WCW Monday Nitro 5/3/99

TO THE LIMO. Flair got out!  Double A and Double D got him out.  He's also bringing a bus of his new friends with him.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!

Recap of last week's Nitro.  Institutions, title changes, drama, SWERVES.

Fuck you, Riki.

Gorgeous George training montage.  Wait.  The Robinson/George match was made with the stipulation to get Savage reinstated.  But he IS reinstated and has wrestled 2 matches since that match was booked.  Why are they having the match, then?

Recap of Flair's mental bullshit.  Again, Piper vs Flair is made for the control of WCW.  However, Ric Flair was removed from power, not just for 72 hours, but indefinitely.  Regardless, he fired Roddy Piper anyway.  And if there were any questions about that firing, Charles Robinson also fired Piper when he was established to be in full and legal control.

The Armstrong Brothers vs Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Holy fuck, Scott Armstrong got promo time.  This isn't a title match.  Kidman and Steve start out.  Kidman shows him what's what.  Rey also shows Scott what's what.  A low bridge sends Kidman flying over the top rope.  Hot tag to Rey.  I'm annoyed that they call Rey's seated senton a Thesz press.  Steve takes the BK Bomb.  Scott takes a rana.  YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDMAN!  Toss up rana for the win.  The Horsemen run in and attack the champs.  Raven and Saturn run down for a save.  They had no intention of attacking the champs, but Kidman started a fight for no reason and get Evenflowed.  DVD on Rey.  The Horsemen come back in and lay everyone out again. 

Goldberg hype video.

The Cat vs Buff Bagwell

No one has walked off from the 5 count.  Actually, I think one of the luchadors did, but Cat beat him up anyway.  Cat gets bumped to the floor and goes HAM on this one middle aged lady in the front row who doesn't even acknowledge him.  Cat looks like he's put on some weight in the mid section.  This isn't good.  Cat is out of shape and something is off with Buff, too.  It went on way too long.  Sonny accidentally kicked Cat.  This set him up for the Blockbuster.  Cat chased Sonny to the back.

TO THE BACK.  Ric Flair, Double A, Triple A, Double D,  and the rest of the gang arrive.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!  He's firing random people.  He doesn't have a belt, which would be a nice touch if he didn't have a tie on.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Flair, Robinson, Arn, JoJo, and Asya come to the ring.  Flair is just as crazy as he was before.  He wants Sting, Goldberg, Savage, and George out.  He says Savage is fired.  Again, then what is the point of the Robinson/George match?  Flair is giving himself a title match tonight in Charlotte.  He can be as crazy and naked as he wants to be.  We have to go to break, but before that, Savage and his dames headed to the ring.  After the break, they make their entrance.  Commercial breaks for promo segments?  Flair fires him and wants police to escort all of these people away.  Savage and Madusa beat up security.  Flair grabs George.  Now police are involved.  Robinson reveals his plan: Bring a pack of gum, because bimbos can't walk and chew gum at the same time.  George knocks him down.  Asya then chokes the shit out of her.  Flair says to change all the advertising.  He then calls Sting a punk and says Goldberg couldn't handle him or Arn.   Sting comes out and punches Ric in the mouth.  Ric wants Goldberg out now.  Goldberg also punches Flair.  Goldberg and Sting then get into it until security breaks it up.  Security got their asses kicked again.  More brawling.  Finally the rest of security hit the ring to break it up again.  Even with 20 people breaking them up, they found a way to get back to each other. 

DDP has been champion for a few weeks, yet they still have a terrible photoshop of the belt on top of him.  And Flair forgot to mention anything about his match with Roddy Piper.

TO THE BACK.  Flair talked with Stevie Ray.  He wants Stevie to take Nash out.  $100,000 if Stevie can get it done. Flair asking how to do a black dude hand shake and then doing some random fist bump stuff was great.  Stevie's super calm reaction of "Yeah, that's it, brother" was also great.

Hak vs Bam Bam BAGAlow Hardcore Match

YO!  No more Chastity.  WCW found out she did some porn or something.  I think it was softcore stuff.  Weapons thrown in the ring before the match: Ladder, tables, a keg, promo SURGE container, numerous trash cans, pylons, random street signs.  The winner will face Knobs at Slamboree to be crowned the King of Hardcore.  Sandman gets the jump on Bam Bam.  Lots of random weapon shots.  SURGE to the head!  Sandman gets a rope and chokes Bam Bam for a while.  Bam Bam throws Sandman into a ladder and then does a dropkick.  Sandman goes face first through a table in the corner.  He's then hip tossed through a table in the opposite corner.  Ugly bulldog on a ladder.  Kind of.  Sandman no sells having a keg thrown at him.  Of course.  He's The Sandman.  A whole keg doesn't even phase him.  Commercial break.  We come back to see more SURGE.  Superplex through 2 tables.  This brings Brian Knobs out.  He beats up Sandman and Bam Bam.  The match is thrown out.  A HARDCORE MATCH ends in a double DQ?  Bam Bam hasn't moved since the superplex.  He's been down for a few minutes now.

