WCW Monday Nitro 3/23/98
TO THE MEAN GENE. Roddy Piper comes to the ring to start the show. Oh, YAY! More 1992 Superstars. Where has he been for the past 2 months? He’s been in Oregon on a mountain, pontificating. Well, he was constipated. Then he talks about being born a wildcat (they’re in Louisville), talks about baseball bats, and Harry Carry. WUT DA HALE?! He says the nWo is out of control and as a result he’s banning baseball bats in WCW until Spring Stampede when he and The Giant will face Nash and Hogan in a bat on a pole match. Of course. But why is the consultant getting personally involved in matches and booking himself in one? He also wants Nash vs Giant tonight. He asks if Hogan and Savage are ex lovers. Piper vs Savage tonight.
Also tonight, Sting vs DDP for the WCW Championship! They were really trying to stack the show since that night was also the go home for WM14.
Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Ultimo Dragon
Eddie is out with Chavo. Chavo gets thrown to the floor, but hits a dropkick when Dragon jumps out. Looked like shit, though. In ring Asai moonsault. German suplex from Chavo. He goes up top, but gets crotched, which Eddie doesn’t like. Chavo tries to suplex Dragon in from the apron and gets caught in the Dragon Sleeper. Gene comes to the ring. Eddie makes Chavo apologize to Grandma Guerrero. Eddie is going to beat a Japanese wrestler who is probably better than the guy Chavo just lost to. He should take notes.
Hogan and Bischoff come to the ring. Hulk is pretty terrible at air guitar. You’d think a guy with an actual music background could be a little more convincing in what he’s air playing. “I’m already bored.” It’s not often that I agree with Larry, but when he’s right, he’s right. I don’t think anyone wants to hear Hogan rambling on about Piper. Lots of bat and skirt jokes. Loud “HOGAN SUCKS” chants start up. About time. Usually they just go along with him. I wonder how many shirts Hogan has ruined with baby oil.
Scott Steiner vs Wayne Bloom
Scott’s arms grow every week. Last week, there were 22 inches. This week, they are 28 inches. Steiners vs Beverlys continues! Random note: Wayne Bloom’s theme would be used for Rick Steiner as a heel before Welcome to the Jungle and Stranglehold. What the hell, Bloom is getting a ton of offense. Tiger bomb. Super Samoan drop followed by the Steiner Recliner for the win.
Lodi vs Psychosis
Fucking Lodi. The only thing he was good at was getting his ass kicked. I’m not sure Psychosis is the best person for that kind of match. He does CRUSH Lodi with a whisper in the wind to the floor. Guillotine leg drop for the win.
DDP vs Sting WCW Championship
This is the hour one main event. They’re really running Giant/Nash and Savage/Piper over the world title match with the two biggest faces in the company. Sounds like WCW. I really hope this goes more than 5 minutes. They lock up and go all the way around the ring while locked up. I wonder if there was a Raven vs Sting match. Sting goes for the Deathlock early, but DDP fights out. A second attempt ends in the ropes. DDP almost gets a win with a spinning neckbreaker. Sting shoves off the Kanyon Cutter. Pancake from DDP! Not to be confused with a flapjack (Norton). DDP is taking it to Sting. 10 punch in the corner is dropped into a hot shot. A rebound lariat from Sting gets him back on offense. Long sleeper segment. Flying lariato from Sting. Belly to belly from DDP. Another pancake attempt is reversed. Strike battle. Sting wins it. Sting hits a series of bulldogs. DDP gets his knees up on Sting’s crazy Superfly Splash. Kanyon Cutter is reversed into the Scorpion Deathdrop. Sting retains. Not a chance the two “main events” will be anywhere near this level.
Rick Fuller vs Lex Luger
I honestly thought Fuller was Roadblock. I had to look them both up to make sure. But fuck this match. Lex wins with the Torture Rack.
