WCW Monday Nitro 12/1/97
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene brings Eric Bischoff to talk about his upcoming match with Larry Zbyszko. Bischoff didn't agree to wrestle anyone at Starrcade. He said right then and right there, and the match didn't happen on the spot last week, so it isn't going to happen at all. The only way he'd wrestle Larry is if Larry puts Nitro on the line, and Larry doesn't have the authority to put Nitro on the line.
Juventud Guerrera vs Rey Mysterio Jr.
Eddie Guerrero replaces Mike Tenay at the broadcast booth. Larry tries to fuck with Eddie by putting over his family, then saying they're easier to beat than Bischoff. Mind your business, Larry. Shit. Juvi's singlet being off kilter is really bothering me. Straighten that shit up, mayne. Speaking of straightening up, Rey's body straightens up when his head slips under the top rope and he nearly decapitates himself. That seems to happen to him reasonably often. Juvi works over the leg and keeps things pretty grounded, which makes this quite a bit different from their normal match on TV. Rey still wins with the West Coast Pop.
Wrath vs Hugh Morrus
The Flock jump the railing and wander around ringside, I think to switch seats. Larry spends this match putting him over so hard that he really claimed he was bigger and better than Hogan/Savage level guys. because he worked with Bruno. 20 years ago. I think Bruno got mentioned 5 times during this match. Wrath has the match won, but Mortis decided he needed to kick Hugh in the head with a chain on his foot. Of course, he misses and kicks Wrath. Hugh wins with the moonsault.
Hulk Hogan and Bischoff come to the ring. Check out that sweet camera shot with a Sting mask over the lens. Seems like everyone in the first 2-3 rows have Sting masks on. Something REAL BAD is going to happen tonight if people don't take those masks off. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL at Hulk bailing from the ring to rear back on an old lady. Stunt Granny strikes again! YES, Stunt Granny is taking swings! She's squaring up with Hulk Hogan! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. LOOOOOOOOOL at Doug Dillinger standing there laughing as she gets in his face. What an incredible segment. The greatest fan in the history of this great sport. Sting has Hogan so shook that he's trying to fight 70 year old women.
Yuji Nagata vs TAFKATAFKAPI
Fuck outta here. Thankfully, Yuji dumps this fuck on his head. That's all I could have asked for. Prince won with a cross body OUTTA NOWHERE. Can't believe how many times WCW tried to make this dude work.
Harlem Heat vs Faces of Fear
Stevie comes in and lays a beating on Barb. Just clubberin'. I'm still pretty pissy that Harlem Heat never got their rightful title shot. YES! Stunt Granny is giving Jimmy Hart the business. She took a swat at him, too. The last time I saw her, she was flipping Harlem Heat the bird. Want to say it was around this time last year. Meng puts both members of Harlem Heat in the death grip. Jackie chokes Jimmy to death. And it just kind of ends like that.
The Outsiders come to the ring. You'd think WCW guys would have learned after a year and a half that mouthing off to the nWo never works out for them. WCW are patsies walking under the Dallas police station and the nWo are Jack Ruby. That's...a weird metaphor.
Scott Hall vs Disco Inferno
Stunt Granny is a mark for Disco. Disco actually gives it to Hall, going to town with punches and kicks. Hall gets sick of it and hits one of the loudest chops I've ever heard. Outside of that short flurry of punches and kicks, Disco gets no offense and is squashed.
TO THE MEAN GENE. JJ Dillon is out to talk about the Bischoff/Larry shit. JJ has the authority to put Nitro on the line in a match, so BISCHOFF VS ZBYSZKO WILL HAPPEN AT STARRCADE! "Listen, you little toad, at Starrcade I'm gonna watch Larry Zbyszko take your keister and kick it up between your shoulders so you'll look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame!" Bischoff is speechless.
Psychosis vs Ultimo Dragon
Uh....why is Hypno wearing Juvi's mask? Hypno continues to do things that make me think he wasn't planning on walking by 50. Dragon sleeper ends the match in short order.
Chris Benoit vs Kidman
This was supposed to be a match with Raven, but Raven didn't feel like it, so Kidman gets to replace him. Wouldn't you know it, Benoit beats the living shit out of Kidman. Saturn nails Benoit out on the floor, which lets Kidman hit a SSP off the apron. Not like it really matters, though. Benoit still beats the shit out of Kidman. And Kidman gets quite a bit to show in this match, but it isn't enough. Benoit wins with the crossface. He also did a weird Curtain Call into a backbreaker thing that I've never seen him do before or after. The Flock hits the ring. Benoit fights them off, but Hammer distracts him and Raven hits the DDT.
Buff Bagwell vs Lex Luger
Totally Buffed EXPLODE! Lex's reaction to getting slapped was hilarious. It was like...HEY MAN, WHOA. Vintage Lex. Buff better watch his ass, Stunt Granny is gonna get a hold of his ass. Some smacked ass tea. Beat his ass with a wet noodle. Buff controls most of the match, and then the announcers start talking about Bruno again. A lot of posing. A lot of chinlocks. Would you believe that Virgil got involved and got the match thrown out? Both Buff and Virgil got put up in the rack.
The nWo takes out some promotional time to shit on DDP and show him getting his ass kicked repeatedly.
Curt Hennig vs DDP WCW US Championship
How many times are these guys going to have a match? Too many times already. Big shocker, the nWo hits the ring when DDP has the match won. Hogan hits two Kanyon Cutters on DDP, one with DDP wearing a Sting mask and on the title. Both looked terrible. The show ends with DDP dead in the ring, wearing a Sting mask, the nWo music playing, and the ring filling with trash.
A much better show this week, even with very little actually happening. The Knoxville crowd was hot for everything, and Stunt Granny is the greatest. Storyline wise, it was just a repeat of everything we've already seen. The Flock beating up Benoit. Hogan hitting DDP with Kanyon Cutters because Sting isn't around. Larry bragging about having a match with Bruno 20 years ago.