WWF In Your House 17: Ground Zero 9/7/97

 

 

 

HBK has gone full piece of shit, as evidenced by the show opening video. DX is together, although I'm not positive if they have the name yet.


Goldust vs Brian Pillman Indecent Proposal Match

Goldy thought the feud was over until Pillman claimed that Dakota was actually his love child. If Goldust wins, Pillman will leave the WWF forever.  If Pillman wins, Marlena will be his personal assistant for 30 days. Goldy attacks before the bell and goes to town on Pillman.  Pillman ran after Marlena only to get hit with a Stun Gun on the steps. Goldy then focuses on the balls and bad leg of Pillman. Unsurprisingly uninteresting considering Goldy had almost no good matches in his first run and Pillman wasn't capable of it anyway.  Pillman did return to his signature bump of going off the ropes sternum first into the guard rail, but he couldn't stick the landing due to his ankle.  Ref bump.  Marlena tried to hit Pillman with her purse.  Instead, he takes it, drills Goldust, and gets the win.  Marlena belongs to Pillman for 30 days. Pillman fights with her and drags her to the back while King basically tells him to have fun raping her for the next month.  Inside the purse was a brick.

 

TO THE BACK.  Pillman throws Marlena into his car and quickly leaves the building with her fighting to get out. That's pretty fucked. Goldy has a shit fit in the locker room.

 

Scott Putski vs Brian Christopher

I don't understand what the point of the King/Christopher angle was.  I don't think it would get Christopher less heat to just be King's son out right.  For comparison's sake, WCW had Eddie Guerrero vs Chris Jericho as their cruiser match on their September 1997 PPV. The match only lasts a few minutes because Putski injured his knee on a Christopher dive. He couldn't continue and the Grandmasta wins via count out. King tries to stall for time with jokes like, "Better get him to a hospital. You know what that is Scott, it's a big building with patients. HAHAHA."  Didn't appreciate the zoom into Putski's dislocated knee cap.

 

Crush vs Savio Vega vs Faarooq

NOD EXPLODES.  Also, fuck.  Gang Warz shit is the worst. Get this shit out of here. God damn this goes on FOREVER. Never has 11 1/2 minutes felt so long.  Savio pinned Crush with the spinning heel kick right after Crush had put Faarooq down with the heart punch.  NEVER AGAIN.

 

El Torito vs Max Mini

Oh great, a whole match of midget jokes from King.  Can't wait. Lol with in the opening 30 seconds they're getting better reactions than the entire triple threat.  There is a lot of ass biting from Torito.  And then Max bites the ref's ass.  Jack Doan chases Max around the ring.  Max then jumps in King's lap. Well, right size, but wrong age. Maybe wrong gender.  Idk.  King strikes me as the type to fuck anyone under the age of 18 regardless of gender or orientation.  This match is full of lucha fuckery and midget jokes. Max won with a sunset flip after botching a victory roll.

 

TO THE COMMISSIONER.  JR and Commissioner Slaughter are in the ring and bring Steve Austin and Dude Love out to relinquish the WWF Tag Team Championships. Dude comes out first and thought about defending the titles solo, but felt it was wrong since he wouldn't have the title without Austin to begin with.  You can faintly hear Vince react off mic to Austin's pop.  "I want you to blow it out your ass!"  Austin gives Vince shit and then really gets into Sarge's ass.  Sarge gets the belts.  JR wishes Austin a speedy recovery.  Austin wishes him a KICK WHAM STUNNER! JR does a stretcher job (except there wasn't a stretcher, which Vince was pissed about at ringside).

TO THE CUNT.  Dok speaks with Owen and Bulldog. Owen thinks it is bullshit what Austin just did to such a fine man and color commentator as JR.  That's ASSAULT, brotha.  

LOL Vince straight up calls Austin a jackass after all of this while explaining why Austin isn't allowed to get in the ring right now.

TO THE COLE. Cole gets to speak with LOD.  Cole has not aged well.  Hawk has aged better.

 

Headbangers vs Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs Godwinns vs Legion of Doom WWF Tag Team Championships

I wonder who personally made the decision to hire the Godwinns and the Headbangers, and who personally made the decision to put them in the same match. LOD gets disqualified for using the Godwinns's bucket on the Godwinns's heads.  But there should be no disqualifications. Headbangers eliminate the Godwinns.   The match continues for a few minutes until Stone Cold runs out and hits a stunner OUTTA NOWHERE on Owen.  Headbangers win.  New champions!  To no doubt the loudest pop the Headbangers ever received, even though it was piggy backed off of Austin's pop.  

 

TO THE BACK.  The Headbangers celebrate with the fans and buy hot dogs at the concessions stand.  Elsewhere, JR complains to Sarge about Austin.  "They can kiss my 3:16 ass is what they can do." JR's ass will not be back if Vince doesn't get this shit stopped.

TO THE SUNNY. Patriot is 1-0 against Bret.  The title is coming home to the good ol' U S of A.

TO THE COLE. Bret says that everything he does in this match is like doing it to all the fans that turned on him.


Bret Hart vs The Patriot WWF Championship

The pre-match hype video focused on Patriot's career as a football player and footage of his time in AJPW, including Misawa hitting him with a frog splash.

 

That's Kurt Angle!  Oh.  Never mind.  Despite being in the US and going up against the evil Canadian Bret Hart, Patriot didn't get a good reaction at all.  It's mostly indifference or booing. Bret also gets a negative reaction, so I don't expect much heat from this match. Bret is immediately in control and far more aggressive at the start of a match than he normal is. But once Patriot gets into it, Bret is a lot of fun as a stoogy chicken shit heel.  Patriot focuses on Bret's arm to zero heat. Bret gets bored and starts stomping the shit out of Patriot's knee.  This gets a negative reaction, but Patriot can't get a positive reaction.  It's weird. Bulldog strolls out.  This gets an Austin chant.  Steve Austin isn't even in the match and gets more heat than Patriot. Bulldog gets knocked off the apron.  Roll up. 12HEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T!  Uncle Slam!  Bulldog blatantly pulls Bret's leg to the ropes right in front of the ref because EVERYONE was in the wrong position for the spot. Vader comes out and joins Patriot in beating on Bulldog.  Then Bret attacks Vader.  The ref watches two dudes interfering ant attacking the participants and has no intention of calling for a DQ.  Well, that's BULLSHIT.  Bret has a right to complain about this one. Ref bump.  Another Uncle Slam.  Bret got his foot on the ropes after a delayed pin. Bret wins via sharpshooter.  Title retained.  This was a fine match that would have been pretty good if the fans gave any semblance of a shit about The Patriot.  Bret chokes him with the American flag after the match.  He also decked Pat Patterson.

 

TO THE COLE.  Cole caught up with Bret and Bulldog.  LOSERS.  EVERYONE IS A LOSER.  TAKER IS A LOSER.  HBK IS A LOSER.  PATRIOT IS A LOSER. VADER IS A LOSER. LOSER LOSER LOSER LOSER.

 


Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels

HBK's pyro is mistimed.  It's a bad omen.  Also a bad omen is that Taker starts the match by knocking out the ref. HBK tries to leave.  Commissioner Slaughter won't allow it.  Taker then throws the ref at Shawn. HBK again tries to run away, this time up the stage.  But there was no one home.  Press slam on the stage.  NOT THE POTTED PLANTS!  HBK is bumping around like he did in the Hogan match.  I have a feeling Taker isn't going to take that shit for very long.  This really isn't even a match since there isn't a ref around.  It's just Taker knocking the dog shit out of HBK.  Sarge sends Earl Hebner out so the match can actually start.  And it finally does, with HBK hitting a chop block 10 minutes into this. It's not long until Taker is knocking the shit out of Shawn again. HBK is a real piece of shit.  He spat his gum at fans during his entrance and then stopped selling to spit right in someone's face in the front row. Second ref bump.  Technically, the first, as the first ref bump was before the match officially began. Shawn hits two flying elbows.  Rick Rude saunters down. Earl is bumped again on Taker's kick out.  Rude throws HBK some brass knuckles. Down goes Taker. A third ref comes out.  Taker kicks out!  HHH and Chyna are also at ringside.  Third ref is bumped.  Russo as fuck. HBK helps Earl up only to throw him into the turnbuckle.  SWERVE.  The crowd suddenly died.  Two dudes in the front row REALLY hated HHH, repeatedly and angrily screaming that he was a fag. Fucking LOOOOOL at Vince claiming it was HBK's belly button ring and not the brass knuckles that Taker pulled from Shawn's tights.  HBK gets decked yet is somehow able to kick out. Earl gets chokeslammed.  Tim White shows up and finally throws the match out.  HHH decks White after the match.  DX tries to beat up Taker, but get knocked all around.  Agents come out and get laid out.  Tombstone to HHH.  The locker room clears out and also gets knocked around. This is just like my favorite episode of Nitro. Taker breaks free and does a tope that takes out the heel roster.

 

That main event was RUSSO AS FUCK.  Holy shit.  4 refs, I think 6 ref bumps, 3 run ins during the match, the entire locker room after the match. And the match itself didn't even start until close to 10 minutes into the action. It was a lot of fun seeing HBK get knocked around, though.  He had it coming.  It's about fucking time someone knocked the shit out of him. This was HBK's best match in about a year.  It did go on too long, though.  The match itself was around 16 minutes, but with all the pre and post match stuff, it went on closer to 50 minutes. It was definitely dragging by the end and the fans died.

Bret/Patriot was good, but the fans had zero interest in Patriot.  If they had been even slightly into him, that match probably would be remembered as one of the better ones in Bret's final months with the WWF.  Everything else was trash. This was the first 3 hour In You House and that extra hour definitely hurt more than it helped.  2 hours is the optimal length for a wrestling program.  1 hour weekly show, 2 hour big event show, 3 hours for one huge show per year like WM.  3 hour PPVs mean lots of shitty filler like the minis match and Brian Christopher vs Scott Putski. This is also the last show to use the house entrance set.

StroComment
WWF In Your House 16: Canadian Stampede 7/6/97

 

 

 

 

We are LIVE from Calgary, where Bret Hart still has fans and Stone Cold Steven Austin is a cunt. King has the most ludicrous cowboy hat on.  You see, Calgary is basically the Texas of Canada.


HHH vs Mankind

I can't lie. Chyna is looking pretty good, friends.  Since the KOTR, this feud has only picked up steam.  "Mankind, a master of mayhem."  God damn it, Vince.  That's some Matt Striker shit.  Mankind hits the double arm DDT moments in and then does a courtesy.  It quickly heads to the floor.  Cactus Elbow right in front of the Hart family.  God, Teddy Hart looked like a cunt even when he was 12. Little sack of shit. I hope he's pissed that Tyson Kidd stole his cat gimmick.  "Prime minister of Parts Unknown."  Come on.  Look at that SCOOPS sign.  The ref gets an elbow to the face, which allows Chyna to hip toss/powerslam Mankind knees first into the steps.  No wonder he can't walk. HHH sticks to the leg for a while. Pretty fitting that Mankind stole Sting's "accidental" headbutt low blow spot since HHH steals so many Flair spots.  BOMAYE in the corner. Pulling piledriver only gets a two count.  Back to the floor again. Chyna knocks the shit out of Mankind.  Again.  She's a real ball buster.  That's a pun.  But also literal because she busts balls. Both men are counted out brawling into the crowd.  Officials are finally able to pull them apart.

Michael PS Cunt does the voice over for a recap of the weekend activities.

TO THE CUNT.  Mike, and by that I mean Dok, speaks with the Hart Foundation. Austin interrupts the promo, but is dragged away by officials.  

