Red Heat (1988)

Starring:

Plot:

A tough Russian policeman is forced to partner up with a cocky Chicago police detective when he is sent to Chicago to apprehend a Georgian drug lord who killed his partner and fled the country.

 

Look at those faux Cyrillic titles.  Look at that burly mother fucker shoveling coal.  Look at all these burly men in towels lifting weights.  Wait.  Is that a dude doing squats naked? That seems against code.  Naked women bathing.  What am I watching? Was that Masa Saito?  Arnold no sells a hot rock in his hands to start a fight. In a bath house.  In the tiniest of towels. LOL at Arnold screaming Russian.

Oh shit, it's really the Kremlin!  And some legit ass Russian music in a bar. Arnold is looking for someone in there. The group doesn't seem to like it, so Arnold press slams one of them.  Then RIPS HIS LEG OFF.  Oh, it was just a prosthetic.  And inside of it was cocaine. Naturally, this turns into a gun fight. The main baddie gets away after killing Arnold's bro.

To America we go.  You can tell it is America because there are billboards, jeans, and rock music. And black people.

Larry Fishburn, Jim Belushi, and Al Neri are hanging out spying on hookers before breaking into an apartment for a bust. I legit don't think I've seen Al Neri in anything except as Al Neri in The Godfather saga. Of course the drug dudes are black and this also leads to a gun fight and chase scene.  It's like Arnold and Belushi are the same people.

Due to this drug problem being connected between the two countries, Arnold heads to the US to partner with Neri and Belushi.  Belushi is a real dick for no reason.  Well, the reason being that Arnold is Russian.  And you can't trust a Russian. Arnie stays at the shittiest hotel imaginable because that's where one of the drug dudes stayed.  Pay TV.  That immediately plays porn.

So they head to the jail to pick up the Russian dude.  Russian dude says derogatory things about Mama Belushi. Well the black dudes return and get the Russian guy free.  Neri is dead. Arnold is stuck in the hospital with a concussion.

Arnold now decides he's going to go undercover.  By being a huge body builder wearing a green suit.  And being Russian. Oh, I should mention that Young Frankenstein's Monster is DA CHIEF.  

Jigsaw is a pimp who got pulled in.  Arnold is going to do his first American interogation.  Belushi is dirty as fuck.  But Arnold is violent. Arnold's way works better.  Jigsaw gives up the info and Arnold talks to the head black guy at the prison, whose big plan is to sell drugs to every white man in the world.  And his sister.

This takes them to a jazzercise class, where they talk the teacher who happens to be the wife of the Russian or something.  Belushi makes his second jerk off joke in less than 5 minutes.  They trail the woman but it was a SWERVE all along. Belushi makes a weirdly racist remark for no reason, calling the group of black guys a basketball team.

This goes back to the hospital, where one of the Russian dudes kills one of the other Russian dudes and is dressed as a lady.  Arnold kills him, but then he lets the girl go.

The Blussians show up at Arnold's apartment. Gun fight. Now they're chasing each other in buses.  I'm pretty checked out of this movie.  Certainly not in my Arnold fave five.

 

I didn't enjoy this.  Arnold is basically Russian Terminator while Belushi is as annoying as he possibly could be.  If you've ever seen Jim Belushi act, you know he is annoying as fuck even on a good day. He basically doesn't go a scene without making a dick joke, being a prick to women, being a prick to Arnold because he's Russian, or referring to shit. It's brutal.  This definitely rates at the bottom of the Arnold list for me, near Juniors, Twins, The Last Stand, and The Running Man.