WCW Monday Nitro 12/16/96

Eric, Ted, and Virgil interrupt the opening to come to the announce booth.  Larry says it would take all of the nWo to make him leave... but then he leaves.  Because he "doesn't need this".  I think the real reason is that, despite how much he talks about masculinity and being a REAL MAN, he's a giant coward.

Psychosis vs Steven Regal WCW Television Championship

Bischoff claims that the nWo is going to start a "Dinosty".  Also, Sting will be here tonight.  Then he says NJPW will become the minor leagues for the nWo.  Crowd is really supported of Hypno.  Or maybe they really hate Regal.  A smattering of USA chants start up.  Arm work from both guys.  Regal must be on speed or something.  Dude is DRENCHED in sweat after the break.  A koppo kick sends Regal to the floor.  Big tope.  He then ends up superbombing himself trying a super rana.  Didn't seem to bother him too much, as he hits the guillotine leg drop moments later.  Regal then crushes him with a German suplex.  This is kind of weird.  Hypno seems injured and Regal seems so sweaty and exhausted.  Hypno fights out of a butterfly superplex and hits a Superfly Splash for 2.  Super kick!  OUTTA NOWHERE.  Regal drops out of a victory roll and applies the Regal Stretch for the hard earned win.  Title retained.

Big Bubber vs Chavo Guerrero Jr

I wonder when Chavo is going to get his own music.  He and Hector use Eddie's music.  When is Chavo Classic coming in to face Benoit?  What about Mondo?  Chavo with the FLYING ASSHOLE!  Chavo goes down to the Bubber Slam.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Sonny Ono and Masahiro Chono are the guests.  Ted and Eric blow it that Chono is a a member of the nWo, but Sonny doesn't know it.  As Sonny is talking about NJPW, Chono unzips his coat to reveal an nWo shirt.  Chono then tries to rip Sonny's NJ shirt and throws him to the ground.

Masahiro Chono vs Chris Jericho

The nWo has gone international!  I hope Chono kicks Jericho's face off.  Jericho's tights look half finished.  The tights and design are the same color.  Yakuza kick!  God, Eric and Ted are terrible.  Ball buster!  Jeeeeezus Christ. Bischoff does an impression of Chono calling him in the most offensive Japanese voice.  Bischoff buries Inoki and McMahon.  And Survivor Series.  Jericho hits a...flying back slap?  I think he was trying a top rope back elbow and nothing happened.  Chono absorbs a lariato.  Some weak ass Canadian thinks he can throw lariatos against a dude from the land of the lariatooooo?  Jericho gets died up in the ropes.  Chono beats on him and it seems both men are counted out.  Or Chono was disqualified. DQ.  

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  The Three Horsemen.  No Benoit, again.  Arn says that the kiss of a beautiful woman has ruined many a man.  He also says he's going to mend Sullivan's broke heart with a broken body.  Debra talks about herself and calls Benoit a little boy repeatedly.  Flair's voice randomly just dies.

Dave Sammartino vs That Motherfucker Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Champion

Wtf, Bruno's son?  He's lost a lot of mass since his brief WWF run and is about definition over mass now.  His wrestling skills stayed the same, though.  Which is to say, not good.  Dean gets the win with a weird and questionable roll up that I don't think was supposed to end the match, but it did.  Dean takes his title and immediately storms to the back.  


Bischoff wants to watch the rest of the show and brings Tony, Brain, and Tenay back to handle the show.  

Jerry Flynn vs Ice Train

Oh my god.  Flynn looks AWFUL.  Worse than ever.  His mullet is fluffy and he's so out of shape.  Holy shit.  He gets drilled with a lariatoooo and bails.  He should bail on life looking like that.  SMOOV dances so much for no reason.  Like his standing style in a Smackdown game is capoeira.  The nWo is going to have their own PPV in January.  SMOOV wins with a terrible ankle lock.  

Syxx brings out The Outsiders.  Man, I hope someone knocks the dog shit out of Syxx soon.  2SWEET.  They decide they'll take on the Faces of Fear tonight instead of waiting for Starrcade.  Hall does a Tommy Rich impression.  

Sting video.

Bobby Eaton vs Rey Mysterio Jr

Bobby just punches that little dude in the mouth.  This is ugly.  Eek.  The styles clash is too much.  Rey wins with a double jump super rana.

TO THE VIDEO TAPE.  Woman and Benoit sent in a tape of them drinking wine and talking about their world travels.  "What's it like coming home to an empty house at night, Kevin?"  

Kevin Sullivan vs Arn Anderson

In theory, this angle has been going on since last December.  They immediately brawl on the floor, with Sullivan biting his way out of a DDT and then Sabuing a chair at Arn.  Into the crowd we go.  In the ring, a ref bump.  Double stomp.  Tree of Keanu is blocked with a punch to the dick.  Hugh Morrus runs in and right into a DDT.  Konnan comes in and is knocked on his ass.  Jimmy Hart gets dumped into the ring.  Sullivan uses a wooden chair.  The ref counts the pin.  Somehow he's been dead this whole time until the pin.  Sullivan wins.  Mongo calmly comes out a little too fucking late.

Rick Steiner vs Sting

Wait a minute.  There are two Stings.  One has a bat.  The real Sting reveals a bat OUTTA NOWHERE.  Sting gives the Steiners both bats and then lays out nWo Sting.  Rick gives a bat back to the real Sting.  Then he goes back into the crowd.

Hogan, Giant, Liz, Virgil, and Ted come to the ring.  It's so weird that there are clearly defined groups within the nWo already.  Everyone knows Piper is here, so Hulk calls him out.  He then just rambles about shit for what feels like 9 hours.

The Outsiders vs Faces of Fear

I'm not sure if this is a title match since the Outsiders didn't come out with them.  I was kind of spaced out after the Hogan promo.  Tony lets me know it is indeed non-title.  Thanks, Tony!  Hall hits a big lariatooooo on Meng.  Nash hits a big boot on Barb.  Big Bubber hits the ring.  He attacks Meng!  MY GOD.  BIG BUBBER HAS JOINED THE NWO!  Sullivan and Konnan run down and get taken out.  In comes Hugh.  HERE COMES THE GIANT.  And the rest of the nWo.  THINGS ARE OUT OF CONTROL.  The rest of the roster.  MY GOD.  THE BATTLE LINES HAVE BEEN DRAWN!  Norton attacks SMOOV.  and then members of WCW.  MY GOD.  MY GOD.  Sting comes out.  Arn attacks him.  He drops Arn.  Mongo attacks him.  Sting drops him.  Rey jumps on his back.  He throws Rey off and leaves the ring.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME.

WCW will never fucking learn.  Sting SHOULD have joined the nWo.  Fucking idiots.  Every time he comes to bail them out, someone has to shit talk him or attack him.  The Steiners knew what was up.  It was pretty clear Sting wasn't in the nWo from the segment before the big brawl.  Yet he hits the ring and WCW guys attack him.  Fucking pricks.


Members of the nWo so far:

  • Hollywood Hogan
  • Scott Hall
  • Kevin Nash
  • Ted Dibiase
  • Vincent
  • Syxx
  • The Giant
  • Liz
  • Nasty Nick
  • Some Bengals players
  • IRS
  • Big Boss Man
  • Masahiro Chono
  • Scott Norton
  • Eric Bischoff
  • Buff Bagwell
  • Fake Sting
  • AC Green
  • Kyle Petty


Stro12/16/961 Comment