 

Taka Michinoku vs The Great Sasuke

Vince and JR are saying "light heavyweights", but Fink is saying "junior heavyweight". There were supposed to be pre-recorded comments with Sasuke, but they never came because Mankind and HHH were brawling back into the crowd. LOL at the smark walking by with a THIS IS WORK RATE sign.  That should have been TNA's catch phrase.  It's pretty clear that Sasuke is the one Vince wants here.  He and JR are putting him over HUGE.  Much, much more than Taka.  King brings up Antonio Inoki and the Japanese style psychology, while JR talks up Tiger Mask.  Pretty even opening moments until Sasuke tries to spin kick Taka's head off. Taka responds with a palm strike.  Taka gets sent to the floor which gives us our first dive of the match: Sasuke trying a karate kick from the top that mostly missed. He absolutely hit the disgusting spinning back left right front back left spin wheel sole butt kick in the corner.  Christ.  Brutal. No worries.  Moments later Taka is hitting his no hands dive as Vince calls him a samurai warrior.  Fans started silent, but are getting into this match.  Not that big of a shock since Stampede often brought in Japanese guys and used the high risk junior style more regularly than traditional WWF areas.  Michinoku Driver only gets a 2 count.  He's legit shook. Sasuke wins with a thunder fire bomb followed by a tiger suplex. Fun match.  Especially by WWF cruiser standards, which isn't hard since they filled their ranks with guys like Brian Christopher and Scott Putski.  But god damn, you'd think Vince or JR would know how to pronounce Taka's name. Fucking brutal.

TO THE BACK.  HHH and Mankind are still fighting.  


TO THE CUNT.  Mike gets some words with Vader and Paul Bearer.  Vader lucked out.  This was supposed to be Ahmed vs Taker, but Ahmed of course got injured.  Paul has let the cat out of the bag that Taker killed his whole family.  Is that a shoot?

Vader vs Undertaker WWF Championship

Lol, Vader ain't shit. No chance he wins the title.  It's a proven, scientific fact.  WWF Vader ain't shit.  His last PPV match had him audibly telling Ken Shamrock to stop hitting him so hard.  Multiple times.  He's 400 fucking pounds and known for stiffing the shit out of people.  Yet there he was, basically crying on camera about getting hit too hard.  WCW Vader wouldn't have pulled that shit.  Japan Vader wouldn't have pulled that shit.  You're a fat piece of shit, LEON.  Taker starts off a house of fire.  Or is it on fire? Does it matter?  Probably not.  WWF Vader is so ain't shit that HBK made him cry.  That is the HEIGHT of ain't shit.  Vader slows things down with...a side headlock.  Things head to the floor and it isn't very interesting.  How do you fuck up two of the best big men in history?  This isn't even the first time these two have had a boring match.  Paul Bearer's hideous face and voice are the only highlights.  "MURDERER!  MURDERER!  I ain't doing a damn thing." Taker did hit a dope flying clothesline at least. About 800X better than Kane's. Of course, Vader really can't get any offense unless Paul is running interference.  The hot as shit crowd wills Taker back into the match.  If they're this hot for Ain't Shit Vader, imagine how they'll react when the Hart's come out.  I guess blatant low blows are legal now that things are getting more attitudinal. Vader fucks up the tombstone reversal spot.  That's right.  Taker was able to pick Vader up to his shoulders and keep his balance while bending backwards, but Vader couldn't even land on his feet.  Taker gives his own low blow and hits a chokeslam from the second rope.  Vader kicks out.  A standard chokeslam also only gets a 2 count.  Tombstone for the win.  Title retained.  I guess it was better than their previous match.

TO THE CUNT.  Dok speaks with Team USA.  For some reason, Austin calmly holding a Coke makes me laugh. He doesn't even talk.  Just hanging out with his Coke.  

The group Farmer's Daughter sings the Canadian national anthem. The Premier of Alberta and the Hart Family are introduced.


Hart Foundation vs Steve Austin/Legion of Doom/Goldust/Ken Shamrock

The hype video is all about GANG WARZ. Austin gets a "Roman Reigns wins the Royal Rumble" reaction.  Then the Hart Foundation comes out and gets a pop so big it shakes the hard cam. Pillman alone gets a bigger reaction than anyone besides Daniel Bryan has had in years in WWE. JIM NEIDHART got a huge pop. By the time Bret came out, the place was literally shaking. His music and Fink are both drowned out by the roar.  And it is a constant roar.  It isn't a pop for the music and sit on your hands thing.  It's DOPE.

Austin and Bret start the match.  Bret opens up a can of whoop ass, the fans still haven't stopped roaring, the hard cam is shaking, and the announcers lay out so you can soak this shit in.  So rad.  Austin uses his cheating American ways and stomps his own mud hole.  Bret nearly wins with the WM8 finish right at the start.  LOL at Anvil trying to size up Shamrock like he was going to start checking kicks or some shit. Pillman is WAY over in Calgary. I think Bret is the only one more over than him.  Well, Owen gets a massive reaction when he tags in, so who knows.  The Harts are over as fuck is what I'm trying to say.  What's most amazing is that the fans haven't tired themselves out yet.  They've been super hot all night, but of course particularly hot for this entire thing even before the match started. Austin gets into a fight with Bruce Hart.  Bruce is a cunt, though.  If any Hart deserved to get hit, it's him. Austin injures Owen's leg with a chair and Owen is taken to the back. Bret returns the favor with a fire extinguisher.  Austin is also forced to the back.  Match wise, or at least story wise, it's really not special.  But the crowd makes it dope. In fact, I couldn't really tell you what the story is here. There is Austin and Owen being hurt and sent to the back, Pillman running around breaking things up and being wacky, and that's kind of it. Austin hobbles back out and beats on Bret. He locks on the sharpshooter.  Owen hobbles back and breaks it.  Austin again gets all tied up with the Harts. In the confusion, Owen gets the win with a school boy.  Harts win!  Harts win!  

The brawl continued after the match. The ring fills with officials, security, and Hart family members.  A Canadian riot.  The last 5 minutes of the show is devoted to the Hart family celebrating in the ring.  All of them.  There are like 400 members of that family.  Including young Tyson Kidd, Teddy Hart, Davey Jr., and Nattie.     

 

Dope show.  2 hours is really the sweet spot for a wrestling show. Any more than that and things start to drag.  Here, you had 4 matches, all got time to do their things, with an immensely hot crowd to enjoy them.  That's a lot better than a 3 hour show with 8 matches with the crowd reacting to maybe 2 of them. This is a show that proves how important a hot crowd is.  A hot crowd can make anything seem like the greatest match.

What I do find funny in retrospect is that WWE openly complains about Canada being Bizarro Land on TV, yet they themselves started and encouraged that reaction during the Harts vs USA feud. The fans did what they wanted SO WELL that WWE got pissed about it. 

WWF In Your House 15: A Cold Day In Hell 5/11/97

Flash Funk vs HHH

That Flash is such a natural athlete.  Quicker than a hiccup.  He hits a big dive early on.  Chyna knocks his dick into the dirt. I wonder what the point of bringing in Scorpio only to give him a 70s blaxploitation movie gimmick was. Maybe that was the point.  Chyna will ruin your life.  You can tell by the look in her eyes. Once Chyna got involved, Flash has had no offense.  Well, until HHH decides to jump off the top rope for no reason. Scorp also gets fucked going up top.  Moral of the story: Don't go to the top rope. HHH wins with a reverse superplex followed by the pedigree.  After the match, Chyna holds Flash in the air, walks around, and crotches him on the top rope while HHH laughs.  

Some footage of Ken Shamrock in the UFC is aired before JR asks some questions to him.  Vader attacked him before the show and he isn't going to let that affect him at all.

TO THE TODD.  Todd shows Rock footage of his (Rock's) debut.  Like he forgot about it or something.  Then clips of him winning the IC championship and reminding Rock about his loss of the title.  Asking the hard questions: Was it too much too soon?

Mankind vs Rocky Maivia

Rock is a lot more aggressive.  That's good, because he needed to show some edge.  He's still getting his ass kicked, though.  The metal ramp got added to the IYH sets, so it looks like it is going to get used in every match. Like for a Rock Bottom on it. Rock throws everything he has at Mankind, gets pretty vicious, but it isn't enough.  Mankind rolls through the top rope crossbody and wins with the mandible claw.

TO THE TODD.  Ahmed says something unintelligible.

Ahmed Johnson vs Nation of Domination Gauntlet Match

Faarooq still has a bad arm, Savio has a bad ankle, and Crush has the shits. G-Rilla won't let any members of the NOD stay at ringside during the individual matches.  Crush begins for the NOD. "I'll tell you, King, you know as well as anybody, Big Johnson is hard to handle."  Oh, Jim.  They have a boring as shit match that goes on way too long.  Ahmed eliminates him with a heel kick.

Savio is in next.  His ankle injury was a RUSE!  A BAMBOOZLE!  A SWERVE!  JR should go back to the dick jokes because that's more interesting than this match, too. Savio gets disqualified for using a chair.

Faarooq comes in and as it turns out, his arm is fine.  Ahmed hits the spinebuster and PRP, but can't make a pin.  When he finally does, Faarooq kicks out.  DAMN! Faarooq hits a chop block and Dominator for the win.  Thankfully, this is over.

TO THE TODD.  We're shown the attack on Shamrock from earlier.  Vader is fat and smelly.  

Ken Shamrock vs Vader No Holds Barred

The only way to win is via submission or knockout.  It's basically a shoot style match. Shamrock doesn't have his traditional music and instead has a generic Jim Johnston Joint that he probably made in his sleep. Shamrock attempts a single leg take down.  He goes IN on some leg kicks, which Vader clearly doesn't like. Ken nearly gets a kimura locked on.  Huge waist lock take over.  Vader bails after that. Vader appears to injure his arm doing it.  JR hypes UFC's next PPV.  German suplex!  Shamrock is really controlling this.  As soon as he gets something, Vader gets a rope break or just rolls out of the ring.  Vader can be heard telling Ken to ease up twice, right on camera.  It doesn't appear Shamrock gave a shit. Vader lays him out with a short arm lariato. Triangle! Vader tries to turn it into a powerbomb and instead just kind of falls backwards. Then he just chucks him over the top.  Vader's nose is bleeding.  Ken's head slams into the steps a couple of times. Vader tries the moonsault in a shoot fight.  He "missed", but definitely still landed hard on Shamrock and probably fucked his own ribs/knees up on it. Ken beats Vader down until Vader gets sick of it and MOLLYWHOPS THAT BOY.  God damn.  Ken locks on the ankle lock seconds later and Vader taps.

TO THE TODD.  Austin gives no fucks about the Hart Foundation sitting in the front row for his title shot. 2 weeks ago on Raw, Austin hit Taker with the stunner.  Taker gave him the chokeslam, which Todd called the TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER RIGHT THERE.  Cunt.

Steve Austin vs Undertaker WWF Championship

The Hart Foundation come to their ringside seats. Austin attacks Owen.  So does Taker.  He also decks Bulldog just for fun.  RIGHT HAND RIGHT HAND RIGHT HAND CLOTHESLINE CLOTHESLINE CLOTHESLINE.  Austin tries to slow things down with side headlocks.  Just what you'd expect out of these two.  Headlock takeovers and chain wrestling. Austin gets a chop block and goes to work.  Then Taker knocks the shit out of him in the corner.  Austin goes back to the leg work. Taker then does some leg work of his own.  Can't say I was expecting a bunch of mat wrestling and trading holds. Low blows are traded.  Chokeslam.  Stunner!  It's over!  NEW CHAMPION! Brian Pillman starts ringing the bell and causes a distraction.  Tombstone.  Title retained.  The Hart Foundation jumps the ring as soon as the bell rings and attack Taker.  Too bad Bret was left in his wheel chair in the crowd.  Steve knocks him over and steals his crutch as he and Taker run those damn Canadians off.  Stunner!  Double birds!  

 

It's not a good show, continuing the trend of WWE actually being pretty shitty for most of the 90s. Shamrock/Vader was interesting, but hampered greatly by Vader doing so much stalling. It's another show that shows Austin was head and shoulders above everything going on in the WWF at the time.

