WWF In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede 7/6/97
We are LIVE from Calgary, where Bret Hart still has fans and Stone Cold Steven Austin is a cunt. King has the most ludicrous cowboy hat on. You see, Calgary is basically the Texas of Canada.
HHH vs Mankind
I can't lie. Chyna is looking pretty good, friends. Since the KOTR, this feud has only picked up steam. "Mankind, a master of mayhem." God damn it, Vince. That's some Matt Striker shit. Mankind hits the double arm DDT moments in and then does a courtesy. It quickly heads to the floor. Cactus Elbow right in front of the Hart family. God, Teddy Hart looked like a cunt even when he was 12. Little sack of shit. I hope he's pissed that Tyson Kidd stole his cat gimmick. "Prime minister of Parts Unknown." Come on. Look at that SCOOPS sign. The ref gets an elbow to the face, which allows Chyna to hip toss/powerslam Mankind knees first into the steps. No wonder he can't walk. HHH sticks to the leg for a while. Pretty fitting that Mankind stole Sting's "accidental" headbutt low blow spot since HHH steals so many Flair spots. BOMAYE in the corner. Pulling piledriver only gets a two count. Back to the floor again. Chyna knocks the shit out of Mankind. Again. She's a real ball buster. That's a pun. But also literal because she busts balls. Both men are counted out brawling into the crowd. Officials are finally able to pull them apart.
Michael PS Cunt does the voice over for a recap of the weekend activities.
TO THE CUNT. Mike, and by that I mean Dok, speaks with the Hart Foundation. Austin interrupts the promo, but is dragged away by officials.
Taka Michinoku vs The Great Sasuke
Vince and JR are saying "light heavyweights", but Fink is saying "junior heavyweight". There were supposed to be pre-recorded comments with Sasuke, but they never came because Mankind and HHH were brawling back into the crowd. LOL at the smark walking by with a THIS IS WORK RATE sign. That should have been TNA's catch phrase. It's pretty clear that Sasuke is the one Vince wants here. He and JR are putting him over HUGE. Much, much more than Taka. King brings up Antonio Inoki and the Japanese style psychology, while JR talks up Tiger Mask. Pretty even opening moments until Sasuke tries to spin kick Taka's head off. Taka responds with a palm strike. Taka gets sent to the floor which gives us our first dive of the match: Sasuke trying a karate kick from the top that mostly missed. He absolutely hit the disgusting spinning back left right front back left spin wheel sole butt kick in the corner. Christ. Brutal. No worries. Moments later Taka is hitting his no hands dive as Vince calls him a samurai warrior. Fans started silent, but are getting into this match. Not that big of a shock since Stampede often brought in Japanese guys and used the high risk junior style more regularly than traditional WWF areas. Michinoku Driver only gets a 2 count. He's legit shook. Sasuke wins with a thunder fire bomb followed by a tiger suplex. Fun match. Especially by WWF cruiser standards, which isn't hard since they filled their ranks with guys like Brian Christopher and Scott Putski. But god damn, you'd think Vince or JR would know how to pronounce Taka's name. Fucking brutal.
TO THE BACK. HHH and Mankind are still fighting.
TO THE CUNT. Mike gets some words with Vader and Paul Bearer. Vader lucked out. This was supposed to be Ahmed vs Taker, but Ahmed of course got injured. Paul has let the cat out of the bag that Taker killed his whole family. Is that a shoot?
