WCW Monday Nitro 3/18/96

The go home show to Uncensored.

Giant and Loch Ness are fighting in the aisle as the show comes on the air.  It's supposed to be Ness vs Luger.  Lex's music hits and he stroll outs, still doing his poses, not even caring that "Godzilla vs The Smog Monster" is going on out there.  Well, I do give Mongo props for name dropping the Smog Monster and not King Kong.  

Lex Luger vs Loch Ness WCW Television Championship

Nessie is counted out.  Title retained.  He looks like he's about to have a heart attack from leaning on the guard rail and getting hit by Giant.  Lex celebrates like he just won the world title, which was actually pretty lol.  Lex joins the announce team to talk about being on on a roll.  He's PEAKING!  This is the most entertaining Lex has ever been.  

TO THE SCHIAVONE.  The Mega Powers are the guests.  A very mixed reaction.  That better be all for Hogan.  On Saturday Night, it was announced Macho would be Hulk's partner in the Doomsday Cage.  I guess there is a Texas tornado main event tonight.  I wish Macho would have turned on Hulk again around this time.  He would have been even more justified than the first time.  I love it when Hulk rambles too much and then gets his cue that time is up and he tries to fit everything else into 5 seconds.

Public Enemy vs Steiner Brothers

Scott and Rocco begin.  I have a feeling PE are going to get fucked up in this.  Bischoff says that no video footage, no replays, and no pictures of Uncensored will be shown on television.  I bet that's not true.  PE get the advantage on the floor.  Rocco hits a second rope moonsault that lands about as well as the No Laughing Matter.  Instead of from a leap frog, Rick gets his powerslam from a top rope cross body.  Super t-bone from Scott.  PE are giving the Steiners a lot of trouble.  Eric says he thought for sure the Steiners would walk right through them.  That's not really a good way to put a team over, Eric.  We have a new wrestler coming to WCW.  He was an Olympian from the 1992 Winter Games.  God I hope that is Glacier.  That would be amazing.  WINTER GAMES.  GET IT?  Rocco misses a Drive By and goes through a table.  Steiner Bulldog on Grunge for the win.


Arn Anderson vs The Booty Man

I'm still all confused about the idea that Beefcake was a mole the whole time for Hogan.  This music is SO 90s.  Some matches are announced for Uncensored.  Booker will be filling in for Lex.  Booty replaces Johnny B. Badd entirely in the feud with DDP, as he will be wrestling for Kim and if DDP loses, he's out of WCW.  Booty Man is straight up Beefcake.  Same gear, same struts and taunts, same matches.  He even cuts when he struts.  God, if Arn loses this after Hulk made him look like garbage for the last month...so help me.  This piece of shit is so shitty that even Arn can't get anything good out of him.  Someone please tell me how Booty was a mole in the DoD before the DoD was even formed.  Kim comes out.  Woman takes her shoe off and gets in Kim's face.  Booty Man wins with the HIGH KNEE.  HINEY.  ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS.  Oh bullshit.  

Road Warriors vs Nasty Boys

LOL at the really bad JHV of Iron Man.  Yo, WCW already had an Iron Man knock off for LOD back in the 80s.  Why aren't they using it now?  Both Nastys are all taped up from their attack last week.  Knobs has his ribs taped up over his shirt, because he's a fat piece of shit.  Hawk chops Sags in the mouth right before going to break.  Nastys are in control after the break.  Momentarily.  Plastic chairs are used.  Guard rails.    Ring posts.  Ace bandages.  USE THE SPIKES.  STAB THAT FAT PIECE OF SHIT IN THE EYE.  A lot of work on Knobs' fat, soft, injured gut.  The Steiners run out.  Sags attacks Scott.  Rick jumps in the ring and brawls with Hawk.  Animal again uses his wrist guard as a weapon to get a win.  


Ric Flair/Taskmaster vs Mega Powers Texas Tornado Match

Faces immediately dominate.  This sucks.  Why would anyone give a shit about the Doomsday Cage when Hulk has dominated everyone involved on his own?  With Macho helping, there is no way for them to lose.  Flair has Macho in a figure four.  Hogan has Sullivan in one.  This is just...fuck.  Mindless punching and choking.  Hulk gets hit in the eye with the shoe again.  This time, instead of hurting his eye, he Hulks up from it.  YO WTF it's BRIAN PILLMAN!  He's attacking Macho.  The match is thrown out.  No one is really sure what to do with Pillman.  OH MY GOODNESS, it's ZEUS!  And some other fat muscle guy!  The faces bail.  LOL Hulk takes out through the crowd.  Zeus got Hulk legit shook.  According to Eric, one word comes to mind for Uncensored....and that word is uncensored.  


TO THE SCHIAVONE.  Hulk brought this upon himself by bringing Macho into the Doomsday Cage.  "No baby, you're more like Dumber and Dumber!"  TMF claims they are going to make Hulk and Macho SLOW BLEED at Uncensored.  He also lets us know that Benoit is back.  Well I'm sure he's been out with a severe concussion from that match with Macho.      


The announced card for Uncensored (going strictly from Nitro):

  • Mega Powers vs Alliance to End Hulkamania Doomsday Cage Match
  • Sting/Booker T vs Road Warriors Chicago Street Fight
  • The Giant vs Loch Ness
  • The Booty Man vs DDP, DDP leaves WCW if he loses
  • Col. Parker vs Madusa
  • Konnan vs Eddie Guerrero WCW US Championship