WWF In Your House 14: Revenge of the 'Taker 4/20/97

Legion of Doom vs British Bulldog/Owen Hart WWF Tag Team Championships

I can't believe Hawk sold the stalling suplex.  Really can't.  Definitely expected him to pop right up.  Owen gets all bounced around, as you'd imagine.  Owen and Bulldog get bumped into each other. Animal hits an avalanche powerslam.  New champions! A second ref comes out and says Bulldog was not the legal man, so the match must continue.  Of course, the champs don't want to come back, but if they don't they'll forfeit the titles.  LOD had another win that the ref missed. As they were about to get the win again, Bret Hart came out and caused a DQ.  

TO THE CUNT.  Big Mike got some words with the tag champs.  No luck involved, cunt.  Stone Cold arrived during the match, which Owen and Bulldog don't believe.  

TO THE SUPERSTAR ROOM.  Sunny and Brian Pillman are probably about to bone while shilling the hotline.  

TO THE HERMIE. Kevin spoke with Rock, who lost to Savio on Raw and got the shit whipped out of him by the NOD.  Even if he loses tonight, he's had a great year so...I guess he doesn't care if he loses.

Savio Vega vs Rocky Maivia WWF Intercontinental Championship

Uguuuuu. Faarooq has an injured arm and joins for commentary. Heel Savio is somehow worse than face Savio. Rock had the match won with a Perfect Plex.  D'Lo distracted the ref. Wait.  Is D'Lo short for down low?  Was D'Lo secretly a gay character?  Hm.  I'm going to have to watch more D'Lo footage to see if there are any stories that might hint that he was gay.  Rock Bottom! It still wasn't a finisher yet. Crush pulls Rock out and hits the heart punch. Savio wins via count out.  For real?  A count out following a DQ, both in title matches?  Russo, you son of a bitch.  Savio and Crush get into it.  Faarooq has to calm them down and everyone beats on Rock until Ahmed makes the save in pajamas.  Ahmed talks about immigrants, convicts, and black asses of the NOD.  Ahmed accepts the challenge to a NOD gauntlet match.  "Ahmed wants to abolish the Nation of Domination, no doubt about that."  

TO THE CUNT.  PS gets words with Sable and Mero.  Mero has had his knee injury, which is great for me so I don't have to watch him.  During the promo, Austin walks into the men's room right behind them and a fight breaks out.  Owen and Bulldog run out with bent piece of metal.  

Jesse James vs Rockabilly

FUCK. Roadie wins with a roll up.  Get the fuck out of here. How on earth was this a PPV match?  

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes shills an Undertaker door banner.  I'm pretty sure he's wearing silver bowling shoes with a tux.

TO THE HERMIE.  Austin refuses to not fight tonight, no matter how injured he is.  Monsoon switches the card around to give Austin time to recover.

TO THE...LANCE WRIGHT?!? I forgot about his short WWF run.  He's with the Hart Foundation.  "What were you trying to perpetrate following Steve Austin into the bathroom?"  Owen and Bulldog claim Steve started it.  "The bottom line is...who's crying now?"

TO THE CUNT.  Mankind and Paul are the guests.  Mankind recently threw a fireball at Taker and I guess plans to do it again.

Undertaker vs Mankind WWF Championship

This feud has been going on for a year now.  They've had two new gimmick matches just for them.  This is just a standard match.  Guardrail is getting some heavy usage.  Into the crowd it goes.  Come on, ref.  Count them out.  Taker loses control of Old School and does a flying clothesline instead.  Mankind almost wins with an urn shot. A pitcher of water gets shattered on Taker's already burned up eye. Chair shot to the face. Vince can't understand why there hasn't been a DQ. The Cactus Elbow gets dropped from the second rope. I doubt Mankind was the true number one contender heading into this match.  I find it curious that none of the matches between these two have had blood.  Ref bump.  Of course.  Why wouldn't you have a ref bump in a title match?  A second ref comes out and is immediately bumped.  Paul throws a chair into the ring. Mankind gets the steps and gets them dropkicked back into his face.  Taker hits a home run with the chair.  The mask gets ripped off. My god, that's Jack Manson!  Taker knocks Mankind off the apron with the stairs.  HEADFIRST through a table.  Well shit, that doesn't even make sense. Mankind kicks out even after a chokeslam.  He falls to the tombstone.  Title retained.  Mankind tries to light a fireball that would accidentally hit Paul. He couldn't get it to light, so Taker just takes it and doesn't at all try to hide the lighter and paper and lights that fat fuck up. It probably was better for the storyline to do it that way instead of Mankind accidentally doing it.

TO THE CUNT.  Mike  talks with the Harts.  Paul Bearer can be heard screaming in the background.  Bret is a dope heel promo guy.

Bret Hart vs Steve Austin

Monsoon will not allow Owen or Bulldog to be at ringside.  WE GOT US A FIGHT, MAGGLE. Austin whips that ass. Bret is thrown into both sets of stairs, guard rails, into the crowd, back to ringside.  Ref bump like 4 minutes in.  Bret tears apart the already injured knee with a chair.  Monsoon is at ringside and not doing anything.  Way to stand tall, prez. Ring post figure four!  I'm not sure that actually does anything.  Actually, it does the opposite of what a normal figure four does.  The pain comes from the leg being straightened and pressure pushing it the knee the wrong way.  With the ring post figure four, that doesn't happen at all and if it does anything, it's more pulling on your hip than anything. Most of Austin's offense since the ref bump has been chokes. Back into the crowd for a moment.  Certainly should have been multiple count outs and disqualifications in this match.  Austin is unable to hit a piledriver due to the leg work.  He can hit a desperation Stun Gun, though.  Austin counters the sharpshooter with his knee brace and then applies his own sharpshooter.  Bulldog and Owen run out and get dropped.  Bulldog comes back and hits Austin with a chair, getting Bret disqualified.  Fucking for real?  2 DQs and a count out on a 5 match show? Bret tried to use the bell on Austin after the match.  Austin drilled him in the knee with a chair and went back to the sharpshooter. 

 

Maybe I've watched too many shows in too short of a time.  It's making me ill.  5 matches. 3 non finishes.  Run ins or interference in 4 matches. Title match not going on last.  Sounds like Russo, alright. 

WWF In Your House 13: Final Four 2/16/97

HBK has vacated the title because he didn't want to work with Bret, so now the last four guys at the Rumble are going to have a match to determine the next champion.

Marc Mero vs Leif Cassidy

Al gets a jobber entrance.  On a PPV. Mero is a little more aggressive tonight.  So is Sable, who throws a kick at Al. Al focuses on the leg.  I'm sure it won't matter and Mero will do his moonsault and SSP anyway. Poor Al.  Couldn't get into the Rumble, but a bunch of AAA dudes no one cared about did.  And in fact, after getting his knee worked for the whole match, Mero was still able to do a suicide dive and win via SSP.  Of course.  Why even bother to do a match based on leg work if you're going to do your flying moves anyway?

Oh no.  It's the Honky Tonk Man.  FUCK. At least when he comes out they cut to HBK losing his smile on Raw and then never cut back to him or mention him again. 

TO THE HERMIE.  Kevin speaks with Sid, who will face the winner of the main event tomorrow night on Raw for the title.

Flash Funk/Bart Gunn/Goldust vs Nation of Domination

What a weird ass team.  The match starts with NOD getting bounced from the ring and Flash diving on them. I'd be okay if this was just Scorp vs Faarooq or something. Flash is in for most of the match and NOD wins off of a leg drop.  The fuck?  This match was also shorter than Al Snow vs Johnny B. Badd.  

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes speaks with Stone Cold.  Austin gets all up in his ass for being a mealy mouthed son of a bitch. There is a C-O-N SPIRACY against Austin.

HHH vs Rocky Maivia WWF Intercontinental Championship

Rocky won the title on Raw with a small package. He's also from "The South Pacific".  He was born in California and had been in Miami for years.  IC title seems way early for a dude who hadn't been wrestling for a full 2 years yet. It's pretty easy to see why fans turned on Rocky.  Considering the direction the company had been heading in, he was super out of place as old school white meat baby face pandering kind of shit.  Also being brand new and getting pushed so hard.  I mean people turned on HBK, who had been around much longer and proven his talent. And by the start of 1997, everyone was a shade of asshole, face and heel.  Just out of place and out dated.  HHH controls the pace.  This is definitely not one of the great matches they'd have later. Rock has something, but not IT.  Not yet, at least. Hunter might have killed himself on the float over DDT. Goldust comes out and distracts HHH. Rock wins with a German suplex.  Title retained.  After the match, a super jacked woman grabs Marlena from the crowd and tries to choke her to death.

TO THE HERMIE.  "Stone Cold Steve Austin.  You've done let that canader, that gator butt, get that canary mouth in trouble, brotha."  That's a quote from Vader.  

Furnas & LaFon vs Owen Hart/British Bulldog WWF Tag Team Championships

I figured this would happen at the December show, building off Survivor Series, but nope.  Wait until February and not even have Furnas or LaFon at the December or January PPVs. LaFon is kind of awkward.  He looks weird and has an odd way of moving.  Must be the French thing.  Because OUI OUI FROG WHITE FLAG SURRENDER blah blah blah. LaFon gets double teamed for a while.  Owen and Bulldog start arguing.  They've been having issues lately.  Owen accidentally drills Bulldog with the wheel kick.  Then they full on break down into a brawl and Bulldog lays him out.  But he still broke up the pin when Owen was about to lose. Tag champs that can't get along: Russo tradition.  Owen gets hit with a series of combos, including a BRUTAL DDT. Damn.  He kicked out.  He and Bulldog have some more miscommunications.  As Bulldog had LaFon up for the powerslam, Owen hit Phil with his Slammy right in front of the ref, causing a disqualification. The champs lose, but titles retained due to the DQ.  Bulldog breaks Owen's Slammy after the match.  

TO THE CUNT.  He's somewhere with Taker. Edge. Darkside. Creatures.  Stuff like that.

Vader vs Steve Austin  vs Undertaker vs Bret Hart WWF Championship

The match immediately pairs off in the way you'd imagine.  Vader still looks afraid to hit anyone.  He gets a chair booted into his face, which busts him open.  Maybe the stairs did it.  Whatever did it, his eye is a mess.  Just a bunch of wild brawling. Vader's eye is fucking gross.  He doesn't seem to hold back with Austin, at least.  Vader and Bret brawl into the crowd for a bit.  A whole lot of punches and a whole lot of low blows. Vader misses a moonsault. Austin is the first eliminated, having been dumped over the top rope by Bret. I forgot to mention that over the top rope eliminations counted in this. Maybe there is a good reason to eliminated the guy with the most momentum first.  Bret superplexes Vader. Austin comes back to fuck Bret up.  Vader is eliminated by an uppercut to the balls while he was setting up the Vader Bomb. Bret ends up eliminated Taker while he was distracted with Austin.  Bret Hart is the new WWF Champion!  This sure was...something.  Non-stop brawling for 20 some minutes     

All that momentum from the end of the year is really stalled out.  I don't know what happened, but whatever happened made the shows a drag for the past 2 months. Probably completely random ass matches with guys no one cares about (who can't do the impressive stuff cruisers did in WCW to overcome such things).

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WWF In Your House 12: It's Time 12/15/96

Despite this show being named after Vader, he's not on the show because he's injured. It's a bummer they got rid of the special IYH logo intros.  

Leif Cassidy vs Flash Funk

ECW represent.  Leif still has his Rockers gear and name, yet comes into music not at all similar to the Rockers' theme and is a full on heel.  Vince definitely wants to bang the Funkettes.  There is a good chance he probably did. The match starts with standard mat stuff and then turns into fast paced reversals.  The first time Flash tries to use the ropes, he slips and then over shoots his cross body. Al straight belly to bellies Flash to the floor. He comes out with a plancha.  Al is definitely trying to get some attention in this match. Bateaster bomb is countered.  Dancing confuses the shit out of Al.  It's the 'Lo Down!  Dragon clutch!  In 1996.  That reminds me to say FUCK LOW KI.  Dude could have been something special if he wasn't such a cunt. A cartwheel kick sends Al to the floor.  Scorp follows with a huge dive.  Moonsault only gets 2.  Steamboat/Savage pinning sequence.  Scorp wins with the 450.

 

TO THE HERMIE.  Kevin Kelly tries to stir the shit with Owen and Bulldog.    