TO THE BACK.  Stevie Ray tells the B Team that Flair gave him $50,000 for all of them to take out Nash.  Triple A was in the bathroom, being a weirdo.

Piper hype video.

TO THE BACK.  Triple A stooged to Nash that the B Team were COMIN' FOR YOU, NINJA!. 

Konnan vs Horace

Fuck you, Konnan.  Stevie and Konnan will face each other at Slamboree. Gross.  Match was thrown out with the B Team came out and beat the shit out of Konnan again.  Kevin Nash made the save, which made no sense considering 2 months ago, Nash was the one to personally kick him out of the Wolfpac and fuck with Konnan and his little bro.  They have a stare down and then respec knux.

TO THE BACK. One of the inmates was in the production truck.

TO THE OVAL OFFICE.  David and Torrie came in.  Ric forgives David for everything and will now get to wrestle on Nitro.  When they walk out, Flair wants them to book him against Meng.  And to tell Meng that David was shit talking him.  SWERVE!

TO THE BACK.  A ridiculous bus limo arrives.  It's Roddy Piper.  That thing is way to fucking big for one person to be inside of it.  Piper is in a bad mood and goes straight to the Oval Office.  He attacks Flair and Inoki slaps a cop.  After a break, Ric finds Scott Steiner and tells him to take Nash out.

DJ Ran and the Nitro Girls.

TO THE PRESS CONFERENCE.  Lex Luger and Liz were about to give some kind of announcement when the signal was hijacked or something.  Kind of hard to consider the technical difficulties legit when the Nitro water mark didn't fuzz out.

TO THE BACK.  Steiner ambushes Buff on his way to finding Nash.

DJ Ran and the Nitro Girls.  Again.  They JUST did this.  The Lex and Steiner things were maybe a minute total.  No need to sandwich that with Nitro Girls shit.  Mental patients danced with the Nitro Girls as Meng's music played.

David Flair vs Meng

Torrie is now Torrie and no mention of all those segments with Hogan and Nash.  Meng beats the shit out of David.  He actually kind of took it easy on David.  Ric came out after the match.  He does a lot of thrusting in Torrie's direction, which was awkwardly avoided by camera men.  David is stretchered out as Ric shit talks him for getting him put away.

Gorgeous George work out montage.  The same one from earlier.

TO THE MEAN SCUM GENE. Can we get back to some real in ring stuff again?  Fuck, I get it, no one had faith in DDP, but he made it to the top anyway.  Every fucking week I hear this.  I get it, man.  He compares himself to Elway, Gretzky, and Jordan.  Why did DDP suddenly forget how to do promos when he turned heel?  These are terrible, he's been stumbling over his lines every week, and repeating lines more than just saying SCUM over and over.

Nitro Girls stuff.  I get using the Nitro Girls dancing as an opportunity to read copy and announces future dates without having to just stare at the announcers the whole time.  I don't get when they have the Nitro Girls do a routine and then wait until the entrances to do copy work.

Booker T. vs Curt Hennig WCW TV Championship

Curt gets a rematch since Stevie got Booker disqualified on Thunder.  Stevie came out again to cost Booker the match.  This time, Rick Steiner ran out as well and fought with Booker.  There has been no explanation as to what their beef is.

TO THE BACK.  Cops are told they need to round up the inmates.

Ric Flair vs DDP WCW Championship

DDP shows Flair up a few times in the opening moments.  Flair comes back with chops and a hip toss.  DDP bails and Flair follows.  They brawl all the way up to the ramp.  Flair does two low blows just for fun.  DDP does one of his own.  DDP almost wins when they go back to the ring.  Flair again backs him into the corner and unloads.  Knee drop.  Back drop to Flair.  Flair Flip.  He falls right to the floor.  They brawl out there for a while again.  Press slam from the top.  DDP slaps on a figure four.  lariatooo.  Flair hits the top rope double ax handle!  Figure four!  Savage and George came out.  George tried to pull Flair out of the hold.  Robinson chased her off.  Savage threw DDP an international object.  He used it and a second ref slipped in to count the pin.  Championship retained.  I think it is kind of weird that DDP and Nash had no interaction on what was the real go home for Slamboree.

DQ Count: 3 out of 7 matches.

After a really fun show last week, this was pretty garbage.  WAY too much promo/backstage stuff.  Almost all of the second hour was promo work.  It was a chore to get through.  Even Thunder was better.  The Flair/Savage/Sting/Goldberg segment went nearly 20 minutes, and then right after there was another Flair thing in the back.  Flair didn't mention Piper in any of his 30 segments, not even after Piper beat him up.  Steiner never went after Nash.