WCW Monday Nitro 6/14/99

On the heels of the worst PPV of the year, Nitro is live from the MCI Center (the same place they're running Starrcade in 6 months).  SID made a shocking appearance and Sting was eaten by dogs.  Master P will have a press conference.

TO THE BACK.  Team Madness arrives in a black Hummer.

DJ Ran says some bullshit and we see pictures of the Rednecks/NLS match last night.  Bobby has the fucking gall to say the show was one of the best PPVs they've ever had.

Brian Adams/VINCE vs Curt Hennig/Barry Windham


Barry now wears Daisy Duke shorts, a black tank top, and work gloves that look like dish gloves.  I think I'm going to start putting in the same effort into Nitro as I do Thunder. It's the only way I'm going to be able to make it through these.  Barry has a great punch still.  Virgil sucks.  Perfect is not very good any more.  Crush sucks.  Barry can still go.  I'd MUCH rather have seen a Barry vs Nash feud over anything with Macho.  Barry pinned VINCE after hitting him with a cow bell.  When you have to cheat to beat Virgil, you're dead in the water. 

EARLIER TODAY.  We saw a press conference with Master P.  Gene was the host.  Bischoff, Rey, and Konnan were also on the stage.  Master P says "wrasslin" at least 5 times.  It wasn't intentional, but it sure came off like he was making fun of Southern fans.  Bischoff thinks this is a big deal for WCW and wrasslin in general.  The best part was that they cut to commercial while Master P was mid sentence.  On a pre-taped segment.  Of a dude they're paying something like $200K per appearance.

Team Madness come to the ring.

Ohhh yeaaah! Have you figured it out yet? I know you have. Who’s the greatest wrestler in the world today? Who’s the boss? The Macho Man’s the boss, ohhhh yeaaaah. Last night, officially, I was crowned the uncrowned undisputed world heavyweight champion of all time. It was the crime of the century. Big Sexy Kevin Nash, in his own worlds, made the illegal elbow legal. Every time I drop the big elbow, people get beat 1-2-3. Last night was no exception. An obstruction of justice. Let me reenact what happened last night. Madusa saw it. The all time women’s wrestling champion. Mona saw it. Miss Madness 99. The lady that beat 25, 937 other women to win the title. And Gorgeous George saw it. And sorry to say, that man or woman, she is retiring from wrestling, the only one eeeeever to be undefeated. Last night, the Macho Man on the top rope gave the big elbow to Big Sexy Kevin Nash. Demonstrate Kevin Nash after the big elbow. *George gyrates and lays on the mat* Something like that. And then I covered Kevin Nash for the 1-2 and for the 3 count. And I won the world heavyweight championship belt. Now, on another night, Gorgeous George would have fainted, but I didn’t kiss her like I wanted to just exactly right then. And I don’t need to give her mouth to mouth. I don’t need to give her smelling salts. But I need to give each and every person in this arena all over the world a wake up call right now. Because from now on, from now on Big Sexy Kevin Nash, I got one word for ya. The Macho Man is gonna be unbelievably VICIOUS. Big Sexy Kevin Nash, it’s not the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning. You’re not in my league. And you know that I know politics does exist and I am the world heavyweight champion. Give it up for the Macho Man! I will be more vicious than you could ever understand. And, I got two words for Kevin Nash: The Wolfpac Sucks. That’s from the Macho Man to you. And I’m gonna get ya. And it’s not over until it’s over, but your career is over and the reason it’s hot in here is because my career is on FIAHHHH!
— Randy Savage


Go ahead and try to make some sense out of that shit.

Nitro Girls dance after 7 minutes of Savage rambling.

Recap of Sting getting eaten alive by dogs.  He died.

Hugh Morrus vs Kidman

The two top cruiserweight baby faces are both stuck feuding with heavyweights.  It's stupid and all it does is make the big guys look bad and have the smaller guys put on much lesser quality matches than you'd expect from them.  Hugh did a press slam on an open chair.  Too bad YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN.  SSP for the win.

DJ Ran throws it to Mean Gene.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  "Still the president".  Of course he's still the president.  The match with that fat fired cunt wasn't for control of WCW.  Ric is going to fuck some kid's mom.  He is going to make a major coup tonight.  He's going to ask one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, Roddy Piper, to be his vice president.  Piper got the full dudes with bag pipes entrance, even though they stopped playing well before he got to the ring.  The first thing out of his mouth is a fart joke.  He accepts the position.  Are you fucking kidding me?  Piper had Flair fucking committed just a few weeks ago.  Flair fired this fat cunt.  Twice.  Now they're buddies and super happy to work together.  Dean Malenko comes out and says that if there was some guy who had been in a coma for 15 years, who woke up and turned on Nitro, he'd think no time elapsed.  He's sick of being held down.  He speaks for the rest of the young guys who can't get a fair chance because of these old fuck heads.  The young guys are TAKING the torch, whether these old fuckheads like it or not.  Dean wants to know what side of the street Arn is going to walk on.  Arn is going to stick with Flair.  Piper tells Dean to head to the back.  Dean pushes him off.  Piper attacks.  Dean is triple teamed until Buff hits the ring, only to quickly be dominated by 3 old dudes.  Saturn and Benoit saw it in the back and were heading to the ring, but they were ambushed by the Triad. Sure, makes total sense for Piper to turn heel and team up with Flair directly after 2 months of bitterly feuding with him, having him institutionalized, and trying to get his power taken away. 

FUCK.  Bischoff is out for commentary.