Diesel/Razor Ramon vs Owen Hart/British Bulldog WWF Tag Team Championships

JR just can't understand why people boo Razor and Diesel.  They're bigger, younger, and stronger than the originals. The Diesel Kane is only 6'9".  You heard it here first.  He and Owen begin.  A couple of random AAA dudes stroll out just so Vince can say AAA dudes will be at the Rumble.   Bulldog is not impressed with Fake Razor.  No one is.  Then Stone Cold comes out to fuck with Bulldog.  Bulldog attacks him.  A camera man goes down.  WE GOT US A FIGHT, MAGGLE!  A host of officials pull them apart and take Austin to the back.  3 run ins, 2 of them from a different promotion, in a heel vs heel match. Russo has arrived, friends.  Fake Razor looks like a bootleg Razor from a Japanese TurboGrafx-16 exclusive wrestling game. This is worked like Owen is a face, Bulldog is a heel, and the bootlegs are heels.  And JR is heel.  Hot tag to Bulldog.  Well now Bulldog is wrestling like a face.  Who knows.  There is a lot going on, but it isn't a particularly interesting match. Razor goes for the Razor's Edge.  Owen hits him with the spin kick and  Bulldog pins him.  Titles retained.  Austin returns and chop blocks Bulldog.  

TO THE VINCE.  Vince brings Ahmed Johnson to the ring. Ahmed vs Faarooq will finally happen at the Rumble.  Due to the kidney injury, Ahmed has lost his girlfriend, his car, and his house.  I think he said that Faarooq will feel the pain of Ahmed Johnson through his face.  He goes on to say his life ended a long time and he only lives for the fans.  Then the NOD shows up in the crowd.  Faarooq shits on black people, calls Ahmed an Uncle Tom, and says he's starting his own race of people.  Well.  Ahmed gets a YOU'RE GOING DOWN chant started.  

Marc Mero vs HHH WWF Intercontinental Championship

Pre-match video package explains the months long plan for HHH to steal the IC championship with the use of Mr. Perfect and schemes.  Two botches right away.  They just aren't on the same page.  Hunner tries to use a chair and Sable.  Neither work, but the stairs do.  Those things can support 2000 pounds of force, you know.  They weigh over 300 pounds. Earl and HHH start their long feud here.  It was a slow burn. I'm ready for Mero to injure his knee.  There is a match going on, but I don't give a shit.  Mero is Mero and HHH was still pretty boring most of the time despite his expanded War Crate. Ref bump!  Mero had a 10 count on HHH.  Fucking Earl.  Goldust comes out.  He tries to hit HHH with the title.  He hits Mero on accident.  Then he hits HHH.  Mero wins by count out.  HHH retains his title. Mero hits the SSP after the match.  It's no wonder he had a knee injury.  He took about 80% of the impact of that move on his knees every time. Goldy came back out and attacked HHH on his way to the back.  

TO THE CUNT.  Mike, and by that I mean to say Dok, talks with Sid.  Earlier today on Superstars, HBK and Sid got into it.  Bret get involved in the pull apart and ended up beating on HBK.  Then Sid attacked Bret from behind.  Sid uses some MMA Math: Shawn beat Bret. Sid beat Shawn.  Therefore, Sid will beat Bret.

The Executioner vs Undertaker Armageddon Rules

It's a Texas death match.  Executioner is Terry Gordy, and this probably would have been a dream match at one point.  However, by 1996, Gordy was a shell of himself after an overdose and coma that caused permanent brain damage.  Taker has already dropped the leather and is wearing what appears to be black velvet.  Pretty Paul tries to get involved.  And by Pretty, I mean pretty fat.  HE'S FAT.  Taker exposes the floor. As he goes for a tombstone, Mankind runs out to chop block him and completely misses.  Now the match turns into a handicap match, which Taker seems to be handling just fine.  They head up to the set.  Mankind gets thrown through the window and back out through the door. A bunch of security comes out and someone sprays mace or something.  They get control of Mankind.  Taker takes Gordy somewhere deep into the building.  Then they leave.  In the arena, Mankind has been put into a straight jacket. Then we get a shot of Gordy slowly rolling down an embankment into a moat. Taker comes back to the arena to beat on the now incapacitated Mankind. Gordy trots back in.  This is a MESS.  Russo as fuck. Tombstone with water dropping out of Gordy's boots.  Taker gets a 3 count.  The ref tries to raise his hand.  Taker has to remind him of the rules of the match.  Taker also ripped his new gear.

 

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes speaks with Bret.  Hayes shows the Superstars video and is surprised at Bret losing his cool.  Bret is sick to shit of HBK and now all he's going to worry about is himself around here.  As he's talking, HBK's music starts and Bret starts bitching about it. Yo, Bret is vascular as shit tonight.  Veins everywhere.

Bret Hart vs Sid WWF Championship

I"m going to assume HBK is stoned as shit or hung over as fuck due to wearing dark sunglasses, stubble, and flat hair.  He takes the glasses off and it is hard to tell, because his eyes are always puffy and dark.  HBK takes all kinds of shots at Bret, unsurprisingly.  Bret subtly unties turnbuckle pads during Sid's entrance.  HBK also shits on Sid, calling him the most expensive piece of luggage in the WWF, because he wouldn't be anywhere without people like him carrying Sid. Bret attacks Sid from behind.  Sid quickly recovers, because Bret tried to make it a brawl instead of a wrestling match. Shawn thinks that Bret is still physically in his prime, but mentally he's become a bitter old man.  Sid backdrops Bret to the floor and exposes the floor.  Maybe Mankind can run back out and miss a chop block.  Bret counters the powerbomb by ramming Sid into the post.  He does it a few more times. He sticks with the lower back in the ring.  Sid is going to be pissing blood for weeks. Laser focus on the kidneys.  Bret goes up top and gets tossed off. Big boot.  Powerslam.  Stone Cold returns and delivers another chop block, this time to Bret.  The Bulldog and Owen come after him.  Another pull apart. Bret won't quit and comes back into the ring.  Sid wastes a lot of time before he attacks Bret again. Bret tries to run Bret into the exposed turnbuckle.  Sid ducks it and tries to shove Bret into it and they both fall.  Considering moments later they tried the spot with a snake eyes and Bret going into the buckle, I'm going to assume it was a botch.  Sid very clearly tells Bret a chokeslam is coming and then it does.  2 count.  Both men go over the top rope, right in front of Shawn.  SPIT ON HIM.  Bret takes HBK's chair as HBK makes fun of him for being a "role model".  He doesn't get the chance to use it.  Sid pie faces Shawn.  Shawn gets on the apron.  Sid throws Bret into him and hits the powerbomb for the win.  Title retained.  Bret knocks the shit out of Shawn after the match. Shawn almost pounces a fan and then yells FUCK YOU to what appears to be a teenager.

Russo's finger prints are ALL OVER this show.  Everyone is an asshole, all but one match had run ins, shooty insidery comments from HBK and JR, racial shit from Faarooq, the ridiculous over booking of the Taker match.  Attitudinal, friends. The only thing missing was creepy sex stuff.

WWF In Your House 11: Buried Alive 10/20/96

 

 

HHH vs Steve Austin

Weird random heel vs heel match to start the show.  This is in the middle of JR's heel turn and his headset not working is making him crazy. HHH and Austin take turns fucking with two fans in the front row.  Arm drag and the double birds.  That's how you do it, indie fucks.  This is from the old Market Square Arena, of which I have very fond memories of.  Saw a lot of Pacers games there. I was there the night Reggie shoved off Jordan to hit a 3 at the last second to extend the series. It was definitely a foul.  I don't give a FUCK.  The hypest moment of all time in that building.  The next night on Raw, Bret Hart returns and Mr. Perfect returns to in ring action against HHH.  This is prime Real Ass Stone Cold era.  He's just a no nonsense BAMF who will beat your ass and out wrestle you.  When you can hear JR, he's bitching or shitting on Vince.  Austin had been dominating until a knee to the gut from HHH.  Kind of interesting to see the career paths of these two.  The thing about this match is that no one gives a shit about HHH, but Austin is over as a face.  So...kind of like most of their careers for the next 6 years.  Austin hits the Stun Gun and flying elbow for 2.  HHH is replacing Savio.  Thank god.  Double lariatos.  King is starting to join with JR to fuck with Vince.  Mr. Perfect strolls out in his big blue DCAU suit. He tries to steal HHH's woman.  Then he does.  Austin and Perfect get into it for a moment.  Hunner takes advantage of the distraction, but throws the pedigree off to chase after Perfect.  Like a dumb dumb. Austin follows him out and gets suplexed. Austin wins with a stunner OUTTA NOWHERE.

 

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes asks the hard questions: SUNNY TITS BANGING DISTRACTION?

 

Smoking Gunns vs British Bulldog/Owen Hart WWF Tag Team Championships

Owen and Billy start the match.  Owen got a hair cut.  Sunny is watching in the back.  JR again intimates that she's a whore.  I don't like the Gunns and don't want to watch them do anything. I do enjoy JR riding Vince, though.  Although heel JR is not much different from podcast JR. Owen pinned Billy with a spinning heel kick.  Titles retained.  Hopefully this is the last Smoking Gunns match I have to see.

 

TO THE JR. JR takes the time to shit all over Vince for firing him twice.  He takes credit for bringing Bret Hart back to the WWF.  "He said he was gonna come back with a shovel because he's gonna BERRY some people."  REAL ASS JR.  He throws the mic to Vince and walks out.

EARLIER TONIGHT.  On the Free For All, Faarooq talked some shit about Ahmed, who promised revenge.  He got his revenge with a 2x4.  


Mr. Perfect comes out to replace JR.  

 

Goldust vs Marc Mero WWF Intercontinental Championship

Goldy is replacing the injured Faarooq. Perfect says ASS a bunch.  REAL ASS PERFECT.  REAL ASSES EVERYWHERE.  Marc Mero sucks.  Goldy isn't harassing enough.  Mero injures his knee doing a tope.  Seems like he injured himself on EVERY dive in the WWF.  LOL at Vince having to calm shit down at ringside and bitch to get the group to pay attention to the in ring shit.  My how the times have changed.  Goldy picks up a mic and says he's going to stick his tongue down everyone's throats.  "The only reason he's here is because of the WWF's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy."  Vince then makes fun of the US Army and Bill Clinton for LOLGAYS.  Uh.  Perfect does some stuff with Mero.  HHH comes back out.  The ref has to keep them apart.  Perfect decks Goldy.  Mero wins with the SSP.  Title retained.  

 

Sid vs Vader

HBK does some color commentary for this match, as the winner will face him at Survivor Series.  He takes Corny's hanky and blows his nose with it.  This is billed as the "Battle of the Powerbombs".  HBK sure sounds fucked up.  Vader squashes Sid in the corner and then puts his balls RIGHT in Sid's face.  Sid rolls to the floor and gets hit with the racquet and almost gets counted out from it.  Sunset flip from Sid didn't work.  He got an ass to the chest. Sid goes up top for a cross body...and Vader catches him WIT DA GREATEST OF EASE. Vader had it won with a second rope splash, but he pulled Sid up like a dip shit.  Then he misses the Vader Bomb.  Sid wins the battle of the powerbombs...with a chokeslam.  

 

TO THE CUNT.  Fuck him.  Piece of shit.  Hayes fucks up his promo, so Vince takes over to give out SS info.  Sid shows up to talk. JR interrupts and asks the hard questions to Sid.

