WCW Monday Nitro 9/2/96

Nitro has been on the air for a year!  The Horsemen vs The Dungeon of Doom in an 8 man tag tonight.  Sting/Lex vs the Steiners.  Last week, the nWo spray painted Turner trucks and wrestlers.  Ted DiBiase came to ringside, counted to 4, and said that 5 would be next week.  Which is this week.  Was he talking about the nWo, or something else?  

DDP vs Alex Wright

DDP is slowly, painfully, dropping his shitty 80s wrestler trappings.  A lot of them are still there, but a little less each week.  His moves are getting more over each week, too.  But he's still kind of a piece of shit.  Of WHITE TRAAAAAAAAAAAAASH, if you wheel.  His ways of getting into the Kanyon Cutter are getting a bit more intricate.  It works for him this week. BANG!

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Gene again gives Nick Patrick more shit.  QUIT STIRRING THE SHIT, GENE.  Ya old bastard.  If he was making bad calls, he'd be fired.  Gene is a LIAR.  "I am here to enforce the law!"  Nick Patrick is Robocop.  

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Gene is in the back with Col. Parker and Sherri.  God damn, this angle has been going on for over a year at this point.  Parker has gifts for Sherri.  A leather vest and chaps, because he's taking her to his farm to ride his horse.  Not a euphemism. 

Harlem Heat vs Greg Valentine/Buddy Valentino WCW Tag Team Championships

Mark Curtis makes his WCW referee debut.  Buddy Valentino looks like Buddy Rose's illegitimate son.  Ted DiBiase again makes his way to ringside.  Book and Hammer start the match.  Buddy tags in.  That fat piece of TRAAAAAAAAAAAASH.  But his FAT ASS threw a dropkick.  But HE'S FAT.  Book hits the Harlem Hangover for the win.  Titles retained.


TO THE MEAN SUCKA.  Stevie is sick of fat shit heads like the Nasty Boys.  Of course, this means the Nastys ambush from behind.  Pretty sure Stevie got hurt as he was hit right in the back of the neck and appeared to go head first into the apron without time to react to block it.  Spike piledriver on Booker.  Knobs then squashes his head for fun.  Dropping an elbow with the full weight of his body on Booker's head.


Dean Malenko vs Chris Jericho

I think Tenay got added to the team full time.  Fuck.  I hope that isn't the case. God damn, Jericho's first music is THE WORST.  Apparently these two never crossed paths in Japan.  An ECW chant starts up after some kicks from Jericho, which he seems to acknowledge a bit.  Brainbustaaaa from TMF.  DiBiase leaves ringside.  Do you think he got paged?  Larry brings up a beeper right after I typed that.  Something is up.  Maybe he has to take a piss, guys.  Millionaires have to piss, too.  TMF has Jericho tied up on the mat.  Dean hits a weird springboard bulldog that was quite out of character.  Both go over the top.  Jericho is back in and then back out with a springboard to the top and out with a lot of impact.  Stinko can't get a win with a tombstone, but repeatedly covers Jericho to wear him out.  After a series of reversals, Jericho gets a victory roll like pin for the win.  A huge upset.  


Hype video for Calo/Rey.  They keep saying Calo would be making his WCW debut at Fall Brawl, but this had plenty of clips from him on the weekend shows.  LIARS.

The Giant vs Brad Armstrong

Larry gets in a lolstupidclinton joke.  Why is it not surprising at all that he'd be a Republican?  Oh fuck, a limo is arriving.

TO THE BACK.  A limo is backing in.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?

Chokeslam for the easy win.

THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER.  Oh man, this is just Hogan.  Can you imagine how insane this day of shooting got?  



TO THE BACK.  Another shot of the limo.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!

We're then shown all the nWo stuff from last week.

Ron Studd vs Randy Savage

I was all excited because Yetaaay had Finlay's music.  I thought Finlay was back.  Instead, the biggest midget in the world came out.  What an oddly proportioned dude.  He looks like a midget/dwarf, but 7 feet tall.  

TO THE BACK.  The nWo exits the limo.  When they see the camera man, they tell the other man (men?) to stay in the limo.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!

