WCW Monday Nitro 2/8/99
This starts again with JIGGLY JIGGLY JEW. 3 times and no one found that offensive? We're shown Flair flip his shit at the end of Nitro last week, looking for Bischoff. The main event for tonight is The Outsiders vs Flair/Mongo. Hennig/Windham vs Crush/Whoreass will also happen. DDP stands guard while the Nitro Girls dance.
TO THE BACK. Disco heads to the Wolfpac locker room. Hall and Nash had a gift for him: Arn Anderson down and tied up.
TO THE BAR. A woman (Torrie Wilson) flirts with the camera man. Either that or whoever she was flirting with has a direct eyeball feed to the production truck.
BLITZKRIEG vs Rey Mysterio Jr.
This sounds like the best opener to a show ever. Wheelbarrow armdrag from Rey. Dropsault sends Rey to the floor. Whisper in the wind Asai moonsault from Blitz. Diving rana is countered into a powerbomb. Slingshot split legged moonsault from Rey. Blitz does a ridiculous twisting corkscrew back front side flip just to dodge Rey. Rolling senton and standing moonsault combo. Rey goes shoulder first into the pole. Rey catches Blitz's crossbody to the floor with a dropkick. Hanging guillotine crushes Blitz. Superplex. LARIATOOO from Rey. Channeling his inner beefy Texan. Tiltawhirl backbreaker from Rey. Tiger Mask walk up in the corner. Bronco buster. Blitz sweeps the legs while Rey is up top. He misses a sky twister press. Rey wins with a super rana. Super pumped that I'm about to get a few months of Blitzkrieg.
TO THE LEVYS. We're at one of the homes in Raven's family. Kanyon is tasked with staying with Raven while mom goes to a board meeting. Kanyon tells Raven that everyone is worried about him and he really needs to snap out of it. WHAT A MARK! This depression stuff is all bullshit. Money DOES buy happiness and Raven acts the way he does just to piss his mom off. They pull away in a lambo.
Fit Finlay vs Booker T.
Finlay goes right to work with ass based offense. European uppercut. Short arm lariatoo. Botched leap frog looks like it hurts both guys. Fit was holding his shoulder and Book's balls are broken. Book recovers with a spin kick and flying forearm. Book again rips his balls on the ropes. They brawl on the floor and we got to break.
TO THE BACK. Hulk puts Horace in charge of the B Team. Lol at Horace's reaction. "Woah....woah." Hulk doesn't want Horace to tell anyone. Bischoff's new job is a janitor. I don't know if the match was cut out or what. I'm going to assume Booker won since he has a PPV match and Finlay doesn't.
No, the match is still going on. What kind of weird ass formatting is that? Commercial during a match, then two backstage segments, then back to the match. Finlay is in control. He attempts a back superplex. Booker shoves him off and does a cross body block. Ax kick. Harlem side kick. Missile dropkick. Booker wins.
TO THE BANK. Kanyon and Raven are getting Raven's money. $10K in ones and $10K in big bills. Kanyon wants to know what it's for. Cut to eye roll. They walk out of the bank with Raven singing "Santa Claus is coming to town". Next up, they have to get Kanyon some new clothes.
TO THE BACK. Jimmy Hart and the Faces of Fear take giant shits just to fuck with Bischoff. Hulk tells Crush he wants him to lead the B Team.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. President Flair comes to the ring. Shank of the evening and all that. They way Ric says "Big Sexy" is so creepy. He's going to kill Hogan in 2 weeks. He also might strip naked right now. He outdoes his phantom moves and does an air figure four. He says Hall won't get the title shot against Bret. ABUSE OF POWER because the president says so. He calls Bret out and says he has a surprise. Bret can't defend because he's hurt. Ric doesn't care. ABUSE OF POWER. Bret will defend tonight against RODDY PIPER! As Bret leaves the ring, he sees Will Sasso in the front row. He rips up Will's sign. Building to that big money match.
TO THE LIMO. Torrie Wilson is talking to the camera man again, this time in a limo. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?
A pretty sweet tag team champions promo airs. It focuses on Arn, Harlem Heat, and the Steiners at first, then goes to list a few of the teams in the tournament and why they could win. This is one of the better promo packages WCW ever did. Not that they were particularly known for their promo packages.
DDP again watches the Nitro Girls. Steiner isn't even in the building.
TO THE BACK. Hulk tells Stevie he is the new leader of the B Team.
Horace/Brian Adams vs Barry Windham/Curt Hennig
This is going to suck.
TO THE BACK. Fuck the match, we need to see luchadores confusing Bischoff by asking for lotion. He gets no tips.
