WCW Monday Nitro 9/1/97
The show begins with a tribute to Arn Anderson. The entire show is dedicated to Arn. TMF.
Last week's Nitro was the highest rated wrestling show on cable in history. This week, Hulk Hogan will respond to JJ's attempts to get a match signed with Sting.
Jeff Jarrett/Eddie Guerrero vs Steve McMichael/Chris Benoit
I can't watch another Mongo/Jeff match, even if Eddie and Benoit are involved. Towards the end of the match, Eddie suplexes Benoit to the floor, and Benoit's head/neck were the only parts of him to hit the apron. I'm sure that worked out for him in the long run. Jeff had Mongo in the figure four. Eddie went up for the frog splash. Malenko shows up and shoves Eddie to the floor, then hits a frog splash on Jeff. Crowd was MOLTEN for this whole thing, but fuck this angle. All of the angles involved.
Hall and Macho come up to the announce booth. Happy Labor Day, Pensacola! You see, the nWo is working for the little man. For the people with nothing going on, who want to tell their bosses to stick it.
Silver King vs Mortis
Silver King's superkick is stiff as fuck. He's had some impressive showings as of late. A real fire lit under his culo. Weirdly, Kanyon does the traditional Flatliner to set up the original Flatliner, which was the avalanche Samoan drop. Sinister Minister shit talks the FoF, so they hit the ring. THEY BE CLUBBERIN'. They'll get their PPV match after all!
Yuji Nagata vs Dean Malenko
I wonder if Yuji will "hit" another kick that missed by a foot. And I wonder if Dean will sell it. As they do mat wrestling stuff, Larry takes the time about how he'd break arms on the mat just for fun, then points out that Dean should work out more to get his chest thicker. They're doing a lot of chain wrestling, but the corwd could not give less of a shit. Yuji hits a giant exploder. Jeff and Debra come out. They cost Dean the match.
La Parka vs Ultimo Dragon
Ultimo does a bunch of dumb shit. This is the La Parka show. And both got wiped out from a Parka suicide dive. Ultimo dropkicks La Parka's chair back into his face to get the win. Baffled at Ultimo's consistent push. He's tiny (same size as Sonny), can't speak English, and is sloppy as fuck, yet WCW is always giving him something to do. Ultimo slams Sonny and puts him in the Dragon Sleeper.
Buff Bagwell vs Glacier
Based WCW. Wacky shit. Buff does not take Glacier seriously at all. Then he gets kicked in the head. Virgil gets heavily involved. Glacier is still undefeated as a singles guy, so having him up against a guy like Buff really puts his win streak in doubt. I'm actually more into this than Parka/Ultimo. My how time changes a man. There's a super ugly spot where Glacier tries for a cross body from the middle rope, but Buff wasn't close enough, and he ends up landing on Buff's legs. Looked like it hurt like a bitch for both guys. Buff gets bumped into Virgil. Glacier hits the cryonic kick, but Virgil interferes again. Buff hits the Blockbuster. THE STREAK...is over.
A special look at Roddy Piper. Fuck. That must mean he's coming back soon.
Lizmark Jr. vs Villano IV
Villanos have the most babyface music for names that are literally Villain. Some lucha fuckery here. A boring chant briefly breaks out. They got all of one dive in before Raven starts walking around in the crowd. I figured he was going to come out and interfere, but I guess not. This is a mess and, again, the crowd does not give a shit at all. This idea that the cruiserweights were always so great and so over is nonsense. Some of them were. There was a whole second tier of lucha dudes that crowds didn't give a fuck about no matter what they did. These are some of them. Lizmark gets the win even after twin magic. "Enough luchadores, I want to see what Hogan has to say about JJ Dillon." Great work, Larry. You shit on the two the whole match for doing dumb stuff, then said you were sick of seeing them and wanted to see Hogan. Really doing a great job of putting over talent.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Lex Luger is the guest. He'll be teaming up with DDP again to face Hall and Macho. Are he and DDP on the same page tonight? They aren't, but they are even. He asks DDP to come out to bury the hatchet. DDP doesn't show.
Disco Inferno breaks up the Nitro Girls dancing. Then Alex Wright comes out and dances. Disco seems kind of impressed. "What is this, the Nitro Boys?" They have a dance off, then get into a shoving contest.
Alex Wright vs Hugh Morrus WCW TV Championship
Shit, I forgot Hugh even existed. Hugh is over as a face by default. Which is weird. Even weirder is that he does Alex's dance. It's as creepy as it sounds. Alex works the leg to keep Hugh on the mat, negating the size advantage. I can't even remember the last time Hugh was on TV. Was it at Souled Out when Big Bubber ran him over with a motorcycle? Why is he getting a title shot? Disco comes back out and the crowd chants for him. He attacks Hugh, and Hugh beats his ass. Pee Wee saw all of this, but didn't throw the match out. Alex wins with a heel kick.
Stevie Richards vs Damien
WCW is random as fuck. The series of matches on this show is so wtf. Raven hops the railing and plants Daimen with an Evenflow before the match starts. He nor the ref saw it or Raven threw Damien into the ring. Stevie does CPR and mouth to mouth. Raven slaps Stevie and tells him to make the fucking pin. Stevie wins!
