WCW Monday Nitro 1/6/97

It's a new year! A new day! WCW is still the number one brand of professional wrestling. 

Glacier vs Bobby Eaton

Not the hottest way to start out the year. Get it? Because Glacier is Sub-Zero. And that's ice cold. I do like that Glacier's name plate has a blue outline around his name. That's a nice touch. Glacier's entrance is about as long as Taker's at Wrestlemania. It's crazy. It's SO LONG. First match of the year and it already has a botch. Eaton did a very low leapfrog with Glacier rolling under, but Bobby got his knee clipped and probably injured. Glacier wins with a front back leg side twist kick. Not only does he have a super long entrance, his post match celebration goes on forever, as well.

"You can never have too much money, or too many blue denim Monday Nitro shirts in your wardrobe."- Debra. That's how you sell a denim shirt, friends. Get that denim on denim. #JEANSUP. Wtf. $39.95 PLUS $7.95 shipping and handling? For a denim shirt with a tiny Nitro logo? What a scam. This is followed by an ad for Tobal No. 1, which was a game I've never heard of, and actually seemed like it was just as much of an ad for the Final Fantasy 7 demo. 

Later tonight, JJ vs Benoit in a Starrcade rematch, Regal defends his TV title, Eddie defends the US title, and Rey vs Psychosis. 

Larry and Tony talk about Piper defeating Hogan at Starrcade and how great it would be if he would go ahead and join WCW. They then go into detail about the Konnan/Bubber feud.

Big Bubber vs Konnan Mexican Strap Match

Somehow I already forgot Konnan and Bubber feuding at the end of 1996. It's only been a few months since I watched the end of 1996, I think. Now, if Boss Man is a member of the nWo, why doesn't he get to come out to either nWo music? Although I have to say, his music is pretty cool. But fuck Konnan. Cunt. If I recall, Konnan didn't even get hit with the strap the last time he was in a strap match, which was against IRS instead of Bubber. I believe I was quite upset about it. He gets hit this time. Yay! #thankyoubossman. This is about the lamest strap match I've seen. I mean, they're all pretty lame, but these dudes aren't even laying in the strappage, brothers. Not even a slap when they get hit. Konnan wins on accident. Please skip this match.  Larry sounds like he's losing his voice. Wonderful.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene is with Kevin Sullivan in the back. The Sullivan/Benoit/Woman love triangle continues. Gene tells them to get their shit together and fight the real enemy: The nWo. Gene has some footage. It's not of Benoit or Woman, but of someone else. Sullivan seems to know what Gene's talking about, but Gene doesn't reveal anything. SO MYSTERIOUS!

Dope ads for Slim Jim and Chef Boyardee. Oh man, these ads. Certs and Starburst with the stop motion fruit bikers. So much nostalgia. I also forgot how much the Turner networks loved Westerns. 


TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. The Horsemen are the guests. Except for Benoit and Woman. Arn is rocking that denim on denim look. Debra is sick of all this Nancy/Benoit shit. Flair thinks Woman deserves a good banging from Benoit after 10 years of being married to the Devil. She then talks up Double J, who comes out. Gene berries Debra's voice. Lol. Jeff offers his full time services in place of the part time Benoit. Arn ain't hearing none of this shit. DANG. Jeff SHOOTS on Arn, saying he was always the second fiddle, behind Ole, Tully, and Ric. He came to talk to the lead horse, not the horse's rear. Arn beats his ass.

Arn Anderson vs Jeff Jarrett

It's a match now. Fans are already chanting for the DDT. Neck breaker OUTTA NOWHERE on Arn gets the win (with Jeff's feet on the ropes). Debra celebrates with Jeff, which pisses Ric off, which pisses Mongo off. Arn takes his shirt off. Mongo shoves Ric. A lot of trouble in the stable, friends. Arn has the Halliburton. He almost hit Mongo with it. Flair says if Mongo thinks Jeff is okay, then he's okay. Flair and Jeff then double strut. Arn bails on all of this shit. After all the Horsemen have been through, it's women that is breaking them apart. WOMEN.


The Souled Out ad has Back In Black to hype it up. 

Jim DOOGUN vs Lord Steven Regal WCW Television Championship

DDP's music hits, but he doesn't come out. Jim Duggan replaces him to a shockingly huge pop and a TON of pyro. I hope that was the hour two ballyhoo that just happened to coincide with his entrance, because that much pyro on Jim Duggan in 1997 is insane. Nash, Syxx, and Bischoff come out and take over the announce booth for this match. Duggan dominates this. Can't wait until he blatantly cheats. The nWo basically begs for nudie pics from ladies, under the guise of the Miss nWo contest. "And please, I'm beggin' ya, noooo fat chicks." "No heinous broads." This is in Louisiana. No wonder Duggan was so over. "Looks like two drunk guys got in a fight in a Labor Day softball game to me." Bischoff makes sure to put over both guys, even as the leader of the heel group. Bischoff is a better face announcer when he's a heel. Bischoff has signed a new big dude to the nWo. He also points out that WCW can't win, because WCW can't sign anyone new without Bischoff being the one to hire them. That's a pretty good point. This match has gone on WAY too long. Here comes Duggan's blatant cheating. Right in front of the ref. The bell rings. It isn't a DQ, but a time limit draw. Title retained. Bullshit. It should have been a DQ. 

