Fast Five (2011)




Dominic Toretto and his crew of street racers plan a massive heist to buy their freedom while in the sights of a powerful Brazilian drug lord and a dangerous federal agent.


Oh no.  Vin Diesel has been sentenced to 25 years in prison.  Good thing he has friends with fast cars to break him out.  That one who died somehow gets the bus to flip over his car and somehow all of the prisoners survived.  But Vin has gone missing!  And now there is a man hunt for him, Paul Walker, and Hot Lady.

Oh look, it's that giant creepy statue of Jeeeeezus.  Paul Walker (former federal agent) and Hot Lady are staying at some bro's place down there.  Hot Lady is pregnant on the sly.  There is a job coming up, if they are interested in it. 

It sure appears that they're taking a job. Oh shit, it's VIN DIESEL!  So I guess the job was to steal cars from a moving train. There appears to be a SWERVE.  Vin totally kills a dude throwing him out of the train.  The truck used for stealing the cars gets ramped into the train and blows up.  Oh shit, a bridge!  Vin saves Paul. Don't worry.  Well, until they go flying off a cliff.  But they jumped out before impact so gravity and stuff.  And then they're caught.  Don't worry.  They escaped.

OH SHIT IT'S THE ROCK  He's coming for the Fast Three. And he has a bad attitude.  Dropping an F bomb in his first scene.

It appears the bro who set up the job is actually fucking them over.  Maybe.  Groot yells a lot.  Wait.  Is he actually Groot's brother?  And Hot Lady's brother?  Hot Lady and Groot are brother and sister?  Check.

Apparently Rock and his people have no interest in catching prisoners alive.  So there is a three way chase going on over the roof tops of favelas between the Fasters, The RockBI, and I guess drug cartel.  This woman is pregnant.  She shouldn't be running and jumping off of roofs.  She finally reveals that in the next scene.

Rock's group really enjoy tight shirts.  Groot and Paul have a touching conversation about fathers, now that Paul is about to be a father to Groot's sister's baby.  They have a new plan: Use the chip from the car that everyone seems to want to steal a ton of money and buy freedom.  And then they assemble their team. "11 million.  Sounds like a whole lot of vaginal activity to me." Is that all you think about, Tyrese?

The gang has to break into a police station where the bad guy hides his money.  They do this with a RC car.  Multiple retard jokes regarding Tyrese.  Ludacris has a vault fetish.  Good to know. Then they put a bomb in the pipes, so we get shit jokes. They have two dudes sneak in to fix the bathroom and are able to hack into the security system. Because most places keep their security wiring in the bathroom.

Each member does their job for the job, because they have a job to do.  Rock's people are tricked into thinking they were going to catch the Furiousers, but this is BRASIL.  

Just as they're about to start their plan, the Rock arrives. It's the Rock vs Groot!  Rock hits a big German suplex through a window, but Groot does a spear through a wall. Rock wins by default since the team got arrested.  But the bad guys were also waiting and ambush them. And then the Furiousers save Rock.  Groot's brother was hit during the ambush and doesn't make it.  I'm not sure if they're actually real brothers or "brothers".  Whatever.  Groot is going to look after his son. But now THE ROCK has joined the team! 

They go for brute force to get the vault instead of the stealth plan.  And now two cars are dragging this giant vault behind them.  Quite the tow cables to be fine dragging this vault through a bank. And hundreds of cars and shit.  I question the realism of this scene. Oh, Groot is going to sacrifice himself because Paul is going to be a father.  But he JUST said he was going to watch after that other dude's kid.  And now he's going to kill himself to save Paul Walker?   But he's such a good driver that he gets rid of all the cops anyway.  So like...they just demolished the entire police force in Rio, right?  Rock gives them 24 hours head start before he comes after them.  And it turns out they took the money already because they switched out vaults.  In a flash back.  

Happy endings for everyone.  Paul and Groot jerk each other off. 



Considering I haven't seen 1-4, this movie was very easy to follow, the characters, their dynamics, and motivations were clear and defined.  Action was easy to follow.  I jumped in at the 5th movie and has no problems.  It's fun and playful.  Dumb at times, but enjoyable.  Rock was pretty fun as a hard ass with a potty mouth.  Groot isn't a good actor.