TO THE MEAN GENE. Big Bubba is back! He's used a lot of names and costumes in WCW, but his name is Ray Traylor. He's a man. Flesh and blood. When he was taken out earlier in the year, he realized that the nWo ain't shit. Bischoff fired him from the nWo, and he used it as motivation to get back to the ring. "I'm here to tell you, Eric Bischoff, I'm here to rip your head off!" Hell of a babyface promo from Boss Man.
Ray Traylor vs TAFKATAFKAPI
He cuts this serious, babyface return promo, then has his match against...Prince. Tony talks about the first time he saw Bubber in the studio on WCW. I've actually seen that match. He was a jobber for a few weeks as Ray Traylor, then was repackaged as Big Bubba. It's on WWE Network. NWA WCW 3/29/86. It was baby Boss Man against Ivan Koloff. He wore a very ill fitting singlet. Bubba beats the shit out of Prince and wins with the Boss Man Slam. Weird that he worked 100% as a heel after the babyface promo he cut.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. The Four Hors....wait a second. That's not Ric Flair. That's not Mongo. That's Syxx and Konnan! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? They bring out Curt Hennig, played by Buff Bagwell. This is great. Buff just keeps talking about spots, Syxx WHOOOS after every line. Syxx's Flair impression is actually dead on. They then bring out Arn Anderson! It's Kevin Nash! In a Canadian tuxedo. With a cooler of beer. With old man glasses. With a neck brace. With a comb over. The palpable disgust with the announcers sure is something. I'll just have to link this, because there is so much going on that it is impossible to do justice. Syxx Flair with his giant nose crying streams of teers. Buff Hennig constantly chewing gum and tossing his towel. Konnan McMichael constantly rubbing his hands. Nash as Arn. "Four months ago, I had a neck injury. Subsequently, I lost the feeling in my hand. My left hand. The significance of that? That's the hand I open beer with." LOL Nash talking about the fat broads chasing the Horsemen around for 20 years, bellying up at the bar, eyeing the long necks while looking at the cheap industrial grade carpentry. Now, I can see why people were upset with this, but this is by far the best parody promo in wrestling history. "I ain't got much to offer ya, 'cuz the beer is spoken for, but what I do got, is I got a spot. A spot with the Four Horsemen. Not just a spot, not a liver spot, not a spot like your dog Spot, no, not just any spot, but MY SPOT."
Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs Chris Jericho WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Tony and Brain are very displeased with the segment we just saw. Tenay is just kind of whatever. Eddie comes out before the match to talk with Chavo. Eddie wants Chavo to give him the title shot. Then, OUTTA NOWHERE, Scotty Riggs shows up and thinks he deserves a title shot. Then Prince shows up. And then Damien. And Billy Kidman. Then Ciclope. Then...SUPER ASTRO? A guy who has never even been on WCW TV. Silver King Super Calo also pop up. So...is this a battle royal, now? Villanos! Still basically unknown Kidman does a SSP off the apron that maybe 30% of the arena saw. It basically turns into an unsanctioned battle royal which ends with Eddie doing a frog splash on Jericho's face with the title belt on top of it.
Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan come out to respond to JJ Dillon and Sting. Hulk shits on Sting, his bat, and his wrinkly trench coat. "You better get into drying cleaning. Get ta know it, brother." Hulk them makes COLUMBO references. Columbo as a regular series ended in 1977. Hogan out there making 20 year old references as insults against Sting. Hulk calls Sting out. Sting isn't in the building, so they call out JJ Dillon. Hogan appears to be leaking milk. Maybe it's his deodorant mixing with sweat and baby oil, but it looks like Hogan is lactating. Hulk attacks JJ and hits him with multiple leg drops. Tony refuses to call any of this. Bischoff spray paints JJ.
Scott Hall/Randy Savage vs DDP/Lex Luger
Tony, at this point, wants to have a real conversation with WCW, both the office and the talent, for allowing this type of shit to happen every week. Lex and DDP are not only on the same page, they're not even in the same corner. "This has been a horrible night for WCW." Hall and DDP start. Macho and DDP spit at each other. Disgusting. DDP is avoiding even looking at Lex. Hall and Macho work well as a team. Lex and DDP don't work as a team at all. When DDP finally makes a tag to Lex, Nick Patrick didn't see it, but he allowed it to be legal anyway. Lex hits FIVE inverted atomic drops on Hall. Then he accidentally hits DDP with the flying forearm, apparently KOing DDP. Lex puts Macho in the rack, but Hall pins DDP. Nick Patrick counts the pin. The nWo wins. Again. Of course. I guess Nick, after allowing Lex to be in the ring for like 3 minutes, decides the tag he made to DDP wasn't valid. Regardless, WE'RE OUTTA TIME.
The nWo embarrasses WCW multiple times, then the show ends with WCW guys not being able to get along? How weird. Almost like WCW is in a holding pattern until Sting/Hogan happens. Terrible night for WCW, though.