WCW Monday Nitro 6/21/99

The show starts with a recap of last week's show, which included Master P talking about beef while making bird sounds, and Roddy Piper becoming Ric Flair's vice president.

TO THE BACK.  The black Hummer arrives.  It's Team Madness.  We're never shown the driver, though.  A black limo also arrives.  It's Kevin Nash.  He runs after the Hummer, but it pulls off.  BUT WHO WAS HUMMER?!  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?

Nitro Girls stuff.

David Penzer announces Master P. and TRU.  C Murder.  Silkk the Shocker.   Oh, this is a performance that sure seems like a lip sync performance.  It's definitely not what I would call good, even with the Halloween theme sample.  It's definitely lip synched, since there are times when none of them have the mics near their faces.  I don't get Master P at all.  I like 80s rap, though.  A hip hop rip rop don't stop til the Flair flops kind of stuff.  After the performance, we're shown Master P and the NLS at GAB and Nitro from last week.

But right before that, Bobby and Tony briefly talked about the Hummer.  Kevin Nash had said he thought it might be a woman.  Bobby said that couldn't be, since the Hummer didn't bump into anything.  Tony agreed and went on with the NLS package.

TO THE BACK.  Lenny Lane can't decide if he wants to wear purple or yellow trunks tonight.  Lodi likes the purple ones.  They then make some innuendos about big men and stamina while Lodi gives Lenny a shoulder rub.

DJ Ran gets in my area.  He's completely pointless.  All he does is just say his catch phrase and say Nitro a few times.

Psychosis vs Kidman

One of these guys should have the cruiser title since Rey is off feuding with heavyweights.  Actually, Kidman was supposed to have a title shot.   Remember that cruiserweight battle royal from 4 weeks ago?  The one where Hugh Morrus eliminated everyone except for Kidman and Juvi?  Juvi walked out and Rey got rid of Hugh, so Kidman actually won.  The winner was supposed to get a title shot against Rey.  That was 4 weeks ago.  It hasn't even been brought up since then.  Hypno did a super sit out gourdbuster.  These guys have had a lot of matches.  They're all pretty much the same.  Kidman has really been floundering over the past few months.  He was made out to be the weak link and possibly untrustworthy member of the team with Rey, he's been getting the shit kicked out of him by heavyweights, and generally just not doing much.  YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!  At least he'll always have that.  Hypnosis keeps getting out of position for the SSP, probably because he knew SID and Macho were coming out.  Chokeslam to Kidman.  Powerbomb to Hypno.  Sting comes out and Savage/Sid bail.  So is Sting going to feud with the Steiners and Team Madness?  Shouldn't Nash have made the save?  He does come out, after Sid/Savage were already mostly to the back.  Nash wants to know why they'd leave without Sting confronting them.  He then wants to know why Sting is popping up out of black Hummers.  Sting wasn't the driver.

TO THE OVAL OFFICE.  Flair makes Sid/Savage vs Sting/Nash the main event for Bash at the Beach.  Piper wants to make Sid vs Sting tonight.

Recap of the stuff with Buff and Piper and the 8 man tag last week.

Lenny Lane vs Meng

Meng's hair is straight up El Dandy levels of great tonight.  Lodi came out during the match.  Meng locked on the Tongan deathgrip while Lenny was on the top rope.  Lodi helped Lenny to the back.

Nitro Girls stuff.

We're shown highlights of Sting popping out of the black Hummer last week.  I'm on the edge of my seat over this angle.  WHO WAS THE DRIVER?!?!?!  I MUST KNOW!

The No Limit Soldiers have a birthday party for Silkk The Shocker in the ring.  As if a 10 minute performance to start the show wasn't bad enough.  They get a random white dude with an afro wig to get in the ring and sing Happy Birthday.  Curt Hennig comes out bearing gifts.  He also now has a Southern accent.  The gift is a brand new cowboy hat.  Silkk stomps on it and Master P chucks the cake at Hennig.  The whole group then surrounds him and jumps around while making bird sounds.  I'm not sure why anyone thought this was a good idea.  A white dude trying to give a black guy a cowboy hat as a gift, only for the guy to stomp the hat, someone throw a cake at the white guy, and then a ring full of black guys in fatigues surround him and make bird sounds while threatening him.  No one thought at any point, "You know, that could offend a lot of people, black and white.  Maybe we shouldn't do a rap vs country angle when we make the black people look like angry gangsters and the country people look like ignorant Southerners, when a majority of our audience identifies with country music"?  There really isn't anyone to get behind since both groups are assholes.  WCW is a company that still has weekly NASCAR updates on their shows.  Why would they think people would cheer a bunch of rappers who are angry and dress like they're going to war against guys who wear cowboy hats and like country music?  It's such a poorly thought out angle all around.

Juventud Guerrera vsEddie Guerrero

Juvi is quite pensive about walking down that ramp again.  He overcomes his fear only to slip at the bottom.  This is Eddie's first match back since his terrible car wreck.  What's weird is that he comes out as a heel, even though a few weeks ago he was on commentary as a thankful face.  Juvi hugs Eddie.  Eddie slaps him and wants Juvi to get his head in the game.  His face is freaking me out.  It's so gaunt.  He's all muscled up, but his face looks so thin.  YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!  Juvi learned it from all of those matches with Kidman last year.  Juvi finally gets his head in it and slaps Eddie, who then bails.  It's a pretty competitive match, but Eddie is for sure showing some ring rust. That he's wrestling at all is pretty crazy.  Eddie won with a whirly bird neckbreaker and frog splash. 


