WCW Monday Nitro 7/8/96
Coming to you LIVE from Disney/MGM, we are on the heels of what will go down as the worst night in the history of this great sport. Last night, we found out that HULK HOGAN was the 3rd man. The New World Order has been christened and WCW will never be the same.
Rey Mysterio Jr vs Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Rey had a huge win last night over Psychosis. Is that Joe Biden in the front row? The actual front row is reserved for the elderly and handicapped, which is kind of cool. I like the set up. A lot of flipping, rolling, and spring boarding from Rey. A weird spot that I assume was supposed to be a roll up ended with Rey flying off too far. Titlawhirl back breaker from TMF. Dean has Rey grounded when we come back from break. Flapjack Norton. Wrestling outside in Florida in July sounds rough. Tiger driver gets a 2 count. Tony apologizes for some of his language last night. The fans really rally for Rey to get out of a crossface chicken wing. I don't think I've ever seen Dean so sweaty. Brainbustaaaa on the floor. Ground? If you're outside, is it still the floor? Larry won't stop saying that what Hogan did was unmanly. The most unmanly thing he's ever seen. Rey finally gets a flurry that sends Dean to the floor. He went for an Asai moonsault before Dean realized it and completely missed him. I bet that fucking hurt. Diving rana back in the ring. 2 count. Split legged moonsault. THAT MOTHER FUCKER GUT BUSTER. Dean pulls Rey up. Rey twists out of something with a rana. New champion! OUTTA NOWHERE!
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene is with the Steiners and Nasty Boys. They will face each other tonight, with the winners going on to face Harlem Heat at Hog Wild. "Hey shut up, FATSO!" HE'S FAT! God I hope Knobs gets spiked with the Frankensteiner like that Halloween Havoc match.
GLACIER HYPE VIDEO
Hugh Morrus/Big Bubber vs Blue Bloods
Hugh and Taylor start the match. Larry says some crazy sexist shit out of the blue. Tags are made. Boss Man Slam OUTTA NOWHERE. Quake comes out and brawls with Bubber. The Blue Bloods hit a double dangerous backdrop driver for the win.
Eddie Guerrero vs Psychosis
Somehow this is Psychosis' Nitro debut, despite debuting in WCW in January. Rey has a PIP promo about Hogan's betrayal. I bet Hypno is melting in all that gear. Hypno hits the first big spot: a corkscrew moonsault to the floor. Ground. Whatever. Eddie appears to injure his arm on the move and Hypno goes to work on it. We'll hear from Hogan...next week. Oh come on. Eddie almost wins in the same way Rey won his match. Super rana. Eddie somehow kicks out. Larry says some questionably racist shit. Eddie catches Hypno going up top with a superplex. Frog splash for the win.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene is with Hart, Sullivan, and Giant. Even they can't believe that Hogan could do what he did. Sullivan worked for a year and a half to destroy Hulkamania, but Hulk did it himself. Giant says there is nothing to worry about as long as he's champion.
Nasty Boys vs Steiner Brothers
Fucking Nasty Boys. Fat pieces of shit. I can't believe Knobs hasn't had a heart attack yet. I also can't believe more people didn't beat the shit out of the Nastys for being unsafe pieces of shit.
HOUR TWO BALLYHOO
A lot less impressive than in an arena. I think there was supposed to be fireworks shot off, but none went up. Sherri and Col. Parker come out. They're back together. Parker accidentally hits Sags with his cane instead of Scott. Steiners win. Knobs didn't get dumped on his head even once. What a waste.
Eric says the reason why he wasn't at the show last night was no big deal and they'll get into it later.
TO THE NASTY GENE. I think Sags is retiring. Maybe that's wishful thinking. Instead, god is sending them a message to change. Fireworks are going off this whole time and no one is looking at the ring. Knobs says what Hulk did shocked even them, but he can't fault Hulk for it. The nWo does what it wants, when it wants, just like the Nasty Boys used to do.
Jim Powers vs Ric Flair WCW US Championship
God damn, fire works are still going off. It's been like 2 commercial breaks. Eric says he was stuck with a lot of last minute business last night. Powers has to be the most jacked jobber of all time. We're going to get an update on Lex Luger's condition after last night. They have the standard 80s Saturday Night Ric Flair match. Figure four for the win. Title retained. The Horsemen come out to celebrate with him.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Woman gives Gene another old boner. Where is Benoit? What Hulk did made Arn want to puke. The Horsemen never tried or claimed to be role models. Hulk was and for him to do what he did is unforgivable.
Eric and Brain talk about WCW still has the greatest group of wrestlers in the world and they have the guns to fight back.
Chris Benoit vs Sgt. Craig Pittman
This was supposed to be Lex vs Benoit, but Lex obviously couldn't make it. Pittman starts out with a huge belly to belly and dangerous German suplex. Benoit started to go after Teddy. The debut of the Crippler Crossface happens. Pittman won't give up. Teddy forces the ref to call it off. Pittman didn't seem happy with it.
Sting vs Arn Anderson
We're hearing word that we might have some guests tonight. Arn offers a handshake, based on respect for what Sting did last night. Sting is not interested. Sting is very serious tonight. Arn gets frustrated and tries a piledriver on the floor. It obviously doesn't work out for him. TMF catches Sting in the air with a spinebuster. Nick Patrick is drenched. A black limo has pulled up in the back.
TO THE BACK. We see the limo. Oh fuck. Hall and Nash are out. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?
The Outsiders have arrived. Nash has his fanny pack on. Security intercepts them. The match stops. Macho has come out. Wait, Arn tries to win. Sting puts him in the death lock for the win. I thought the match was over, but I guess not. Macho tries to break through security.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene gets words with Sting. Sting isn't surprised with the Outsiders, but he was surprised with Hulk Hogan. He shouldn't have been, though. Hulk never traveled with the other wrestlers. He was too busy doing movies and making cameos on Nitro, thinking he was above everyone. "No. You stick it, Hulk. YOU STICK IT!" Take the worst thing you can think about, multiply it by 9 million, then multiply it by infinity and beyond, and that is a grain of sand in the Sahara of what Macho is going to do to Hulk.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene was with The Outsiders after the break. Nash is surprised that WCW is still holding on. I think Nash is drunk. He's stumbling over everything. They did what they said they'd do. "You should be beggin' us to come in the door." Hall seems to offer Gene a job in the nWo. He also implies that Macho is jealous of "Hollywood Hulk" and that Lex fainted last night.
To end the show, we're shown the stills of Hulk's ultimate betrayal. "They swerved everybody."
Kind of a let down of a show to follow up the biggest angle in WCW history. Hulk not being on the show was a bizarre choice. Especially since they were still in Florida. Hall and Nash show up, but don't do anything. I guess it was more strange than a let down. But Hulk will be there next week. I would think they'd want to make sure he was the night after the turn but whatever. Rey/Dean and Hypno/Eddie were fun. Sting was very fired up in his promo towards Hulk.