WCW Monday Nitro 2/22/99

David Flair SWERVED the world by turning on his father to allow Hulk Hogan to retain the WCW Championship.  Later on this telecast, Tony will mediate a discussion between Ric and David.

TO THE NITRO PARTY.  Riki Rachtman is the new host of Nitro Parties.  Gross.  I would much rather have Mean Gene as the host of my party.  We're on the road to Spring Breakout, yo.

Jerry Flynn vs Mike Enos

Mike Enos is going to have the most matches of anyone this year.  I can feel it.  He already had 6 matches in the tag tournament alone.  And he got a PPV match for no reason.  Flynn gets back dropped to the floor.  Lariatoo over the apron.  Body slam on the floor.  In the ring, Flynn locks on an ankle lock.  Kicks in the corner.  Body slam is countered into an awkward cross armbreaker for the win.  WWE should bring Flynn in for ADR to mow through. Actually, fuck that. Replace ADR with Jerry Flynn. Fuck Alberto Del Rio.  I wonder what Jerry is up to these days.  Probably teaching karate to kids next to a laundromat.

TO THE INTERVIEW ROOM.  Torrie is hyping David up for what he's going to say to his dad later.

TO THE BACK. Mean Gene is with Booker.  The Harlem Hangover is back.  1999 is gonna be on like neck bone.  He will face Bret Hart tonight for the number one contendership to the US Championship.

TO THE NITRO PARTY.  Fuck you, Riki.  Dude's name is David.  No Riki anywhere in his name.

TO THE BACK.  VINCE tells Norton that Hogan told him he was the man.  Norton is a bit incredulous to this information.

A special look at the Mortal Kombat series with Wrath as a special guest star.  Is that an upgrade or regression for him since his gimmick originally started out as a MK rip off, but now he's actually on the show?

Van Hammer vs Bam Bam Big Yellow

Goldberg and Bam Bam's angry 3 month feud ended with a match that was 70% chin locks from Bam Bam.  Should have been a high octane heavyweight sprint.  Hammer hits a flying lariatoo and Bam Bam bails to the floor. While this boring match goes on, Larry says he kicked 2 of his 4 sons out of the house.  He was proud of it.  What a great father.  If he was such a good father, he wouldn't have raised sons he'd have to kick out of the house. They were probably driven insane by his whiny ass voice. This match is also 70% chin locks.  So weird.  Greetings from Asbury Park for the win.

TO THE nWo EXPRESS.  Buff and Scotty bought the Lex Express and had it repainted...with WCW stuff all over it.  They head to a gym where they can get hard and laid.  Then they go to a club, which happens to be a drag club.  They leave only to find out their Hummer was stolen with a note that said "Race you to Raleigh".  Scott then interrupts a Goldberg photo shoot.  It was all pretty strange.

Bret Hart vs Booker T.

Larry is more or less talking about how it's a shame you can't beat your kids anymore.  He sounds like such a great dad.  He says it repeatedly, too.  Even with Tony trying to steer him away from the conversation.  Bret isn't happy with how greasy Booker is tonight.  Booker is on top of his game and Bret keeps bailing to slow the pace down.  A cheap shot gets Bret on the offense, working over a headlock.  Ax kick!  Bret kicks out. 

TO THE PRODUCTION TRUCK.  Disco is telling some guy in the truck that the nWo are going to hijack the signal around 11.  They'll pay him triple what he normally gets paid.  They do this IN THE MIDDLE OF A BRET HART MATCH.  The fuck?

Back to the match.  5MOD start.  Bret starts headbutting Booker in the kidneys.  Booker makes a short come back.  Tony informs us that he's probably going to have to leave before the end of the match to prepare for the Flair interview.  He's gone.  Now we're stuck with Tenay and Larry.  Fuck.  Book almost wins by rolling through a Sharpshooter attempt.  Figure four.  It's reversed, but Bret is still in control.  Flying forearm.  Spin kick.  Bret catches him up top and hits a superplex.  Sharpshooter.  Book gets to the ropes.  Booker rolls up Bret.  Booker wins!  This match should have been how Bret dropped the US Championship, then Book would get screwed over at Superbrawl and start a feud with Hall.

Disco Inferno vs Kaz Hayashi

Kaz now has Glacier's entrance gear.  Due to the international aspect of the match, Disco wants to sing the national anthem.  He's not a bad singer, but his mic was cut off.  Has anyone besides Disco used the national anthem in America to get heel heat?  Even JBL or the Real Americans haven't done that, I don't think.  Disco hits a lariatoo that Kaz sells by trying to break his own neck.  Tony talks about the Nitro Girls swimsuit expose later tonight.  Mike then makes jerk off jokes.  Kaz got some offense, but it was a pretty easy win for Disco.

TO THE BACK. Crush tells Norton that he's the leader of the B Team.

TO THE NITRO PARTY.  Fuck you, Riki.

Bobby Heenan won the announcer of the year award from readers of WCW/NWO Magazine.

