WWF In Your House 8: Beware of Dog 5/26/96 and 5/28/96

HHH vs Marc Mero

1996 Sable is 1000% hotter than 1998 Sable.  Johnny B. Badd vs Terra Ryzing in a WWF ring.  The action is fast and furious as Marc Mero is a WILDMAN.  He's so WILD!  OUTTA CONTROL!  He looks like he dropped a lot of mass between WCW and WWF.  Maybe it's the lack of tassels.  HHH gets no offense until Johnny runs into the ring post like a dumb dumb.  WILD.  Then he gets sent into the opposite post. Mero looks SO lost not being able to do any of the Johnny B. Badd stuff. Fucking SMARKS in the front row throwing Kliq signs at HHH.  King hits on HHH's woman of the night. HHH stays on that arm like it was a blueberry.  BERRIED.  Wtf, HHH trying to work a cross arm breaker in 1996.  And he gets it fully applied.  That's as weird as when he was doing spin kicks and cutters for a while.  HHH is doing what he can, and the match makes sense logically, but it isn't very interesting. Mero is just an empty body in this.  Suddenly, HHH gets crotched and Mero hits a super rana.  HE'S GETTING WILD! Then he misses a tope and blows his knee out.  HHH threw off the pedigree to taunt Sable.  Big mistake.  Wait.  Sable was always wearing leather and had a cat o' nine tails with her.  That isn't PG.  Mero wins after a sling shot that sends HHH all the way into the ring post.  WAY too long. I think it could have been half as long, told the same story, and been more interesting due to faster pace.

TO THE MEAN PERFECT. I can't handle a Jim Cornette promo at 2:30 AM.  This was in a period where HBK was accused of sexual harassment by Diana Smith and some other women.  Owen has a manager's license for tonight. Elsewhere, Dok talked to HBK about the same shit.

British Bulldog vs Shawn Michaels WWF Championship

The reason this is on second is because on the night of this show, there was a strong storm in the area that knocked out the power.  The PPV went off the air and the matches were performed in the dark.  Two nights later, they reaired this and the HHH match and redid the other matches that didn't make it to the first broadcast.  Clearance Masonry talks before the match about trying to ruin Bulldog's marriage and shit. HBK is served a subpoena in the middle of the ring.  For alienation of affection.  Shawn rips it up.  Bulldog attacks from behind to start the match. It doesn't take long for HBK to be in control and doing dives and shit because Vince's HBK boner was obnoxious.  You know what makes for a good match for a live crowd after half the show has been in the dark?  Extended headlock and arm bar sequences.  Oh shit.  Short arm scissors.  That can only mean: BACKLUND LIFT!  Owen can be heard telling a fan to go climb a tree.  Diana implores Bulldog to wipe the mat with HBK.  This is far slower paced than you'd imagine.  I think it is slower than Bulldog vs Diesel.  I wonder why those SMART MARKS in the front row aren't too sweeting HBK.  Things start to speed up only for HBK to trip and fall to the floor.  Was it part of the match?  Was HBK just fucked up and tripped?  The world may never know. I'm sure Bret loved an angle where HBK was trying to fuck his sister. Again as the match is starting to speed up, there is a ref bump.  Owen tries to get involved and gets superkicked.  A second ref comes to the ring to continue the match.  HBK does a German suplex and gets the pin.  But wait.  Bulldog's music plays.  He's announced as the NEW WWF Champion!  WHAT HAPPENED?! But wait again.  The original ref says HBK won.  Diana steals the title and leaves with it. Gorilla Monsoon snatches it back from her. G-Rilla declares the match a draw and a rematch will happen later.

Steve Austin vs Savio Vega Caribbean Strap Match

This is where part 2 begins.  Ted declared on Raw the night before that he'd leave the WWF if Austin lost. Mr. Perfect and JR do the commentary for this.  Austin does a lot of stalling and does anything he can to avoid the strap.   He can't avoid it for long.  I think he got hit in the face.  Savio is the first to attempt to actually win the match. If you like people getting whipped, you'll probably like this.  Because they whip the dog shit out of each other. Strappage, brother.  Savio is about to win when Austin just spinebusts the shit out of him.  The tombstone reversal spot ends with Savio falling over the ropes.  Can't believe they even teased it.  Taker gonna fuck them both up.  Austin gets pulled from the top rope into the guard rail.  Austin hits a piledriver.  Ted calls for another. It is reversed. Savio ends up winning and Ted is gone from the WWF. Extremely physical, but shit, how many times can you see a dude hit another dude with a strap for 20 minutes?

TO THE BACK.  HBK tries to use an AOL chat room.

Vader vs Yokozuna

HOSSES.  More like fatties.  Vader broke Yoko's leg about 7 weeks earlier.  Vader is...a chicken shit heel?  What the fuck.  Whose decision was that? When they finally get around to doing something, Vader gets mowed over and knocked to the floor. Yoko then tries to break Vader's leg.  For revengeance.  Yoko takes 2 bumps and looks like he's about to die.  Vader looks like a pussy who stalls, is a chickenshit, and only gets offense via cheap shots.  Also can't slam Yoko.  JR says Ahmed Johnson is the only person to have slammed Yokozuna.  You know, that's probably why Eric mentioned Lex beating Yoko on Nitro one time. Corny gets involved and headbutted.  Yoko misses a banzai drop on him.  Vader hits the Vader Bomb for the win.  TERRIBLE booking of Vader.  What the fuck, Vince?  Absolutely terrible.  Bring in a dude like Vader, a dude who destroyed WCW for the prior 4 years, have him fuck everyone up in the Rumble on his first night, wipe out the whole ref squad and Gorilla Monsoon the next night.  His first PPV singles match has him being a cowardly chickenshit heel who can only get offense via cheating and Corny interfering.  Terrible.  To protect the morbidly obese Yoko who couldn't work for more than 3 minutes without looking like he was going to die?

Goldust vs Undertaker WWF Intercontinental Championship Casket Match

Taker teleports into the ring behind Goldy.  Got dang cheater. Typical WWE face.  JR has to stop himself from saying Goldust was on Queer Street.  He wanted to.  You could hear him think it.  He almost said it and stopped himself.  Such restraint. I know that must have been hard for him.  Taker absolutely dominates. Goldy COMPLETELY misses on his uppercut from the mat.  Completely.  Yet still made the slapping sound.  Then he hit a shitty tombstone on Taker, which is mostly no sold. Taker gets put out with a sleeper.  Goldy can't close the casket.  You can't kill a dead man, dumb dumb.  Goldy tries Old School and gets arm dragged.  Tombstone. OH MY GOD MANKIND WAS IN THE CASKET!  WHAT THE FUCK!  MY GOD!  WHAT.  NO.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  GOLDUST WINS!  Title retained. Mankind locks the casket.  Then the casket starts smoking.  When the casket is opened, Taker was gone.  Kids in the front row can be heard laughing.   

Not an interesting show by my watch.  Mero/HHH was too long and boring.  Title match was way too slow and ended with a non finish.  Vader/Yoko was the shittiest booking possible for Vader.  Main event was a shitty casket match.  I do find it interesting that while Vince was airing WCW attack adds for stealing their talent, he had a PPV card with Johnny B. Badd, Jean Pierre Levesque, Mean Mark, Dustin Rhodes, Stunning Steve Austin, Vader, and Cactus Jack.