WWF In Your House 13: Final Four 2/16/97
HBK has vacated the title because he didn't want to work with Bret, so now the last four guys at the Rumble are going to have a match to determine the next champion.
Marc Mero vs Leif Cassidy
Al gets a jobber entrance. On a PPV. Mero is a little more aggressive tonight. So is Sable, who throws a kick at Al. Al focuses on the leg. I'm sure it won't matter and Mero will do his moonsault and SSP anyway. Poor Al. Couldn't get into the Rumble, but a bunch of AAA dudes no one cared about did. And in fact, after getting his knee worked for the whole match, Mero was still able to do a suicide dive and win via SSP. Of course. Why even bother to do a match based on leg work if you're going to do your flying moves anyway?
Oh no. It's the Honky Tonk Man. FUCK. At least when he comes out they cut to HBK losing his smile on Raw and then never cut back to him or mention him again.
TO THE HERMIE. Kevin speaks with Sid, who will face the winner of the main event tomorrow night on Raw for the title.
Flash Funk/Bart Gunn/Goldust vs Nation of Domination
What a weird ass team. The match starts with NOD getting bounced from the ring and Flash diving on them. I'd be okay if this was just Scorp vs Faarooq or something. Flash is in for most of the match and NOD wins off of a leg drop. The fuck? This match was also shorter than Al Snow vs Johnny B. Badd.
TO THE CUNT. Hayes speaks with Stone Cold. Austin gets all up in his ass for being a mealy mouthed son of a bitch. There is a C-O-N SPIRACY against Austin.
HHH vs Rocky Maivia WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rocky won the title on Raw with a small package. He's also from "The South Pacific". He was born in California and had been in Miami for years. IC title seems way early for a dude who hadn't been wrestling for a full 2 years yet. It's pretty easy to see why fans turned on Rocky. Considering the direction the company had been heading in, he was super out of place as old school white meat baby face pandering kind of shit. Also being brand new and getting pushed so hard. I mean people turned on HBK, who had been around much longer and proven his talent. And by the start of 1997, everyone was a shade of asshole, face and heel. Just out of place and out dated. HHH controls the pace. This is definitely not one of the great matches they'd have later. Rock has something, but not IT. Not yet, at least. Hunter might have killed himself on the float over DDT. Goldust comes out and distracts HHH. Rock wins with a German suplex. Title retained. After the match, a super jacked woman grabs Marlena from the crowd and tries to choke her to death.
TO THE HERMIE. "Stone Cold Steve Austin. You've done let that canader, that gator butt, get that canary mouth in trouble, brotha." That's a quote from Vader.
Furnas & LaFon vs Owen Hart/British Bulldog WWF Tag Team Championships
I figured this would happen at the December show, building off Survivor Series, but nope. Wait until February and not even have Furnas or LaFon at the December or January PPVs. LaFon is kind of awkward. He looks weird and has an odd way of moving. Must be the French thing. Because OUI OUI FROG WHITE FLAG SURRENDER blah blah blah. LaFon gets double teamed for a while. Owen and Bulldog start arguing. They've been having issues lately. Owen accidentally drills Bulldog with the wheel kick. Then they full on break down into a brawl and Bulldog lays him out. But he still broke up the pin when Owen was about to lose. Tag champs that can't get along: Russo tradition. Owen gets hit with a series of combos, including a BRUTAL DDT. Damn. He kicked out. He and Bulldog have some more miscommunications. As Bulldog had LaFon up for the powerslam, Owen hit Phil with his Slammy right in front of the ref, causing a disqualification. The champs lose, but titles retained due to the DQ. Bulldog breaks Owen's Slammy after the match.
TO THE CUNT. He's somewhere with Taker. Edge. Darkside. Creatures. Stuff like that.
Vader vs Steve Austin vs Undertaker vs Bret Hart WWF Championship
The match immediately pairs off in the way you'd imagine. Vader still looks afraid to hit anyone. He gets a chair booted into his face, which busts him open. Maybe the stairs did it. Whatever did it, his eye is a mess. Just a bunch of wild brawling. Vader's eye is fucking gross. He doesn't seem to hold back with Austin, at least. Vader and Bret brawl into the crowd for a bit. A whole lot of punches and a whole lot of low blows. Vader misses a moonsault. Austin is the first eliminated, having been dumped over the top rope by Bret. I forgot to mention that over the top rope eliminations counted in this. Maybe there is a good reason to eliminated the guy with the most momentum first. Bret superplexes Vader. Austin comes back to fuck Bret up. Vader is eliminated by an uppercut to the balls while he was setting up the Vader Bomb. Bret ends up eliminated Taker while he was distracted with Austin. Bret Hart is the new WWF Champion! This sure was...something. Non-stop brawling for 20 some minutes
All that momentum from the end of the year is really stalled out. I don't know what happened, but whatever happened made the shows a drag for the past 2 months. Probably completely random ass matches with guys no one cares about (who can't do the impressive stuff cruisers did in WCW to overcome such things).