WCW Monday Nitro 3/3/97

TO THE BACK. A black HUMMER LIMO has arrived. It's the nWo! Why are they in a vehicle with WCW logos all over it? Maybe that's Bischoff's personal vehicle he got from Turner. A second limo pulls up behind it. It's Dr. Harvey Schiller, president of Turner Sports. BUT WHO WERE LIMOS?!?!?!?!!?

Konnan/Hugh Morrus vs Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael

Well frick. Konnan and Hugh in the opener?  So gross. I'm also not into the idea of a full scale revisiting of the DoD vs Horsemen angle. Unless it leads to them again teaming up to get squashed by Hogan. Jeff gets stuck as FIP for a while. Hugh ends up moonsaulting Konnan on accident. Mongo gets the hot tag, and I mean a legitimate hot tag. Public Enemy come out to steal the briefcase from Debra. Jeff fights with them and as he yanks one last time, Mongo gets walloped with it. This one was actually an accident, but Mongo might be dead.

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Arn and Flair have joined the party. Mongo was busted open. Jeff tells Arn to get off his ass. It was an accident. Jeff tries to get Ric on his side of this argument. Flair finally seems like he gives a shit about the Horsemen, and it's only because Jeff is making him look bad. Jeff has proven himself and he's going to continue to do so. 

DDP vs Rick Fuller

Fans are super into DDP now. He pretty quickly and easily wins with the Kanyon Cutter. BANG! Kanyon Cutter is OVER, bro. 

TO THE MEAN SCUM GENE. Before the interview, Gene throws up some Illuminati symbols. I'm onto you, Gene, you reptilian piece of shit. I'm starting to think it is no coincidence that no one talks about having called the hotline. The hotline sent a tracker and those callers were abducted and experimented on. DDP kind of challenges Macho. 

Ray Mendoza Jr. vs Juventud Gurrera

Everyone should know that Ray is a Villano, since Tenay made it clear the Viallanos took their name from a role their father, Ray Mendoza, played in an El Santo movie. That and he's wearing the IV on his gear. And has that same weird shape. Which leads me to wonder why WCW is having one Villano wrestle as himself on thier shows, and why the name sake of the father is the fourth Villano. Anyway, Ray dominates. He's actually way better as Ray than a Villano. He does much cooler shit without the mask. Juvi hits a crazy springboard guillotine leg drop. So much hang time and height. He also does a torpedo dive through the ropes around the post, which I don't really understand. There definitely isn't more impact on the dive, and all it does is open yourself up to catching a knee or ankle on the turnbuckle rods. Then he does a springboard rana from the apron INTO the ring. A superplex to the floor was teased. I really thought it was going to happen, because the luchadors were always doing wacky shit like that. Juvi wins with the 450.

The Dungeon of Doom take over the announce booth. Well, Jimmy, Kevin, and Jackie do. They don't really seem to actually be involved with the DoD anymore. They're like separate groups. Jackie says she can beat Hogan, Luger, and Savage, and Benoit is a pussy because Jackie beat his ass in the ambulance, apparently. Because they're TOOLEGITTOQUIT. That's really their new catchphrase. In 1997.

Mike Enos vs Dean Malenko 

TMF continues his roll of beating the shit out of dudes. Enos got very little offense and Dean won with a small package after working the shit out of the leg for five minutes. Dean grabs DA MIC, says he's new and improved, and he's gonna fuck Eddie and everyone else up from now on. 

TO THE MEAN GENE. Eric Bischoff is the guest. He talks about Lex's challenge last week meaning nothing, because Lex has no authority. Bischoff is the most powerful man in the industry, and he can make that challenge happen if he wants, though. Harvey Schiller comes out. Eric Bischoff has been SUSPENDED! Bischoff has no authority over contracts. He is not to answer a phone. He is not to even be in a bathroom at a WCW event. This actually brings up a pretty big plot hole that I'll come back to at the end of the show.

Ultimo Dragon vs Eddie Guerrero WCW US Championship

After some chain wrestling, the fans start chanting USA. Eddie tries to chant along with it, but that's not a "Yay, the US title is great, Eddie is actually from Texas, so he's great!". These fans in Georgia are just a twinge racist and don't want to see a Mexican and Japanese dude fighting for THEIR title. Sacks of shit. Ultimo's soccer kicks are no joke. So mean. Ultimo does his super awkward cartwheel into a crossbody, which Eddie rolls through into a most awkward pin half in the ropes. Very short. Title retained.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Eddie gets promo time. A whole lot of promos on this show. They're normally spread out a little more. Eddie costing Dean the title was an accident. Dean comes out. They'll have their match at Uncensored. TMF gets TWO promos in one night, and doesn't want Eddie giving the fans a "snow job". Eddie gets heated. Dean says Eddie has lost his respect. Shit is getting real.


M. Wallstreet vs Scotty Riggs

No one likes Riggs. People like IRS more than him. People have never liked IRS. Very boring, very sweaty match. Buff runs in and beats on Riggs to cause a DQ. Riggs ran away, but came back with a chair. IRS bailed and left Buff. But Buff avoided the chair. RODDY PIPER IS IN THE BUILDING!

RODDY PIPER comes to the ring. He says a bunch of corny shit, like monkeys being cloned named Hall and Nash. Rhyming shit. The fans are his other family. Blah blah blah. Squeaks. Getting emotional. No cheap hometown pop, at least. He's going to start a family. He's going to bring six men out and fight them one at a time. The fans will then get to decide on who gets to join his "family" based on a thumbs up or down. SIX FUCKING RODDY PIPER MATCHES?!?!?! IN A ROW?!?  FUCK.

