WCW Monday Nitro 11/18/96
We are a 6 days away from World War 3. The show opens with a host of wrestlers down in the ring, Hall and Nash standing over them with chairs. They then take over the ring side announce booth, where Nash drops Goodfellas references. Nash mentions Tony's bad neck and asks him if he wants to pick up his kids again. Hall says he's been hearing about how scary the Faces of Fear are for his whole career, and he isn't scared. They welcome the FoF and a triangle match. They head to the back to find the FoF. Tony was pretty pissed that Larry didn't do anything to help him.
TO THE BACK. The FoF were waiting and ambush the Outsiders! We fight on Monday night, Maggle!
We're then shown what happened. During the "dark match" between Nasty Boys, High Voltage, and Ciclope/Galaxy, the Outsiders attacked. The actual attacks weren't shown, just the audio over a freeze frame. Tony again gets in Larry's shit for not helping. Tony doesn't need this SHIT and he leaves the show to big mouth Larry. About time someone called Larry out. He's been running his mouth about the nWo for months, but when they come out, he doesn't do shit and lets them pick on the smaller, non-ex wrestler announcers.
La Parka vs Juventud Guerrera
LA PARKA! He is wearing a belt with a giant Batman logo belt buckle. I can't wait to see what kind of shitty things Larry is going to say about Mexicans during this now that he's on his own. Juvi starts the match on the top rope. Mike Tenay comes out to fill in for Tony. Gross. La Parka does a spinarooni OUTTA NOWHERE. Mike is very winded having just walked to the ring at a kind of brisk pace. La Parka hits the first dive of the match. Juvi hits a spring board super rana. He then hits an in ring Asai moonsault and drills Parka in the head with a knee. A distinct lack of dancing so far. Distressing lack, really. Romero Special. A weird version where he holds Juvi up just by his legs. There is talk that Piper may make an appearance here tonight. Another springboard rana. PLEASE START DANCING. Piper was apparently a guest at the Cable ACE awards. Turner going all the way with his carny shit. The match just falls apart. I don't know what happened. I think La Parka got discombobulated after missing a senton and from that point on, everything was awkward and messy as shit. La Parka gets the win with a corkscrew moonsault. The lack of dancing breaks my heart.
Hype video on Ultimo Dragon. He has 8 titles in the J Crown and will get a chance to add a 9th tonight.
Ultimo Dragon vs Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Championship
Look, name plates are still saying Ultimate, but Tenay calls him Ultimo, so I'm sticking with that. Somewhere in the pile of belts is the WWF Light Heavyweight Championship that hadn't been defended in the US since the early 80s. PIP promo from Rey asks for a title shot at Dean. Ultimo's speed is giving TMF some trouble. Some pretty dope counter wrestling here. Dragon misses a moonsault. Dean takes some time to attempt the Cloverleaf. Sonny gets on the apron and knocked into the ring. Dragon gets back dropped over the top rope, which is a disqualification only when you want a bullshit finish. Dragon wins, but TMF retains the title.
Recap of the Mounties/Harlem Heat stuff. The Sherri/Parker thing has been going on coming up on 2 years. Fuck.
Amazing French Canadians vs American Males
Parker now dresses as a Legionnaire. CARL and Buff begin the match. You have to imagine the Mounties will win since they have a PPV match and the Males don't. This on top of the Males having their problems over the past few weeks. Mountie can still do kip ups. He's pretty proud of it. Buff randomly gets in the ring and the Males run into each other. I have to blame Buff for that. He had no reason to be getting in the ring. Riggs is out of position for the slam CARL on you spot, but Mountie does it anyway because he's a piece of shit like that. Buff gets the hot tag and STUFFS UP. Riggs drills Mountie in the back, who goes flying into Buff. Which causes the Males to lose. "Viva la Mexico", says Parker.
Lex Luger vs Hugh Morrus
Excuse me, "Lex Lunar". Tenay, you suck. I don't know that I'll ever get over that this fat fuck Hugh became the head trainer for WWE. The head trainer when they've had Ricky Steamboat, Barry Windham, Arn Anderson, Norman Smiley, William Regal, Finlay, and Dean Malenko all on the pay roll at one time or another. But this is the one they pick to head their developmental program? Lex wins with the shittiest looking torture rack. I think he had it on for less than 3 seconds before Hugh gave up, and then he dropped it because he didn't have it on well anyway.
