HBK has gone full piece of shit, as evidenced by the show opening video. DX is together, although I'm not positive if they have the name yet.
Goldust vs Brian Pillman Indecent Proposal Match
Goldy thought the feud was over until Pillman claimed that Dakota was actually his love child. If Goldust wins, Pillman will leave the WWF forever. If Pillman wins, Marlena will be his personal assistant for 30 days. Goldy attacks before the bell and goes to town on Pillman. Pillman ran after Marlena only to get hit with a Stun Gun on the steps. Goldy then focuses on the balls and bad leg of Pillman. Unsurprisingly uninteresting considering Goldy had almost no good matches in his first run and Pillman wasn't capable of it anyway. Pillman did return to his signature bump of going off the ropes sternum first into the guard rail, but he couldn't stick the landing due to his ankle. Ref bump. Marlena tried to hit Pillman with her purse. Instead, he takes it, drills Goldust, and gets the win. Marlena belongs to Pillman for 30 days. Pillman fights with her and drags her to the back while King basically tells him to have fun raping her for the next month. Inside the purse was a brick.
TO THE BACK. Pillman throws Marlena into his car and quickly leaves the building with her fighting to get out. That's pretty fucked. Goldy has a shit fit in the locker room.
Scott Putski vs Brian Christopher
I don't understand what the point of the King/Christopher angle was. I don't think it would get Christopher less heat to just be King's son out right. For comparison's sake, WCW had Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Jericho as their cruiser match on their September 1997 PPV. The match only lasts a few minutes because Putski injured his knee on a Christopher dive. He couldn't continue and the Grandmasta wins via count out. King tries to stall for time with jokes like, "Better get him to a hospital. You know what that is Scott, it's a big building with patients. HAHAHA." Didn't appreciate the zoom into Putski's dislocated knee cap.
Crush vs Savio Vega vs Faarooq
NOD EXPLODES. Also, fuck. Gang Warz shit is the worst. Get this shit out of here. God damn this goes on FOREVER. Never has 11 1/2 minutes felt so long. Savio pinned Crush with the spinning heel kick right after Crush had put Faarooq down with the heart punch. NEVER AGAIN.
El Torito vs Max Mini
Oh great, a whole match of midget jokes from King. Can't wait. Lol with in the opening 30 seconds they're getting better reactions than the entire triple threat. There is a lot of ass biting from Torito. And then Max bites the ref's ass. Jack Doan chases Max around the ring. Max then jumps in King's lap. Well, right size, but wrong age. Maybe wrong gender. Idk. King strikes me as the type to fuck anyone under the age of 18 regardless of gender or orientation. This match is full of lucha fuckery and midget jokes. Max won with a sunset flip after botching a victory roll.
TO THE COMMISSIONER. JR and Commissioner Slaughter are in the ring and bring Steve Austin and Dude Love out to relinquish the WWF Tag Team Championships. Dude comes out first and thought about defending the titles solo, but felt it was wrong since he wouldn't have the title without Austin to begin with. You can faintly hear Vince react off mic to Austin's pop. "I want you to blow it out your ass!" Austin gives Vince shit and then really gets into Sarge's ass. Sarge gets the belts. JR wishes Austin a speedy recovery. Austin wishes him a KICK WHAM STUNNER! JR does a stretcher job (except there wasn't a stretcher, which Vince was pissed about at ringside).
TO THE CUNT. Dok speaks with Owen and Bulldog. Owen thinks it is bullshit what Austin just did to such a fine man and color commentator as JR. That's ASSAULT, brotha.
LOL Vince straight up calls Austin a jackass after all of this while explaining why Austin isn't allowed to get in the ring right now.
TO THE COLE. Cole gets to speak with LOD. Cole has not aged well. Hawk has aged better.
Headbangers vs Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs Godwinns vs Legion of Doom WWF Tag Team Championships
I wonder who personally made the decision to hire the Godwinns and the Headbangers, and who personally made the decision to put them in the same match. LOD gets disqualified for using the Godwinns's bucket on the Godwinns's heads. But there should be no disqualifications. Headbangers eliminate the Godwinns. The match continues for a few minutes until Stone Cold runs out and hits a stunner OUTTA NOWHERE on Owen. Headbangers win. New champions! To no doubt the loudest pop the Headbangers ever received, even though it was piggy backed off of Austin's pop.
TO THE BACK. The Headbangers celebrate with the fans and buy hot dogs at the concessions stand. Elsewhere, JR complains to Sarge about Austin. "They can kiss my 3:16 ass is what they can do." JR's ass will not be back if Vince doesn't get this shit stopped.
TO THE SUNNY. Patriot is 1-0 against Bret. The title is coming home to the good ol' U S of A.
TO THE COLE. Bret says that everything he does in this match is like doing it to all the fans that turned on him.