Eddie Guerrero vs Kaz Hayashi
Lol. Kaz is better than Ultimo Dragon. Eddie dominating. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Eddie do a t-bone. He counters a moonsault with a dropkick dangerously close to the dick. Eddie is dumped to the floor. Kaz then does his twisting dive and hits hard, smashing himself between Eddie’s knees and the guard rail. What the fuck, Eddie counters a missile dropkick with a back breaker. Then a tiltawhirl back breaker. Then a pumphandle back breaker. Superplex and frog splash for the win. Ultimo Dragon came to check on Kaz. Eddie makes Chavo hold the ropes for him.
Bret Hart hype video. I thought he was full time now? Since he said that, he hasn’t been on I think 3 or 4 shows in a row.
Konnan vs TAFKATAFKAPI
FUCK YOU. Why is this match longer than Sting vs DDP?
Chris Jericho vs Lenny Lane WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Larry Lane comes out during Jericho’s promo and wants the $1000 he is owed. Jericho claims that Lanny stole his tights, mask, and Loverboy tape. Jericho wants Lanny to let him have it…with a really weak slap. Skull Crushing Finale! Fuck Larry Lane. He’s about as good as Miz, so it makes sense that Miz would steal his finish. Liontamer for the win.
Kevin Nash/Hulk Hogan vs The Giant
It’s a handicap match now. I bet it kills Hogan that Savage and Piper are in the main event. Hogan starts it out. He tries a bodyslam 30 seconds in. There has been no Bulldog or Anvil so far, but there has been Konnan, Prince, and Hogan. And Piper later on. Nash comes in and knocks the shit out of Giant. Beefcoke comes out and tries a Stunner, but can’t. Bischoff gets chokeslammed. Fans lost their shit at that. Beefcoke was a typo, but I’m going to leave it as is.
Chris Benoit vs Booker T WCW TV Championship
Sweet. Benoit does a beat down in the corner early on. Book comes back with a powerslam. Heel kick. Snap German suplex. Flapjack (Norton)! Book is coming back, but gets caught going up top. Superplex. Rolling German suplexes. All of them were high and tight and ouchy. 110th street slam. Bouncing heads everywhere. Book breaks his dick missing a Harlem side kick. Northern lights suplex only gets 2. The bell rings while they’re chopping each other. Time limit has expired. I don’t think this actually went 15 minutes. Not even sure it went a full 10. Time limit draw.
Curt Hennig vs British Bulldog
Perfect brings back the neon green/yellow singlet. Too bad it is against the fucking Bulldog. FUCK. I thought I was going to make a show without him. I don’t care if it is against Perfect. FUCK. I wish he had VISA problems. Or elevated liver enzymes. Rude on commentary isn’t saving this shit. This match got a fucking commercial break before Rude decided to interfere by handcuffing Bulldog to the ropes. He was getting awfully physical around this time. I wonder if he was planning an in ring return. Bret comes out and makes the save. Crush also came out.
The Renegade vs Goldberg
A good 40 second match. Maybe more like 25.
Randy Savage vs Roddy Piper
Piper’s last match was at Halloween Havoc 1997 in a cage match against Hogan that had Savage going crazy and jumping off the super high cage. This is a match that I didn’t particularly even want to see in the late 80s. I don’t think Piper was ever a good wrestler. I only remember two good Piper matches: The chain match against Greg Valentine at Starrcade and the IC Championship match against Bret at WM8. Now, he’s just another old guy in weird shape wrestling in his underwear 10 years past his prime in the main event. It’s a brawl. Liz gets involved and gets kissed. Sexual assault is great! Piper locks on the sleeper. Liz gets bumped off the apron. The ref goes to check on her instead of doing his fucking job. Hogan comes out and throws the ref into the guard rail. Nash also comes out with a bat. Hogan wants him to hit Savage, but he went after Piper. Nash and Hogan then argue. Sting comes out with a bat. BATS ARE FUCKING BANNED IN WCW! Savage comes back and attacks Sting while Hogan and Nash beat up Piper. Giant arrives and they all bail. Of course the show ends with the guy who banned baseball bats…holding a baseball bat. In his underwear.