TO THE MEAN GENE. As Lex talks, STING comes to the ring, with a baseball bat. He gives Lex a hail mary on his chest, shoves him with the bat, and then hands the bat to Lex before leaving. Well, that was weird. Oddly sensual as well.
No hour two ballyhoo. Instead, Hogan/Virgil/Ted/Liz come to the announce booth. Brain bails. Hulk is there to set the record straight. He forces Piper to say that Hogan is a bigger star and icon than Piper. And that Piper is scared of Hogan and wouldn't dare show his face. And that Hulk is 100 times richer than Piper.
TO THE MEAN GENE. DDP is his guest. DDP is so trashy. Fanny pack (which actually are pretty dope, but seems stupid to make it a fashion statement), gold chain, mullet, skull t-shirts. He talks about Hall and Nash, which brings the rest of the nWo to the interview. Giant wants to punk DDP out. Giant and DDP just don't know. They don't know. Hall knows. Nash knows. Syxx knows. Nash drops a 2001 reference. Something very beautiful will happen tonight.
Bobby Eaton vs Jeff Jarrett
Bischoff explains why the nWo is allowed to talk so much on TV: If they censor the nWo, people will just want to hear them more. I wonder if Jeff will have something to say about Sting tonight. He better win this match, otherwise he won't get any promo time. As Jeff goes for the figure four, the crowd erupts. It's Ric Flair! Jeff wins. Look at that wonderful Cosby Sweater.
TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE. Jeff has been calling for WCW to unite and Flair being by his side is exactly what he's talking about. He doesn't want to talk about Sting or any dissension in WCW. He's going to chop The Giant down once again at WW3. Ric says that Jeff is good to go. Sting watches from somewhere at the top of the building. He doesn't seem impressed. Ric says that Benoit and Mongo better recognize that Jarret is IN.
Big Bubber vs Jim Powers
No Teddy Long or Nick Patrick this week. Not sure what the point is without that angle being pushed. Bubber Slam for the win.
Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero
Dope. Eddie very serious tonight. He walks straight to the ring and shoves Benoit. Shit is on, friends. Benoit goes for the Iron Crossface early. Eddie got to the ropes. Sullivan had another PIP promo, talking about the bad history he has in Baltimore. Huge uppercut rocks Benoit. They're going to have their big match on Saturday Night? Not even Nitro? Really? Benoit goes for some arm work. He did a kimura and modified Rings of Saturn during this. Eddie luckily avoids the powerbomb of doom and things break down into punches, chops, and eye pokes. Superplex. Woman stands in the way of Benoit and won't let Eddie hit him. She tries to slap him. Benoit rolls through a rana to get the win OUTTA NOWHERE.
TO THE BISCHOFF. Bischoff heads to the ring because he has something he has to say. He apologizes for what Hogan made him do earlier. WCW is doing everything int its power to get Piper vs Hogan signed. As he's talking, the bag pipes start up. It's RODNEY THE PIPER! Bischoff is legit shook! Why are you so nervous, Bischoff? Piper has been hearing a lot of lies, and he is here to tell some truths. He starts talking about LL Cool J and then calls Bischoff a LIAR. As Piper gets all up in Bischoff's face, including clearly calling him a piece of shit on the mic with no censoring, the nWo hits the ring. Bischoff and Hogan hug. MY GOD. Eric Bischoff works for the nWo! Police officers are in the ring as trash is being thrown in, while Hulk shit talks Piper. Hulk takes his weight belt off and Piper tries to break free, causing the rest of the police force to jump in the ring. Piper will be at WW3 with a contract for the match.
Well, a show of everything that makes WCW WCW. The debut of La Parka, Eddie vs Benoit, TMF vs Ultimo, the nWo causing trouble, a main event talk segment with a huge SWERVE, cops, and WE'RE OUTTA TIME.
Announced card for World War 3:
- Ultimo Dragon vs Rey Mysterio Jr J Crown Championship
- The Giant vs Jeff Jarrett
- Harlem Heat vs Amazing French Canadians; Sherri gets a match with Parker if HH win
- That Motherfucker Dean Malenko vs Psychosis WCW Cruiserweight Championship
- The Outsiders vs Faces of Fear vs Nasty Boys WCW Tag Team Championships
- World War 3