WCW Monday Nitro 9/6/99

Recap of last week's show. This is the start of the 5th year of Nitro!

TO THE MEAN GENE. FALSE. Tony got bad information.

Instead, BRET HART comes to the ring. He's been at home too long and thinking too much. But he can't come back full time until he gets one wish: He wants to fight Hulk Hogan. It doesn't have to be a title match.

TO THE RIKI. This fucking cunt is back? And there was another production error. He brings out the Nitro Girls. We're then shown videos of 2 contestants from Miami. The best thing about this was every time Riki tried to get the crowd to say "Oh Yeah", they yelled NO at him.

Evan Karagias vs Lodi

Lenny got into a sign fight with Tony Mamaluke, who was taken away by security. Are we not supposed to recognize seeing this guy in various produced segments on TV? Or is that part of the story? Vamp and ICP came out again. Vamp said Evan owed him last week. Lodi wins with a super bulldog, then a DDT.

DJ Ran says some bullshit.

TO THE MEAN BROTHERJACKDUDE. Hulk didn't know Savage was in his locker room last week, Lex better stay out of Hulk's face. Everyone knows that he has a black Hummer in Florida and a white Hummer in Cali. He's going to prove to everyone in the 6 man cage match (why hasn't that been mentioned yet?) that he's the real deal. He also called Goldberg a "big bad bear", which made me giggle a lot more than anything Lenny and Lodi did. Sting/Hogan/Goldberg vs DDP/Sid/Rick Steiner in a cage is the main event tonight.

Barry Horowitz vs Al Greene

This has to be set up for Sid. Next week, fans will find out how they can win $1 MILLION dollars! So what I'm seeing is that WCW is doing a Diva Search and McMahon's Million Dollar Mania on the same show in 1999. They also had online voting to choose competitors/stipulations in 2000. And a live show going on online with exclusive post match interviews and backstage stuff. Say what you want about the booking, but WCW was way ahead of the curve on internet and fan interaction stuff. Piano music plays again. This time, a man playing the piano is lowered from the ceiling as Sid comes out to to put an end to this jobber match. Why, fans, we know who that is. That's Maestro. OH LA LA!

In addition to the cage match, there will be a battle royal featuring the First Family, Rednecks, and Revolution, with the winner getting a title shot next week. Nash is really throwing everything at the wall right now.

TO THE BACK. The Rednecks are discussing that Bobby Duncum Jr. was injured last week and will be gone for 2-3 months. Suddenly, the door kicks open and a mysterious cowboy stands in the great light of 1000 suns, his strength and power implicit in his wide stance and Stetson hat. It is as if John Wayne himself was standing in the door way. A redneck angel sent to the West Texas Rednecks in their time of need. Oh, never mind, it's just Virgil. He claims to be the biggest redneck there is. Curt calls him Curly Bill, they do a Pace Picante commercial joke, and now Virgil is a member of the group.

TO THE MEAN (WE COMIN' FOR YOU) NINJA. Harlem Heat are the guests. Booker knocks the mic out of Gene's hands while raising the roof. Stevie almost corpsed. They want their belts back and are going to be 9 time champions.

TO THE BACK. Sting and Lex enter Hogan's locker room to get some answers. They find Bret Hart in there. Sting just wants 5 minutes with Hulk. Hulk says Sting will get those 5 minutes, then turns the lights off. There was a rumble. We came back from commercial to see Sting down on the floor and Lex blaming Hogan for it. Hogan says it was Lex.

12 Man Battle Royal

Oh, it's one of those convoluted TNA style battle royals that is actually a tournament. The first 4 men thrown over the the top rope are eliminated. The next six will wrestle each other in singles matches based on order of elimination. The final two men will get a title shot next week. Revolution, Rednecks, and First Family are all involved. Fat fuck Knobs was the first eliminated. Thank god. Curly Bill is gone. So is Barb. Hennig never got in the ring, so he must be injured again. This is actually an 11 man battle royal, billed as 12. Dean and Benoit were the final two, so they'll have a match later tonight. I'm not really sure on the rest of the matches since there weren't an even amount of guys to set the matches to begin with.

Cat-Bo video.

Johnny Swinger vs TAFKATAFKAPI

This better be another Sid thing. Otherwise, fuck you, Kevin Nash. Instead of Sid, ICP and Vamp came out. Fuck you, Kevin Nash. They cost Swinger the match. Vamp again claims that Prince owes him. I wonder where this is heading. Is Vamp really trying to recruit shit bricks like Prince and Evan?

EARLIER TODAY. Buff was signing autographs at the merch stand when Berlyn stopped by and said something in German to him.

Berlyn video.

Steve Regal vs Buff Bagwell

Buff gets a USA chant started. He's such a goofy asshole. You know the gif of Marc Mero popping for his own moves? Buff does that and also pops at his own lines in promos. Even when they aren't funny at all. Buff won with the Blockbuster in a quick match. After the match, he cut a promo about toes and said that Berlyn isn't just facing Buff at Fall Brawl, but is facing THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! The whole country at the same time. The ultimate international gangbang.

Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis/Blitzkireg vs Kidman/Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Oh shit. I wonder why Chavo is in the match instead of Rey. I also wonder why Juvi is dressed like Kidman. Here are the gifs. If you expected a bunch of high flying action, you'd be disappointed, because there wasn't much of it. Chavo and Kidman had some issues during the match. Vamp and ICP came out to watch. Eddie pinned Hypnosis.

Nitro Girls dance.

Kendall Windham vs Shane Douglas

Shane isn't a good face. He hadn't been a good face since 1993. He should be a heel. He looks like a heel, he sounds like a heel, and he works like a heel. Kendall looks pretty scummy with his weird, super curly almost skullet, missing teeth, and complete lack of any physical definition. But he will boot you in the face really hard. Perfect came out and decked Shane with something. Harlem Heat then came out and beat him up and apparently hit Kendall with a slapjack, allowing Shane to win.

Not only is there a video game called Mayhem, and a PPV called Mayhem, but they also are releasing a best of Nitro collection under the name of Mayhem.


Jerry Flynn vs Barry Windham

Curly Bill is with Barry. Flynn attacks as Barry gets in the ring and the fans are already chanting boring at them. Virgil beat up Jimmy Hart and hit Flynn with the tag title belt. Barry wins with a DDT.

Another Berlyn video.

TO THE GEMEIN GENE. Berlyn again speaks only in German and has his translator say that Berlyn challenged Buff before Buff challenged him. Also, Americans should all learn how to speak German. This thing was shot pretty weird. It was done on the stage with much of the camera work being done via moving crane shots. So, is Berlyn a Neo Nazi? "The German invasion" is here. He's dressed like he goes to industrial band shows, but has Wagnerian music and his interpreter says things like "German invasion", "shock and awe", and "steamrolling through" WCW, which seems to be trying to invoke Nazi imagery. But then his name is Berlyn and his bodyguard is The Wall. I guess all eras of German are evil is the main idea.

Nitro Girls danceish.

Hugh Morrus vs Saturn

Hugh did a second rope press slam. It wasn't as good as the one Goldberg did to Saturn in 1998. I think fans are chanting boring, but I'm not sure. There were chanting something that didn't sound very positive. Both dudes seemed completely drained from the battle royal and this wasn't that engaging. Hugh missed the moonsault. Saturn won with the Rings of Saturn.

There are only 20 minutes left in the show, which doesn't seem like much time for Benoit vs Malenko and a 6 man cage match.

Dean Malenko vs Chris Benoit

The winner will get a title shot next week regardless of who is champion after Fall Brawl. They have a series of indie respeck stand offs, with neither man getting the advantage. Benoit stops the hold trading and punches Dean in the face. Naturally, Sid came out and attacked both men, but the ref let the match continue. Or did he? It just kind of ended. No decision was given. Benoit fought Sid off and everyone walked out. After the break, we're informed that the match was thrown out and there was no winner. That means that 12 (11) man battle royal was (and all the matches that came from it) completely pointless since no one will be getting a title shot next week.

Goldberg/Hulk Hogan/Sting vs DDP/Rick Steiner/Sid Cage Match

Hulk comes out without his title and enters the cage by himself for some reason. Goldberg is back to his real entrance theme. Hogan was getting triple teamed in the ring because he was a fucking idiot to get in the ring with 3 opponents without his partners. Goldberg is attacked by Kanyon and Bam Bam before he could get in the ring. For some other reason that makes no sense, DDP asked for Goldberg to be put in the cage. Fans are SUPER amped for Goldberg and not chanting for Hogan at all. Sting finally comes out. Lex was trying to prevent him from hitting the ring, but he went anyway. Hogan pinned DDP with the leg drop in a strangely awkward pin where Hogan seemed to expect a kick out and Goldberg/Sting just stood there casually and looked confused while the ref actually stopped at 2, yet gave the match to Hogan anyway. Lex got in the ring to argue with Sting about helping Hogan. WE'RE OUTTA TIME.

DQ Count: 1 out of 11 matches.

Well, it was a busy show. Bret returns with no hype and asks for a match with Hogan. Then Sting is attacked in the locker room by either Bret, Hogan, or Lex. Bret was never seen again on the show. Berlyn was all over the show and may or may not be a Nazi, but Buff is now super patriotic. Is Hogan the driver of the Hummer? Who knows. Randy Savage was no where to be seen after being in Hogan's locker room last week. Virgil joins the Rednecks and is renamed Curly Bill. He claims to be the biggest redneck in the world. Vamp and ICP keep showing up and helping jobbers for reasons no one understands. Some dude is lowered from the ceiling playing a piano for no reason and isn't mentioned again. A big battle royal/tournament thing with the whole point of the winner getting a title shot ends up with the final match being a double DQ and no one getting a title shot.

Then the main event is a 6 man cage match that went about 5 minutes and had Hogan easily pinning DDP (default top or second top heel) who has a big match with Goldberg at the PPV instead of Rick Steiner, who was the lowest ranked guy in the match and should be the one eating the pin. There was just so much shit going on the whole show that it at least kept me entertained.