The Nitro Girls dance. David Flair interrupts and dances with them. Daffney comes out and it seems like she's going to hit him with the crowbar...but then they make out.

The Artist vs David Flair WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Crowbar is out to do his Gordon Solie impression. I never really thought about David being a cruiserweight. It is weird that they had him be normal and lucid for 2 weeks and now he's back to crazy ass David. Crowbar leaves the booth to interfere in the match right as Prince was about to hit the flying DDT. Daffney and Paisley got into a scuffle on the floor. You could say it was CATFIGHT. Prince hit the flying DDT anyway. Title retained. 

TO THE BACK. EMTs are checking on Sid. There's a broken guitar near him. Elsewhere, the stagehand delivers the gift to the Harris Brehs: A fish.

TO THE MEAN GENE. It seems like he's saying Sid/Tank is off. That'd be amazing if the match got called off. Sid bursts on to the scene and nearly passes out while cutting his promo. The match is on!

The Cat vs The Maestro

Hard pass. Maestro won via boombox shot. 

TO THE BACK. Perfect and Flair head to the ring. Elsewhere, Liz and Lex freak out that they can't find the bat.

EARLIER TODAY. Kidman picked Tank.

Ric Flair vs Curt Hennig

I've always been weirded out how unfitting Perfect's WCW music was. Are we going to see the perfect hog next week? I hope so. I mean. Wait. Flair is doing the flop 30 seconds in, so I expect this to be a quick match. Chops galore in this match. There's a ref bump, and Nick Patrick takes a trademark hilarious bump. Perfect Plex is hit, but Lex Luger slides in to break up a pin that wasn't even being counted. Perfect brought a chair into the ring and got hit with a low blow. Mr. Perfect is going to have to streak next week! Flair gives Hennig some strappage, brother.

EARLIER TODAY. Meng doesn't pick a winner between Tank and Sid, just saying he wants to see the match.

TO THE BUCKEYE CAFE. Disco, Riki, and 3 Count did their shit.

The Total Package vs Buff Bagwell

Totally Buffed PRE-EXPLODES! Of course, this match sucks. Lex focuses on the neck, and Buff is portrayed as the face despite weeks of him being shown to be an absolute creep who goes out of his way to hit on women in relationships at work every week. Flair comes back out and attacks Buff. Buff brings Flair into the ring and the match continues. The match continues until Flair attacks Buff in the ring. THEN the match is thrown out. This week, Sting comes out. Wouldn't help Hulk, but comes out to save Buff. Even better, they didn't hit Sting's music until he was already at ringside and hiding behind the apron. Stang hits Lex a few times with the bat and team package runs off.

TO THE BACK. Sid and Tank head to the ring.

Tank Abbott vs Sid WCW Championship

Tank comes out on a motorcycle. Mark Madden is out here talking about post concussion syndrome and CTE shit. In 2000. Because Sid is come into the match with a rung bell. And you can't unring a bell. Or something. He also has injured ribs. Tank immediately goes after those ribs and locks on a guillotine. Tank just beats Sid's ass for a bit, while talking mad shit. Sid's wheezing is bothering me. Why is it so loud? Lmao, Sid pops up, puts on a sleeper. Tank drops to the ground, so Sid transitions it into a crossface. Tank says NEVER NEVER and then immediately taps out. That was Sid's only offensive move in the match. Title retained. Thankfully, Double J did not make another appearance .   

Sid vs JJ. Hogan vs Flair. Sting vs Luger. A cruiserweight division consisting of The Artist, Lash LeRoux, 3 Count, and David Flair. You could say WCW is in need of a restart. A refreshing. A reboot.