Halloween II (2009)



Plot: Laurie Strode struggles to come to terms with her brother Michael's deadly return to Haddonfield, Illinois; meanwhile, Michael prepares for another reunion with his sister.


I saw the first one. This is my first time viewing. I've heard horrible things, but we'll see if they can match up to the expectations.

The film starts with a definition of WHITE HORSE in a dream. And of course, the first actor shown is Mrs. Zombie. Of course. This is a flashback to Mama Myers and Mikey in the asylum, with Mikey telling his mom about the white horse dream he had. This then picks up immediately after the ending of Halloween 1, much like the originals. 

Laurie, still covered in blood and in shock after killing Michael, is found wandering the streets by Sheriff Brackett. Then a smash cut to her screaming at the hospital. Lots of close up footage of glass in the body, broken fingers, all the wounds. You know, happy stuff. Straight up gross out shit. Like a close up of her finger nail being pulled off in surgery. 

The morgue dudes who take Michael's body are fuck heads, joking about necrophilia. "What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your cock up a dead girl's ass." Suddenly, they hit a cow. One of them died. The other says fuck for what feels like an hour. Michael casually walks away from the wreck, making sure to grab a piece of glass and kill the remaining dude. Literally saws the dude's head of with a piece of glass. Lol what. This movie is trying so hard to be so gross and it is just silly already. And now Michael is seeing his mom with a white horse.


Back at the hospital, Laurie is stumbling around to find Annie, who is in even worse shape than her. The nurse makes her go back to her room, but can't help her because she got a call. So then Laurie gets dizzy as shit. Where is everyone at this hospital? The nurse comes back and apparently had her throat cut or something. OH SHIT IT'S MICHAEL! Naturally, Big Mike kills the shit out of that nurse, with the loudest stabs you'll ever hear. Repeatedly. Even after she's dead. Sounded like someone pounding frozen ribs with a sledgehammer. And in the stairwell, another nurse was killed. It looks like her eyes were plucked out. Here's what I'm getting from this movie: Rob Zombie didn't have a story to tell, so he's filling it with the most extreme violence, gore, and shock value language he can come up with to cover it. 

There is apparently no one else anywhere in the hospital or even outside. She's able to run away to the security building, which is empty. And then the security guard shows up. Only to get brutally murdered  In the rain, because there must be a super torrential down pour on Halloween. Then he kills Laurie. Oh. IT WAS ALL A DREAM! 


It's actually a year later. Laurie is now a generic goth teen with a tramp stamp. At a visit with her shrink, the shrink basically tries to tell her that they didn't find Michael's body so she can't get over it. Why would you plant that in her mind, doctor? What a shitty doctor. Loomis now a full blown asshole and diva, doing the media rounds to sell his new, completely exploitative book. I'm still having some issues with that dream. Was it a dream of what actually happened? Was Laurie really dreaming about the morgue dudes getting into a wreck, hitting a cow, one guy getting his head chopped off, and then Michael seeing his mom and a horse in the road? How would she even know what Michael's mom (also her mom, but she doesn't know that) looks like?

Holy shit, within 2 minutes, there have been completely random lines shitting on media and the corporate culture/Industrial Military Complex bullshit ruining America shit. This seems like a movie written by a 16 year old in their first semester of psych and drama.

Loomis does speeches and shit now, exploiting all of this stuff for money, which is what immediately comes up when questions are asked. And his response is losing his cool and screaming at the audience, saying Michael Myers is FUCKING DEAD. And he's gonna spell it out for you.


Of course, Michael isn't dead. He is, however, a mountain man with a bodacious beard who is still seeing his mother all in white all the time. Not only does he see his mom in white all the time, but he actually speaks to her...as his younger self. This is DOG SHIT. Amazing. I guess he's been fucking around on someone's farm, and these rednecks are sick of his shit, so they beat him. He then puts his mask on and kills them. Even the woman who made the rednecks stop beating him. And then he went after the dog. Oh, he ate the dog. Which we got to see in between Laurie/Annie/Sheriff eating a pizza and talking about meat eating. Laurie immediately starts throwing up. 

Oh sweet Jesus. Flash back/dream stuff with young and adult Michael in a white room with snow, in front of a cross, talking to their mom, who is now all in black. Oh, and there is a skeleton in the Jesus pose with the mask on it. And THEN some bizarre pumpkin headed German expressionist things at a banquet table with Laurie on it. Young Michael asks if they can be a family again. And then the hands burst out of the table to eat her. OH IT WAS JUST A DREAM. Laurie's dream. Wait. What the fuck? Laurie shouldn't know what Mama Myers or young Michael looks like. Or adult Michael with his papier-mâché masks.


It's now October 30th and Michael has returned to Haddonfield city limits. Loomis does an interview in front of the Meyers house, because he's a cunt. He's just selling the sizzle. "Besides, bad taste is the petrol that drives the American dream." Oh, Rob. Laurie is dressed like young Michael and killing Annie like he killed his step dad. And then the real Laurie starts spazzing the fuck out in another room, screaming about killing and fucking a bitch to death, with flashes of her with an upside down cross etched into her forehead. And then she's in a glass coffin in a black dress. IT WAS JUST A DREAM. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Laurie and Michael are somehow psychically linked and these dreams are actually his dreams and thoughts. And her throwing up while he was eating the dog is probably related.