Bret Hart vs The Patriot WWF Championship
The pre-match hype video focused on Patriot's career as a football player and footage of his time in AJPW, including Misawa hitting him with a frog splash.
That's Kurt Angle! Oh. Never mind. Despite being in the US and going up against the evil Canadian Bret Hart, Patriot didn't get a good reaction at all. It's mostly indifference or booing. Bret also gets a negative reaction, so I don't expect much heat from this match. Bret is immediately in control and far more aggressive at the start of a match than he normal is. But once Patriot gets into it, Bret is a lot of fun as a stoogy chicken shit heel. Patriot focuses on Bret's arm to zero heat. Bret gets bored and starts stomping the shit out of Patriot's knee. This gets a negative reaction, but Patriot can't get a positive reaction. It's weird. Bulldog strolls out. This gets an Austin chant. Steve Austin isn't even in the match and gets more heat than Patriot. Bulldog gets knocked off the apron. Roll up. 12HEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T! Uncle Slam! Bulldog blatantly pulls Bret's leg to the ropes right in front of the ref because EVERYONE was in the wrong position for the spot. Vader comes out and joins Patriot in beating on Bulldog. Then Bret attacks Vader. The ref watches two dudes interfering ant attacking the participants and has no intention of calling for a DQ. Well, that's BULLSHIT. Bret has a right to complain about this one. Ref bump. Another Uncle Slam. Bret got his foot on the ropes after a delayed pin. Bret wins via sharpshooter. Title retained. This was a fine match that would have been pretty good if the fans gave any semblance of a shit about The Patriot. Bret chokes him with the American flag after the match. He also decked Pat Patterson.
TO THE COLE. Cole caught up with Bret and Bulldog. LOSERS. EVERYONE IS A LOSER. TAKER IS A LOSER. HBK IS A LOSER. PATRIOT IS A LOSER. VADER IS A LOSER. LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER.
Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels
HBK's pyro is mistimed. It's a bad omen. Also a bad omen is that Taker starts the match by knocking out the ref. HBK tries to leave. Commissioner Slaughter won't allow it. Taker then throws the ref at Shawn. HBK again tries to run away, this time up the stage. But there was no one home. Press slam on the stage. NOT THE POTTED PLANTS! HBK is bumping around like he did in the Hogan match. I have a feeling Taker isn't going to take that shit for very long. This really isn't even a match since there isn't a ref around. It's just Taker knocking the dog shit out of HBK. Sarge sends Earl Hebner out so the match can actually start. And it finally does, with HBK hitting a chop block 10 minutes into this. It's not long until Taker is knocking the shit out of Shawn again. HBK is a real piece of shit. He spat his gum at fans during his entrance and then stopped selling to spit right in someone's face in the front row. Second ref bump. Technically, the first, as the first ref bump was before the match officially began. Shawn hits two flying elbows. Rick Rude saunters down. Earl is bumped again on Taker's kick out. Rude throws HBK some brass knuckles. Down goes Taker. A third ref comes out. Taker kicks out! HHH and Chyna are also at ringside. Third ref is bumped. Russo as fuck. HBK helps Earl up only to throw him into the turnbuckle. SWERVE. The crowd suddenly died. Two dudes in the front row REALLY hated HHH, repeatedly and angrily screaming that he was a fag. Fucking LOOOOOL at Vince claiming it was HBK's belly button ring and not the brass knuckles that Taker pulled from Shawn's tights. HBK gets decked yet is somehow able to kick out. Earl gets chokeslammed. Tim White shows up and finally throws the match out. HHH decks White after the match. DX tries to beat up Taker, but get knocked all around. Agents come out and get laid out. Tombstone to HHH. The locker room clears out and also gets knocked around. This is just like my favorite episode of Nitro. Taker breaks free and does a tope that takes out the heel roster.
That main event was RUSSO AS FUCK. Holy shit. 4 refs, I think 6 ref bumps, 3 run ins during the match, the entire locker room after the match. And the match itself didn't even start until close to 10 minutes into the action. It was a lot of fun seeing HBK get knocked around, though. He had it coming. It's about fucking time someone knocked the shit out of him. This was HBK's best match in about a year. It did go on too long, though. The match itself was around 16 minutes, but with all the pre and post match stuff, it went on closer to 50 minutes. It was definitely dragging by the end and the fans died.
Bret/Patriot was good, but the fans had zero interest in Patriot. If they had been even slightly into him, that match probably would be remembered as one of the better ones in Bret's final months with the WWF. Everything else was trash. This was the first 3 hour In You House and that extra hour definitely hurt more than it helped. 2 hours is the optimal length for a wrestling program. 1 hour weekly show, 2 hour big event show, 3 hours for one huge show per year like WM. 3 hour PPVs mean lots of shitty filler like the minis match and Brian Christopher vs Scott Putski. This is also the last show to use the house entrance set.