WCW Monday Nitro 2/1/99

EARLIER TODAY.  Curt Hennig and Barry Windham arrived and decided to enter themselves into the tag tournament.

EARLIER TODAY.  The Nitro Girls were rehearsing.  Scott Steiner grabbed Kim.  She pulled away and fell over one of the other Nitro Girls.  She might be dead.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Konnan and Rey Mysterio Jr. come to the ring. Gross.  Konnan compares Nash and Lex picking on Rey to robbing a bank and shooting the bank teller, who was in a wheel chair.  How is that putting your buddy over?  Rey challenges Lex and Nash to a hair vs mask, career vs career, or cage match.  Anything. 

TO THE AIRPORT.  The B Team found out there were no cars left and no reservations for them to get to the arena.  Stevie talks to a guy with a sign and apparently they have a limo now.  VINCE doesn't want a middle seat.  Instead, he doesn't get any seat.  He calls Nash, who says he'll be there soon.  The Wolfpac pulls up before he can even hang up the phone.  They give him a ride.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!

TO THE BACK.  Flair gives Bischoff a new assignment: Being in a dunk tank outside of the Target Center in February.

Barry Windham/Curt Hennig vs Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

Yes.  So glad this is Dean and not Mongo.  Benoit and Perfect start.  Benoit shows up Hennig right away.  Curt bails to regroup and comes back in with chops.  VINTAGE Perfect flip bump while getting kicked in the leg.  Dean gets tagged in and unloads some forearms in the corner.  He even knocks Windham off the apron.  Benoit is back in and hits a snap suplex.  When we come back from break, all four men are brawling on the floor.  Scott Dickinson is again in the crowd.  Benoit misses a baseball slide and gets thrown into the guard rail.  Windham lariatoo.  I wonder why Barry didn't just wear tights.  Wrestling in jeans seems constricting.  I get not wearing trunks when he was older and not in the best of shape (although he definitely was in better shape than his WWF run, where he wore trunks and no vest), but jeans seem like they'd interfere in long matches.  Dean gets a hot tag and throws Barry all around.  This is a miracle run for Barry where he seems just as good as his prime, despite looking like shit for his entire WWF run.  He also looked 10 years younger.  Superplex.  Benoit hits the diving headbutt to break up the pin, but knocked himself loopy.  Perfect Plex on Benoit for the clean win.

TO THE BACK.  Various wrestlers are lined up to dunk Bischoff.  JoJo gets a few tries and Bischoff goes in the drink.  It's 26 degrees out and the water has ice in it.  Elsewhere, the nWo limos arrive.  Stevie tries to BURY Virgil to Nash.  Little did he know, Virgil got to ride with the Wolfpac.  After the break, we're still with the B Team.  They have girls in their locker room.  BUT WHO WERE LIMOS?!?

Recap of last week's main event of Wolfpac vs Horsemen.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  President Flair comes to the ring.  Hogan isn't here due to bogus travel issues.  Lol, Ric calls Virgil, "Virgil".  He talks about getting the Big Gold Belt in 1988 and how Hogan has defaced it.  Next up is Bret Hart.  Bret will defend the US Championship against Chris Benoit at Superbrawl.  Scott Hall and Disco come out.  Hall thinks it is bullshit that Benoit is the number one contender and thinks he should get the title shot.  This brings Benoit out.  He says he'll introduce his foot to Hall's brown eye.  Oh my.  Flair books Hall vs Benoit for tonight.

Kenny Kaos vs Van Hammer

Oh bullshit.  Giant Baba's death is announced by Tenay during this match.  That was the highlight.  Scott Dickinson ran away during the match.  Hammer won.  However, The Sandman walks out wrapped in barbed wire and knocks the shit out of both guys with a Singapore cane.  YO!  He's not happy about guys taking credit for things he's done.  He was the first one to do barbwire matches, use barbed wire bats, and jump off a cage while while wrapped in barbwire.  He called out "Bam Bam BAGalow" and says he's the King of Extreme.

