WCW Monday Nitro 12/20/99

Last night, Bret Hart retained his title over Goldberg when Roddy Piper reenacted the Montreal Screwjob.

Madusa and Spice come to the ring. Madusa cut an AWFUL promo. It was really bad. It's bad every time she talks, but this was worse than normal. She issued an open challenge to any men that want a match. Then she saw Buzzkill in the crowd and called him into the ring.

Madusa vs Buzzkill

Despite having won the Cruiserweight Championship last night (and being the first woman to win a male championship in WCW history), Madusa didn't bring the title out with her. Buzzkill dominated her. Spice distracted the ref and threw something to Madusa. Madusa hit Brad with it and pinned him with a German suplex. Title retained. Maybe.

Double J and Benoit will have another ladder match. DDP vs Kanyon vs Bam Bam. Meng/Norman vs Knobs/Finlay. Sid vs The Wall. The Varsity Club returns to action.

TO THE POWERS THAT BE. Russo tells his men to be on guard tonight as emotions are running high. Hennig says Hugh Morrus was walking around. Russo books Hennig/Hugh with the intention of getting rid of Hugh for good. Apparently there were problems with Hugh and TPTB that were never mentioned on TV. Russo wants Piper brought to him as soon as Piper arrives.

TO THE BACK. Piper arrives in a limo with his son. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!? After a break, Creative Control get Piper. Piper insists on taking his kid with him.

Hugh Morrus vs Curt Hennig

Someone in a mask was beating up Virgil backstage. There is an old man in a hospital gown walking around ringside. Hugh calls the man Pop. Pop keeps distracting Hugh. Perfect Plex for the win. Pop looks like John Carpenter.


TO THE POWERS THAT BE. Russo says Piper must be looking for sympathy by bringing his kid along, but he doesn't get Russo's sympy because Russo is an asshole. He then says that Piper WILL go to the ring and confess that he sold out, and Russo had nothing to do with it. "You WILL take my heat, Piper." Well, it sounds like Russo just admitted to being behind the screw job on his show that anyone could be watching right now. Piper is going to SHOOT. Marks, smarks, SPORT. Dudes trying to fuck kids on the street. Hogan and Piper built pro wrestling. Piper seems like a genuinely unsound parent to me.

Tony talks about the Montreal Screw Job, where the WWF promoter Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart out of the WWF championship. Vince Russo, the head creative writer of WCW, was a writer in the WWF at the time, and many speculate he was the one who scripted the finish to that match. Jesus. Why even pretend to have any kind of semblance of on screen kayfabe? Kevin Nash has been very vocal in his defense of Goldberg.

In fact, Kevin Nash comes to the ring. He talks about breaking into wrestling and the rules he was taught. The number one rule is the boys don't screw the boys. It's always been a struggle between the boys and the office. "Because, quite frankly, the office doesn't give a SHIT about us." It sounds like Nash is trying to form a union here. "What happened to you last night at Starrcade was BULLSHIT." Shit, asshole, and bullshit have been used tonight, totally unmuted. Nash claims that Bret screwed Goldberg. "Well buddy boy, you're nothing but a piece of SHIT!"

DURING THE BREAK. Bret arrived.

TO THE BACK. Gene talks to Creative Control. They say Nash is the biggest politician there is.

Tank Abbott vs Jerry Flynn

The ref is thrown down twice right away. Security members are taken down when they try to break it up. Tank punched Flynn while Flynn was handcuffed.

TO THE BACK. Goldberg has arrived. He's pissed.

The Revolution come to the ring. Jim Duggan must renounce his citizenship. Saturn talks about Tootsie Pops. Shane compares the US flag to a used piece of toilet paper. Sad Duggan walks out. Duggan won't do it. He lied about the stipulation. Shane calls Standards and Practices either "fucks" or "fags". They beat up Duggan and attempt to burn the flag. The Filthy Animal's music hits and they slowly walk to the ring. Rey was still on crutches. The Revolution could have easily won that fight, but they bailed.

TO THE BACK. Piper walks with his son.

Roddy Piper comes to the ring. Bret and Goldberg were both watching. Piper says he sold out. He then lists off his WWF accomplishments. Then he talks about Russo the writer booking stupid stuff and guys to fake lose or something. Fans don't want to see that shit. He apologizes to Goldberg. He doesn't want to do the dog and pony bullshit anymore. He's a real deal fighter. He's quitting. His son runs out to hug him. Goldberg meets them both near the stage. Until last night, Goldberg had a lot of respect for Piper. Piper made the wrong decision. He sold out, and Goldberg will never do that. Bret also comes out. Bret says Goldberg's heat is with the office. "You think I want to walk around with this piece of trash around my waist?" He vacates the title and heads to the back to tell the office to shove the belt up their asses.

