WWF In Your House 9: International Incident 7/21/96

On the Free For All, Cornette and Jose Lothario had a debate.  It ended with Jose punching Corny.  Vader ran down and HBK saved Jose.

TO THE BACK.  The Body Donnas already have dumped Cloudy.  

Smoking Gunns vs Body Donnas

This is a non title match.  Wait.  The Body Donnas are slapping hands on the way to the ring.  Are they really faces?  For real?  The ref is Harvey Wippleman. They felt the need to point that out.  King berries the shit out of the Body Donnas, which leads me to believe they are indeed faces.  Or King is trying to fuck Sunny.  Jake Roberts was supposed to be on this show, but won't be due to injuries.  That won't be the only guy scheduled who isn't on the show, but we will get to that later.  Sunny randomly rolls to the floor and acts hurt to distract Skip.  Then she slaps him.  SWERVE.  Fuck the Smoking Gunns.  Fucking LOOOOOOOOOOL at Billy not being able to do the WGTT leap frog spot. God.  I can't believe he ended up having a 10 year WWE career, then multiple years in TNA, and now back in WWE.  He's clearly one of those guys who falls into "Well, we put so much money into him already, we should find something for him" category.  The Body Donnas got the win.  Shame it was non-title.  Hopefully they get a title match and I don't have to watch it.

TO THE MEAN PERFECT.  Perfect talks with Team Cornette.  Corny again throws out the switch blade line about Jose.  If Team Cornette loses, Corny will refund everyone in the crowd and everyone who buys the PPV. Surprise surprise, Warrior flaked out.  Sid has replaced him.

Mankind vs Henry Godwinn

What a weird match up. Like...who wanted to see this?  What a downgrade from Taker to Henry Godwinn. It was supposed to be Mankind vs Jake Roberts, which is still a downgrade. The only highlight was Mankind getting slammed from the apron to the exposed floor. Mankind wins with the mandible claw after countering the slop drop.

TO THE BACK.  The Body Donnas and Smoking Gunns are on the Superstar Line.  Brian Pillman is a member of the announce team and claims the BDs only took the match because they wanted to fuck Sunny.  "They wanna double team Sunny!"

Steve Austin vs Marc Mero

Poor Mero.  Still has no idea how to work not as Johnny B. Badd.  You can see him start to do Badd mannerisms and stop himself. This is pretty slow paced.  Mero does the same roll up that busted Austin's lip at the KOTR.  Austin sells it like his lip got busted open again, but then poked Marc in the eye.  RUSE! Slingshot into the ring post.  The Wildman is out. Austin dominates.  He tries a powerbomb, which is weird, but it was just to set up a rana over the ropes.  Mero follows it with a moonsault from the apron.  Couldn't even do it from the ropes.  Marlena and the Usher came out and delivered a gift to the commentary team.  Stunner is blocked.  Slingshot leg drop is not, but Austin kicks out anyway.  He chop blocks Mero and hits a stunner for the win.  Two PPVs in a row of defeating Marc Mero.  His career is on the rise!

MR. BACKLUND is campaigning to be president of the United States...in Canada.

Goldust vs The Undertaker

I guess now that Goldy lost his title, Taker can get a win. Unsurprisingly, much stalling from Goldy. A lot.  Before and during the match.  Chokeslam ass first on the steps.  That was weird. Goldy works for a long time to try to get a buckle pad off.  1996 PPVs feel like everyone is working a house show match. Everything is so...plodding. Goldy gets his offense when he sends Taker into the exposed buckle and then drops the steps on him. The tombstone connects. Just then, Mankind pops out from under the ring and drags Taker into the hole.  The lights flicker and smoke comes out of the hole.  The dongs play a lot but nothing happens.  Undertaker shit is so dumb.  OH SHIT Taker pops out of a hole on the other side of the ring!  HE HAS RISEN. They brawl to the back and then a Summerslam ad airs.

TO THE BACK.  The fight continues in what appears to be a boiler room.  Too bad it is too dark to see anything.