 

Undertaker vs Mankind Buried Alive Match

Of course all of Taker's entrance smoke has filled the arena and takes a while to dissipate.  About a minute in, Mankind gets his brain scrambled on the guard rail.  Taker does his first ever dive.  From the top rope, not the tope. We're already out to the grave area. There is dirt and shovels.  Someone is about to get BERRIED.  LOL at Undertaker doing a rolling small package down the mound of dirt.  How goofy and weird.  "This is worse than the boiler room brawl."  Not possible, Vince.  Now we head back to the ring.  Marlena's director chair is still out there. Into the crowd. Taker does a dive over the guard rail.  CZFNW!  Paul ruins Old School and Taker's little Mark.  Mankind gets a shiv out and starts stabbing Taker in the head. Taker gets it.  No blood, though.  It's no wonder Taker's hips and knees are fucked up.  He never learned to land the flying clothesline in a normal way. Chairs and shivs and urns OH MY. Taker is in the grave!  He's about to be BERRIED!  Now they're both in it!  Double berry!  Back to the ring. Piledriver.  King marks for it.  Double arm DDT on a chair.  Taker hits about the hardest chair shot to the back you'll find.  Arabian face crusher. Stairs and shit.  Just general beating the shit out of each other.  Tombstone.   Now you have to carry that fat fuck to the grave, MARK. WAY TO THINK AHEAD. Chokeslam into the grave!  Mankind is being BERRIED. Taker wins.  Taker keeps BERRYING.  He shoves the refs away and someone cracks him in the head with a shovel.  OUTTA NOWHERE. This mysterious masked man pulls Mankind out and BERRIES Taker.  The lights start to flicker and thunder fills the arena.  WCW Thunder filled the arena and it sucked.  I was there for it.  Somehow the grave is now perfectly filled to the brim, almost like it was a shelf.  Other heels arrive to help.  LOL at fans throwing shit into the grave.  Taker was buried with a couple cups of Coke.  Okay guys, wrap it up.  Shit.  The longest burial in history.  After 6 hours, the thunder and lightning come back and Taker's hand pops out of the grave.

 

The wheels have definitely started rolling towards the Attitude Era.  REAL ASS Stone Cold and JR.  Cursing all during the show.  Heel vs heel matches.  Shitting on Vince being the boss and how much he sucks at everything.  Middle fingers.  Chair shots to the head. Violence. The vibe has definitely changed. Started at Mind Games.  I doubt it was a coincidence that things started changing on a show that had ECW guys involved and Vince Russo replacing them. 

WWF In Your House 10: Mind Games 9/22/96
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Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs Savio Vega Caribbean Strap Match

Fucking Savio.  Can't get away from this cunt.  Maybe JBL will fuck him up. This is the 3rd strap match this year.  Talk about over using a gimmick.  Especially one that almost always sucks. Well looky there.  Paul E. Dangerously, Tommy Dreamer, and Sandman are sitting in the front row. I wonder if they'll get involved in the show.  Speak of the devil, Sandman spits his beer on Savio.  "Local wrestling group".  Paul holds Tommy and Sandman back.  Agents come out to make sure they don't jump the railing. Sadly, JBL doesn't beat the shit out of Savio too much. He does hit the boot and lariato in succession at least. Savio wins with the same fucking finish that EVERY strap match has.

TO THE BACK.  Razor and Diesel attack Savio Vega.  MY GOD!

Jim Cornette vs Jose Lothario

Oh.  Oh no. Thankfully this is only about 90 seconds long.  Jose wins.  What a waste of PPV time.  This and the first match.  And Savio wrestled on the Free For All as well.  

Brian Pillman comes to the ring.  Bret Hart recently called Brian and Owen liars for promoting him as being at shows he had no intention of being at. Brian shits on Philly and what not. He brings Owen out. Stampede represent.  Owen thought that he and Bret had patched things up as Bret realized he was getting older and slower and wasn't the wrestler he once was.  Bret admitted that Owen was the best Hart, but now he's calling both men liars.  It's UNCALLED FOR.  Owen claims that Bret is scared not of Owen and Pillman, but of Steve Austin.  They bring Steve out.  Hollywood Blonds REPRESENT.  So much representing.  "If you the letter S in front of Hitman, you've had my exact opinion of Bret Hart!"  


TO THE PHILLY.  We get to see Mark Henry taking in all the sights of Philly.  

Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs Smoking Gunns WWF Tag Team Championships

Owen and Bulldog vandalized Sunny's giant picture at some point. I wonder if Billy and Sunny banged.  I bet they did.  Billy and Owen start the match and both nearly win with surprise roll ups. Owen hits a chop block on Bart and that's enough to keep him down for a while. I was hoping they'd try to out heel each other. They kind of are at times, but not like what you'd hope.  Or at least what I'd hope. All heel vs heel matches should be non stop cheating.  Billy gets distracted looking at Sunny's tits.  Bart gets bumped into him.  He shoves Bart, who gets pinned with the running powerslam.  New champions!  Sunny fires the Gunns.  She also says she banged them.  

TO THE BOILER ROOM.  Kevin Kelly gets some words with Mankind and Paul Bearer. Seems like a really shitty place to hang out in.  God damn, Paul Bearer could NOT have a more annoying voice.

Jerry Lawler vs Mark Henry

I have no use with King after 1990 or so.  I NEVER liked King in WWF.  He never fit.  He still doesn't fit.  King is shocked that Mark can get out of a head lock and a hammer lock.  King almost dies getting sent through the ropes.  Looked like a Sabu level botch. He then gets in control with the classic phantom weapon from his tights.  I don't think he EVER had anything in his hands for that spot.  Kind of amazing.  Mark wins with the Canadian back breaker.  YOU'RE AN AMERICAN OLYMPIAN YOU SON OF A BITCH!  USE AN AMERICAN HOLD!  Al Snow randomly runs in after the match and is quickly disposed of.  Then Marty Jannetty shows up and is also easily handled.  Then HHH hits the ring.  He gets press slammed to the floor on top of the New Rockers.

Goldust vs Undertaker Final Curtain Match

Fuck.  ANOTHER Taker/Goldy match?  Two boring as shit matches weren't enough? The only way to win this match is via pin fall.  Wow.  What a stipulation. Goldy's new jump suit looks terrible.  It looks like a shitty Christmas sweater. Or half of one at least.  It also looks like he's put on some weight on top of the shitty looking suit.  Home boy out there looking like an over grown 4th grader. Goldust gets meta and uses gold dust in the eyes of Taker. I am completely and utterly shocked that they have their third boring PPV match in 1996. This is still in the phase where Taker is trying to figure out how to properly sell as Taker. Taker wins with the tombstone.  Via pinfall.  The only way to win the match.  The most extreme of stipulations.

TO THE HERMIE: Kevin Kelly speaks with HBK, who looks like he had a rough night.  He's nervous about this match, because Mankind is too crazy.

Mankind vs Shawn Michaels WWF Championship

Mankind is brought out in a casket for the match. Mankind goes right to work.  No wasted time at all from him.  Mankind pulls up the padding on the floor, but gets dropkicked and stomped under them.  Oh hey look at that, HBK is cool when he's showing an edge and not being an annoying piece of shit.  Just like some other main event guy Vince has a boner for. HBK hits a big flurry of offense and Mankind dives out of the ring to avoid the superkick.  Shawn gets pissed at Mankind not wanting to go along with a spot. They have an awkward exchange of Mick not taking an Irish whip, not being in place for a cross body from the ropes, HBK screaming COME ON at him, and then slapping Shawn. Then they go to the mat and HBK pounds away stiff as shit from guard position.  Mick then fucking lays him out with a forearm and yells SON OF A BITCH out. To the floor it goes.  Fuck, suplex on to the steps.  The back of Mick's knee gets destroyed. Shawn stays on the knee for a bit.  Who would have expected Shawn vs Cactus to be much stiffer and more violent than Shawn vs Vader?  There is a light "boring" chant started, but these fans are stupid.  This is the least boring match HBK has had since April.  Mankind goes to work on the throat of Shawn. We got punches, trees of Keanus, ECW chants, steps, tables, glitter, VINCE RUSSO in the front row where the ECW guys had been, hanging spots, HBK getting pissed about stuff.  This match has it all, friends. HBK tries to break the mandible claw hand with a chair. Good strategy.  Then he tries to break the other hand. Cactus elbow.  Mankind is essentially just early Cactus Jack with the weird mask and rocking.  He even did the shrieking shit in the early days of Cactus Jack.  Double arm DDT!  New champion!  12HEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T. "If you can't beat him, bury him!"  HBK is placed in the casket for some reason.  For BERRY reasons.  HBK is BREAKING UP!  Mankind tries a back superplex to the floor though a table. HBK reversed it in mid air. Somehow, both men get to their feet.  Mankind climbs the top rope with a chair.  HBK springs off a different chair and hits a superkick.  Before the 3 count can be finished, Vader runs in and causes a disqualification.  Paul hits HBK with the urn behind the ref's back for some reason.  The match was already over.  Sid runs Vader off. HBK gets put in the mandible claw after the match.  Then Taker pops up out of the casket.  Not only did they book an ECW match for this show, they booked an ECW finish and post match as well.          
 

As usual for the WWF in 1996, most of the show was garbage.  But the main event was fucking dope.  The best thing about HBK is that he didn't have an "HBK match".  He could work the best match with people of every style.  That's what made him great.  It's just that during this period, he was too fucked up and unwilling to work other people's styles very often. Here, the match went full Cactus/ECW style and HBK more than held up his end.  It's violent and angry and generally just rad all around.  A few times it breaks down to Shawn being an unprofessional prick and Mick setting him straight, which is something Vader should have done the month before but was too afraid to do. And now I've been told this was intentional to work the Observer readers in reference to HBK getting mad at Vader during their match.  Russionian Booking at it's peak and it is only his first month.  The main event is basically what an ECW main event would be if it had two great talents involved instead of Tommy Dreamer.  It even had the traditional ECW over booked finish, with interference from Vader, Paul getting involved, Sid showing up, and Taker popping out of the casket at the end.  It was like Vince was sending a message to Heyman that he could do that shit, too.

StroIn Your House 10Comment
WWF In Your House 9: International Incident 7/21/96

On the Free For All, Cornette and Jose Lothario had a debate.  It ended with Jose punching Corny.  Vader ran down and HBK saved Jose.

TO THE BACK.  The Body Donnas already have dumped Cloudy.  

Smoking Gunns vs Body Donnas

This is a non title match.  Wait.  The Body Donnas are slapping hands on the way to the ring.  Are they really faces?  For real?  The ref is Harvey Wippleman. They felt the need to point that out.  King berries the shit out of the Body Donnas, which leads me to believe they are indeed faces.  Or King is trying to fuck Sunny.  Jake Roberts was supposed to be on this show, but won't be due to injuries.  That won't be the only guy scheduled who isn't on the show, but we will get to that later.  Sunny randomly rolls to the floor and acts hurt to distract Skip.  Then she slaps him.  SWERVE.  Fuck the Smoking Gunns.  Fucking LOOOOOOOOOOL at Billy not being able to do the WGTT leap frog spot. God.  I can't believe he ended up having a 10 year WWE career, then multiple years in TNA, and now back in WWE.  He's clearly one of those guys who falls into "Well, we put so much money into him already, we should find something for him" category.  The Body Donnas got the win.  Shame it was non-title.  Hopefully they get a title match and I don't have to watch it.

TO THE MEAN PERFECT.  Perfect talks with Team Cornette.  Corny again throws out the switch blade line about Jose.  If Team Cornette loses, Corny will refund everyone in the crowd and everyone who buys the PPV. Surprise surprise, Warrior flaked out.  Sid has replaced him.

Mankind vs Henry Godwinn

What a weird match up. Like...who wanted to see this?  What a downgrade from Taker to Henry Godwinn. It was supposed to be Mankind vs Jake Roberts, which is still a downgrade. The only highlight was Mankind getting slammed from the apron to the exposed floor. Mankind wins with the mandible claw after countering the slop drop.

TO THE BACK.  The Body Donnas and Smoking Gunns are on the Superstar Line.  Brian Pillman is a member of the announce team and claims the BDs only took the match because they wanted to fuck Sunny.  "They wanna double team Sunny!"