TO THE POWERS THAT BE. Bret calls Russo a piece of shit. This whole thing was Russo's way of trying to make up for Montreal. Goldberg vs Bret in a rematch tonight.

Norman Smiley/Meng vs Brian Knobs/Fit Finlay

Meng beats up Norman before the match. Norman tries to run away, only to run into Finlay and Knobs. THEY BE IN THE BATHROOM! Norman gets a swirly. Knobs pins Norman on the bathroom floor. This show has been pretty awful.

TO THE BACK. Piper is talking to his son. He leaves with a baseball bat.

TO THE RECORDING STUDIO. Prince won't sing because he doesn't like the music presented to him. Maybe he should write his own music.

TO THE BACK. Piper and Bret talk. I couldn't hear a word Bret said.

The Maestro vs Evan Karagias

God damn. The show just gets worse. Symphony SWERVES Evan and Stro wins.

TO THE BACK. Russo tears down the PTB office set. Literally breaking the 4th wall. Russo is the most meta booker of all time. As he's doing this, he's screaming about Owen and Gorilla Monsoon. Elsewhere, Chavo tries to sell Evan a book on how to pick up chicks. Evan beats him up.

Chris Kanyon vs Bam Bam Big Yellow vs DDP

TRIAD EXPLOOOOODES! 4 months after they broke up. J. Biggs is on color despite apparently having strep throat. He made a valid point about this match being stupid since Kanyon defeated DDP and Bam Bam in the past week. Bam Bam and DDP double team him. Kanyon appears to injure his leg on a uranage. Greetings from Asbury Park. DDP the gives Bam Bam a Kanyon Cutter. BANG! DDP kisses a woman at ringside and leaves. Kanyon busts a bottle of champag Ne on Bam Bam. It apparently wasn't a gimmicked bottle, as Bam Bam was immediately busted open and Kanyon's hand was also bleeding. Kanyon wins.

TO THE BACK. Nash heads to the ring.

Kevin Nash vs Creative Control

Hall comes out on crutches. This actually isn't even a match. There is no ref. Hall gets in the ring and uses his crutches, seemingly totally fine.

Lex and Liz were up near the rafters, with Lex dressed as Sting.

TO THE BACK. Benoit heads to the ring.


Chris Benoit vs Jeff Jarrett WCW US Championship Ladder Match

I'm not a fan of rematches the night after a PPV, but gimmick rematches are even worse. Instead of a ladder, Benoit uses a chair. Jeff's knee goes out on him. Benoit quickly climbs up the ladder. The rungs all break. A quick glance showed that the other side was already half broken. Benoit climbs up the other side. They also break. Jeff gets back in the ring and uses the guitar. Jeff gets a second ladder. New champion! I can't even count how many times "gimmicked" was said during this match.

TO THE BACK. Jeff talks with Gene. Gene says the ladder match was bullshit. Jarrett also says it was bullshit last night. Hennig takes Jeff to the limo right away.

Sid vs The Wall

I seem to recall a match in 2000 between these guys where Sid completely squashed Wall while Wall was in the middle of a big push. Sid chokeslam. Berlyn came out. Berlyn missile dropkicks Wall, causing a DQ. Sid powerbombed him. Wall and Sid shake hands.

TO THE BACK. Russo tells Jeff from a limo that tonight is the night. "Are you ribbing me?" BUT WHO WAS LIMO?! Elsewhere, Tony Marinara talks to his dad. The Mamalukes bring Disco in. Chuck Zito is Tony's father...as a character. As in, Chuck Zito the biker/actor who has apppeared on Nitro as himself is now playing the character of Tony Marinara's father, who happens to be a mob boss. Disco's money is no longer good to him. Disco can either spend his life in a coma or join the family. Elsewhere elsewhere, Bret and Goldberg get ready. JIGGLY JIGGLY JEW.

The Varsity Club vs Harlem Heat

Sullivan is on color. IRS does some collegiate heel heat. Sullivan keeps calling Rick "Robbie", which is his SHOOT name. This show is truly awful. The Club switch guys out in the ring and on color. The lights go out. IT'S SABU! Midnight gets in the face of Stevie. IRS rolls him up to win. PG 13 attack the Club, who completely no sell it.

TO THE BACK. Daffney gets a SURGE. The Misfits hit on her. She knees Jerry Only in the balls, then bites his nose before running off.

David Flair vs Vampiro

David and Daffney beat up David Penzer before the match. Vamp came out to apologize, saying it was all a big misunderstanding...that David is a psycho freak. David then attacks him with the crowbar. Jerry Only was also attacked. Match never happened.

