WWF Smackdown 7/12/01
The unholy Alliance between WCW and ECW was formed on Raw. The WWF is losing the war. How will Vince McMahon respond?
EARLIER TONIGHT. Vince met with The Undertaker in the back. Vince gave Taker a match with DDP, so Taker will join Team WWF at Invasion as per the deal.
Shane McMahon brings WCW to the ring to start the show. DDP/Shane will be facing Kurt/Taker in the main event. He talks for a bit before bringing out Stephanie, Paul Heyman, and ECW. THE UNHOLY ALLIANCE. Paul says Vince took ECW's concepts, talent, TV network, and ATTITUDE. So now, Paul is going to take everything from Vince. Basically, Paul is trying to act like he's the guy behind all of this. The leader, if you will. And then the first thing Steph says is that Paul can call her "boss". Lol. "But, Daddy, quite frankly, Shane and I just couldn't wait for you to die!"
TO THE OFFICE. Regal and Tajiri are disgusted with what they've heard. Regal offers Tajiri anything he wants for staying with the WWF. Tajiri asks to be a Smackdown commentator.
TO THE BACK. Vince is dejected in the back when Austin and Debra come in. Austin's got something to cheer him up, end the Invasion, and bring back his kids.
Tazz vs Hardcore Holly
Tajiri joins for commentary. "Do you speak English there, son?" Tajiri's commentary style is Japanese with some of JR/King/Joey Styles lines peppered in in English. Bob beats the shit out of Tazz for the whole match, only for Tazz to lock on the Tazzmission OUTTA NOWHERE to win the match. Then he attacks Tajiri.
TO THE BACK. Vince and Debra are waiting for Austin to show Vince the answer. The answer? A guitar. "Stone Cold is here to sing to you and solve your problems. This is inspiration, man, can't ya feel it? This is like Chicken Soup for the Soul." Austin sings Kumbaya.
Lance Storm vs Chris Jericho
THRILLSEEKERS...EXPLODE! Jericho says Lance's real name is Forrest Gump. Great, timely reference, bro. Only 7 years after the movie came out. Another very short match that Jericho won with the Liontamer. I don't think their time as partners was even mentioned in the 3 minutes they were in the ring.
TO THE BACK. Steve Austin continues to play songs for Vince McMahon. Kurt Angle walks in, wondering how those songs are going to make vince happy. Kurt was in the glee club for 2 years, and he played the ukulele, so he can probably play guitar. "Um, can you move over? You're making me nervous." "Yeah." "No...the other way. Near your wife." "Okay." Lol. Vince walks out of the performance.
TO THE BACK. Trish Stratus and Jeff hardy continue to flirt when Lita and Matt walk in. Trish and Lita have some issues to settle in the ring tonight before they team at Invasion. Brother Nero is smitten. Elsewhere, Mike Awesome hits up the seamstress to get new pants made for him. Elsewhere elsewhere, Edge and Christian were watching, offended that Mike Awesome would dare to use the word Awesome.
Elsewhere elsewhere elsewhere, Vince meets with Team WWF. Lmao at Taker staring down Austin for having the guitar, then Austin handing it to Kurt, and Kurt nervously strumming it. Austin keeps repeating what Vince says, pissing Taker off. He gets too fired up and slaps Taker on the chest. "You do that again, you're gonna pull back a nub." So then he slaps Kurt in the chest. Lol.
Vince McMahon comes to the ring and introduces the Team WWF captain, Steve Austin. Vince needs the REAL Stone Cold back. Not the one who gives him gifts and plays songs on a guitar. He needs THE OLD STONE COLD. "Do you wanna knock me on my ass right now? COME ON, NAIL ME! KNOCK ME DOWN!" Vince has gone full preacher. Stone Cold shakes his head and walks off. "Stone Cold, come back. Give me a stunner, damn it!"
MOMENTS AGO. Austin and Debra left the arena.
TO THE BACK. Vince gets in his limo to find Austin. Kurt Angle wants Vince to stay for his match tonight. BUT WHO WAS LIMO?!?!?!
Kane vs Rhyno
Oh, what a surprise, another super short match where nothing happens. The WWF ref gets bumped, Rhyno rolls Kane up, and Nick Patrick slides in for a fast count.
TO THE OFFICE. Regal has booked Tajiri vs Tazz for Invasion. Earl Hebner was summoned to the office, and Regal wants to know how he, as senior official, can let that shit with Nick Patrick happen on his watch. Regal tells him to challenge Nick Patrick to a match at Invasion.
Lita vs Trish Stratus
The audio has been terrible on this show. So many crackles and the announcers being blown out to cover for the overly loud sound machine. I know there's revisionist history that pretends like Lita and Trish had this epic rivalry that really ushered in a great era for women's wrestling in WWE. That's bullshit. They're both terrible. Lita very, very quickly wins with a moonsault.
TO THE BACK. The Hardys were watching. Stacy and Torrie come in to introduce themselves and kissed the Brothers Hardy. Lita was hot about it.
TO THE BACK. DDP talk with Shane and Stephanie. Elsewhere, the WWF refs confront the WCW refs. REF BRAWL.
Jeff Hardy vs Mike Awesome WWF Hardcore Championship
Mike Awesome is a "big man", while Jeff is a cruiserweight. And they're about 2 inches apart. Jeff in ECW would have looked like a giant. Such hardcore activities like Jeff flying with a broom to do a leg drop. Of course, Jeff can't help himself and has to take ladder bumps. God forbid you go a week without killing yourself, breh As Mike was about to do an Awesome Bomb on a propped up ladder, Edge and Christian hit the ring to hit Mike with a Conchairto. Jeff hits the swanton. New champion. Seriously, they interfered over the word AWESOME.
TO THE BACK. Taker holds a meeting with Kane, Angle, and Jericho. Kurt tries to pull rank. Taker ain't having it.
Kurt Angle/Undertaker vs DDP/Shane McMahon
You ready to see DDP get BERRIED again? Lmao, he hypes Shane up to slide into the ring and then doesn't slide in himself, leaving Shane to get demolished. DDP has become genre savvy. DDP finally gets in the ring once he's attacked Kurt on the floor and Taker isn't in. I'd be pretty hot if I were Shane. Taker, of course, dismantles DDP. "Page is no match for The Undertaker, one on one, any day ending in Y." Well, what a great call, JR. Can't wait to see that singles match now. So, Taker completely smashed two WCW dudes at once. What a shocker. The Alliance hits the ring, and Taker/Kurt EASILY fight them off. A second wave comes out. Kurt holds them off by himself, then Taker does a tope on to them. A few more dudes come out, and the numbers game finally becomes too much. Only took 55 to 2. At least Taker had the decency to take a big bump for the Kanyon Cutter. BANG!
Unsurprisingly, the Austin/Angle/Vince stuff saves the show. Taker again makes every Alliance member he even looks at look like complete trash. It took the ENTIRE Alliance to get a single move off on him. The whole fucking group. And what makes even less sense is that Vince is acting like there is no way the WWF can win without Austin, when Taker by himself can take on about 15 dudes at once with ease.