Mikey heads back to the strip club where his mom worked and starts killing. Oh shit, chokeslam! Then he repeatedly stomps on the head. With closer zooms each time. Mr. Zombie, your edginess is silliness. Oh shit, another chokeslam. This time to the club owner who is about to fuck a stripper while wearing a Frankenstein mask. This movie is ridiculous. The stripper symbolically rips his mask in front of a mirror. With the mask symbolically and literally ripped, Michael can see himself as he really is. The stripper, as a fill-in for his mother, gets her face repeatedly smashed into the mirror, because Michael really wants to smash his mom.


Now, you would think that Laurie would have heard about this brutal series of murders in town. Instead, on Halloween day (the one year anniversary of the time all of her friends got brutally slaughtered and she shot a dude in the head), she's looking at baby pigs and goes to a book store that has a big Loomis display for his book. At the book signing, a father of one of the killed gets all up in his shit for being responsible. Then he pulls a gun. Lol. Laurie bought the book and flipped her shit while reading it, which is the same reaction Sheriff Brackett had. The reaction is due to the book revealing that Laurie is Michael's sister. SWERVE (unless you've seen any Halloween movie).

Lol wtf, Loomis goes to a talk show with Chris Hardwick and Weird Al. This movie is something else. We don't see it, but apparently Loomis got his ass reamed on the show. This is amazing.

And Laurie, after this huge revelation and breakdown, decides she just wants to party, bro! Fuck it! Let's get drunk and party! The party is a music video, probably from a band on Zombie's label or something. A dude gets killed pissing. Party foul, Mike. At least let the dude finish his stream. He chokes the girl the dude was about to bang, which seems pretty weird considering how everyone else he's killed has been excessively violent and bloody. While at the party, Laurie starts seeing Mama Myers and young Michael, freaking the fuck out and then...is totally cool. Mike then leaves the party and heads to the Brackett house. Did he not sense Laurie was at the party or something? I mean, I assume he didn't just happen across this big party. Sure seems like he's been on a mission.

At the Brackett home, Michael immediately kills the deputy watching Annie, and then goes in to kill her. The one time this movie doesn't over do the gore is this scene, where you see nothing, and only hear the screams and thuds. And it is 100% more effective than any of the extreme, over the top gore in the rest of the movie. It's genuinely creepy and disturbing, whereas all the other kills are so ridiculously over the top that you can't help but laugh at how try-hard they are to be super shocking and brutal. This, on the other hand, leaves it completely up to your imagination and it works SO much better. It's also the one time in the movie where the random slow-motion shots work.

When Laurie gets back to the house, we're shown hers reaction and brief flashes of what happened, but we still never get to see what actually happened to Annie. We do see that there is blood fucking EVERYWHERE. Somehow, Annie's still alive. Then she dies. Laurie escapes into the woods. Sheriff Brackett returns home to see his daughter all sliced up AGAIN, but the whole thing is ruined with terrible editing of Laurie running through the woods like an episode of Scooby Doo. 

Now, this Michael Myers can literally pick up a fucking car. Has this dude been lifting cows on the farm or something? Okay so now, Laurie is communicating with Mama Myers. And Michael is there with her. Both Michaels. Then the lights from the helicopter breaks into the scene, but it still shows Laurie being held by young Michael as adult Michael looks at the lights, with mom still there. So...what? That would imply that what they are seeing is real. And then Loomis shows up and...he sees all the same stuff? Okay. He doesn't. Instead, Michael is PSYCHICALLY HOLDING LAURIE. He's projecting his younger self holding Laurie into Laurie's mind. Where did Michael learn these psychic abilities? Loomis gets all hacked up. Snipers are able to shoot Michael a few times, he then falls into some spiky things. As soon as he does, Laurie is able to get up. You see, she's free from the telepathic shackles. Oh, wait.. HE'S ALIVE AND SHE SAYS I LOVE YOU, BROTHER. He was about to stab her and then just kind of stopped. She then stabs him repeatedly. I mean, she shot him in the fucking head at the end of the last movie and that didn't work. Wait. Is she trying to cut his head off? She then exits the shack, wearing his mask. 


The final shot is of Laurie in an asylum, seeing Mama Myers and the white horse as the original Halloween music plays. 


What a horrible movie. Half of the movie is, effectively, a Smashing Pumpkins video. The other half is over the top gross out gore to cover up for sophomore (high school) level psychology and symbolism. In a way, it's fascinating that a fairly intelligent seeming mid-40s year old man made this film. The whole thing plays out like a kid just found out about Jung, Nietzsche, and Freud, and took his first drama class in the same week. I believe the intention of this movie was to show the lasting effects on everyone from the first movie, but all those effects on Laurie had nothing to do with the events of the first movie.

 Laurie doesn't suffer from PTSD. She suffers from Michael's telepathic link. Annie doesn't appear to have a single issue after going through the same events. Loomis is the same guy, but even more of a douche. Michael is the same, just more violent. The movie shows that Laurie changed only in appearance. She adopted a grungy/gothic look, but towards the end of the film, she goes out to party because "she's been good her whole life". Her behavior hasn't changed. Ultimately, everyone is the same and the movie is a waste of time. The only "progression" there can be is that Laurie appears to have been driven crazy by doing all this shit again.

This movie is extremely violent and brutal, but none of it has any weight because it feels brutal for the sake of being brutal. Just like the dialogue, where girls call each other "dick licker", or the morgue guys making jokes about sodomizing corpses. The whole movie is juvenile in its violence, symbolism, and themes. It's an amazingly, staggering terrible movie that must be seen. It makes perfect sense that Rob Zombie had no intention of continuing the story after the first movie, only making this because the studio was going to make it with or without him. It shows in every possible way. The only positive thing I can say about this is that Brad Dourif was great. But he's great in absolutely everything he's been in. He's one of America's most underrated actors.