Scott Steiner and Buff come to the ring.  Scott is going to fuck Kim for 30 days straight.  He won the honor to get on her and off her for a month.  While DDP is in the hospital on his back in pain, his wife will be on her back screaming Scotty's name.  He's calling out Goldberg.  WCW censors are terrible at what they want to mute with Steiner.  Sometimes they mute "hoochies", sometimes they don't.  They muted "white trash" a few times.  Goldberg will be in the hospital next to DDP by the end of the night.

Chris Jericho vs Hugh Morrus

Ralphus has a new dress.  Jericho implies that Saturn is gay and wants him to ditch the dress, daddio.  Hugh has a random line of hair missing on the back of his head.  Looks fucking stupid. It looks like someone wrapped duct tape around the back of his head. Jericho dives from the top to halfway down the aisle onto Jimmy and Hugh.  Most of the match was Bobby throwing out one liners about Ralphus.  Most of them had Tony and Tenay dying.  Pop up powerbomb from Hugh. Bad implications for Kevin Owens.  Saturn ruins Ralphus' new dress.  Saturn hit Jimmy just for fun.  DVD on Jericho.  Hugh wins with the moonsault.  Hugh and Saturn then got into it after the match.

TO THE SUPERBRAWL.  Exclusive footage of Barry and Hennig celebrating their title win last night.  Benoit and Malenko attacked them with belts. I don't think we really need a gif of Benoit trying to choke someone to death with a belt.

Kevin Nash vs Rey Mysterio Jr.


Nash found that Hall took a few cheap shots and since the mask doesn't fit Nash (and Liz won't wear it), instead of having this match, Nash will just give the mask back.  FUUUUUUUUUUCK.  Rey comes out to Konnan's song.  Rey wants the match.  Rey wisely goes after the knees and Nash is down!  Springboard X-factor.  Bronco buster.  Snake eyes.  Poor Rey. Rey fights out of the jackknife.  REY WINS! The biggest upset in history!

Konnan's new music video is shown. I hate it. I hate everything about it.

TO THE BACK.  Horace let's Norton know that he's the boss now. 

TO THE MEAN GENE.  The new tag team champions are the guests.  The Horsemen aren't the first on the list to get a title shot. 

TO THE BACK.  Norton asks Hogan what the deal is with everyone saying they're the boss.  Norton is the leader.

The Cat vs Scott Norton

Cat first came out to his music, then Glacier's intro and lasers kicked in.  He didn't want the Glacier music, he wanted James Brown music.  But he bought the Glacier music.  As he runs his mouth, he actually calls Norton out this time.  Norton was about to tell the guys he was the boss and now he's going to skin the Cat.  Cat actually takes it right to Norton.  Too bad it didn't last long and Norton knocked the shit out of him again.  3 kicks take Norton down.  Powerbomb for the win.

Goldberg vs Scott Steiner

Buff insists that Goldberg isn't even in the building.  Scott instead offers any fan to hit the ring.  One dude in particular.  Goldberg's music hits.  He's here!  Fans are HYPED for this.  Steiner backs him into the corner and unloads.  They be clubberin, Tony!  WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!  Right as Goldberg is doing a press slam.  Goldberg chases Buff and gets caught by Steiner.  The camera missed it.  Goldberg made a challenge on The Tonight Show, but they still don't say who it was to.  Was it someone in the WWF or something?  Steinerline.  Spinning belly to belly.  Buff removes the turnbuckle pad again.  Out goes the ref.  Steiner goes into the buckle.  Spear to Buff.  Scott and Buff run out only to run into Rick Steiner.  The B Team come out, but Stevie throws VINCE in the ring.  Spear!  Goldberg wins via DQ.

TO THE NITRO GIRLS IN SWIMSUITS.  Fake titties everywhere.  This actually isn't sexy at all.  All these girls look really uncomfortable trying to do the seductive thing, and the terrible mid 90s WB show music makes it worse.

TO THE PRODUCTION TRUCK.  The guy in the truck can't hijack the signal for Disco because it goes against his morals.

TO THE FLAIR INTERVIEW ROOM.  Tony is waiting for Ric Flair.  David and Torrie are in the room being moody.  Ric's limo arrives.  Hogan and Nash were watching it when the feed goes out for them and is hijacked by an nWo styled promo with David and Torrie.  Disco is there as Mean Gene.  Nash reprises his role as Arn Anderson.  DOG SPOT!  LIVER SPOT!  Arn can open his beer with a tire iron.  VINCE was there dressed as a furry.  Scott Hall comes in as Roddy Piper.  Hogan is Ric Flair.  He's yelling and screaming and taking his clothes off.  Nash is playing with horse dolls.  Hogan has a heart attack.  Second wind!  It was funny, but it went on a bit too long.  David didn't even talk.

DQ Count: 1 out of 8 matches.

Decent Nitro.  More entertaining than the PPV for sure.  Booker got a clean win over Bret Hart, but was given no time to celebrate and it wasn't mentioned the rest of the show.  It should have been a huge moment for Booker's career.