Back to the match. Barry has Horace in a figure four. Perfect Plex on Crush. Horace broke the pin. VINCE comes out. Spike piledriver on Perfect. Barry distracts the ref. Stevie follows VINCE out and gives disgusted looks. Virgil was going to hit Perfect with the slapjack. Stevie pushes him off the apron and does it himself, but accidentally hits Crush. Perfect makes the pin. The B Team argues after the match.
TO THE HOTEL. More of Torrie talking to the camera. I don't get it. Why are we seeing through the camera as if it we're Malkoviching?
TO THE BACK. Hogan puts VINCE in charge of the B Team.
TO THE MEAN GENE. He invites Bam Bam BAGalow to the ring. Bam Bam's music is a random thunder clap. Just one. He is extreme and he is The Hardcore. Bammer had a USA Today article with him. It was an article about Goldberg being sickened with animal fights. Bam Bam says anyone that has their minds on cock fights isn't going to last with Bam Bam. "You mean chickens? ROOSTERS?" "Cock fights." Goldberg said he would make every WCW wrestler adopt an animal. Bam Bam will adopt Goldberg's old lady. Goldberg runs out and tries to kill Bam Bam. Security hits the ring to break it up.
EARLIER TODAY. Or something. DDP met with Rita Sever. He definitely hit on her. Jason Hervey was in the room with them.
Kenny Kaos vs DDP
I love WCW going on and on about their mainstream popularity because they have guests on the show that came on AFTER Conan at 1:30 in the morning. MAINSTREAM! This was way too competitive. DDP won with a diving Kanyon Cutter. BANG!
TO THE MALL. Kanyon doesn't know how to pronounce "Versace". WHAT A MAROON. Gloriously cheesy. They go back home, change back into their grungy stuff, just as the witch gets called. WCW wants Raven to come back to work. Bummer, I was hoping these would go on for a few more months.
The Cat vs VINCE
While he was ranting, the B Team again told Virgil that Cat was calling him out. Virgil tries to convince Disco to take the match. Disco didn't fall for it again. Cat takes out his Norton rage on poor Virgil. Despite the ass kicking, Virgil wins when he knocked Sonny into the ropes while Cat was standing on them, then rolled him up.
TO THE BACK. Scott Steiner was going after Kim. DDP was in the car and they start brawling. Security hit the scene. One of them slips. Steiner steals the car and tries to run DDP over with Kim in it. She dives out of the car. GET THE AMBULANCE. EMTs are attending to her when we come back from break. They're saying that Scott threw her out, but I don't think he could have opened the passenger side door and shoved her out while driving.
TO THE MAD TV. Recap of Bret Hart's worked shoot on Mad TV. That's the most WCW thing possible.
TO THE BACK. Larry is combing his hair in the bathroom while shit talking Bischoff. He lets the sink over flow just so he can bitch to Flair about it.
Bret Hart vs Roddy Piper WCW US Championship
Piper looks like shit. This is not what Bret should be used for. They may have had a great match in 1992, but it is 1999 and Piper aged at least 15 years during that time period. He looks and moves like an old man. There was a fight in the crowd that I saw security running towards. After really boring brawling, Bret claims that Piper hit him with a low blow right in his injured groin. The trainer comes out and I'm pretty sure grabbed Bret's dick. SWERVE. Bret was fine. I want this to end. No more Piper matches. Bret pulled Sasso over the railing and was choking him. Ref bump. Sasso and Bret have a tug of war with the ref. Sasso lets go and Piper rolls Bret up. New champion. Gross. Even worse than Piper winning a title in 1999 is that Will Sasso cost Bret the match.
The Outsiders vs Ric Flair/Steve McMichael
Before the match starts, we're shown more of Torrie and the cameraman. These have not been acknowledged by the announcers at all. Hall is briefly double teamed before it settles down. Flair chops Nash on the apron, which brings Nash in, but Mongo was ready to dive at his legs. Hall comes back with an atomic drop and hard punches. Flair bump off the ropes. Flair gets out of an abdominal stretch. He goes for an elbow. Hall rolls over, but Flair just waits for him and drops it again. Nash and Mongo get tagged in. Mongo does some feet stomps and slams both Outsiders. He gets double teamed and plays FIP for a while. Figure four on Hall. We see a split screen of Hogan getting a bucket of something. All the security guards are down as he strolls I assume to the ring. Hulk comes out and throws whatever liquid that is in the bucket in Mongo's face. Hogan and Disco get in the ring. Flair low blows the Outsiders and Disco. Goldberg runs in. Hogan bails. Disco gets speared. Bam Bam runs out. WE'RE OUTTA TIME!
DQ Count: 1 out of 7
I definitely don't like the cutting to backstage stuff in the middle of matches. It happened at least 3 times. Plus Torrie talking to someone, but actually talking to a camera the whole time and the announcers not acknowledging it was weird. This is now the 3rd time that Flair's assignments have allowed Bischoff to interfere anyway. Maybe he should stop giving him jobs in the arena.