WCW Monday Nitro 8/2/99
The show starts with a recap of the last 2 weeks of Nitros.
Nash/Hogan hype video, this time without any narration and it was sped up quite a bit from the one they had been playing. The first 30 seconds or so you could hear Penzer trying to hype up the crowd.
We then go straight into Harlem Heat reuniting on Thunder.
Kanyon/Bam Bam Big Yellow vs Harlem Heat
The Triad even ruins Kanyon for me. They do YO MAMA jokes, this time about Chris Benoit's mom. I don't believe this to be a title match. Harlem Heat reunites and Booker loses his pyro. Lol. He also wouldn't reform Harlem Heat unless Stevie took off the nWo colors, so Booker comes out wearing black and white in their first match back. I always thought the cock rings Harlem Heat wore to keep their singlet tied together were pretty strange. Booker is finally doing something again, but it is definitely a step back to go back to Harlem Heat. He should be in the US Championship level, edging right up around the main events. Harlem Heat won after Benoit pulled DDP off the apron while attempting to interfere. You couldn't tell it was Benoit, so it just looked like DDP slipped off the apron. Benoit challenged DDP to a match. All over his mother. All these fucking mama's boys in WCW.
TO THE BACK. Lenny and Lodi start talking like they actually ARE brothers, remembering child hood memories.
Chad Brock NEXT WEEK!
Nitro Girls kind of dance.
President Sting comes to the ring. He didn't like the finish of last week's tag, so he calls out Sid and Rick Steiner, and asks Goldberg to be his partner tonight. He doesn't have to ask. He's the president. He can just book the match he wants to have.
The Cat vs Lenny
Cat calls Buff out on his minstrel show a few weeks ago. He's the only one to do so. Lenny and Lodi now wear copious amounts of glitter and share lollipops with each other. Cat dominated both of them even without his ruby slippers.
TO THE MEAN BROTHERJACKDUDE. Hogan has shaved the beard and is back to just the mustache. Hulk again refers to Nash as a woman and says they're going to SHOOT right now. They don't like each other and never have. Nash has been trying to get rid of Hogan since day one. He then challenges Nash to a title match tonight.
Sting comes back out to get his answer from Goldberg. Again, he's the boss. He could just book the match. Goldberg comes out of his locker room, only to find Rick Steiner and Sid waiting for him. Sting runs to the back and is also attacked. Sting made a brief come back only to get laid out. Goldberg made his way out of the laundry room and made the save. Scott Hudson's favorite word is "glom". He uses it any time someone gets hit. With anything. A punch. A kick. A shovel. It was then replayed before they went to commercial and after they came back from break.
Evan Karagias vs Disco Inferno
Disco is wearing pretty sweet gold pants. Too bad Evan fucking sucks. Disco wins with the Last Dance.
TO THE BACK. Torrie wants to know why David is defending his title as often as he does.
US Championship hype video, which turns into a David Flair SMEAR campaign.
KISS performing August 23rd!
Nitro Girls kind of dance.
TO THE BACK. Sid rants in whisper form and I didn't hear a word he said.
Saturn t-shirt ad that has him in random place he shouldn't be. They had a really weird Bam Bam shirt ad that they aired a lot where he was slamming pallets on his shirt and sweating profusely because his shirt was so hardcore. This is cut from the Network broadcast, sadly.
Hugh Morrus/Jerry Flynn vs Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas
Dean and Flynn start out. Hugh has a weird goatee that goes up almost to his eyes. If his facial hair grows that high, he should have been rocking a monster beard this whole time. A year later, Hugh and Shane would be co-headlining PPVs that no one bought, Jerry Flynn would be fired, and Dean would be feuding with the Hardy Boys while being James Bond. I enjoyed Shane in his 2nd WCW run and his first ECW run. He sucked pretty much every other time he was around. He pinned Flynn with the Pittsburgh Plunge. Dean stole the hardcore trophy for Finlay.
Did you know KISS is coming to Nitro?
Goldberg/Megadeth video. This is really weird, since the actual performance was cut from the Network broadcast, and the song was dubbed over with Goldberg's original theme during entrances. But here, the song and clips of the performance are part of this video and is on the Network version.
Nitro Girls dance.
Rick Steiner heads to the announce table and throws Scott Hudson into the ring and beats him up. Probably for saying he was a shitty and unsafe worker who no one wanted to see feuding with Goldberg. And guess who replaced Hudson for the remainder of the show? That's right, Eric Bischoff! Not Tony Schiavone or even Mike Tenay, but the guy who was powerbombed last week and should be off screen for quite a while. Also of note is that the announce table is clearly gimmicked, so I'm sure it will get used later.
