WCW Monday Nitro 1/27/97

Just about anything has to be better than Souled Out.

FUCK. Bischoff and the Outsiders are in the announce booth to start the show. Man, I really, really hope this isn't a full dog shit nWo show. They start with talking about the injustice that happened to the Outsiders at Souled Out. They make Randy Anderson come to the announce booth. Pee Wee explains that a WCW promoter gave him a ticket to Souled Out. As it turns out, Anderson broke company policy by accepting that gift. Bischoff then fires Randy Anderson. What a piece of shit. They then bring out the Steiners. Bischoff tells them, as the highest ranking WCW official, to relinquish the belts. Mind you, the crowd can't hear any of this. It's not on microphones or anything. It's just for TV viewers. 

Steiner Brothers vs Faces of Fear

God, give me a big boot. That's all I ask out of life. Hall talks about Meng's tough guy reputation, and he thinks that Barb is just as tough or tougher. FoF bomb. Did that move have a name? Whatever it is called, they hit it on Rick. Hall also blows up Harlem Heat's spot, saying, "It's a long way from Houston". PowerPlex! Kind of. I'm sure it fucking hurt when Meng came down from the top on Rick's neck as he was sitting up. Double diving headbutt. Barb tries the super belly to belly. Rick just falls on him instead. It was weird. I think it was supposed to be a reversal, but whatever. Hot tag to Scott. Scott still has the tassels, but they are much shorter than before. Scott pins Meng with a belly to belly OUTTA NOWHERE. 

Tony and Larry return to the booth. They go over Souled Out results. 

Road Block vs The Giant

HOSSES! Kind of. Road Block is just a tall fat guy. Giant hits a dropkick that sends Road Block over the top and through a conveniently placed table. No idea why that table was there, since they didn't do commentary from ringside for like...a year at this point. Giant wins with the chokeslam. He cuts a promo after the match on Hogan. He's calling Hogan out. Tonight! 

Jeff Jarrett vs Eddie Guerrero WCW US Championship

Eddie finally has the title. I believe this is the first time he's actually had the title since he won it at Starrcade. Look at that asshole in the second row with the giant SCOOPS sign. Cunt. Eddie's speed is hard for Jeff to handle. For some reason, fans have kind of turned on Eddie over the past two months or so. I don't know why, because they were super into him before that and he hasn't been booked any differently. This crowd seems more into him than the past few shows I've watched. Eddie hits a brainbuster. He takes too much time going for the frog splash and Jeff catches him with a superplex. Debra drags Mongo out, presumably to help Jeff win. Instead, Mongo hits Jeff with the briefcase, causing a DQ. I guess Mongo got sick of being cuckolded on national TV every week. 

WCW is FINALLY able to show footage of Roddy Piper defeating Hulk Hogan at Starrcade. Lol, the tape "broke" and we don't actually get to see the finish. Bischoff went to the truck and grabbed the tape, apparently. He then shows up at the booth and tells Tony to never, ever pull that shit again as he tears up the tape.

Billy Pearl vs Ultimo Dragon

This is Pearl's first TV appearance. I don't know if that means Nitro, or if that is excluding Saturday Night and Worldwide. You never know. He looks like the son of Bob Backlund and some other ginger. Dragon easily wins with a tiger suplex in a total squash.  

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Will all four show up? The answer is yes. Flair talks about Woman finally making the right decision of picking Benoit over Sullivan. The Horsemen are finally back on the same page. 

Ron Powers vs Lex Luger

Lol. I wonder who is going to win this. Did I accidentally tune into The Main Event? 60 second squash from Lex.

TO THE MEAN GENE. Lex gets to talk with Gene after that hard 60 seconds of work. Lex puts Giant and WCW in general over. He's sick and tired of the nWo running wild over WCW, even if that means he needs to team up with people he doesn't like.

Recap of Bischoff firing Randy Anderson. This is one of the dickiest moves I've ever seen.

Amazing French Canadians vs Arn Anderson/Steve McMichael

Arn and Mountie start the match. The Quebecers have been together much longer than Arn and Mongo and they immediately use to to their advantage. Arn is getting rag tagged. This is probably the most dominant the Canadians have been in their entire WCW run. Hot tag to Mongo. Horsemen out cheat the Mounties and get the win. 

The Outsiders vs The EXTREME WCW Tag Team Championships

One of these guys is Crowbar, with his ugly blond mullet. The other guy is Ace Darling. They're about to get squashed. There is a good chance of seeing the career killer super back suplex. Sadly, it didn't happen. It was a complete squash. Titles retained. I'm going to assume the title were on the line. 

Joe Gomez vs Taskmaster

Are we really going to keep Sullivan strong after Benoit beat him and his own Woman turned on him decisively? Come on. That little tub of goo? 25 second squash. Sullivan wins.

Hogan, Bischoff, and Liz come to the ring. They send Liz to the back and then brag about how incredible Hulk was at Souled Out. As they ramble, Sting and Macho show up in the balcony. It appears Hulk has accepted the match with Giant tonight.

Dean Malenko vs Jerry Flynn

Flynn was fat. Very pudgy, at least. At least he got himself into shape as his jobber status grew. TMF focuses on the leg of Flynn, so Flynn can't kick the shit out of him. He didn't anticipate Flynn's piston like punches. Cloverleaf for the easy win.

Tony, Mike, and Brain are talking when a cop delivers a letter from the offices of WCW. Tony immediately grabs a mic and makes an announcement: The championship committee says that Hogan must defend the WCW Championship against...RODDY PIPER. Ew. 

Hugh Morrus vs Chris Benoit

Hugh is apparently just fine after getting smashed with a motorcycle Saturday night. Benoit beats the dog shit out of him to start. There is no mention of Hugh being in a DEATH MATCH two days ago. This is now all about Hogan vs Piper. Don't worry about the match. Hugh misses the moonsault. A woman jumps the railing and confronts Woman. It's Jacqueline. During the commotion, Kevin Sullivan breaks a wooden chair over Benoit's head. Why did WCW always have those balsa wood chairs at shows? Cameras missed the impact of the chair shot. Hugh hits the moonsault. Sullivan leaves with Jackie. Do you think Sullivan is down with the swirl? 

TO THE MEAN GENE. Sullivan won't reveal any details about this woman. Jimmy Hart thinks women in WCW are nothing but TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE. Apparently, Kevin was banging her before he married Nancy. This is terrible. Whose idea was it to let Jackie talk for five minutes? Fuck. Jackie is going to give Sullivan some "comfort". That means she's going to make him jizz. 

Hollywood Hogan vs The Giant

Hogan is not pleased with being forced to defend the title at Superbrawl. Giant dominates this. Hulk turns it all around with an eye rake. Virgil gets slammed around. Bischoff jumps in the ring and throws some vicious double ax handles. The Outsiders hit the ring when Giant has Bischoff choked. LEX LUGER hits the ring. BUT WHOSE SIDE IS HE ON?!? He's wearing a Nitro shirt, and it appears he's on team WCW, but WE'RE OUTTA TIME. 

Well, I GUESS it was better than Souled Out, by virtue of being about half as long. I believe most of the mid card was working with NJPW that week, which is why this show was full of full on squashes with legit ass jobbers.