The Cat vs Scott Norton


Norton sprinted to the ring.  He beat the shit out of Cat for a bit.  There was a ref bump, which allowed Sonny to hit Norton with a crowbar. He kicked out of the pin.  God, imagine him chopping Sonny around.  Instead, he turned around into a kick with the loaded ruby slipper.  Wizard of Oz, bitch!

Disco Inferno vs Van Hammer

Flair/Piper/DDP/Kanyon vs Malenko/Bagwell/Benoit/Saturn has been signed for later tonight.  WCW was really big on booking heel vs heel matches. I think there are usually more all heel matches than heel vs face matches on any given TV card.  3 out of 4 matches tonight have been all heel match ups.  Bischoff says Hammer is too methodical, but not slow.  Good save.  There was a ref bump in this match, because it really needed it.  Hammer won with a back suplex and handful of tights, but Disco most definitely had the win while the ref was out.  He gave the ref the Last Dance after the match.

Bischoff announces that Dennis Rodman is coming back to WCW.

Recap of the tag title match last night.

Brian Knobs vs Fit Finlay Hardcore Match

I hope Finlay tries to take an eye out.  I really do.  I hate Knobs and he deserves to be injured for being so reckless and dangerous.  He does get rammed into the ring post pretty hard a few times.  Finlay injures his leg very early.  I'm not sure how.  I think he twisted an ankle or something.  What the fuck.  Another heel vs heel match, and this hardcore match had a ref bump so Sandman could interfere and hit Knobs with a cane.  Finlay wins.

SABLE is sitting in the crowd.  Excuse me, "She".  No name was given.

Kevin Nash comes to the ring.  He came here to talk about SID.  He wants Sid tonight for the belt.  Sid pops up on the big screen to cut a promo.  The WCW Championship is his.  CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL THE WAY?!?!  They showed Sable during and after his promo, but didn't say a name.

Recap of Piper/Flair from last night.  The recap makes it make even less sense, since if Piper won, he would give Buff the ball.  But Buff came out and got Piper disqualified.  Does that mean he doesn't actually want the ball?

DJ Ran wastes some time.

Ric Flair/Roddy Piper/Kanyon/DDP vs Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko/Saturn/Buff Bagwell


Buff is certainly the odd man out on his team.  And I'd say Piper is the odd man out on his team, since he's the worst dude in the whole match. It starts out as a wild brawl and settles to Flair and Benoit.  Benoit knocks the shit out of him.  Piper is such a piece of shit.  Dude could at least get a little sun once in a while if he's going to be out on TV in his underwear.  They go to break and come back to Flair and Benoit being back in it.  All the faces lock on a figure four.  Dean had SO much trouble putting his on Kanyon.  More trouble than Miz has with it. Buff pinned Flair with the Blockbuster.  Despite it having Piper in it, this was actually pretty fun.  It was like Saturday Night main event from 1987.

Nitro Girls stuff.  Sable is again shown in the front row.

Hak vs Rick Steiner WCW TV Championship


YO!  Bischoff makes reference to Chastity being in porn, which is pretty strange since that's what they ended up firing her for.  But it's cool for Bischoff to make jokes about it on TV.  I assume this is a title match, but Rick doesn't come out with the belt.  Sandman looks like he's lost quite a bit of weight since he started with WCW.  Rick drags Sandman to the back.  Are dogs going to eat him, too?  They fought on top of a truck.  Sandman took a bump on the hood that was blocked by a fork lift.  Sandman tears up a bike for no reason.  Bischoff didn't like that.  He really didn't like it when Sandman fell over and knocked the bike over.  They fought on top of Savage's Hummer.  Hak apparently went through the roof and out popped STING!  He throws Rick through the side of a conveniently parked and pre-cut RV.  He drags Rick to the arena, makes some corny jokes, then knocks Rick with the bat.  Eric does an annoying baseball announcer voice and Sting carries Rick to the back.

DJ Ran wastes some time.

La Parka/Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Jr./Konnan

The No Limit Soldiers came out with Rey and Konnan.  Including Master P.   Konnan ruins everything.  He ruins lucha.  He ruins rap.  He ruins Rey Mysterio.  He ruins La Parka.  Brad Armstrong is already a member of the group.  Lol, Bischoff basically says his own son thinks WCW is lame and was only excited for Master P coming in.  Now he's talking about people copying the nWo formula. That takes some nerve considering he stole the idea from his own business partner.  Kidman and Rey won.  Barry and Curt hijacked DJ Ran's area and put their song on.  The NLS ran back up there.  Master P starts screaming about beef as the fans are either indifferent or booing him.  Certainly not a positive reaction of any kind.

Kevin Nash vs Sid WCW Championship

Nash comes out wearing a tie dye nWo shirt.  OBVIOUSLY Randy Savage is coming out with his music, his girls, and everything, but Buffer still announces him as Sid.  Savage gets in the ring and the ref went ahead and started a match.  Sid came down later and the match was thrown out. What the fuck.  So, Sid is the legal competitor. Sid and Savage double team Nash and beat up Nick Patrick just for fun.  Sting ran down for the save.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME.

DQ Count: 2 out of 9 matches.

Well, it was better than the PPV, but that doesn't mean it was good.  The DQ finish in the main event might be the dumbest ever, since Sid got disqualified for starting his own match.  Sid was the scheduled opponent.  The ref let Savage in the ring and didn't seem to mind, but when Sid, the booked competitor, came to the ring, that was just too much.  What the fuck?  Roddy Piper is now a full heel and buddy buddy with Flair after 2-3 months of bitter feuding and power struggles.