Bobby Duncum Jr. vs Saturn
Curt Hennig came out before the match to say that there have been guys for 10 years that have been trying to be Curt Hennig, and we all know who he's talking about. I don't, actually. Bischoff ruins the surprise that he was talking about Chad Brock by mentioning him before Curt did, just like he did with Sid/Sting last week. Saturn should be called Uranus. Saturn immediately hits a DVD on Duncum and calls Hennig into the ring.
Curt Hennig vs Saturn
Saturn didn't actually pin Duncum, but this is a new match. They have a short match. Saturn hits the DVD and the rest of the Rednecks hit the ring to cause a DQ. Saturn is tied up until Dean and Shane hit the ring for a save. So, Shane/Benoit/Dean/Saturn are all about being held down and how they're taking their rightful spot at the top of WCW, and they're going to do this by feuding with the 3MB of 1999.
Recap of Triad screwing Benoit out of the US Championship last week.
DDP vs Chris Benoit
I would expect this to be decent, but fuck Triad DDP and I'm in a shitty mood to begin with. Benoit won with a roll through of a roll up. DDP hit three Kanyon Cutters after the match and whipped Benoit with a belt while David Flair shit talked.
TO THE BACK. Sid is still angrily whispering.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Randy Savage is he guest. He's placing his presidential campaign on hold because he has a hit list he needs to take care of first. Hogan and Nash are dead. Rodman is REALLY dead. I'm quite sure Savage was about to say "that nigger", but stopped himself. Mona comes out instead of Rodman. She wants her job back. He again forces her to her knees to beg for her job. She's still fired. Rodman comes out with SWOLL and 2x4, says "Macho Asshole", and said he had sex with George. Once you go black, you never go back. "Just because you've been someone else's bitch your whole life, doesn't mean you can come after mine." Bischoff got pissed and demanded their mics be cut since they both won't stop cursing. Mona low blows Macho and Rodman then attacks him. Not learning from the Rednecks/NLS feud, they've booked another one with two completely unlikable people who are both heels and abuse/kidnap women.
Bischoff can't even read copy right. It's ten ten two twenty, not one zero one zero two twenty.
Vampiro vs Eddie Guerrero
ICP and Raven were with Vamp. Bischoff says they were going to show footage of the Nitro Girls PPV, but TNT wouldn't allow it. He also mentions that most of the language in the last segment had been censored. I don't know who he was telling that to. Anyone watching would already know that. Bobby is kind of a mark for Vamp. A camera man is taken out, Eddie looks like he had some painkillers before the match, and fans aren't reacting to anything. Eddie knocked both clowns off the apron and did a pescado. Bischoff tries to make puns. Raven shoves Eddie off the ropes and Vamp hits the Nail in the Coffin to make it a win. Rey and Konnan made a save after the match.
A hype video for the Berlyn Wall airs. Fuck, Alex Wright showed up as Berlyn like 4 months ago and this is the first time they've done anything with it since then.
Bischoff asks Hogan to join the announce team for the main event.
Sting/Goldberg vs Sid/Rick Steiner
Heenan leaves the booth, so we get Hogan and Bischoff calling a match. Fuck. Goldberg has a GIANT bump on the back of his head from the attack earlier. It's absolutely disgusting. Not only are Hogan and Bischoff awful at calling a match, but camera crews have missed every spot so far. Hogan got muted for saying, "My god". He also kept saying that Goldberg was on fire while doing the most lethargic punches you've seen, probably because he had a concussion from landing on his head earlier in the night. Rick went to get a chair, Hulk intercepted and caused a DQ after hitting both Rick and Sid. Kevin Nash then showed up OUTTA NOWHERE and powerbombed Hogan through the announce table. Maybe that would have had some impact if the table wasn't so obviously gimmicked. For starters, it was made out of cardboard. It also clearly didn't have monitors in it and the spots where they go were now solid areas just panted a darker shade of black. And one monitor was on the table for most of the show, which was magically gone when Nash came out. If anyone had seen wrestling in the prior 2 years, they would have known that table was getting used at some point. Goldberg wasn't even legally in the match. HE'S BACK...to show up for a few weeks and start a feud with Rick Steiner.
DQ Count: 2 out of 9 matches.
The whole show sucked. Everything sucks. WCW sucks. Wrestling sucks. Life sucks. Earth sucks. Tires suck. Every single feud in WCW sucks. Eric Bischoff no selling a powerbomb from Sid sucks. Eric Bischoff being on TV sucks. Hulk Hogan being the top face sucks. Goldberg being completely wasted with a Rick Steiner feud sucks. Sting being the boss and not even having the power to book his own matches sucks. The Summer of 1999 is the fucking worst for WCW. I'm dying for Russo to come in.