Steve Austin vs Marc Mero

Poor Mero.  Still has no idea how to work not as Johnny B. Badd.  You can see him start to do Badd mannerisms and stop himself. This is pretty slow paced.  Mero does the same roll up that busted Austin's lip at the KOTR.  Austin sells it like his lip got busted open again, but then poked Marc in the eye.  RUSE! Slingshot into the ring post.  The Wildman is out. Austin dominates.  He tries a powerbomb, which is weird, but it was just to set up a rana over the ropes.  Mero follows it with a moonsault from the apron.  Couldn't even do it from the ropes.  Marlena and the Usher came out and delivered a gift to the commentary team.  Stunner is blocked.  Slingshot leg drop is not, but Austin kicks out anyway.  He chop blocks Mero and hits a stunner for the win.  Two PPVs in a row of defeating Marc Mero.  His career is on the rise!

MR. BACKLUND is campaigning to be president of the United States...in Canada.

Goldust vs The Undertaker

I guess now that Goldy lost his title, Taker can get a win. Unsurprisingly, much stalling from Goldy. A lot.  Before and during the match.  Chokeslam ass first on the steps.  That was weird. Goldy works for a long time to try to get a buckle pad off.  1996 PPVs feel like everyone is working a house show match. Everything is so...plodding. Goldy gets his offense when he sends Taker into the exposed buckle and then drops the steps on him. The tombstone connects. Just then, Mankind pops out from under the ring and drags Taker into the hole.  The lights flicker and smoke comes out of the hole.  The dongs play a lot but nothing happens.  Undertaker shit is so dumb.  OH SHIT Taker pops out of a hole on the other side of the ring!  HE HAS RISEN. They brawl to the back and then a Summerslam ad airs.

TO THE BACK.  The fight continues in what appears to be a boiler room.  Too bad it is too dark to see anything.

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes gets some words with the People's Posse.  Hayes looks at Sid's dick. Very unprofessional.  LOL "You know, Mike, amdbiand meanin to say, Dok."  Why they fuck didn't they have Michael Hayes as Michael Hayes?  I'll never understand that.  He was there to be on the broadcast team, not wrestling.  They didn't change Jim Ross's name to Willie Cash or anything. Of course, the main event was set up to have the Warrior instead of Sid.  Warrior flaked again and Sid replaced him.  Vince felt SID was more dependable than Warrior.  Think about that. I wonder if that mean Warrior was going to get the title in 1996.

People's Posse vs Camp Cornette

The people are so happy to see HBK in Canada that they break through the guard rail. I suppose Bulldog and Vader have worked out their WCW issues.  I suppose Sid and HBK have worked out their 1995 issues.  Vader wants to start with HBK.  I'm amazed he didn't tag out immediately considering how shitty he's been booked.  Let's see.  To start off, HBK had an even lock up with Vader.  Then reverses the powerbomb, knocks him to the floor, and hits a plancha.  HBK's offense comes to a halt when he hits the guard rail on his own. Sid gets a tag and knocks the shit out of everyone. This would be a perfect time for first bumps.  A chest bump is related, at least. Ahmed comes in and hits the ugliest rolling Germans on Owen.  Then hits the spinebuster and PRP on Bulldog and almost had the match ended before Vader broke the pin.  Fans are chanting for Sid. I'm okay with Ahmed and Sid beating Vader down.  I'm not okay with HBK doing the same thing.  Ahmed catches Vader, walks with him, and then does a powerslam.  This is extra fat Vader, too. Ahmed so stronk.  He also full on slammed Yoko when Yoko was at least 150 pounds bigger than when Lex did it. Bulldog hits the stalling suplex on Sid.  Sid kicks out WITH AUTHORITY.  I think King just made a Sudden Infant Death Syndrome joke.  You can hear Vince thinking, "Hmm, I should put the title on Sid".  These turnbuckles sound like they fucking hurt.  HBK goes from going shoulder first into the ring post to taking out all 3 heels within seconds.  New Gen face HBK is the worst.  Owen tries to win with a rolling spladle, but Earl was way late on the pin.  COLLUSION.  Despite HBK being the best guy on his team, the match is at its worst when he's in the ring.  Because New Gen face HBK fucking sucks. He basically wrestles like John Cena but with more bumps. Remember, he had a stalemate collar and elbow with VADER. Vader, who is about 4 inches taller and 200 pounds heavier.  And the announcers didn't even think it was unusual or shocking. A fan tries to hit the ring while HBK is in a standing anaconda choke. Extended heat segment on HBK.  He finally makes the hot tag to Ahmed, which Earl missed even though he was looking right at it. Hot tag to Sid.  Chokeslam to Vader!  Chokeslam to Owen!  Chokeslam to Bulldog!  Sid somehow tags Ahmed in for a double team and then tags HBK in for a double team.  Corny distracts HBK. Vader gets the tennis racquet.  HBK takes it and hits Vader, getting a 2 count.  Corny stops the super kick.  Jose decks him.  Vader hits the Vader Bomb for the win.  Bulldog and Owen get powerbombed after the match.  Vader avoids it, but not the plancha from HBK.  Don't worry, even though Shawn lost, the show ended with his music.

TO THE COLOSSEUM HOME VIDEO EXTRA.  The cunt talks with G-Rilla.  He books Taker vs Mankind in the first ever boiler room brawl at Summerslam.  Cornette shows up and demands a title shot for Vader.  

 

Main event was a lot of fun when HBK wasn't in the ring.  He's really insufferable during this period.  He does shit like, "You know, I should over power Vader and Bulldog" and "I should let them get heat on me only when I fuck up and then make fools out of all 3 heels at once when I should be selling something".  His promos are annoying as shit.  He's a shit head.

WWF In Your House 8: Beware of Dog 5/26/96 and 5/28/96

HHH vs Marc Mero

1996 Sable is 1000% hotter than 1998 Sable.  Johnny B. Badd vs Terra Ryzing in a WWF ring.  The action is fast and furious as Marc Mero is a WILDMAN.  He's so WILD!  OUTTA CONTROL!  He looks like he dropped a lot of mass between WCW and WWF.  Maybe it's the lack of tassels.  HHH gets no offense until Johnny runs into the ring post like a dumb dumb.  WILD.  Then he gets sent into the opposite post. Mero looks SO lost not being able to do any of the Johnny B. Badd stuff. Fucking SMARKS in the front row throwing Kliq signs at HHH.  King hits on HHH's woman of the night. HHH stays on that arm like it was a blueberry.  BERRIED.  Wtf, HHH trying to work a cross arm breaker in 1996.  And he gets it fully applied.  That's as weird as when he was doing spin kicks and cutters for a while.  HHH is doing what he can, and the match makes sense logically, but it isn't very interesting. Mero is just an empty body in this.  Suddenly, HHH gets crotched and Mero hits a super rana.  HE'S GETTING WILD! Then he misses a tope and blows his knee out.  HHH threw off the pedigree to taunt Sable.  Big mistake.  Wait.  Sable was always wearing leather and had a cat o' nine tails with her.  That isn't PG.  Mero wins after a sling shot that sends HHH all the way into the ring post.  WAY too long. I think it could have been half as long, told the same story, and been more interesting due to faster pace.

TO THE MEAN PERFECT. I can't handle a Jim Cornette promo at 2:30 AM.  This was in a period where HBK was accused of sexual harassment by Diana Smith and some other women.  Owen has a manager's license for tonight. Elsewhere, Dok talked to HBK about the same shit.

British Bulldog vs Shawn Michaels WWF Championship

The reason this is on second is because on the night of this show, there was a strong storm in the area that knocked out the power.  The PPV went off the air and the matches were performed in the dark.  Two nights later, they reaired this and the HHH match and redid the other matches that didn't make it to the first broadcast.  Clearance Masonry talks before the match about trying to ruin Bulldog's marriage and shit. HBK is served a subpoena in the middle of the ring.  For alienation of affection.  Shawn rips it up.  Bulldog attacks from behind to start the match. It doesn't take long for HBK to be in control and doing dives and shit because Vince's HBK boner was obnoxious.  You know what makes for a good match for a live crowd after half the show has been in the dark?  Extended headlock and arm bar sequences.  Oh shit.  Short arm scissors.  That can only mean: BACKLUND LIFT!  Owen can be heard telling a fan to go climb a tree.  Diana implores Bulldog to wipe the mat with HBK.  This is far slower paced than you'd imagine.  I think it is slower than Bulldog vs Diesel.  I wonder why those SMART MARKS in the front row aren't too sweeting HBK.  Things start to speed up only for HBK to trip and fall to the floor.  Was it part of the match?  Was HBK just fucked up and tripped?  The world may never know. I'm sure Bret loved an angle where HBK was trying to fuck his sister. Again as the match is starting to speed up, there is a ref bump.  Owen tries to get involved and gets superkicked.  A second ref comes to the ring to continue the match.  HBK does a German suplex and gets the pin.  But wait.  Bulldog's music plays.  He's announced as the NEW WWF Champion!  WHAT HAPPENED?! But wait again.  The original ref says HBK won.  Diana steals the title and leaves with it. Gorilla Monsoon snatches it back from her. G-Rilla declares the match a draw and a rematch will happen later.

Steve Austin vs Savio Vega Caribbean Strap Match

This is where part 2 begins.  Ted declared on Raw the night before that he'd leave the WWF if Austin lost. Mr. Perfect and JR do the commentary for this.  Austin does a lot of stalling and does anything he can to avoid the strap.   He can't avoid it for long.  I think he got hit in the face.  Savio is the first to attempt to actually win the match. If you like people getting whipped, you'll probably like this.  Because they whip the dog shit out of each other. Strappage, brother.  Savio is about to win when Austin just spinebusts the shit out of him.  The tombstone reversal spot ends with Savio falling over the ropes.  Can't believe they even teased it.  Taker gonna fuck them both up.  Austin gets pulled from the top rope into the guard rail.  Austin hits a piledriver.  Ted calls for another. It is reversed. Savio ends up winning and Ted is gone from the WWF. Extremely physical, but shit, how many times can you see a dude hit another dude with a strap for 20 minutes?

TO THE BACK.  HBK tries to use an AOL chat room.

Vader vs Yokozuna

HOSSES.  More like fatties.  Vader broke Yoko's leg about 7 weeks earlier.  Vader is...a chicken shit heel?  What the fuck.  Whose decision was that? When they finally get around to doing something, Vader gets mowed over and knocked to the floor. Yoko then tries to break Vader's leg.  For revengeance.  Yoko takes 2 bumps and looks like he's about to die.  Vader looks like a pussy who stalls, is a chickenshit, and only gets offense via cheap shots.  Also can't slam Yoko.  JR says Ahmed Johnson is the only person to have slammed Yokozuna.  You know, that's probably why Eric mentioned Lex beating Yoko on Nitro one time. Corny gets involved and headbutted.  Yoko misses a banzai drop on him.  Vader hits the Vader Bomb for the win.  TERRIBLE booking of Vader.  What the fuck, Vince?  Absolutely terrible.  Bring in a dude like Vader, a dude who destroyed WCW for the prior 4 years, have him fuck everyone up in the Rumble on his first night, wipe out the whole ref squad and Gorilla Monsoon the next night.  His first PPV singles match has him being a cowardly chickenshit heel who can only get offense via cheating and Corny interfering.  Terrible.  To protect the morbidly obese Yoko who couldn't work for more than 3 minutes without looking like he was going to die?

Goldust vs Undertaker WWF Intercontinental Championship Casket Match

Taker teleports into the ring behind Goldy.  Got dang cheater. Typical WWE face.  JR has to stop himself from saying Goldust was on Queer Street.  He wanted to.  You could hear him think it.  He almost said it and stopped himself.  Such restraint. I know that must have been hard for him.  Taker absolutely dominates. Goldy COMPLETELY misses on his uppercut from the mat.  Completely.  Yet still made the slapping sound.  Then he hit a shitty tombstone on Taker, which is mostly no sold. Taker gets put out with a sleeper.  Goldy can't close the casket.  You can't kill a dead man, dumb dumb.  Goldy tries Old School and gets arm dragged.  Tombstone. OH MY GOD MANKIND WAS IN THE CASKET!  WHAT THE FUCK!  MY GOD!  WHAT.  NO.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  GOLDUST WINS!  Title retained. Mankind locks the casket.  Then the casket starts smoking.  When the casket is opened, Taker was gone.  Kids in the front row can be heard laughing.   