Macho slams and hits the elbow on Studd for the win.  You'd think you'd want to make a dude that big look like a monster, but in his two Nitro appearances, he's lost to guys a foot smaller than him and has been slammed/superplexed.  And both matches were to build up the other guy for a match against Giant.

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Macho has a big 2 months ahead of him.  Giant at Fall Brawl and Hogan at Halloween Havoc.  Macho still isn't quite mentally stable.  "If any body out here is not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."  

Sting/Lex Luger vs Steiner Brothers

Scott is again without knee pads, which makes me think he's injured and again won't be in the match this week.  There is a kid in the front row wearing a pretty metal Jesus on the cross and bleeding shirt.

TO THE BACK.  The Four Horsemen run out to the nWo limo.  They look in.  It's empty.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

Lex and Rick start the match.  As they lock up, Rick shoves Lex off, who bumps into Nick Patrick.  Nick immediately calls for a disqualification.  Steiners win!  REF YOU SUCK clapclapclapclapclap chant starts up.  Sting and Lex chase Patrick to the back.


Four Horsemen vs Dungeon Of Doom

8 man tag, friends.  The DoD reps are Sullivan, Faces of Fear, and Big Bubber.  Sullivan and Mongo start the match.  They have an ugly as shit exchange.  Mongo no sells the double stomp and tries a moonsault, then falls all over the ropes to try an elbow that ends up as a stomp to nowhere.  Benoit and Barb have a chop battle.  Benoit fights out of the super belly to bell and hits what was more of a splash than a headbutt.


TO THE BACK.  Sting and Lex are still chasing Nick Patrick, all the way outside.  They run past the limo.  Ted DiBiase was getting into the limo.  Sting gets a huge rock and throws it through the window.  Sting and Lex then steal a police car and follow the limo.  BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!?!  


Back to the match.  Arn is set up into the Tree of Keanu.  So, Sting and Lex are totally going to jail, right?  TMF: Tonga Edition hits another one of his crazy powerbombs.  Bubber comes off the second rope.  Benoit gets his foot up and you could hear Bubber's teeth smash together.  Double diving headbutts from FoF miss.  We're being told local police are after Sting and Luger.  It breaks down with everyone fighting.  Flair has Sullivan in the figure four.  Benoit is yelling at Woman for some reason.  OUT SHIT THE NWO IS HERE!  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!  The Giant comes out.  He chokeslams the Faces of Fear.  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!?  THE GIANT HAS JOINED THE NEW WORLD ORDER.  MY GOD.  Macho flies out with a chair, but is taken down.  The Giant was the 5th man.  Chokeslam to Macho.  Leg drops.  DiBiase lured Sting and Lex out.  And Nick Patrick must have helped.  Nash fucking DRILLS Mongo off the apron.  Macho gets NWO on the front, and streak of yellow spray paint on his back.  


The nWo then takes over the announce booth.  Hulk says there are EIGHT guys.  Giant explains his actions.  Ted DiBiase called him at his modest home and had him fly to Hulk Hogan's house.  As he's talking, the DoD and Horsemen hit back, throwing chairs and shit.  Giant slips off the stage and falls on his ass.  Sullivan and Arn are throwing the big plastic chairs with reckless abandon.  Nash looks like he's legitimately trying to kill someone.  He definitely got popped right in the face with the edge of the chair.  Mongo throws a SHOOT punch that looked like it hit solid on Hall.  Giant then continues on his point.  Basically it comes down to money, money, money, money, moneeeeeeyyyy.  He never actually got to finish his story because Hogan interrupted and then threw the table over.  


Mother fucking CHAOS.  The most so far.  That shit was off and POPPING.  That was one of the most real looking brawls I've ever seen in wrasslin.  Nash in particular was just fucking MEAN in the ring and at the booth.  That was rad.  Man, fuck the rest of the show and skip to the end.  2real4me 4LIFE.  Rest of the show was fine.  The set up to get Sting and Lex away was pretty neat.  At this point it sure looks like the nWo has 6 guys, but one is a ref and one is a non-wrestler.  But that brawl.  God damn.