WCW Monday Nitro 5/31/99

The only thing announced for the show is Sting vs Rick Steiner in a SHOOT no holds barred must be a winner cage match.

TO THE BACK.  Raven was heading into the arena when he was ambushed by DDP and Bam Bam.  They threw him in a dumpster and slammed the lid on his head, with DDP's instructions for Raven to get in place being very audible. 

Recap of last week's show.  Then a recap of Thunder.  Live from the Houston Astro Dome.  I really can't believe WCW ran so many massive dome shows for Nitro, but tiny 12K or fewer seat arenas for PPVs.  DJ Ran has at least 10 SURGE cans up at his table.  He welcomes back Eddie Guerrero.  Eddie joins the announce table.  His face looks so gaunt.  We're shown some pictures of his wrecked car as he explains what happened to him.  Lacerated liver, reconstructive surgery on his shin and ankle, and a broken hip socket.  It's amazing he came back at all, let alone at the level he was at.  No wonder he had a pain killer addiction. Also, the storyline angle for his absence was that the nWo attacked him for the LWO stuff. I guess that no longer happened.

Hak vs Kidman

YO!  Random match here.  I'll assume it is a hardcore match since all Sandman matches are.  Kidman immediately out wrestles Sandman.  Sandman tries to show he can wrestle, but it didn't work out well for him.  Tank Abbott and some of his buddies walk out.  He delivers a hilariously weak promo and says he'll be the ref for the cage match tonight.  Security escort the group out.  I'm not sure why this needed to happen during a match.  Spinning head scissors sends Sandman to the floor.  Pescado.  Kidman went head first into a chair in the corner.  Sandman gets a ladder and two tables.  I'm pretty sure those tables are actually doors.  It's kind of like a TLC match .  Irish whip into the ladder.  Sandman misses a swanton through the first table door.  Kidman went up top for the SSP only for Hugh Morrus  to shove him off.  The match ends in a disqualification.  The 3rd hardcore match to end in a DQ.  Knobs also came out and beat up Sandman.  Sandman goes through the other table.  YO!

TO THE OVAL OFFICE.  Flair is on the phone and wants 8 women delivered to his hotel room.  Flair and JoJo discuss that Macho's elbow drop is banned.  Then he repeatedly asks who is banning it, only to be told that he is the one banning it.  BUT WHO IS BANNING THE ELBOW?!?

Recap of Tank getting into a brawl with Rick Steiner on Thunder.  Eddie thanks the fans, WCW, and Eric Bischoff for keeping him employed while he was hurt.

DDP and Bam Bam come to the ring.  DDP just doesn't get the fans.  He says some really corny shit and says he tried to apologize for hurting Hogan, but Hogan knocked him out anyway.  Next time, they might put Hogan out permanently.  They want the title match tonight.  DDP is a terrible heel. 

TO THE BACK.  Tenay informs Kanyon and Saturn that Raven was beaten up tonight and DDP/Bam Bam want the title match tonight.  Kanyon agrees to take Raven's place.

DJ Ran and Nitro Girls in pink overalls.  He mentioned Curt Hennig, which brought Hennig out to the announce table.  He's going to sing a country song.  He heads up to DJ Ran's area, where he gets all up in it.   Bobby Duncum Jr. comes out and gives Perfect a cowboy hat.  They sing Blame It On Texas.   The one thing Perfect isn't perfect at.  Rey and Konnan come out.  Lol at Konnan making fun of Southern music and Southern accents (Deep) in the heart of Texas (clap clap clap clap).  They get into a pull apart brawl.  A tag match is made for them later in the night.  We're then shown Konnan and Perfect brawling last week.


Van Hammer vs Evan Karagias

Nope.  Cobra clutch slam for the Hammer win.  Van Hammer is not a star.  There is NO money in him as a solo wrestler, as a tag wrestler, or making someone look good. That he ook so long to beat Evan Karagias says a lot about what WCW thought they could do with him.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Roddy Piper, that guy who has been fired twice but is still at every show and apparently has some kind of power, is the the guest.  Piper starts every promo out with saying "Name of City, home of the local sports team".  He also says GOD BLESS AMERICA.  He isn't even American.  He's Canadian.  He brings Dean Malenko out.  Dean doesn't give Piper any answers.  He instead takes the mic himself and says that he and Benoit didn't walk away from Flair and the Horsemen.  Ric Flair walked away from them.  This brings out Ric and Arn.  Dean is sick of Ric's ego.  It's not about Rolexes and suits, it's about passing the torch.  Let me remind you that Dean is 39, only two years younger than Arn.  Ric isn't passing anything since there isn't anyone in WCW that can even hold the torch, let alone carry it.  Dean has no more faith in Ric or Arn.  He walks off.  Flair attacks Piper.  They brawl with Piper getting the better of Flair.  The rematch is going to be awful.  Flair could still (mostly) go.  Piper was never a strong wrestler and was 10 years or more past his prime.

Nitro Girls stuff.

Konnan/Rey Mysterio Jr. vs Bobby Duncum Jr./Curt Hennig

Eric Bischoff joined for commentary.  As if a Konnan match wasn't bad enough.  Eric, being a great announcer, immediately points out that no matter what anyone says, Hennig still has ring rust and isn't up to form.  He says a similar thing about Konnan.  Perfect picks up and throw Rey around like a baby.  There was a Rick Rude hip swivel.  Rey was FIP for most of the match.  Konnan got the tag and put Perfect in the Tequila Sunrise.  Duncum brought the cow bell in the was disqualified.  Konnan is hog tied while they beat up Rey. 

