WCW Monday Nitro 3/17/97

It's the night after Uncensored AND St. Patrick's Day! A momentus night.

Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rey needs to change that disgusting green, red, and yellow gear immediately. It looks like vomit. Compare that to the dope Hypno gear. Rey could never. In the back, we get to see the various alternate language commentary that you can hear on wcwwrestling.com. For some reason, Ultmo Dragon does commentary without his mask on, even though cameras are on him, so he just has his hand over his face. Lucha fuckery abounds. Nothing you haven't seen 100 times at this point, including Psychosis getting SPIKED with the West Coast Pop. Disgusting.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Arn is out on his own. Arn shares information that he has a serious neck injury. He tells a story about his grandmother holding on while dying of cancer to stay alive long enough for Arn to become a responsible adult and the head of his family. In the same way, he's been holding on waiting for the Horsemen to get their shit together. He also talks about Kevin Sullivan's son telling Kevin he was dead to him, and that he would have gone about things a different way if he knew that would have happened. He wants the slate wiped clean once he wakes up from surgery. 

Maxx vs DDP

Very short squash. Kanyon Cutter for the win. Arn's promo has been longer than both of the match so far. BANG!

TO THE MEAN SCUM GENE. DDP is hot, bro. He is literally going to kill Savage. Macho's voice rings out and he and Liz are in the stands. Macho offers DDP a match, although he still refuses to actually say DDP's name. DDP heads into the crowd, but Macho leaves before DDP can reach him. 

Konnan/Hugh Morrus vs Joe Gomez/Renegade

What the fuck. No. Bischoff and The Outsiders head to the announce booth. The Outsiders will be in the ring tonight. Big news. I dig it the most. Fuck everything about this match.

Scotty Riggs vs Dean Malenko WCW US Championship

Riggs should definitely not be wrestling the night after that strap match. Unless TMF beats the dog shit out of Riggs, this show is not shaping up to be a shape I want to see. Another very short match that Dean wins with a roll up. Title retained. 

Lex Luger/The Giant vs Tarantula/Knuckles Nelson

What a great name. Knuckles Nelson. Top tier jobber name. Of course, another squash. 

TO THE MEAN AURURUGUAUGUAHA GENE. Giant does a lot of screaming about STING COMING HOOOOOME. Pretty rich for this fuckhead to call WCW, "home", when he turned his back on it for the same nWo he now hates. Lex now believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth fairy, all because Sting picked his side and his faith in humanity was restored. Lex, on the sly, just revealed to all the kids watching that Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth fairy aren't real. What the fuck, Lex. 

Ultimo Dragon vs Bobby Eaton

Eaton isn't even a jobber to the stars at this point. He's a heavyweight getting squashed by cruisers. Another minute long match. 

The nWo comes to the ring. I think it is everyone besides IRS and Boss Man, who are dead due to mysterious attack. Macho will face DDP at Spring Stampede. The Outsiders will face the Steiners. Fantastic aim from the fan who drills Hall in the head with a drink. Even better is the complete no sell. 

lex Wright/?? vs Jeff Jarrett/Steve McMichael

This show has been garbage. Absolute garbage. This is like a 2 hour studio show. Non stop squashes and Gene promos. Come on. After the Horsemen quickly win, PE comes out and they brawl. 

TO THE MEAN GENE. This must be some Illuminati brain washing. Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck this show. Christ.

Scott Norton vs Chavo Guerrero Jr.

NORTON! Yes! And against a cruiserweight! Finally, a squash I can get into. I don't think Norton has even had a match on TV in like two months. The last one being COTC in January against Eddie. Which was fucking dope. This...isn't as much. Chavo is no Eddie. Norton actually gives Chavo a ton of offense in this. Murderous powerbomb gets the win.  Definitely the most enjoyable thing of the show and it wasn't even a mid level Norton squash. 

A Hogan/Rodman promo airs. 

Chris Benoit vs Billy Kidman

ANOTHER SQUASH?! Was Raw prempted this night or something? No effort in this show whatsoever. Benoit debuts the Crippler Crossface on Nitro. Another minute long match. 

TO THE MEAN FUCK. Flair comes to the ring to join Benoit for the promo. Benoit is still shitting on Sullivan, talking about Kevin's son and everyone in his life leaving him. Flair has definitely put on a bunch of weight while out hurt. Flair talks about Piper dropping the ball last night. Oh no. Is this leading to a Flair/Piper feud? 

Harlem Heat vs Steiner Brothers

Wait. A real match? I don't believe it. What happened to The Outsiders wrestling tonight? Scott and Booker begin. Oh. Neve rmind. This goes a couple of minutes and then the nWo hits the ring. Eventually, Lex and giant hit the ring and fight the nWo off. Sting drops from the rafters AFTER WCW banded together and got the nWo out of the ring. Come on, breh. 

What a terrible show.  I've seen a number of really shitty Nitros, but this might have the single least amount of effort I've ever seen on the show.