007 The World is Not Enough (1999)

Starring:

Plot:

James Bond uncovers a nuclear plot when he protects an oil heiress from her former kidnapper, an international terrorist who can't feel pain. 

Wait.  Bond needs glasses?  Come on.  Moore and Connery were old as shit and didn't wear glasses.  I hope this is one of those great spy disguises.  This Clark Kent mother fucker. James Bond is the shittiest spy of all time. He never does spy work, always causes a scene, always reveals his name to EVERYONE. He's pretending to be a banker or something in Sweden.  Repelling out of buildings.  Hidden snipers.  Moneypenny throws a stolen cigar away instead of shoving it up her pussy. Stolen money is booby trapped and there is an explosion in MI6.  Bond goes after some broad in an unfinished boat he stole from Q. It's basically the Batboat.  DO A BARREL ROLL! Bond eventually ramps onto the road and drives around like in Octopussy.  Plus through a restaurant.  Although there are definitely no wheels on it so I don't know how he managed to do that for so long. The lady villain makes her way to a HOT AIR BALLOON, which Bond also is able to make it to. She blows it up when the jig is up.  

 

Title sequence is drops of water and oil.  The song...sounds like a Bond song, I guess.

I know how to hurt
I know how to heal
I know what to show
And what to conceal
I know when to talk
And I know when to touch
No-one ever die from wanting to much

[Chorus:]
The world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start...my love
And if you’re strong enough
Together we can take the world apart...my love

People like us
Know how to survive
There’s no point in living
If you can’t feel the life
We know when to kiss
And we know when to kill
If we can’t have it all
Then nobody will

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
(I...)I feel safe
(I...)I feel scared
(I...)I feel ready
(I...)And yet unprepared

[Chorus]

The world is not enough [x2]
No nowhere near enough...

Bond gets a doctor to fudge his medical report so he can work.  Is this a movie about WWE?

GADGETS:

A bagpipe that is also a machine gun and flame thrower. Q is pissed at Bond ruining his boat.  We're introduced to R (played by John Cleese), who is being groomed to replace Q. The new BMW has the normal shit, plus 6 cup holders. A coat that doubles as an inflatable ball thing. Q drops down into the floor because you should always have an escape plan.  Sadly, this was his last time in the role as he died in a car wreck shortly after.  I'm sure this was his last time as Q anyway, but it is more of a bummer that he died the way he did shortly after. 

Wait...touch screen CRT monitors?  It appears M has made things personal with Electra King.  We got us a bad guy with a bullet in his brain that basically turns him into Wolverine. A skiing chase scene?  Straight out of a Moore movie.

Bond has some x-ray glasses and uses it to look at guns and tits.

I'll be honest with you.  I have no idea what's going on because I've been drinking and half paying attention. Half might be exaggerating. I've been playing the horn line to Goldfinger over and over on my keyboard with various different instruments.  Thinking about writing a dark Bond song.  We're in Kazakhstan now. For some kind of weapon.  Idk.  I don't care that much.  Denise Richards is a nuclear scientist.  Named CHRISTMAS JONES.  What?  Fuck.  Fuck everything.

This is basically a shitty Roger Moore movie with a lot more explosives and CGI. Something about pipelines and oil.  Idk.  I can't say I care that much. There is a shoot out and chase and explosion but I legitimately have no idea why.  I stopped paying attention about 35 minutes in. Bond and Christmas get sent down an oil pipeline with a bomb and they let it blow up so everyone will think they are dead or something.

Bond kills the main girl who was actually bad at point blank range.  In front of M.  M is legit shook.

Line of the movie is the last line of the movie: "I thought Christmas only comes once a year." I'm pretty confident the character was named Christmas Jones just for that line.

Bond Girls:

Denise Richards is terrible in this.  Absolutely as bad as you'd expect her to be as a nuclear whatever.  Her delivery was such garbage.  Elektra King is pretty banging and also an evil genius, so there is that.


It's not a good movie.  It doesn't even feel like a Bond movie.  It feels like a generic Bond knock off.  Poor Pierce. 

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