WCW Monday Nitro 7/1/96
Steiner Brothers vs Harlem Heat WCW Tag Team Championships
Book and Scott start. Larry believes that the 3rd man being a secret means the Outsiders aren't sure themselves who they have. Spinning belly to belly. The whole Horsemen entourage are at the VIP table this week. Last week was in Charlotte and Flair didn't make an in arena appearance. What the fuck. Who had that great idea? Stevie gets thrown all around. Col. Parker comes to ringside. Book gets caught WAY high for Rick's powerslam. Almost dangerous. He responds by knocking the shit out of Rick with a Harlem side back leg reverse round front back swizzle hizzle dizzle kick. Superfly Splash from Book. That's the first time I've seen him connect with that. Rick slams Stevie into the ropes because he was being a reckless asshole, which he seems to often be against Stevie. Frankensteiner! Scott wasn't the legal man. Rick hits the Steiner Bulldog. Nick won't make the cover and pretends to be distracted. They got for the super bulldog. Col. Parker trips Rick and hits him with a cane. Harlem Heat wins. Title retained. .
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Gene joins the VIP table. The Horsemen are in an 8 man tag tonight. He talks to all the dames. Woman offers Gene a driving job. All four men got their sound bytes in as well.
GLACIER HYPE VIDEO
Disco Inferno vs Kurasawa
Forgot Kurasawa even existed. He hasn't been on Nitro in months. And why is the number one contender to the Cruiserweight Championship who gets his title shot in 6 days in a match with a clear heavyweight? Disco shows off his own karate moves. Kurasawa chops his nipples off. As Disco is about to lose, his music hits and an Elvis impersonator comes out. The disco ball drops. Disco hits Kurasawa in the kidneys with it to get the win.
DDP vs Scotty Riggs
Duggan had a PIP promo. DDP is super worried about his ring. Why doesn't he just have his mysterious benefactor buy him a new one? Right now, DDP is a terrible 80s wrestler, whereas Disco is a really fun 80s wrestler. He did a pretty sweet pump handle back breaker, but then marked for it like he was Johnny B. Badd. Kanyon Cutter for the win. BANG!
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene seems to know where the ring is. (Duggan). DDP says everyone is just jealous of him. There isn't a whole lot to be jealous of at this point. Shitty hair. Shitty gear. Shitty matches.
Greg Valentine vs Randy Savage
Valentine has the dopest of dope of WCW production tracks: Hollywood Blonds/Marty Jannetty/Blitzkrieg's theme. Valentine is a weird dude to bring back. He was weird to bring in back in 1992/1993. Now he's in a world with the cruiserweights and NWO and feels very out of place. Macho hits the elbow and gets the pin and 2 seconds later....
HOUR TWO BALLYHOO
Eric Bischoff makes his return. Homey couldn't even wear a neck brace? Come on. He thanks all of those who sent in well wishes. He calls Nash out in particular, because no one is afraid of him, and he didn't impress or scare anyone. As Eric is talking, The Outsiders make their way to the front row. With popcorn and sodas. They've got tickets!
John Tenta vs The Giant WCW Championship
Didn't this just happen a couple of weeks ago? Security has called for reinforcements to be at ringside. As much as I like the atmosphere all of this is causing, Nash was right. 2 dudes from the WWF come down and the entire roster is completely shook and afraid. This match is very, very boring. Sullivan runs out. Big Bubber is also out there. Giant hits the chokeslam for the win. Title retained. Bubber shaves half of Quake's beard after the match.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Gene talks with the DoD. You see, there is a SILVER DOLLARS ON A POLE MATCH at BATB. "Never address a horse!" Wtf does that mean, Giant? Sullivan gets extremely distracted during his promo and just walks off.
A very special look at Rey Mysterio Jr. STOP THE VIDEO. Hall and Nash have microphones. "Looks like we're taking over a little early!" They head to the announce booth. Nash totally says "Get the fuck off" when police grab them. Sting, Lex, Macho, and the Steiners also come out. Looks like some other wrestlers from both sides are also out. Pretty loud DIESEL chants, which Bischoff tries to cover as WEASEL chants. Nash starts chanting ATTICA as they leave. The show has completely come to a standstill, with most of the guys on the show out with 15-20 cops.
TO THE MEAN GENE. God damn it, another DOOGUN promo, who says he just got back from taking a piss and found DDP's ring. DDP interrupts. Duggan throws the ring at DDP. When DDP bends down to pick it up, Duggan tapes his fist and punches DDP. Duggan might be the worst face ever. Holy shit. What a sack of shit.
Rock N Roll Express/Renegade/Joe Gomez vs Four Horsemen
This is the first 8 man tag with the Horsemen in quite a while. Maybe since the late 80s. So dumb to not have Flair in the arena last week. There is all of one decent looking body in this match. 8 wrestlers. 5 are good. 3 are terrible, rookies, or terrible rookies. "Benoit is nuts!' Well, that is accurate. Bischoff calls the spinebuster a "side walk slam". Maybe you can blame residual injury from the powerbomb, but I'm going to blame it on Bischoff being a shitbird who doesn't know dick. Bischoff says the BATB is going to make the Normandy Invasion look small. The fuck? Then he apologizes twice. Flair makes Renegade submit to the figure four.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. A promo with the whole group again.
As Bischoff and Brain wrap the show up...
TO THEBACK. Police are still escorting Hall and Nash out. They drive off in their convertible to end the show, but not before many donut jokes and police threatening to beat them up.
Match wise is whatever. The show was about Hall and Nash causing chaos. Just being there makes almost everyone on the show come out, along with 20-30 cops. All for 2 dudes from the WWF. It definitely makes WCW look small time, but it is fun to watch so whatever.
Announced card for BATB:
- Rey Mysterio Jr vs Psychosis
- John Tenta vs Big Bubber Carson City Silver Dollar Match (on a pole)
- DDP vs Jim Duggan Taped Fist Match
- Nasty Boys vs Public Enemy Double Dog Collar Match
- Dean Malenko vs Disco Inferno WCW Cruiserweight Championship
- Steve McMichael vs Joe Gomez
- Ric Flair vs Konnan WCW US Championship
- The Giant/Taskmaster vs Arn Anderson/Chris Benoit
- The Outsiders vs Sting/Lex Luger/Randy Savage