Wait, there is an ITT Tech commercial. People were still using 8 inch floppies in 1997? At best, it's a 5 1/4th floppy, which also seemed pretty way outdated by 1997.  I don't remember anything bigger than 3.5 after like...1991. And even then it was laughed at for how old and shitty it was.

Hugh Morrus vs Jim Powers

Hugh's music is this weird funk thing. Hugh wins with the moonsault in a very short match.

 Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Jr

After 400 matches, let's see if they can keep it fresh. Hypno hip tosses Rey to the floor and promptly piledrives himself on the apron trying a dive. Don't worry, he went right back to offense. He tries a dive from the top and loses his balance. It's a bad night for him. They redo some spots from BATB 96, which don't work as well without the giant pole attached to the ring. Guillotine leg drop connects. Rey kicks out. Powerbomb. OUTTA NOWHERE. I dig Hypno's Max Moon's palette swapped gear. West Coast Pop for the win. 

Taskmaster vs Chavo Guerrero Jr

For some reason, they showed the footage of the nWo beating up Eddie at Starrcade before this. I guess because Chavo is a Guerrero. Sullivan attacks as Chavo enters the ring. Then he gets dropkicked while taking his robe off. Footage of Sullivan costing Benoit a win at Starrcade is shown. Sullivan seems to have some real issues with Chavo. He easily wins with the double stomp.

TO THE LAST WEEK. The beat down of Piper is replayed. Then we get EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE of Piper rambling like an asshole. What a surprise. He was loaded into an ambulance and no one can understand what the fuck he was staying the entire time. Just babbling.

Alex Wright vs Eddie Guerrero WCW US Championship

The nWo beat down Eddie at Starrcade and Syxx stole his title, so they'll be having a ladder match at Souled Out. Alex surprises Eddie at the start. A light "boring" chant starts up while they're mat wrestling. I wouldn't say it is boring, but it is quite slow and not super interesting. Syxx comes out with the belt and a ladder. This distracts Eddie, but not enough to cost him the match. I don't know. Maybe the crowd was right, but jumped the gun a bit on the chant. Eddie wins with the frog splash. title retained. Syxx runs away like a bitch. 

Amazing French Canadians vs Harlem Heat

Mountie sings the "REAL" French national anthem...which is the Canadian national anthem. This never fucking ending Sherri/Col. Parker angle. Fuck. Stevie and Mountie begin. And HH are fucking up the Quebecers. Then the ring steps come into play and Book is on the ropes. Piledriver. Leg drop/Boston crab combo. CARL fucks up with the flags. Heat win with the Heat Bomb.

TO THE STARRCADE. A recap of the Lex/Giant match, with Sting leaving the bat and saying something to both men. 

Meng vs Lex Luger

Yuck. I feel like I've seen this match 50 times. Besides a gnarly piledriver, there is nothing to talk about. Lex gets Meng in the rack, but Meng's feet hit the ref. Barb runs in and gets racked himself. Mark Curtis calls for the bell, not even realizing it wasn't Meng. Lex wins.  I wonder if the thought process of the finish was thinking it'd make Meng look strong if Barb ran in and get his ass beat and tapped out to the rack while totally fresh and the ref couldn't tell the difference between Meng and Barb. People complain about the Bella's Twin Magic being so dumb since Nikki got implants and started doing power lifting, but this match had the ref not being able to tell difference between MENG AND BARBARIAN.

The nWo comes to the ring. Looks like everyone except for Hall. The main event is another Hogan/Bischoff promo. They're rambling about how Hulk took down the big stinky Giant. This brings Giant out. Shit is about to get real. Nash is the only guy not to back up at the start and he gets thrown out the of the ring. Giant then fucks up EVERYONE and press slams Nick Patrick to the floor until it's just him and Hogan (and Bischoff). Hulk gets a chair and then the numbers game catches up to Giant. After an extended chair beat down, Bischoff gets to throw a head kick. They then take over the announce booth. Suddenly...IT'S STING! He enters the ring, says something to the nearly dead Giant, points at the nWo, and then leaves his bat with Giant. Virgil gets excited and gets in the ring to get the bat. He wakes the sleeping Giant and eats a chokeslam. The nWo then rush to the ring to confront THE GIANT WITH A BAT. Fucking dipshits. WE WANT STING chants break up. He's at the top of the ramp, just looking bored.

I've certainly seen better shows. Generally unfocused and none of the matches were anything to remember. The highlight of the show was Nash's drunk dance and Giant destroyed the entire nWo on his own only to be completely demolished by just Hulk and a chair.