The Sandman vs Bam Bam BAGALOW

He wasn't named as Sandman or Hak or anything else.  At no point was a name given as anything.  Not even a "We know who that is!" kind of thing. No Sandman/ECW references, even from Tenay, which is weird, especially given that Sandman used "Extreme" multiple times in his promo. What about Barbed Wire City, guys? It's really weird that they pretend to have no idea who Sandman is when they've acknowledged the ECW histories of Bam Bam, Raven, Stevie Richards, and Saturn. Bam Bam comes right out and gets hit with the cane a few times. Sandman jumps off the railing, gets caught, and then rammed into the ring post.  Bam Bam wraps a chair around Sandman's head.  Another stiff chair shot to the back.   Sandman hits a bulldog on the chair and sets the barbed wire up in the corner.  Cane to the throat.  "Troat" as the Macho Man would say.  Bam Bam comes back with a DDT on the chair.  Diving headbutt.  Greetings from Asbury Park on a chair for the win.  That probably hurt Bam Bam a lot more since Sandman's head was no where near the chair.

TO THE BACK.  More people are trying to dunk Bischoff.  Have these people never thrown a baseball before?  This crew member totally hits the thing 3 times, yet it doesn't work.  ABUSE OF POWER.

An nWo promo airs which mostly focuses on Lex and Liz.  God, Liz was so hot in WCW.  So much hotter than she was in the WWF.

TO THE BACK.  More guys trying to dunk Bischoff.  This time, Scott Dickinson drunks him.  After a cut to the announcers, we see Kidman telling DDP what happened to Kim.  You're telling me no one called him even though this happened before the show?  DDP walks right into the nWo locker room.  As soon as he shuts the door, it cuts to a camera inside the locker room.  How weird.  DDP says they all better pray that Kim is okay.  They wouldn't give up Steiner, who happened to be in the bathroom with a woman he implied to be Kim.  Nash sends Virgil to smack DDP in the mouth and tell him Steiner accepts a match.  Virgil then tells Disco to give the message to DDP.  Lol.


DDP hits the ring and calls out Steiner.  The man is mid pump, leave him alone.  At least let him finish.  Disco comes out singing and tells DDP about Steiner accepting the match and slaps him.  He turns around thinking the nWo will be there, but instead takes the most awkward Kanyon Cutter. BANG!

TO THE BACK. The nWo were watching and accused Virgil of dropping the ball again.  But then they give him props for smartening up.  DDP leaves.  I find it ridiculous that not a single person called him about Kim, not even the hospital.

Lash LeRoux vs Kidman WCW Cruiserweight Championship

Normally this would be the time that Brain replaces Larry, but he no showed the event.  Larry says he's somewhere in the building.  This is Lash's Nitro debut.  Kidman gets sent to the floor and Lash does a rana from the apron.  He sets up the stairs and accidentally dives into the crowd.  Kidman then intentionally jumps into the crowd, but actually hits who he intended.  Lash trips taking an Irish whip, but they recover pretty nicely.  Weird powerslam/Northern lights from Lash.  Super BK Bomb.  Whiplash!  Kidman kicks out at 2.  If a dude can't win with his finish, he probably isn't going to win.  Tornado bulldog.  I'll forgive a rookie for not knowing YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN.  SSP for the win.

TO THE BACK.  Brain didn't show up to the booth because he's at the dunk tank.  He sucks up to Bischoff and attempts to give him the balls, but he slips and accidentally dunks Bischoff.  VINTAGE Heenan. 

TO THE LIMO. Hogan was in his limo with Chuck Zito.  Does anyone really know who Chuck Zito is if they aren't a biker?  I only know who he is because of this stuff.  Chuck says the camera man is a little jiggly.  Hogan then says "Jiggly jiggly Jew". BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!