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes gets some words with the People's Posse.  Hayes looks at Sid's dick. Very unprofessional.  LOL "You know, Mike, amdbiand meanin to say, Dok."  Why they fuck didn't they have Michael Hayes as Michael Hayes?  I'll never understand that.  He was there to be on the broadcast team, not wrestling.  They didn't change Jim Ross's name to Willie Cash or anything. Of course, the main event was set up to have the Warrior instead of Sid.  Warrior flaked again and Sid replaced him.  Vince felt SID was more dependable than Warrior.  Think about that. I wonder if that mean Warrior was going to get the title in 1996.

People's Posse vs Camp Cornette

The people are so happy to see HBK in Canada that they break through the guard rail. I suppose Bulldog and Vader have worked out their WCW issues.  I suppose Sid and HBK have worked out their 1995 issues.  Vader wants to start with HBK.  I'm amazed he didn't tag out immediately considering how shitty he's been booked.  Let's see.  To start off, HBK had an even lock up with Vader.  Then reverses the powerbomb, knocks him to the floor, and hits a plancha.  HBK's offense comes to a halt when he hits the guard rail on his own. Sid gets a tag and knocks the shit out of everyone. This would be a perfect time for first bumps.  A chest bump is related, at least. Ahmed comes in and hits the ugliest rolling Germans on Owen.  Then hits the spinebuster and PRP on Bulldog and almost had the match ended before Vader broke the pin.  Fans are chanting for Sid. I'm okay with Ahmed and Sid beating Vader down.  I'm not okay with HBK doing the same thing.  Ahmed catches Vader, walks with him, and then does a powerslam.  This is extra fat Vader, too. Ahmed so stronk.  He also full on slammed Yoko when Yoko was at least 150 pounds bigger than when Lex did it. Bulldog hits the stalling suplex on Sid.  Sid kicks out WITH AUTHORITY.  I think King just made a Sudden Infant Death Syndrome joke.  You can hear Vince thinking, "Hmm, I should put the title on Sid".  These turnbuckles sound like they fucking hurt.  HBK goes from going shoulder first into the ring post to taking out all 3 heels within seconds.  New Gen face HBK is the worst.  Owen tries to win with a rolling spladle, but Earl was way late on the pin.  COLLUSION.  Despite HBK being the best guy on his team, the match is at its worst when he's in the ring.  Because New Gen face HBK fucking sucks. He basically wrestles like John Cena but with more bumps. Remember, he had a stalemate collar and elbow with VADER. Vader, who is about 4 inches taller and 200 pounds heavier.  And the announcers didn't even think it was unusual or shocking. A fan tries to hit the ring while HBK is in a standing anaconda choke. Extended heat segment on HBK.  He finally makes the hot tag to Ahmed, which Earl missed even though he was looking right at it. Hot tag to Sid.  Chokeslam to Vader!  Chokeslam to Owen!  Chokeslam to Bulldog!  Sid somehow tags Ahmed in for a double team and then tags HBK in for a double team.  Corny distracts HBK. Vader gets the tennis racquet.  HBK takes it and hits Vader, getting a 2 count.  Corny stops the super kick.  Jose decks him.  Vader hits the Vader Bomb for the win.  Bulldog and Owen get powerbombed after the match.  Vader avoids it, but not the plancha from HBK.  Don't worry, even though Shawn lost, the show ended with his music.

TO THE COLOSSEUM HOME VIDEO EXTRA.  The cunt talks with G-Rilla.  He books Taker vs Mankind in the first ever boiler room brawl at Summerslam.  Cornette shows up and demands a title shot for Vader.  

 

Main event was a lot of fun when HBK wasn't in the ring.  He's really insufferable during this period.  He does shit like, "You know, I should over power Vader and Bulldog" and "I should let them get heat on me only when I fuck up and then make fools out of all 3 heels at once when I should be selling something".  His promos are annoying as shit.  He's a shit head.