TO THE BACK. Vamp is bleeding from the mouth and The Misfits are throwing shit around.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Buff Bagwell is the guest. Buff talks about his neck injury and how he needs some gold around his waist. Gene talks about rumors about Buff and Kim. Buff says they're just friends. Gene won't back down. WE'RE GOING TO GO THERE. If DDP wasn't married to Kim, he'd put his stuff all over Kim. Was he talking about cumming on her? DDP comes out of the crowd and attacks Buff. Security breaks them up.

TO THE BACK. Piper says goodbye to Sid. "See ya, little kid." Piper wishes The Filthy Animals and PG13 a Merry Christmas. He thinks they need to show some balls and show the writers that they are the best athletes. Piper didn't see his first 2 kids growing up. Jesus Christ, I'm fucking sick of Piper. FORM A UNION! Lol. Elsewhere, Jeff sits down to watch the monitor.

Bret Hart vs Goldberg WCW Championship

Bret clearly had at least one concussion last night, but likely two. I'm quite sure he concussed himself doing the figure four around the ring post before Goldberg even kicked him. There is no way a doctor wasn't aware of this. Bret is still wrestling the very next night. Ref bump. Bret low blows Goldberg and puts him in the figure four. The Outsiders come out with ball bats and start beating on Goldberg. Bret takes one of the bats and hits Goldberg. SWERVE! Piper comes out and covers Goldberg's body. The ref counts this as a pin and counts the fall. The ref gives Bret the title, but Roddy Piper clearly just won the match. Jeff Jarrett comes out and hits Piper with a guitar. The spray paint is out. NWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck this company. "The biggest SWERVE ever has just come down the pike!" Nash has been saying the band is getting back together for months now. The show ends with spray paint, trash in the ring, and nWo music. I guess you could say...THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER.


DQ Count: Shit doesn't matter

What a truly awful show. No doubt in the top 5 of worst Nitros ever. The whole angle going through the show was that Russo was doing a SHOOT worked shoot angle. Piper was the main character and was a really pussy to bring his young son to the show to make sure no one would attack him. He literally tore down the 4th wall. Piper tells the young guys to form a union. "The boys", "writer", and "gimmicked" were said about 30 times a piece. Buff talked about cumming on Kim. Worst of all, the show ended with the nWo starting up again.

You can't have a show where the main angle is that the writer openly SHOOT screwed a wrestler on a worked finish, have Piper talk about works and shoots all night and how the fans want real fighters, then have the same two guys have a rematch and expect anyone to buy it. You can't break kayfabe that hard and fix it by the end of the show. You can't literally say things like "scripted finish", have guys wrestle with silly gimmicks, then show them backstage palling around and talking about unions and the office. It doesn't work that way. But that's how Russo has done every show since he came to WCW. From his very first night. Using actual personal issues and blurring the lines can be great. Going out of your way to call attention to the fact that everything is a big work and the REAL angles are people being mad at each other behind the scenes because of politics and bullshit isn't. Unless it was a movie or TV show. Not a wrestling TV show, but a TV show about how the wrestlers interact behind the TV cameras. Maybe that's what Russo was trying to do. Maybe he was super ahead of his time with meta shows. Or maybe he had no idea how to actually write a pro wrestling show and had no business being a booker. His talent was writing angles for programs that were booked for him, with McMahon filtering out the bad stuff. It wasn't in writing EVERY angle, with zero filter to stop him from bad shit.

Just the Powers That Be angle alone is enough to know shit is bad. The angle is that the new writers, who are openly referred to on screen and off as Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara, are writing themselves into the show as faceless mystery villains, except everyone knows who they are and let the fans at home know who they are on every show. Someone needs to get Charlie Kaufman to write a movie based on Russo's booking. That's the only way any of it makes sense.

Vince Russo lives in a world where it makes total sense to book an angle where Vince Russo the writer makes Roddy Piper LEGIT SHOOT screw over Goldberg, then quit the next night not because he screwed Goldberg, but because he hated that he was booked to screw Goldberg. At the same time, Bret Hart is mad about both Vinces, while the Goldberg character is only mad in kayfabe. But Bret and Piper are mad as characters and as real people. It makes no sense at all. Or why is it that at the start of Russo's run, he had Buff booked to job and it was part of Buff's angle that he was being booked to job, but guys that Russo wants to win still lose matches? He's the writer. Vince Russo is both the writer off screen and the on screen writer. So if we've already been shown that not only is he a writer for real and in kayfabe, and he has shown that he scripts the finishes to everything, why do some matches seem not to work by the same standards as others? Jeff Jarrett should never, ever lose if he's really the chosen one and Russo doesn't want him to lose. Why are some angles real, some worked, and some worked shoots, sometimes with the same people involved?

I believe this was the last show that Russo booked on his own. After this, they tried to do a committee with Russo, Ferrara, Kevin Sullivan, Terry Taylor, and I think Mike Tenay. If this was his last real show in power, he burnt everything to the ground on his way out.   This was the kind of show that make people give up on wrestling all together.