TO THE BACK.  After a break, Gene catches up with Booker in the back, drinking coffee.  Book says "you know" at least 1000 times.  They talk about Bret Hart putting him out of action.  "Where I come from, when you get caught flippin', you get ganked.  You dig?"  I have no idea what that means.  He has Disco at Superbrawl and Disco's train is about to get derailed.

Scott Steiner vs Chris Jericho WCW TV Championship

Scott finally has the TV Championship with him again.  He says he's been fucking Kim in the back all night and DDP needs to get over it.  This probably isn't going to work out well for Jericho.  I find it interesting how often WCW did heel vs heel matches, especially between bottom rung guys, but even a match like this.  Steiner eats Jericho's lunch in the opening minutes.  Jericho comes back with kicks and a triangle drop kick.  Buff ambushes him on the floor, sending him right into the brick wall that was Scott Steiner.  Jericho gets knocked into the crowd, then back over the railing, then into the post.  Somehow Jericho is back on the offense for a second.  Steinerline.  This is actually reasonably competitive.  However, there are long stretches of no commentary for some reason.  Buff gets knocked off the apron.  T-bone.  Lionsault.  Another Steinerline.  Pumphandle slam.  Saturn comes out in a new dress (and eyeliner).  He decks Jericho on the floor and throws him back to Scott.  Steiner Recliner for the win.

TO THE MAD TV. Bret Hart attacking Will Sasso is shown.  Only WCW would do a worked shoot on an unrelated scripted show.  Imagine WWE trying to do a worked shoot when Foley was on Good vs Evil or something.   Or Cena on Psych.  Or used Rock on SNL to build up a match by having Cena come on and SHOOT.

Nash, Lex, and Liz come to the ring.  They respond to Rey and Konnan's challenge.  They accept the match with Rey's mask vs Liz's hair.

The Cat vs Scott Norton

Cat wants to be known as the greatest and calls out anyone.  The nWo convince Scott Norton that Cat was calling him out.  Oh noes.  Cat is about to get fucked up.  Norton indeed fucks him up.  One of the loudest chops I've ever heard.  Christ.  A gif can't capture it, because it didn't look that stiff, but it sounded like a board being snapped in two.  Cat makes a comeback with a low dropkick.  Another crazy loud chop.  And another.  Norton no sells everything and then hits a super hard chop.  Cat's chest is destroyed.  I wonder who he pissed off to get this match.  Norton wins with a powerbomb to his hometown crowd.  This was brutal on Cat.  Norton beat the living shit out of him.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  A rare Goldberg interview.  Very short promo to say that Bam Bam is next.

TO THE BACK. Horsemen are trying to dunk Bischoff.  Flair just goes ahead and pushes the button.

Chris Benoit vs Scott Hall

Buffer says the winner will face "Bret The Hitman Clark".  Clark.  Buffer has announced multiple Bret Hart matches.  He got Bret's name right in all of those matches.  Lol, Benoit is the master of the "Cripple Crossface".  Did no one proofread for Buffer?  Bret Hart replaces Mike Tenay for the match.  Hall wants a test of strength.  Benoit blows a snot rocket.  Bret says hi to his cat, Smokey.  Benoit hooks on the Iron Crossface very early on, but Disco pulled him out of the ring.  Mongo walks out and decks Disco right in the mouth, then takes him to the back where Arn Anderson was waiting with a tire iron.  Hall dumps Benoit dick first on the ropes.  Diving headbutt!  Nash comes out, but gets hit before he can interfere, so the match isn't thrown out.  He goes up top for something, gets knocked down, and Hall hits the Outsider's Edge for the win.

TO THE BACK.  We're back with Hogan and Chuck Zito again.  They were waiting for David Hair outside of a gym.  Ric Flair, Dean, and Arn were watching this back at the arena, but WE'RE OUTTA TIME before we get to see what happens. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?

DQ Count: 0 out of 7.  A miracle.

Superbrawl is just under 3 weeks away and they have 7 matches announced.  It's bizarro land.