Psycho III (1986)


Plot: One month after the events of PSYCHO II, Norman is still running the Bates Motel along with "Mother". Things are going fine until Norman falls in love with a fallen nun, takes in a greedy drifter, a nosy reporter sticks her nose where it doesn't belong and a series of murders begins once again.

A follow up to the surprisingly dope Psycho II, this begins with a woman screaming "THERE IS NO GOD". That does not instill faith in this movie. Especially as this is in a church and a nun is about to jump from the steeple. Instead, the nun trying to save her is knocked back and falls to her death. Nun SWERVE! The good sister wanders through the desert until she's picked up by a sleazy rocker dude named Duke, driving a true beater. He's on his way to LA to be a rock and roll star. WATCH THE GUITAR! He won't shut the fuck up, even hours later. He eventually tries to bang her. She passes on his advances and gets out of the the middle of a torrential rainstorm. In the middle of the desert. 

Back at Casa del los Bates, we see that Norman still loves his taxidermy birds. Norman has flashbacks to killing his real mother as he's working on the birds, hallucinating that he's working on dead arms and that birds are alive. You see, he's as mad as a hatter. There is something quite strange to me about Norman Bates wearing Nike shoes. 

The Duke finds himself at the Bates Motel. It happens that Norman is hiring. The dialogue looping in this is awful. Everything sounds looped completely independently, with some words not even matching the lip movements, and sometimes dialogue coming from closed mouths. Even weirder, this is supposed to take place about a month after the end of 2, yet the returning characters have aged 10 years. Some woman has come out from LA to meet Norman. He's got star fuckers now.

Oh, she's a writer, looking for a story on the insanity plea. And she conveniently relays the plot of the last two movies. The nun shows up, which causes Norman to have flashbacks to killing Marion in the shower. Again. And of course she ends up staying at the motel. Where the dude who kind of tried to rape her the night before now works. And she got...CABIN ONE. MY GOD. NOT CABIN ONE!!!!!

Of course, Mother is trying to get Norman to kill the nun already. It's been 15 minutes, Mom. Christ. Calm down. Duke hits up a bar, where he hits on the writer lady. Norman now hears paintings and ends up spying on the nun. Mother arrives to kill her, only to find that the nun has already slit both of her wrists. Double nun SWERVE! And then she sees Mother turn into Mother Mary. This bad. The nun wakes up in a hospital. Norman is there, as is the sheriff and the writer lady. Norman offers to let Marion OOOOOPS I MEAN Maureen stay FOC (that's free of charge) until she can sort things out, because we all go a little mad. Sometimes. 

Duke brings a lady back to the motel. They hear Norman arguing with his mom. And then she tries to get Norman to join in for a threesome. Lol. This movie is dog shit. God the sex scene itself is the weirdest shit, with Duke shining lights on the woman and for some reason porn is pasted all over the walls now. Oh, and the music (generic 80s porn music) stops when she bumps into his guitar. HEY. WATCH THE GUITAR. Lol, she calls him a shitheel. Wonderful. "You make it all sound so cheap." "It is, but it beats a vibrator." "Yeah? Well, at least a vibrator gets me off." Hitchcock is still rolling in his grave. This poor woman. She has to be in a bizarre sex scene, then has to show her tits again because she put her shirt on inside out and had to fix it. And then Mother stabs her to death in a phone booth. 

Marion OOPS I MEAN Maureen now sees a shrink, and reveals that she left the nunnery because she wanted to bang. The reporter lady is snooping at Ms. Spool's place, aka MOTHER's. And then Norman takes the nun out on a date, where she gets drunk and dances. WHAT A WHORE! The creepy piano player is something else. What a bizarre choice.

Norman takes her back to her room and almost bangs her, but he just can't do it. Perhaps some weird subtext considering Perkins was gay and found out he had HIV during the making of this movie? Of course, this turns into an argument with Mother. The nun comes up to the house, where he yells at her to leave and cuts his own hand so he won't kill her. 

Oh cool, scenes with a hot girl peeing. How sexy. "Jeeze. You about scared the piss out of me!" Mother strikes again, slicing her throat, stabbing her in the gut, and then stabbing the toilet paper for good measure. Norman finds the body and hides it in the ice machine. Surely, no one would find it there. This movie had a whole lot of nudity and its all awkward as shit. This is like someone who saw Psycho, then saw Friday the 13th, and decided F13 was clearly much better, but still wanted to make money off of Psycho.  

Somehow, Mother has gone missing. Yet she's still leaving him notes. DUKE. DUKE DID THIS. He stole Mother! And he's trying to get Norman to sell some of his land or he'll let the world know. So they get into a fight and Norman blasts him with the guitar. WATCH THE GUITAR GOD DAMN IT! Then he argues with Mother some more and gets mad at the Woody Woodpecker cartoon laughing at him.

Marion OOPS I MEAN MAUREEN returns to Norman. He accidentally kills her by throwing her down the stairs when he got spooked by Moms. OOPS MY BAD. Reporter lady finds out that Norman is Spool's son, and apparently hears Mother talking as well. Oh. She heard it because it's actually Norman's voice. And now it turns out that Spool was Norman's aunt after all, a crazy bitch who was in love with her sister's husband. He stabs the shit out of Mother's body, eventually cutting her head and arm off. 

Of course, he's arrested and will never get out, this time. But he's free. He'll finally be free. AND THE FUCKING SHERIFF MISSED THAT HE BROUGHT MOTHER'S GOD DAMN ARM WITH HIM INTO THE COP CAR. All so they could do the same smile at the camera ending as the original.

This is terrible. Everything about it. The acting was bad, the dialogue was bad, the looping of the dialogue was preposterous, the effects were bad, the story was bad. Everything that could be bad was bad. Then I did some research and found out that Anthony Perkins directed this. In his directorial debut. And realized after the fact that he wasn't ready to direct a feature length movie. Also, he found out he had HIV during the making of this. Those two facts together kind of make some sense as to why this was so bad. After how genuinely impressive and good Psycho II was, I didn't expect it to fall off so hard in the very next film., but god damn did it ever.