Lake Placid 3 (2010)

Starring:

Plot:

A game warden moves his family to Lake Placid, once the site of deadly crocodile attacks. Locals assure him the crocs are gone, but his mischievous young son finds a few baby crocs and begins feeding them. They quickly grow into very big adults and start attacking the game warden's family and nearby town.

 

Opening music is 2spooky4me.  MICHAEL IRONSIDE is in this?  Oh wow. Two "youths" are riding in the back of a truck and asked to be dropped off.  They want to bang.  In the woods.  By the lake.  It'd be great if the gator walks around like Jason in this.  "You keep talking like that and you're gonna start lactating."  Hot Girl says this to Pussy Boyfriend. She immediately gets naked.  They bang on the muddy banks of this lake.  That seems...gross.  He's pulled into the lake and eaten by a a host of of crocs.  Then she gets pulled in. 


The Old Lady who lived in the lake house has died.  The house is being sold.  She kept a chain saw in the fridge, like you do.  The man is an EPA scientist.  Michael Ironside arrives.  He's the sheriff.  The kid, Connor, likes dinosaurs and crocs and lizards.  In fact, he chases a lizard around the house. Then out to the lake, where a croc promptly eats it. Now that sheriff JUST said the lake was clear.

This idiot kid tries to PLAY WITH THE CROC.  Then another one shows up.  He feeds them beef jerky.  We see that both of his parents tend to ignore young Connor.  Mom is busy on her lap top trying to sell cabins.  Dad works too much.  The kid never has friends. Now, his only friends are his crocs.  Wait.  Where did he get all that meat?  Did he steal that?  Did he steal it from a market or his house? 

EPA Dad goes tracking elk in the woods.  They've been coming up missing and he believes there are illegal hunters.  What's the deal with the comedy music?  Oh god, there is a show within the movie.  A even more low budget soap opera that the baby sitter watches.  She seems like a cunt and has a yappy dog.  Mom leaves and don't even pay attention to this kid.  Connor goes back to the market to get more meat.  He's definitely stealing shit.  STEALING MONTAGE. He gets caught.  I guess we're supposed to think the market owner is a dick head because he doesn't like a kid stealing $200 worth of meat.

EPA dad runs into some cunty campers.  Mom has to pay for all that meat.  Mom calls EPA Dad to complain about being pulled away from a big commission to bail HIS son out.  For stealing meat.  And then wonders if her son is a sociopath.  And then seems pleased that her husband is also having a shitty day.  Wow.  She's quite a bitch.

One of the campers makes a blowjob joke.  We're introduced to the "cougar" Reba at a dive bar.  And her redneck buddies. I guess she meets dudes online to take them...hunting.

Oh god this babysitter.  I think she's supposed to be Eastern European or something.  Maybe Hungarian.  With all the acting skills of a tube of Neosporin. Connor takes a single hot dog to the crocs.  Babysitter and her dog follow on a scooter.  The dog is going to get eaten. So does the baby sitter. 

The dead elk is now missing.  EPA Dad is pissing Sheriff Ironside off with all this shit.  They head back to the station to get a fish finder and shot guns. 

Oh shit, Babysitter didn't die.  The campers decide to go swimming.  The nerdy horny dude convinces the girls to skinny dip.  They don't, but he does spy on them while they change into their bikinis and take pictures as they talk about setting him up with one of their fat friends.  An Andre The Giant reference is made.  Then a croc eats him.  That's what you get for been a creep.

Oh shit, the crocs are coming to the house!  Connor reveals that he's been feeding the crocs.  I think she's going to slap him.  She doesn't.  Maybe she should have.  This is kind of all his fault. 

The hunters are about to shoot from the boat when a croc hits the boat and starts eating. Then one of the campers gets eaten.  The hunters come across the camper that was eaten.  One of them happened to know the guy, because he's the boyfriend of one of the campers.  COLLUSION. 

So as EPA Dad and Sheriff Ironside are shooting at crocs, the boat blows up.  Then one of the crocs jumps through the window of the house. You really fucked up, Connor.  Sheriff Ironside somehow avoids being eaten.  These crocs have some massive scale problems.  Sometimes they look like babies.  Sometimes they're bigger than a car.  Everyone dries off pretty quickly.

Mom again throws down the YOUR SON line.  Dad gets all up in Connor's shit for feeding the crocs and what not.  Connor brings it right back about how shitty they are as parents. Kid has a point.  

The stand off begins.  EPA Dad and Ironside get suck in a car.  Mom runs out of bullets and gets the chainsaw from the start of the movie.  Then promptly falls.  Connor...throws rocks at a giant croc. EPA Dad takes the chainsaw to the tail.  Cunty Babysiter has locked the family out.  What a shit. Good thing EPA Dad has a chainsaw handy.  Good.  Babysitter gets eaten for real this time.  Douche camper is eaten as well.  That dude has been a cunt the whole time even though I haven't talked about him. 

The hunters confront one of the crocs. Notice that these crocs look straight out of a PSX cut scene.  One dude gets his head bitten off.  The "cougar" gets dragged away. Another croc pulls Ironside's car into the lake and eats him. 

The "cougar" somehow survives being chewed up AND shot with a high powered hunting rifle from close range.  They make it to the cabin and Boyfriend starts threatening to shoot people because he has to find his girlfriend.  His girlfriend who went on a camping trip with some random dude. Boyfriend gets eaten.  "Cougar" somehow manages to cut off the croc's head with a knife. 

Everyone breaks into the market.  The owner shows up and gets eaten. This is dumb as fuck.  The big croc is killed when he's pumped full of gasoline and set on fire.  BOOM.  But what about the other 7?  As it turns out, there is at least one baby and one adult still left in the lake.  OMG.

 

Pros:

  • 3 naked ladies
  • Colin Ferguson puts on a really solid performance.  Far more than what you'd expect out of a SYFY Original sequel to a 1999 feature film.

 

Cons:

  • Everything else

 

If you like SYFY Originals, then go ahead and watch this.