Randy Savage comes out, screaming and turning red.  He claims Nash is in the closet.  Bischoff says something about how ridiculous that is coming from Savage.  Savage wants Nash tonight.  Madusa runs out.  She informs him that George said Nash is in the building.  Who did Macho think he was fooling with that pony tail?  We'd seen what his scalp looked like for 15 years.

TO THE BACK.  Bam Bam and DDP apparently assaulted Kanyon.


Erik Watts vs David Flair

Well fuck.  This shit is what I'm supposed to watch sober?  Bischoff buries David, Erik Watts, and Bill Watts.  LOL Bischoff talks about his son Garrett would have a winning record if he was in charge.  Fast forward 12 years.  If you could consider a there to be a highlight in this match, it was probably David getting shoved out of the ring and taking a face plant while doing it, defying all laws of physics in the process.  David wins after a terrible spinebuster from Arn. 

TO THE OVAL OFFICE. Buff talks with Ric and Arn.  He requests a match with Savage tonight.  Ric says Buff isn't in Savage's league.  Instead, Buff can have a match with Bobby Eaton.

The Cat vs Scott Norton

Bischoff talks about the guys in New York outselling them and how it is partially his fault.  Cat now has a gross mustache.  Eric also has no issues talking over Cat's promo.  Cat again calls Scott Norton out.  Norton obliges.  Norton walks right in and headbutts Cat.  The B Team were watching and laughing in the back.  Cat hit Norton with a crowbar and won the match.  The B Team ran away, I suppose because they didn't want to deal with a pissed off Norton.

Bischoff has a hard time realizing he isn't the lead announcer tonight.

Kevin Nash vs Randy Savage WCW Championship

It's some guy dressed like Nash and in a dress.  Randy distracts the ref so Madusa can beat up Fake Nash.  Molly Holly does a super rana.  George does a second rope elbow.  Savage teased a powerbomb, but instead does the BANNED elbow drop.  Randy celebrates with a fake championship.  Eric insists that Molly Holly is a dude.

Bobby Eaton vs Buff Bagwell

Eric buries the shit out of Jesse Ventura.  No idea why.  "By today's standards, he'd be lucky to be a mid card player."  He went on for the entire entrances of both men just shitting on Ventura.  Monkey flip from Buff.  Arm drag.  Buff gets dropped to the floor.  Bobby takes a back drop on the floor.  Eric basically calls Bobby a life long mid carder and it's hard for Buff to get motivated for a match like this.  He says Konnan has had a similar issue over the past few months.  Eric Bischoff is a face commentator and has spent the entire time at the table burying everyone, faces and heels alike.  Even people that don't work for WCW. Buff wins with the Blockbuster.

DJ Ran throws to Raven getting attacked at the beginning of the show.

Saturn vs DDP/Bam Bam Big Yellow WCW Tag Team Championships

Saturn is the only guy left, so he's defending the belts on his own.  Bischoff says that DDP is the single biggest mistake he's made in WCW.  Bam Bam starts out with Saturn.  He out powers Saturn a few times.  Saturn shows his speed and does a second rope dropkick and springboard forearm.  DDP runs in and gets thrown around.  Both heels are sent to the floor.  Saturn is still in control after a break.  Double teaming finally changes the tides.  Bischoff spends most of the match shitting on DDP.  Batista Bomb.  Even if this was good (which it isn't), Bischoff's commentary is awful.  DDP kicked out of the DVD for no reason I could see.  Bam Bam was right there to break it up.  DVD to Bam Bam. Kanyon ran out.  He gets tagged in and walks right into a punch from DDP.  New champions! 

TO THE BACK.  Savage and his dames get in a limo.  Some fucking terrible editing shows a couple of septic trucks block the limo in.  Well, except behind the limo, which could have been thrown in reverse at any time.  Nash climbs on the limo and sprays shit all over them.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?  Nash apparently prerecorded an ad for a local septic company, who took out some ad time after this segment.

Sting vs Rick Steiner WCW TV Championship Steel Cage Match Special Guest Referee: Tank Abbott

At least Bischoff is gone.  It's not going to make a Rick Steiner match any better.  And I lol at Tony claiming Sting is one of the well known tough guys and an ultimate wrestler.  There was a Stinger Splash with Rick against the cage.  Rick dodged the second one.  This is terrible.  Tank pulls Rick out of the way of a Sting Splash and punches Sting in the back of the head.  SWERVE!  Rick tapes Sting to the top rope.  Tank exits the ring and watching Rick put the boots to a helpless Sting.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME.  I guess this cage match ended in a no contest.

DQ Count: 2 out of 7 matches, plus one no contest.

This show was dogshit.  Eric Bischoff as the face announcer who buries everyone (faces, heels, men, women, and people who don't work for WCW), Nash spraying shit all over Savage and his girls, Savage having a whole match to insinuate Nash is gay, a DQ in a hardcore match, a no contest in a "no holds barred must be a winner" cage match, more Piper/Flair bullshit.  Just terrible stuff.  I can't understand why the fuck Bischoff is going out there and shitting on faces for not being up to snuff in matches they don't want to be in, saying Hennig was out of shape and full of ring rust no matter what he says, his rant on Jesse Ventura, why he thought he needed to say Molly Holly was a guy 4 times, and so on.

Stro05/31/991 Comment