Roddy Piper vs Big Guy

No name given. He's wearing jeans and has long hair. This is apparently a SHOOT. Piper rides the guy and wins with a kimura. What the fuck. What is this?

Roddy Piper vs Big Guy 2

This is Luthor Reigns/Horshu. He's wearing Daisy Duke shorts. Piper wins with the sleeper.

Roddy Piper vs Big Guy 3

Another dude in jeans. Before he can get in the ring, he's attacked by a guy in boxer briefs and boxing gloves.

Roddy Piper vs Boxer

Boxer had boxing gloves for Piper. So now we have a boxing match. This is terrible. This whole segment. What the fuck am I watching? The boxer gets knocked down like four times. Then Piper calls a time out. I guess a round break. Mind you, Piper isn't even a contracted WCW wrestler at this point. He's just a guy who showed up uninvited at the end of a PPV and ended up being given a ton of TV and PPV matches, but in the story, he's not actually a member of WCW. So why is he allowed to do this demonstration? Piper stops the match and likes the boxer guy. The fans don't give a shit about him. Piper then attacks after he gave him the thumbs up. Then calls time out again when he's getting his ass kicked.

Roddy Piper vs Not Dr. Death

Fans definitely thought he was Steve Williams at first, but he wasn't. He's also not wearing any shoes. I guess this is a karate or kick boxing guy. Piper is basically doing 10 years of Inoki matches in one night. And he was blown up after the first match. Piper gets the shit kicked out of him. I hate everything about this. Piper calls time out when he's about to lose and gives this guy the thumbs up.

Roddy Piper vs John Tenta

Sumo. Not pro wrestler. Sumo guy. Quake looking like he's lost some weight and is pretty energized. The Boxer and Not Dr. Death attack Earthquake. Piper stops them and gives Quake the thumbs up. So this is now his "family" and they'll face the nWo at uncensored. Tenay talks about Piper's "fighting spirit" and shortly after, Piper slaps each member of his team. I hope Inoki saw this and Piper is afraid to go to Japan for fear of a Yakuza attack.

JL vs Rey Mysterio Jr.

More jobber entrances. This has been a weird show. TAFKATAFKAPI gets a PiP promo. He's giving Rey another title shot at Uncensored. Nothing of note happens in this. My will is really gone after all that Piper shit. Rey wins.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Madusa is the guest. She's the number one contender to the WCW Women's Championship. Lol. There hasn't been a women's match on WCW programming that I'm aware of since the COTC right after Hog Wild last year. And she SHOOTS, saying she came to WCW, throwing a way a world class title for nothing. Fucking Bischoff ruined everything. Ruined WCW, ruined women's wrestling. She says that LUNA is in the back, thinking she's the number one contender. Then she attacks Madusa. This is her DEBUT, according to Tony and Tenay, yet somehow she's considered a possible number one contender. With no matches.

The entire nWo comes out, including the suspended Bischoff and STING! Bischoff says he can't be fired, because he and Hulk are friends with Ted Turner. Good thing he wasn't fired. He was suspended. "Come on, brothers, let's SHOOT with this one." Hulk BERRIES the Piper segment. Rightfully so. Macho shits on Piper. 4LYFE. Sting doesn't move at all for the entire segment.

Steiner Brothers vs Lex Luger/The Giant

The two would be tag championship teams. I guess that super terrible car wreck really wasn't so bad. The Steiners only missed a couple of shows and appear to be completely fine. Scott has a real attitude, though. Very fired up. I don't want to imply it has something to do with his 30 pounds of muscle put on in the last 6 months, but they could be related. Steiners are, obviously, the better team here. Giant and Lex still don't even really seem to like each other much. Lex breaks up a pin and the whole match comes to a standstill. Scott was really pissy about it. It was weird. The nWo walks around in the crowd. I don't know why they came out of the crowd just to hang around outside of the ring. Piper and his family come out. I guess we've got a stand off. When the fight breaks out, Sting walks away. WE'RE OUTTA TIME. 

What a show. First, I want to talk about how horrible the Piper thing was. It was about 20 minutes of absolute nonsense that, from a kayfabe perspective, made absolutely no sense.  Piper showed up, unannounced and uninvted, at the end of Halloween Havoc in October. Since then, he has been to many shows, and headlined two PPVs. However, he still isn't a member of WCW. So it is very curious that he is allowed on TV at all. WCW has no authority over him. Eric Bischoff has no authority over him. The Championship Committee has no authority over him. Yet, for four months, he's been allowed to come out whenever he wants, take up valuable TV time, and tonight he appeared to have booked his own match against the nWo for Uncensored. Now, he has no authority to do such a thing, and Bischoff could just say no. Instead, we got Piper having 5 matches implied and worked as shoots against fighters of various fighting styles, with the idea that Piper would pick the best to be on his team. So, we have a non-WCW wrestler shoot fighting other non-WCW wrestlers for a spot on his team to face the nWo (also considered non-WCW wrestlers) at a WCW PPV.

This leads me into my other topic. Harvey Schiller/Turner could have come in at any time to stop Bischoff.  Since June, they've had rogue agents on their program, led by one of their executives, and have done nothing to stop it. They even allowed them to have their own PPV under the Turner branding. This, to me, implies that the either the Turner bosses are garbage and don't pay a bit of attention to their subsidiaries, or, that all nWo members and the nWo brand itself is actually part of WCW/Time Warner. The later completely kills the nWo angle. The former seems plausible, but as Schiller is suspending Bischoff, he's still letting all these non-WCW contracted players on the show. It makes no sense. They should have never brought in Turner officials, because ultimately, their actions are going to force the nWo to do things that, as non-WCW personnel, they would have no authority over. If Schiller can suspend Bischoff, he can not allow the nWo to be on Turner television at all, since they don't even work for the company.