Not an interesting show by my watch.  Mero/HHH was too long and boring.  Title match was way too slow and ended with a non finish.  Vader/Yoko was the shittiest booking possible for Vader.  Main event was a shitty casket match.  I do find it interesting that while Vince was airing WCW attack adds for stealing their talent, he had a PPV card with Johnny B. Badd, Jean Pierre Levesque, Mean Mark, Dustin Rhodes, Stunning Steve Austin, Vader, and Cactus Jack.

WWF In Your House 7: Good Friends, Better Enemies 4/28/96

This is the last televised appearance for Hall and Nash before they left for WCW.


123 Kid vs Marc Mero

Free For All match. Vince McMahon really marked out for Johnny B. Badd. My guess is because he loved the idea of a Jew pretending to be an ambiguously gay black man. But when he hired Mero, he found out that Mero ONLY knew how to work as Johnny B. Badd, which he couldn't use in anyway in the WWF. Really awkward head scissors in the corner. Mero follows this with A Double's heat seeking missile, but with none of the impact. He goes up top and gets crotched. Kid kicks him right in the face. Superplex is dodged as HHH strolls out to hit on Sable. The match grinds to a halt so Hunter can be a creep. HHH distracts Mero, allowing Kid to baseball slide him. As he's walking out, HHH flashes the Kliq sign. That was some Illuminati looking shit. KO punch to Kid. HHH runs back down and causes a DQ. Mero fights them off, but ends up in the Pedigree. While this wasn't Kid's final WWF appearance, this was his last PPV appearance before going to WCW.

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TO THE BACK. Dok talks to Warrior. Warrior says he doesn't care for the IC Championship and instead is coming for Goldust to get the spirit of the Warrior or something. Marlena shows up, blows smoke in his face, and Goldust throws gold dust. Warrior snarls and pounds his chest.

The show officially starts.


British Bulldog/Owen Hart vs Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson

I guess the snake is banned from ringside. Jake doesn't give a shit and gets a disgusting beast out of his bag. Cornette faints. Unsurprisingly, Ahmed has an injury coming into the match. He throws Owen around. Diana Hart Smith is in the crowd. Owen avoids a few DDTs. Bulldog is definitely scared of Ahmed. He was probably scared of getting injured. Ahmed goes HAM on Owen in the corner. Press slam. Jake gets tagged in and is hit with a second rope dropkick. Jake plays FIP for a while. Hot tag to Ahmed. Just for him to do a spinebuster and tag back out. Bulldog attacks Jake's knee with the tennis racket. He wins via knee bar.

 
 

Goldust vs The Ultimate Warrior WWF Intercontinental Championship

Warrior wins via count out, but the match never actually started. It was all Goldust stalling and Warrior smoking a cigar. No match at all. The closest thing to a move was Warrior giving Goldy a clothesline while Goldy was sitting in the director chair. Warrior did beat up a fat body guard after the match, though. I'd be pretty pissed if I bought a ticket or the PPV for this and got 7 minutes of stalling, 1 move, and a count out.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Bulldog is outside of HBK's locker room, pissed about something.


Vader vs Razor Ramon

Vader gained so much weight between 1994-1996. They lock up and Razor goes flying to the floor. Vader isn't fucking around tonight. He's knocking the shit out of Razor. Hall tries the Razor's Edge near the ropes. Of course he's back dropped out, but gets right back in and pounds Vader down in the corner. He knocks Vader down 3 times before sending him to the floor. He's then crushed in the corner and hit with a lariat. Big splash. Vader Rush in the corner. He goes for the short arm lariat, but it is countered into a back suplex. Vader Bomb! YOU WANT VADER?! Razor kicks out! Hall tries to fight back. Another Vader Rush. Vertical suplex from Razor. Vader wipes him out with a lariatooo. He goes up for a second rope splash. Hall turns it into a powerslam. Diving bulldog. Saber attack! Vader goes back up for a Vader Bomb. Hall tries to do the Razor's Edge, but just drops Vader as he can't support the weight. Vader goes up again, this time for a moonsault. Hall does an electric chair drop. Vader wins with an ass drop. This is probably one of the better matches either had in their WWF runs.

 
 

The Godwinns vs The Body Donnas WWF Tag Team Championships

Bleh. Godwinns have never been in a good match. Not in WCW, not in WWF as faces or heels. I have no idea what Vince/JR saw in them to bring them over from WCW in the first place. Sunny can't save this. The champs win with Twin Magic. Titles retained.


TO THE BACK. Dok talks with Marc Mero. He challenges HHH to a match.


HBK vs Diesel WWF Championship

No Holds Barred

Nash throws his vest at Vince, who wasn't happy about it. Mad Dog Vachon was shown in the crowd. It starts right away, no bullshit dancing and prancing. I AIN'T NO SEXY BOY. Shawn knocks Nash to the floor and comes right out with a moonsault. Vince is pissed at Nash. Nash occasionally talks shit to him. Side slam. The wrist tape comes off. Nash chokes Earl Hebner with it and takes Earl's belt. He probably could have just taken Earl's belt, but why not choke him first, I guess. HBK is being taken to the woodshed! Nash literally tries to hang HBK from the ropes with the belt. He throws Fink and gets a chair. This is getting pretty intense. A few chair shots later, HBK ducks, with Nash bouncing the chair off the ropes back into his face. HBK tries to use it, but Nash low blows him. Jackknife through the announce table! WHATAMANUVER! Nash celebrates with the title as HBK gets pissed and crawls back to the ring. Fire extinguisher! Flying forearm. HBK gets a chair and unloads on Nash. Big boot stops all that nonsense. Shawn fights out of another powerbomb and hits the flying elbow. Nash blocks the superkick and spins it into a lariat. Vince is getting worried that Nash might leave with his title. It's really interesting how the seeds of the Mr. McMahon character really started with the Diesel tweener/heel run in 1995-1996. That was really the first time it was more than a wink wink nudge nudge thing that Vince was the boss, and Nash was kind of doing worked shoots at a time when that was unheard of, and this match has a subtexual theme of Vince being afraid someone is going to take another one of his belts to WCW. Those few months of Diesel were in a lot of ways the start of the Attitude Era. I know Nash loves to give himself more credit than he deserves, but I think he's got a pretty valid claim when he talks about being the start of that whole boom. Not in terms of drawing money, but in terms of pushing the creative envelope in a way that it really hadn't been to that point. If Nash hadn't been doing the character he was doing in his last few months in WWE, I'm really not sure the nWo angle would have worked as well. Anyway, Nash grabs Mad Dog and BY GOD HE RIPPED HIS LEG OFF! He takes Mad Dog's leg into the ring and tries to hit HBK with it. Shawn low blows him and uses it himself. Superkick. HBK wins! Title retained.  Definitely one of the best leaving a territory matches ever.

 
 

DQ Count: 1 out of 6 matches.

HBK/Diesel is an unqualified great match. It's awesome. No comedy and prancing around. It's a serious, no bullshit fight. Nash is mean as fuck, HBK is on his A game and is also in dick head mode, which is the best HBK. It's Nash's best match, but I think it is easily in the top 10 HBK matches as well. Maybe even top 5. It's for real awesome. One of my favorite WWE brawls ever. It also had a lot of subtext going on with Nash and Vince during the whole thing. I feel like in a lot of ways, this is really the match where Vince started changing gears in the company. It was a hardcore brawl with chairs, tables, HBK literally being hanged, a dude getting his fake leg ripped off in an era where that stuff just didn't happen. Compare this to the last IYH, where HBK was doing comedy spots and dancing with kids. On top of all that, Nash's whole angle at the time was how he was pissed at the corporate structure dicking him around and making him be someone he wasn't. Think Batista's promo on John Cena, but in 1996. He singled out Vince regularly in an era where Vince was still just an announcer, although there were more references to Vince being the boss in general. I think that angle really played perfectly into the nWo angle. As much as Nash is a straight up carny and egomaniac, he really is a very pivotal person in the way the business changed in 1996-1998. For better or worse.

Razor vs Vader was also pretty good. I've been saying recently that I think Nash might actually be better than Hall, so I was surprised to see Razor having a really good match with Vader. I think that match was better than the Razor/Kid match from the last IYH. But IYH 6 and 7 have two of Nash's best matches back to back. In my opinion, the Bret/Nash matches in 1995/1996 and Nash/HBK NHB match are better than any HBK/Bret match.

WWF In Your House 6: Rage In The Cage 2/18/96
 
 

Jake Roberts vs Tatanka

I didn't know Tatanka was still around in 1996. This is actually a Free For All match. Jake looks fucking terrible. This was before he had a custom made shirt, so he just has a cut off shirt that looks like a trash bag. Plus, his nearly all green tights just draw more attention to his body. He should have been wearing black and have more designs on his tights instead of looking like a walking olive. Short and uneventful match that probably made people want to not buy the PPV. Jake wins with a DDT OUTTA NOWHERE. Why are snakes so god damn creepy?


Razor Ramon vs 123 Kid

Cry Baby Match

The loser must wear a diaper. Kid comes out with a Razor teddy bear in a stroller. Razor knocks Kid down and then to the floor. Kid comes back in with a springboard lariat and some kicks. Fall away slam. Kid gets out of the Razor's Edge and bails to the apron. Razor knocks him off. When he heads out, DiBiase throws powder in his face. Ready To Rumble told me that doesn't work. Superfly Splash from Kid. Razor has all kinds of trouble doing the short chokeslam, so he just knees Kid in the face instead. Sleeper from Kid. Razor gets out by crotching Kid on the top rope. Razor rolls through a moonsault, nearly winning. Kid follows it with a spin kick. Super fall way slam! Kid gets powder kicked in his face. Razor's Edge. Another. Razor wins. After the match, he puts Kid in a diaper in the creepiest way possible.

 
 

TO THE BACK. Todd talked to Duke before the match. HHH attacked Drose with his own trash can and cut his hair. IT'S PAY BACK TIME.


Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Duke Droese

Droese knocks the shit out of HHH. Flair Flips everywhere. King is creepy and hits on Hunter's girl. It's on split screen for some reason. Pedigree is countered with an atomic drop. Big back drop to the floor. Duke is down and out. Instead of giving the girl a headset, they have her talk into the mic. Duke goes flying into the steps. HHH is so small. I mean, he's in shape, but if you look at him in 1996 and him in 1999 on, it's like a totally different guy. Double lariatooo. I'm calling the spinebuster the Dumpsterbuster. Duke hits his finish, which is a titlawhirl slam. Duke gets his trash can in the ring. The ref takes it, but misses the lid. HHH uses it, the ref no doubt saw it, yet he counts the pin anyway.

 
 

We're shown how Yoko left Camp Cornette.

TO THE BACK. Dok Hendrix speaks with Yokozuna, in Yoko's first promo. What a surprise, he speaks perfect English and sounds like a straight gangsta.


British Bulldog vs Yokozuna

Very short, barely 5 minutes. Yoko is too big. He's huge, has trouble getting up, has trouble moving. He's got a FAT ASS! Corny caused a DQ. Vader came out and attacked Yoko. Yoko is handcuffed to the ropes so Vader and Bulldog can knock him around. Yoko fights back as much as he could. Officials eventually break it up.

 
 

Owen Hart vs HBK

HBK is putting his title shot at WM on the line. HBK enters from the roof, Tarzan style. UN BE LIEVABLE! HBK heads right into the ring and throws Owen out so he can dance. Did women really find his super girly dancing to be sexy? I get women and gay guys being into a buff dude doing sexy dancing, but HBK's dancing was so goofy. Who would find that attractive? They lock up, only for HBK to slide out and do a lap around ringside. He kissed a YAK with terrible hair. Really disliked this era of HBK. He was probably in his physical prime, but he spent so much time doing stupid shit like that. Owen tries the same thing. HBK dives on him. More comedy spots in the match. I don't even know who he's supposed to appeal to. Middle aged women? Owen stops that shit with a belly to belly. Owen should just stomp HBK's dick in the dirt. Spinning heel kick sends HBK to the floor. Corny almost gets some cheap shots in, but Earl caught him. Owen gets suplexed to the floor. HBK tries something off the apron, only to get crushed with a powerslam. Missile dropkick. Lariatooooooo. Sharpshooter! HBK nearly gets to the ropes. Owen pulls him back. He eventually made it back to the ropes. Enzriguri! The move that put HBK out of action last year. HBK makes his come back. Flying forearm. Flying elbow. Owen dodges the superkick. HBK dodges the enzuiguri. Superkick! HBK is going to WM! This is a match that on paper should be amazing, but instead Shawn spends most of the match treating it as a complete joke and doing comedy spots. Then he dances with a kid after the match. This era of HBK is the worst to me. It's not at all a surprise that he did shitty numbers on top seeing how he was booked.