Why would Prince get a jobber entrance on Thunder, but a full entrance on Nitro?  Especially since the Thunder match was against Evan Karagias and this is against The Cat.  There was already a giant wet spot on the mat on the floor, then Cat threw a beer all over the place, so naturally they both slipped while doing an Irish whip spot.  Cat's ruby slipper kick won him the match.

Kanyon vs Booker T.

Let us not forget the time in 1998 when Booker did an avalanche Ganso Bomb to Kanyon.  Fans are super into Booker in the Super Dome.  Way more into him than they were Master P.  Pretty even match until Kanyon gets an advantage with some cheap moves.  Booker fires up and sends Kanyon to the floor.  They totally botched the sit out dominator when Book's momentum made Kanyon fall backwards.  Kanyon did a lot of cool movez.  Some better than others.  His slingshot elbow never looked particularly good.  It's pretty clear they have no idea what to do with Booker right now.  Can't send him to the TV or US stuff because that's for Sting and Lex.  Can't do the world title.  Is he just going to be in the general "young guys tired of getting held down" angle?  He'd be a better fit for the angle than Buff.  He has a much more valid argument as well.  No matter how over he gets and how many belts he wins, he's immediately shunted back down the card and never given a chance against the top players.  Buff voluntarily left WCW to join the nWo and has been in matches against the top guys for the last 3 years.  They've both been in WCW for about the same amount of time, but Booker was obviously better and more talented, yet got less opportunities to be at the top of the cards than Buff.  DDP and Bam Bam interfered, causing a DQ.  Nick Patrick got a Kanyon Cutter.  BANG!  Super Kanyon Cutter on Booker!  Bam Bam stopped falling with the move since they almost killed Saturn with it a few shows ago.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  Roddy Piper and Ric Flair come out.  They came out to the bag pipes, which makes no sense to me since Piper is the vice president.  Flair has his ring gear on, so he must have a match later.  When I said that Piper starts every promo with "City, home of the local sports team", I meant it.  Even if it is now a way to do cheap heel heat .  Piper works in  Austin Powers and Buffy the Vampire Slayer references in the same sentence.  He really doesn't like Buff.  Flair spits all over himself while ranting about something.  He almost died on Buff's girlfriend last night.  This brings Buff out.  He was having a hilariously hard time getting his shirt off of his arms.  Piper and Flair double team Buff.  There is a ref in the ring.  What the fuck, this is now a handicap match.

Ric Flair/Roddy Piper vs Buff Bagwell

You're telling me that Flair and Piper just happened to come out in ring gear with the hopes that they could lure Buff out and start a handicap match?  Ric wants to hear the noise Buff's girlfriend made last night.  Flair dominated the opening minutes until Buff fired up, but it didn't matter because Piper came in and was fucking garbage.  Dean came out and the ref decided to let him be Buff's partner.  Flair is the president, why would he even allow it?  And why are Dean and Buff forming a partnership when Dean and Benoit are already a well established and over team?  Dean gets a hot tag.  He put Arn in the Cloverleaf.  Piper plays with his dick and grabs something to hit Buff with.  Arn was tapping out, but Flair pinned Buff.  For some reason, Dean thought that Arn tapping meant he won the match.  Even with Konnan on the roster, I think Piper might be the worst wrestler WCW has right now.

Rey Mysterio Jr./Konnan vs Bam Bam Big Yellow/DDP WCW Tag Team Championships

Fuck.  I shouldn't have mentioned Konnan.  I thought this was Bam Bam, but Kanyon is tagged in.  Can they do Freebird Rules DURING a match?  Konnan and DDP are two guys I really don't want to see at all right now, even if Kanyon and Rey are involved.  Now Bam Bam is in.  Fuck it. They do what they want.  I don't think DDP ever recovered from the Triad run.  He was never as over as a face or top guy again.  When he was back as a main eventer in 2000, it felt like no one really took it as seriously.  And then he cut his mullet.  And then he got his ass kicked by Undertaker's wife.  The Rednecks ran out and caused a DQ.  Then Benoit and Saturn came out.  Then the NLS came out for the third god damn time tonight as they all brawled.  What the fuck does hooty hoo even mean?  And why did WCW use the NLS and Master P if they made such a big deal out of their working agreement with Tommy Boy Records?  If I'm not mistaken, TBR and WCW were both owned by Time Warner anyway, so of course they'd have a working agreement.

Sting vs Sid

Savage and his dames came out shortly after the match started.  He's just going to offer guidance.  Look.  I like Sid's intensity and look.  He was never a good wrestler, even in his prime.  He's not in his prime any more and there isn't a lot you can get done in 4 minute Nitro main event.  Which ended in DQ when Savage attacked.  Lex saved Sting from a post match beat down.  Where was he while Sting was being eaten by dogs?   I definitely do not want Sting/Lex vs Savage/Sid at any point.  They have probably the least interesting stand off I've ever seen where no one did anything, Lex looked like he was laughing, Sting looked uninterested, the girls were confused, and the announcers were bored.  The show ends with Sting saying "We've got two words for ya!"  Born Again Christian Sting ends the show with having the fans tell the heels to suck it.  The same BAC Sting who last week did a gay stereotype voice and hand gesture and made a dick joke.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME!

DQ Count: 5 out of 8 matches.  4 DQs in a row to end the show.