Vader vs Undertaker WWF Championship
Lol, Vader ain't shit. No chance he wins the title. It's a proven, scientific fact. WWF Vader ain't shit. His last PPV match had him audibly telling Ken Shamrock to stop hitting him so hard. Multiple times. He's 400 fucking pounds and known for stiffing the shit out of people. Yet there he was, basically crying on camera about getting hit too hard. WCW Vader wouldn't have pulled that shit. Japan Vader wouldn't have pulled that shit. You're a fat piece of shit, LEON. Taker starts off a house of fire. Or is it on fire? Does it matter? Probably not. WWF Vader is so ain't shit that HBK made him cry. That is the HEIGHT of ain't shit. Vader slows things down with...a side headlock. Things head to the floor and it isn't very interesting. How do you fuck up two of the best big men in history? This isn't even the first time these two have had a boring match. Paul Bearer's hideous face and voice are the only highlights. "MURDERER! MURDERER! I ain't doing a damn thing." Taker did hit a dope flying clothesline at least. About 800X better than Kane's. Of course, Vader really can't get any offense unless Paul is running interference. The hot as shit crowd wills Taker back into the match. If they're this hot for Ain't Shit Vader, imagine how they'll react when the Hart's come out. I guess blatant low blows are legal now that things are getting more attitudinal. Vader fucks up the tombstone reversal spot. That's right. Taker was able to pick Vader up to his shoulders and keep his balance while bending backwards, but Vader couldn't even land on his feet. Taker gives his own low blow and hits a chokeslam from the second rope. Vader kicks out. A standard chokeslam also only gets a 2 count. Tombstone for the win. Title retained. I guess it was better than their previous match.
TO THE CUNT. Dok speaks with Team USA. For some reason, Austin calmly holding a Coke makes me laugh. He doesn't even talk. Just hanging out with his Coke.
The group Farmer's Daughter sings the Canadian national anthem. The Premier of Alberta and the Hart Family are introduced.
Hart Foundation vs Steve Austin/Legion of Doom/Goldust/Ken Shamrock
The hype video is all about GANG WARZ. Austin gets a "Roman Reigns wins the Royal Rumble" reaction. Then the Hart Foundation comes out and gets a pop so big it shakes the hard cam. Pillman alone gets a bigger reaction than anyone besides Daniel Bryan has had in years in WWE. JIM NEIDHART got a huge pop. By the time Bret came out, the place was literally shaking. His music and Fink are both drowned out by the roar. And it is a constant roar. It isn't a pop for the music and sit on your hands thing. It's DOPE.
Austin and Bret start the match. Bret opens up a can of whoop ass, the fans still haven't stopped roaring, the hard cam is shaking, and the announcers lay out so you can soak this shit in. So rad. Austin uses his cheating American ways and stomps his own mud hole. Bret nearly wins with the WM8 finish right at the start. LOL at Anvil trying to size up Shamrock like he was going to start checking kicks or some shit. Pillman is WAY over in Calgary. I think Bret is the only one more over than him. Well, Owen gets a massive reaction when he tags in, so who knows. The Harts are over as fuck is what I'm trying to say. What's most amazing is that the fans haven't tired themselves out yet. They've been super hot all night, but of course particularly hot for this entire thing even before the match started. Austin gets into a fight with Bruce Hart. Bruce is a cunt, though. If any Hart deserved to get hit, it's him. Austin injures Owen's leg with a chair and Owen is taken to the back. Bret returns the favor with a fire extinguisher. Austin is also forced to the back. Match wise, or at least story wise, it's really not special. But the crowd makes it dope. In fact, I couldn't really tell you what the story is here. There is Austin and Owen being hurt and sent to the back, Pillman running around breaking things up and being wacky, and that's kind of it. Austin hobbles back out and beats on Bret. He locks on the sharpshooter. Owen hobbles back and breaks it. Austin again gets all tied up with the Harts. In the confusion, Owen gets the win with a school boy. Harts win! Harts win!
The brawl continued after the match. The ring fills with officials, security, and Hart family members. A Canadian riot. The last 5 minutes of the show is devoted to the Hart family celebrating in the ring. All of them. There are like 400 members of that family. Including young Tyson Kidd, Teddy Hart, Davey Jr., and Nattie.
Dope show. 2 hours is really the sweet spot for a wrestling show. Any more than that and things start to drag. Here, you had 4 matches, all got time to do their things, with an immensely hot crowd to enjoy them. That's a lot better than a 3 hour show with 8 matches with the crowd reacting to maybe 2 of them. This is a show that proves how important a hot crowd is. A hot crowd can make anything seem like the greatest match.
What I do find funny in retrospect is that WWE openly complains about Canada being Bizarro Land on TV, yet they themselves started and encouraged that reaction during the Harts vs USA feud. The fans did what they wanted SO WELL that WWE got pissed about it.