WCW Monday Nitro 11/4/96

Oh my, Sting is in the rafters!  The nWo is in the crowd.  It's a big night.  A tournament for the WCW Ladies Championship will start tonight.  Bischoff is in Portland trying to get Piper vs Hogan signed.

Brad Armstrong vs Marcus Bagwell

Hmm.  Two non cruiser faces against each other for no reason?  Seems like a perfect opportunity for the nWo to attack.  They're quite evenly matched.  Sting left as soon as Buff came out, by the way.  Not interested at all in how this is going to go.  Tempers flare and Buff slaps BA in the mouth, which sends BA on a flurry of offense.  Buff hits a plancha and Brad just splatters and shatters into a million pieces.  No idea how Brad landed so much harder than Buff when Buff was jumping from the ring.  The Giant/Ted/Virgil have seen enough.  Tornado DDT from that bad ass BA.  A surprising amount of fire and heat in this.  Buff gets as hard earned victory by getting some good luck when both men tried a cross body.  His body had more momentum going into it.  

DDP vs Ice Train

DDP and Nick Patrick seem to have a relationship of some sort, which is suspicious considering the apparent relationship both men have with the nWo.  Hall and Nash are again out to watch and cheer on DDP.  Not much of note here.  I'm already sick of the Piper/Hogan hype.  It hasn't even been signed and it is repeatedly referred to as the biggest match EVER.  In history.  Not just in WCW.  Not just in wrestling.  The biggest match in HISTORY.  A match that happened a bunch of times a decade earlier.   Not sure why it would be so much bigger now.  DDP gets knocked to the floor and Hall and Nash attack OUTTA NOWHERE.  They beat SMOOV down with the titles.  Nick Patrick misses all of it.  Kanyon Cutter for the win.  BANG!

Scotty Riggs vs Dean Malenko WCW Cruiserweight Championship

I don't know how Riggs is considered a cruiser or why he'd get a title shot.  Especially when you have actual cruiser that are much better.  Hypnosis gets a title shot at WW3.  It's explained how Riggs got this title shot: When he got injured, he dropped some weight and barely made the limit.  Syxx is watching in the crowd.  Riggs was on the top rope.  TMF shook the ropes, which caused Riggs to fall into the ropes, off the apron, and to the floor.  Buff throws him back in the ring and gives him shit for it.  TMF wins with the Oklahoma roll.  Title retained.  The Males argue.

Hector Guerrero vs Chris Benoit

Hector!  Family honor, hombres.  Sullivan had a PIP promo towards Benoit, saying he's still the man and weird shit that no one knew what he was talking about unless they followed DA DIRT SHEETS.  Hector does a pretty dope Vader Bomb plancha.  Back in the ring, a pumphandle back breaker.  Yo, Hector still got it.  He and Eddie are SO similar.  In everything.  

THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT HAS BEEN PAID FOR BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER.  I can't buy the shirt without ordering information, god damn it.

Benoit is in control after the break.  Flapjack Norton into a gut buster!  Benoit stays working on the mid section and chest.  A short arm lariato ROCKS Hector.  Benoit is being mean as fuck in this, even by his standards.


Kiwi leg roll from Hector.  That's what it is called, I guess.  Woman breaks the hold.  Benoit rolls Hector up with his feet on the ropes for the win.  I hope Benoit vs Chavo Classic happens.

We get a recap of Giant's promo from last week.

TO THE TENAY.  Mike is with what now appears to be the 3 Horsemen, Benoit, Mongo, and Jeff Jarrett.  Arn and Flair are on the shelf.  Benoit and Mongo don't seem agree at all with Jeff being involved in the group.  Sting is back, this time in he crowd, not the rafters.  Jeff talks about EVERYONE.  Like every angle, he talks about.  

TO TONY THE TIGER.  Fuck this dude.  

Reina Jubuki vs Madusa

Jubuki is half woman, half goose.  During this, Zero walks out.  One of the most famous women wrasslers in the world, it seems.  This could be the first usage of Tenay's, "You know who that is!".  Of course, I doubt ANYONE watching Nitro had a clue who it was, even the smarks who read DA DIRT SHEETS.  Sonny Onoooooo makes fun of Madusa's plastic surgeries.  Nothing of note here besides maybe Madusa doing Trish's hand stand rana.  Madusa wins with a German suplex and advances to the next round.  

M Wallstreet vs Chris Jericho

IRS...Dude is back to wrestling in slacks.  No one is interested in seeing him.  I'd feel bad for him if I wasn't one of the people not interested in seeing him.  Jericho still has that awful entrance music.  I can't believe someone with the charisma and talking ability of Bray Wyatt came from the fruit of Irwin's loins, if you wheel.  Dem dominant Mulligan genes.  Tony buries the Super Bowl.  Can we bring Hector back?  Jericho won with a small package.  

TO THE TENAY.  Mike speaks with Nick Patrick and his lawyer again.  It just happens that Jericho was walking to the back during this and he takes over the promo.  The lawyer tries to shit talk Jericho's dad for no reason.  Teddy Long comes out and gets up in Nick's ass.  All up in that ass.  Nick Patrick is a PLAYA HATER, playa!  Ted and Virgil are in the crowd watching this.  The lawyer then shits on Teddy Long for his own transgressions as a referee.

Lex Luger vs Booker T

It's a match.  Of all the things in the world it could be, it was a match.  No Parker or Stevie.  Parker comes out and "accidentally" costs Booker the match.  Lex wins with a school boy.  Sting was watching from the rafters.

Eric calls in and lets us know how the negotiations with Piper are going.  Hogan vs Piper has been signed!  The biggest match EVER IN HISTORY!  However, Piper's management are being real dicks, so maybe the match isn't on.  Wait.  What?  Is it on or not?  We are then again shown Piper at Halloween Havoc.  The whole promo.

Hollywood Hogan, DiBiase, Giant, and Virgil come to the ring.  Where is the Wolfpac?  I guess Hogan promos are going to be the main event from now on.  Hulk is quite offended he hasn't been invited to the Cable Ace awards yet.  He then SHOOTS on Ted Turner and threatens to crash the event.  He claims he did everything he could to get Piper into a match, but Piper is a pussy.  He doesn't even really say anything.   

I'm damn sick and tired (sick and tired) of the Piper/Hogan hype already.  It's already massively over hyped, way past the point of being able to deliver on anything, and it isn't even officially booked yet.  Sting is 2spooky4me.  Hogan doing promos appears to be the main event for the next 2 months.  Buff/Armstrong was surprisingly fun and hot.  Hector was still dope.  I'm down for a Benoit vs Guerrero Family feud.