Wishmaster: The Prophecy Fulfilled (2002)
PLOT: In this fourth series of the hell-raising Wishmaster, the Djinn unleashes his undying love and three wishes on a beautiful new victim named Lisa, whose crucial third wish is one that the Wishmaster cannot fulfill without leaving a trail of terror, devastation and blood in his wake.
I'm going to need a lot of gin to get through this. GET IT?!? This came out in 2002, but this opening scene that is a montage of a couple buying a house, recording it, then fucking is straight out of 1994. TITS THREE MINUTES IN. Shameless. Literally the first scene is a sex scene. Lol. Three years later, they don't seem to be fucking as much. I'm just assuming, since she's at another dude's house (I think they're co-workers) and he gives her a spooky gift. And then tries to kiss her. "Wow, if bad timing were fatal I'd be roadkill, huh?" The delivery of that line was amazing. Oh, he's her lawyer, and the boyfriend (Sam) was in a terrible wreck. They're at a crossroads, and good guy lawyer Steven wants to position himself as an option for her. "...I gotta get back to the store..." Lol. Inside the box was a ruby, and inside that was fire and a djinn.
Sam is now a cripple and alcoholic who is mean to Lisa because he thinks she no longer can love him on account of his dick not working anymore.
The Djinn is now free in Steve's house. Steve makes the mistake of saying "I wish". Dude is the Wishmaster, breh. You can't just be flapping your gums with impunity anymore. He cuts Steve's fucking face off so he can assume his identity. Mother fucker, if you are magic enough to escape from a ruby, teleport, and change your entire physiology just from putting some skin on, don't you think it was a bit unnecessary to cut the dude's face off? What an asshole. Why does this main dude vaguely look like Dane Cook?
More tits from Lisa. She covers herself up from Sam seeing her. He rolls off. She tries to show him some skin later, but Wishmaster Steve cockblocks. Steve gets Lisa to wish for the case to be settled, and it is done. Oh wow, he gets the dude to pull his tongue out and cut his nose off to spite his face. Lol. This is so stupid. And then shoot himself after signing and faxing the settlement over. I mean...surely someone would question a lawyer ripping his tongue out, cutting his nose off, signing the papers, then killing himself. Definitely a legally binding document now.
Sam's just a fucking prick. Can't even get a $10,000,000 settlement without causing an argument. Steve wants to take them out to dinner. Of course, Sam doesn't go, but at the dinner, she wishes that he could walk again...and so it is done. Except he's in constant pain. And he still can't feel his dick. Lol. But Sam is still being a dick because of his dick not working. Like, god damn, this woman bathed you and took care of you for years, but you can't accept she loves you for something more than your dick? Do you really think your hog was that impressive?
Lisa goes to Steve's house, presumably to bone down, but then she wishes to love him for who he really is, and he makes her leave before he turns into his real self and kills her. How thoughtful of him. You see, Wishmaster's whole goal here is to grant 3 wishes, which fulfills the prophecy and frees his race from hell or some other fiery place. Because he didn't show her his true self, he was visited by his tribe, and they pontificated on human love for a while. A hunter has been awakened and if he kills Lisa before Wishmaster grants the wish, they're all doomed or something. Maybe I should have watched the other 3 movies first. Wishmaster Steve then goes to Lisa's friend to figure out how to get Lisa to love him after telling her his secret. Basically, fuck the shit out of her and then drop the bombshell. I'm not sure the writers of this movie have ever been in any kind of relationship. The friend wishes for killer sex. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN? She gets fucked to death by a ghost. At the same time, Sam realized that his mouth still works in bed. It took him 3 years to figure that out? Oh, the oral was just a dream of Wishmaster fucking her. Da hell?
Steve goes to the strip club, so more tits. "What do you suppose would make a woman like that fall in love?" "A fat wallet." "And a fatter dick." "Brotha, I'd sell my soul just to be a pimple on her ass." What a weird fucking thing to say. Then the dude is literally turned into a pimple on her ass. This is the kind of movie we're dealing with. Sam meets Steve at the strip club. "Would you like to have sex again, Sam?" Lol. LoL. LOL. Sam refuses to wish to fuck this stripper. "I got news for ya: It's takes more than two good legs to satisfy a girl like Lisa." "I'll bet you wish you could kick the shit outta me right here, don't ya?" Steve then gets into a fight with a bouncer. BTW, this takes place in the middle of the day, and everything this dude says he's like "Is that your wish?" It's like GOB and illusions. It's fucking hilarious. So god damn desperate for someone to say "I wish" around him. He turns into the Wishmaster and makes a Bruce Lee reference. This dude's voice sounds like Razoul from Aladdin.
The Hunter has found Lisa and tries to kill her in the woods. Because Lisa was driving in the woods. And now there's weird orchestral techno music playing during the chase scene. That sword looks straight out of Power Rangers. Steve shows up, and she doesn't even think it's weird that he knew were she was. "The Prophecy will be fulfilled!" Lmao the delivery. Fuck. Amazing. And now they're having a sword fight with an actual sword and a random tree branch. "Your sword is slower than I remember." "Play time is over, Hunter." I can't believe they had two scenes in a row of the Djinn in broad daylight. The fuck were they thinking? This is amazing. The Hunter is killed and god damn do I hope Lisa was watching this shit.
She wasn't. She ran home. Sam left her. Steve comes over and they bone down. While they fuck, slimy ass djinn hands rub all over her and she doesn't even notice. Big Steve immediately makes it weird by insisting she answer if she loves him for who he really is. The other djinn show up and she runs off. Just make her wish a wish, fuck. It can't be that hard for a dude who can turn into a human by putting a face on his face. Wishmaster finally reveals himself to her, and she's having none of it, because he's a fucking monster from hell. "I am only a monster if you choose to see me as one." No, motherfucker, you're a god damn monster. You know, I think Wishmaster has actually fallen for this human broad. Sam just happens to show up. Man, if this movie doesn't end with an epic bone session between Sam and Lisa, this writers have failed entirely. "You offered me a wish once before. Is it still mine to make?" Lmao. Why is Sam speaking like he's in a Shakespeare play all of the sudden? Sam wishes for a way to kill the Wishmaster, which is a sword he can't even lift. Sam and the Wishmaster get killed by the sword.
This borders on so bad it's good and just bad for most of the movie, but I'd overall say it hits the SBIG level for the majority of the movie. It's so fucking dumb, with hilarious lines and scenes. I'd recommend it.