WCW Monday Nitro 12/9/96

My goodness.  It's RODNEY THE PIPER!  He's here!  He's in the ring!  WHAT A MOMENT!  Of course, this is home to him.  Because EVERY fucking city is home to him.  He jumps around on one leg to prove his hip is fine.  Oh, it sounds like he's gonna SHOOT!  Larry takes his head set off to cough, but coughs right into Tony's head set.  He talks about his 6 kids and a HOGAN SUCKS chant starts up.  Piper's own kid said that he only has one leg and Hulk is younger.  Now we're talking about Mr. T and "they" wanted him to take a dive.  It is his most shameful moment in wrestling.  It wasn't Vince who told him to take the dive, though.  Someone you would never expect.  Homophobic insults towards the nWo and a particular nWo fan in the crowd.  He then challenges Hulk to have the match tonight.  Then he walks to the back.  Piper's greatest hits: SHOOTing, cheap hometown pop, Mr. T, icon.

Mike Enos vs M. Wallstreet

JHV version of Love in an Elevator seems really out of place for a guy with a Wallstreet/businessman gimmick.  Ted DiBiase walks to ringside.  He has contracts with him.  Enos gets distracted and hit with the Samoan drop.  IRS wins.  Ted gives the contract to IRS.  MONEY INC. HAS REUNITED!  WHAT A MOMENT!  

TO SATURDAY NIGHT.  Woman sent in a home video with Chris Benoit to Sullivan.  She's in hiding with him and lied where she would be.  She talks about feminism and 1996 and stuff.  Benoit says, "My bishop takes your queen.  Checkmate."  That's harsh.  Sullivan was legit shook.  

Hugh Morrus vs The Renegade

A lot of guys are on tour in Germany tonight, including Benoit.  Fucking RICK.  Hugh.  This fat laughing fuck is the guy most trusted to train the future of WWE.  What in the fuck.  He wins with the moonsault.  What's so funny, you fat fuck?

Kevin Sullivan comes out and confronts Tony.  He's pissed that Tony aired that video.  He knows it is all about DA RATINGS.  That tape wasn't sent to WCW, it was sent to Sullivan.  He's hot that the tape got shown without asking him.  He seems to think that Tony is the producer and chooses what airs and when.  He has a personal life and showing that video had an impact on people outside of wrestling.

A Sting video airs.  It's very 90s.  

TO THE MEAN GENE.  My god, it's KEVIN GREENE!  WHAT A MOMENT!  He says a bunch of stupid shit, including renaming Hulk, "Chokin' Hogan" because Hulk will be choking on his fist.

Jimmy Grafitti vs Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Championship

What a stupid gimmick JDR has.  It's not like he spray paints things or gets ANY character time anyway.  He's just a dude who wears air brushed shirts and jean shorts and sometimes has paint on his hands.  Sonny Onoo again makes his way out with his camera.  Someone has a live wire buzzing.  God damn it.  Fix that shit.  IWA MS level shit.  TMF wins with a small package out of a suplex.  Title retained.  Nothing to mention, much like the whole of the show so far.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Sonny Onoo says some shit, smiles a lot, and flashes Gene.  Sonny gets caught dropping his accent.  LOL he drops it completely and says he puts it on because with it he gets free shit from the government.  

Recap of the triangle match from WW3.  

Nasty Boys vs Faces of Fear

God damn this show.  I'm pretty positive I"m going to get Konnan and Duggan in matches later on.  Hopefully Knobs gets FUCKED up.  He's paired up with Barb to start, and Barb normally fucks dudes up more than Meng, so I approve.  Shortly into the match, the Outsiders come out to watch from the stage.  I'm sad to say that Knobs didn't get his ass beat.  But Sags did.  Jimmy came off the top with the mega phone and accidentally hit Barb.  God, can you imagine Barb vs Jimmy Hart?  Knobs COMPLETELY recklessly throws Jimmy over the top rope.  Barb used the mega phone and got the win.   

TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  Ric Flair, in his home town.  WHAT A MOMENT!  Ric then brings Piper back out.  WHAT A MOMENT!  God, Piper's "aw shucks" bullshit is really getting on my nerves.  Ric gives a history lesson, including why they call Piper, "Hot Rod".  Because of his dick.  They just blow each other for a while and then Piper says this is his last shot and he's not going to lose it.


Fuck, and hour two starts with a recap of hour one.  Including the Piper promo at the start.  I JUST HEARD THIS SHITHEEL RAMBLE.  

