WCW Monday Nitro 11/25/96
The nWo not only has the world title, but they also won World War 3, and have the executive producer of WCW. Piper vs Hogan has been signed for Starrcade. A tournament to determine a new US Champion will begin tonight.
Arn Anderson vs Lex Luger
This is a tournament match. This is Arn's first real match in a month. His ribs are still taped up from their last match a month ago. Lex is over as fuck here. Far more over than he ever was in the WWF. Instead of going for the injured ribs, Lex seems to put his focus on Arn's left arm. Arn is a leftie. Tony again gets up in Larry's shit for not backing him up. Larry is a bitch. A bitch ass ho. FUCK YOU LARRY. Old whiny cunt. Your Hawaiian shirts are dog shit. Lex has been doing some good work in the last few months. Ring wise, his best work was before 1992, but character wise his best run was the first Nitro through mid 1997 or so. Giant comes out in the crowd to warble garble and claims he is the US champion. This is quite a long match. Lex puts Arn in the torture rack on the floor. Both men are counted out. Lex wouldn't let go and didn't seem to give a shit. Pretty good match, especially for Lex. Both men are eliminated from the tournament.
Eric Bischoff leads the nWo to the ring. Minus Hogan and Ted. Lol, Bischoff's mic doesn't work. The most powerful dude in the company and his mic doesn't work. Bischoff explains why he did what he did. After the jackknife through the stage, he decided it would be way better to join and have all DA POWER. He gives the roster a 30 day window to convert their WCW contracts to nWo contracts. The American Males come out. Buff joins the nWo! Riggs doesn't and Buff lays him out. That was pretty anti-climactic.
DDP vs Disco Inferno
Disco hasn't been on Nitro for a long time. Happy to see him back. DDP attacks while he's dancing. DICK. Diamond Dallas SCUM. DDP wrecks Disco until Disco can takes it no more. Then he danced. DDP is knocking the shit out of Disco in this. Float over Kanyon Cutter OUTTA NOWHERE! BANG! DDP wins.
TO THE MEAN GENE. DDP explains why the nWo wants him so bad: They're trying to build a dynasty and what better way than to get the guy with the B A DOUBLE D baddest finish on the planet. Gene tries to stir the shit. DDP is friends with Hall, Nash, and Bischoff. Those are #FACTS. "I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then."
Tony Pena vs Steven Regal WCW Television Championship
Holy shit Tony Pena's music is FUCKING DOPE. So god damn funky. It's wonderful. Regal is the only heavyweight champion left in WCW. The US is vacant, cruiser is cruiser, and world/tag team belts are with the nWo. Wait a minute. I think this is a Villano without a mask. Is this Villano IV? Yo, Regal is MEAN. This is "work snug as shit night" apparently. Regal Stretch for the win. Title retained.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Rick Steiner is the guest. Rick has been in Japan lately. He makes it clear that the Steiners are 110% WCW.
THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER. The Outsiders have their own shirts now. You can get one for $20 or two for $40.
Konnan vs Eddie Guerrero
Tournament match. Eddie starts off in a hurry, knocking Konnan to the floor and hitting a huge dive.
HOUR TWO BALLYHOO
Bischoff no longer being an announcer is a great development. I think Konnan is wearing bowling shows. Is that a cholo thing? Mother fucker, you're Cuban. You weren't growing up in the barrio in East LA you piece of shit. I don't know if I've mentioned it lately but FUCK KONNAN. Eddie does the 10 punches in the corner spot and fucking DRILLS Konnan in the base of the neck on every shot. It was wonderful. Konann loses after pulling off of Eddie and trying a powerbomb, which Eddie sort of countered.
Big Bubber vs Rick Steiner
Rick has some harsh words for Sting during his entrance. Sting walks down from the audience during the match. With Bubber on the floor, Sting enters the ring and drops Rick with the Scorpion Death Drop. Bubber gets the pin. You'd think that after Jeff got laid out twice for shit talking Sting that people would keep his name out of their mouths.
Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Jr
Ultimo comes out to watch the match. Flapjack Norton from Hypno. He then tries the reverse powerbomb hot shot that Ultimo did to Rey the night before and over shoots, so Rey falls to the floor. Guillotine leg drop mofos. God damn, Hypno did a STIFF punch to the kidney/low rib area. Rey wins after countering an avalanche splash mountain with a rana. Really short. I think Rey got hurt on the powerbomb hot shot thing.
TO THE MEAN GENE. Benoit and Woman are the guests. Sullivan only made his problem worse. This is actually a pretty good Benoit promo. Woman seems to officially end her relationship with Sullivan.
The whole Piper/Hogan contract signing is played. THE WHOLE THING. What a waste of TV time.
Alex Wright vs Jeff Jarrett
Jeff's arms are so fucking oily. WTF man. Alex hasn't been on Nitro in a long time, much like Disco. He tries a weird kick in the corner, misses, and submits to the figure four.
Faces of Fear vs Harlem Heat
After how stiff every match has been tonight, I fear that one of Harlem Heat is going to be injured by a Barb kick. Stevie throws a boot the shakes Meng up. I don't think I've ever seen Meng rocked. Back drop powerbomb to BOOKER T. Booker is a big fucking dude to be doing that to. The match gets out of control and then the nWo attacks both teams. WE'RE OUTTA TIME!
This was kind of a weird show. WAY too much time was devoted to recapping shit from WW3, including playing the entire contract signing. Everyone seemed to be working very aggressively and snug. Buff's entrance into the nWo was so goofy. Bischoff makes the ultimatum and he comes right out and is in. That's it. But now the flood gates have been opened. If you thought it jumped the shark by having Virgil join the group, just wait. Now, everyone in WCW is eligible, no matter how insignificant.