Bobby Eaton vs Chris Jericho

GOD DAMN THAT ENTRANCE MUSIC IS SO BAD.  The lamest shit.  It would fit in well with the Jericho of 2014, though.  Apple juice in a whiskey bottle drinking son of a bitch.  Yo, Bobby starts off hot with a hard lariato and top rope knee drop.  Jericho had a quite lame PIP promo on Nick Patrick during this.  Lionsault gets a 2 count.  Bobby misses the Alabama Jam.  Jericho gets the win with a missile dropkick.  

TO THE MEAN GENE.  The Steiners are the guests.  The topic is Sting.  They're waiting for a message from him.

Lex Luger putting big dudes in the torture rack video.  

Sgt. Craig Pittman vs Arn Anderson

Pittman appears to have turned heel again.  He's back to wearing black, looks very angry and surly, and grew a mustache.  And he's facing Arn in Charlotte, so he's definitely the heel in this by default.  Sullivan had a PIP promo and blames this whole thing with Benoit on Arn.  He brings up Arn's wife and kid, and I believe he has challenged Arn to a match next week.  Arn has adopted some of Flair's spots while Flair is hurt.  Mongo interferes in a way that there was zero change the ref didn't see.  Arn wins with the DDT.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Arn, Mongo, and Debra are the guests.  They wonder where Woman is.  She's with Benoit in Germany.  Obviously.  Why wouldn't she be?  She's his manager and is doing Horsemen work with him abroad.  Debra really hates Nancy.

DDP vs Jeff Jarrett

Think of all those main events in 2000.  And that one in TNA in 2005.  This is their first match.  These guys are going to out cunt each other.  It settles down after we find out they're both cunts and Jeff appears to be the better wrestler.  This started out fun but has really slowed down.  Discuss this lariatooooooooooooo.  Then a flying one.  I didn't even realize this is a US Championship tournament match.  There have been no brackets or anything.  DDP is dumped to the floor.  The Outsiders run out.  Nash distracts the ref.  Hall hits the Outsider's Edge, retaliation for Royal Rumble 1995, no doubt.  DDP rolls in and gets the pin.

TO THE MEAN SCUM GENE.  Gene wonders how this keeps happening and how DDP can claim he isn't with the nWo.  DDP doesn't need the nWo because he has the hottest finish on the planet.  Lol, this dude is a fucking mark for himself.  He's bringing up PWI awards and talking about how hot his finish is.  SELF HIGH FIVE.  What a wiener. 

Rick Steiner is supposed to come out, but Roddy Piper comes out instead.  Please don't tell me this show has THREE Piper promos.  He brings a chair to the ring and won't leave until Hulk comes out.  Bischoff comes out instead.  By the time Eric gets to the ring, he his jacket and hair are soaked because people were throwing so much shit at him the camera cut away from it.  Bischoff shit talks and calls Piper a gimp.  Piper punches him in the back of the head.  Then he steps on his neck and kicks him.  The nWo comes out.  Piper holds them off with a chair.  Kevin Greene hits the ring for back up.  Fans are eating this shit up, though.  I don't get it.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME!  Luckily, we also get after the show exclusive footage which showed Arn, Mongo, Greene, and Piper fighting off the nWo.  That's right, Kevin Greene and Mongo fighting together.  Even though Greene cut a promo on Mongo earlier in the show and has an apparent blood feud with him.  But then Greene leave the ring when he realizes he's fighting with Mongo, so I guess there is some continuity.  

Not the best of shows.  All the talent exchange that brought in so many dope dudes also hurt WCW at times when their own dope dudes would be working somewhere else.  It was really hard on this show, at a time when Sting isn't wrestling (and wasn't even on the show), Macho is taking time off, the nWo only wrestle on PPV, Flair is injured, and Scott Steiner is injured.  So what you had was a show without any of them, and it was missing Eddie/Benoit/Rey, Harlem Heat, Lex, and all luchadors.  I was happy to not get a Konnan or Duggan match, but in return I got THREE Piper promos.  Get that shit out of here.  Already sick of him.  All of his promos are the same.  He comes out doing his aw, shucks, for me? routine.  Then he does a cheap local reference.  Then he talks about how he's going to give it to you straight.  Mentions Mr. T or Wrestlemania or WWF glory days in general.  Sick of that shit.  That match is going to be so bad.