 
 

TO THE TODD. Todd brings acting president Roddy Piper, who makes reference to Michael Jackson and bookermen. The second being a reference to Brian Pillman's worked shoot at Superbrawl a few weeks prior. He officially announced HBK is the number one contender at WM. He doesn't feel bad for Yoko if he's that big and that dumb. Vader is obviously inbred, wears a jockstrap on his head, but it belongs there because Vader's nuts. Vader vs Yoko vs WM. Cornette and Mason come up to the stage. Redneck jokes. Cornette puts this shit head in his place. Piper spanks him. God damn, Roddy Piper after 1992 is awful.


Diesel vs Bret Hart WWF Championship

Steel Cage Match

Diesel is basically the first tweener WWE had. At Survivor Series, he showed a little sympathy to Bret and it bit him in the ass, so he beat the shit out of Bret and has had a bad attitude ever sense. But he isn't a full heel. He's Kevin Nash. The cage gets used very early, with Diesel being the first one to hit it. Bret tries to leave. Nash climbs up and does his knees in the corner while standing on the top rope with Bret against the cage. Diesel picks Bret up in a bear hug and rams Bret into the cage. He tries to walk out the door. Bret hit the top rope, then headbutt Nash in the balls. They both fight over getting out, with Bret eventually giving it up to work over Nash's knee. Nash stops it by a short arm lariatoooo. Side slam. Bret climbs up. Nash goes for the door. Bret saw it out of the corner of his eye and went back to the leg. Press slam from the top. Poor Bret. He recovers with a second rope bulldog. Back suplex from Nash. More knee work. Diving elbow to the knee. Corner bump! Sounded extra vicious with the cage rattling as well. Bret nearly gets out. He's pulled back by his hair. Another corner bump. Bret shoves off Snake Eyes, sending Nash into the cage. Sharpshooter! Not quite. Diving elbow from the top rope. Nash hits a low blow while Bret is climbing. Bret then falls right on his balls again on the top rope. As Diesel is about to make it out, the Undertaker pops up from under the ring and pulls him down. Bret climbs out and smoke comes from the hole in the ring. Moments later, Nash pops out with his pants torn. Undertaker follows. Nash climbs out of the cage. The show ends not with Bret celebrating, but Taker playing mind games with Diesel. Title retained.

 
 

DQ Count: 1 out of 6 matches. Non-televised matches included Ahmed defeating Issac Yankem, Godwinns defeating the Bodydonnas, and Undertaker defeating Goldust by count out.

Cage match is good. One of Nash's best. HBK/Owen is probably the most disappointing match possible considering those two could have an amazing match and instead HBK works it as a comedy match, sells for a little bit, then pops up and wins with no problems. Then dances with some kid.

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WWF In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings 12/17/95

Sid/123 Kid vs Razor Ramon/Marty Jannetty

Goldust is hanging out in the crowd and appears to be a fan of Razor.  Razor and Marty have new 2kewl4skewl matching leather jackets.  Kid and Marty begin.  Marty's experience is able to keep Kid's speed advantage at bay.  Kid running scared of Razor.  Perhaps he shouldn't have SWERVED him.  123 SKID could be a dope team.  Kind of ideal, really.  Kid works most of the match, do the bumping and stooging, have Sid come in and hit chokeslams and powerbombs.  Stupidly, Razor is the FIP in this.  He's not good at that role.  He's a pretty boring face anyway, but more so doing the standard lay on the mat and get put in hammer locks/abdominal stretches for 6 minutes.  Hot tag to Marty.  MARTY MUST DIE sign in the front row.  This is ECW country, after all.  Marty hits the Diamond Dust.  OUTTA NOWHERE.  Todd gets some words with Goldy.  He talks about Razor's manly, hair chest and hair and muscles.  I think Goldy wants to bone Razor.  He wants Todd to give Razor a letter or telegram.  Marty was doing pretty well during all of this, but went to shit as soon as Goldy was done talking.  Vince shits on Kid's sloppy technique.  Frog splash from Kid.  Marty getting wrecked by double teams.  Kid misses a standing bronco buster.  Hot tag to Razor.  HE'S CARVING UP!  Super bulldog on Sid scores the win.  Sid saves Kid from the Razor's Edge after the match.

Buddy Landel vs Ahmed Johnson

Vince has no idea why Budro is being announced and shits on the announcer for messing up.  King goes to the ring, runs the announcer off, and then introduces Jeff Jarrett.

"Well, I'll be a son of a gun."  King presents Double J his gold record (CD).  His single sold 500,000 copies!  His new album is being finished right now.  "Greater Than Great".  He also enters the 1996 Royal Rumble.  

The match actually starts.  This was supposed to be Dean vs Ahmed, but Dean has a back injury.  JJ joins for guest commentary.  Jeff buries Dean for some reason.  Buddy, fitting in with his life long Ric Flair rip off gimmick, gets Flair's WWF music.  Ahmed wins in about 40 seconds. He paddles Dean after the match.  This is amazing because it is Shane's last WWF appearance, it's in Philadelphia, and he chickens out of a match and gets paddled out of the company.  After the match, King continues to insult Ahmed like he has been doing for the past month.  Jeff busts the glass case on Ahmed's head, then attacks him with a chair.  Eventually Ahmed starts no selling and chases Jeff to the back.

TO THE TODD.  He is with Razor at the AOL table.  He defends the IC title against Yoko tomorrow night.  He then hands Razor the letter.  He didn't like whatever it said.

Henry Godwinn vs HHH Hog Pen Match Special Guest Referee: Hillbilly Jim

HHH is wondering why he didn't stay in WCW. Tony Chimel gets slopped at the start of the match as HHH dodged it.  No matter.  He gets tied up in the ropes and Henry covers his face in slop anyway.  This pisses the beta Game off.  Things leave the ring and we head towards the hog pen.  Henry gets sent into the gate.  HHH barely avoids getting back dropped into the pen.  And then it heads back to the ring.  Then back to the hog pen.  Hunner gets sent into the gate, which slices his back, and then hit with the Slop Drop on the floor.  Henry gets back dropped into the hog pen.  HHH wins!  And then he gets Warrior press slammed into it.  I'm sure all that mud and shit was a good thing for that giant gash in HHH's back.

Owen Hart vs Diesel

Diesel is now Real Ass Diesel.  He's officially a tweener.  As in, he announced it. Here, he's fighting for the honor of HBK.  He cares about his friends, himself, and only fans who have Diesel gear.  Owen takes a disgusting bump getting thrown off the 10 count punches.  He recovers to hit the spinning heel kick and then a missile dropkick.  Once Diesel stops taking that shit, he gets disqualified for face palming the ref after pulling up from a pin to hit another jackknife.  

Santa Claus and Savio Vega hand out gifts as Ted DiBiase cuts a promo about everyone having a price.  Ted totally breaks Santa's kayfabe.  "Stop disparaging Santa."  Then he buys off Santa, who attacks Savio!  SANTA SWERVE!  Savio fights Santa and Ted to the back.  

TO THE CUNT.  PS hocks Wrestlemania The Arcade Game game.  Why was the SNES version $65?  The "Genesis SEGA" and PSX versions were $10 cheaper.  

The Undertaker vs King Mabel Casket Match

Well.  Fuck.  The show was inoffensive before this.  I can't understand why Vince stuck with Mabel.  Obviously he wasn't working out at ALL.  He wasn't over, sucked at promos, and sucked at anything past 3 minute squashes.  This feud has been going on half the year.  We get the standard "Taker is down and out in the casket, but his opponent takes forever to actually close the lid, so Taker rises from the dead" spot.  And then Taker wins.  By putting BOTH members of MoM in the casket.  

TO THE JR.  JR talks with the Bulldog, Cornette, and Diana Smith.  Bret has been jealous of the Bulldog since 1981.  There are no mixed emotions this time from Diana.  She's 100% confident in her husband.

TO THE TODD.  Todd got words with Bret.  

British Bulldog vs Bret Hart WWF Championship

Bulldog is wearing the same tights he wore when he defeated Bret at Summerslam 1992, so says Jerry Lawler.  That's definitely not true.  Maybe he meant knee pads?  Maybe he said knee pads.  Idk.  The match starts with some mat wrestling, which Bulldog actually gets the advantage at.  Too bad for him (and Diana) that Bret is an expert at inverted atomic drops.  However, Bulldog is pretty talented at kitchen sinks.  Probably real ones.  I bet he had an amazing sink.  Motion sensor and shit.  He gets Bret in the tree of Keanu and accidentally shoves the ref way, but then helps him up.  It was an accident.  Cornette uses his Santa tennis racket.  That cunt.  There is a kid in the front row who seems more interested in reading the program/WWF Magazine.  The sternum bump is as gross as usual.  Taker will face the winner of this match at the Rumble.  After being grounded for a big stretch, Bret gets back into things with another atomic drop and a bulldog on the Bulldog.  Piledriver!  Oh shit, the 5MOD start up.  Bret tries a superplex.  Bulldog throws him off balls first onto the top rope.  On the floor, Bulldog hits Bret from behind, when sends him head first into the steps.  Holy shit, blood EVERYWHERE.  CZFNW!   Bulldog hits his own piledriver.  The mood has definitely changed in the building.  These ECW cunts are happy about the blood.  A lot of split screens with Diana's reaction.  Bulldog seems to hurt himself doing a diving headbutt to the lower back.  His tights are stained with Bret's blood.  So is the mat.  Vince wants the match stopped.  German suplex OUTTA NOWHERE.  Bret sends Bulldog to the floor and follows with a tope.  He tries a Vaderbomb to the floor and gets caught in the running powerslam.  Bulldog pulls up part of the padding.  Before he can use it, he gets racked on the guard rail.  This split screen shit is really hurting the match.  A lot of big spots are done in a tiny little screen with more attention being paid to Diana.  Bret wins with an Oklahoma roll.  Title retained.  

IN YOUR HOUSE EXTRA. Todd get words with Taker and Paul Bearer.  Taker vs Bret at the Rumble!  Diesel broke in to the interview, pissed that he's not getting a rematch.  He and Taker have an awkwardly long stare down.

Over all, a non-offensive show.  Even with shit like Mabel vs Taker in a casket match, Santa turning heel, and a hog pen match.  Bret/Bulldog was dope, but it was really hurt by the constant split screen for Diana's reactions.  Way, way too often was half the screen just on her face while a major spot was going on in in a tiny screen.  It was especially egregious during the final stretch. 

 

 

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WWF In Your House 4: The Great White North 10/22/95

Do you know Canada's own...some lady?  Canada's national anthem is somehow more bland and lame than America's, which is amazingly bland and lame.

The show officially starts with an announcement from WWF President Gorilla Monsoon, who will not allow Shawn Michaels to defend the Intercontinental Championship due to injuries sustained from an assault by 3000 military members from a multinational coalition.  He will relinquish his title to Dean Douglas, who will then face Razor Ramon for the title.

Fatu vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Man, fuck make a difference Fatu.  He's the reason why the Usos are so annoying.  They're just this version of their dad, except split in two.  HHH tries to start the match by spraying Arrogance in Fatu's face.  It doesn't work.  That's the reason for this match in the first place.  HHH was spraying his cologne around in the back and it offended Fatu.  On Superstars.  The day before.  HHH doesn't even get a chance to take his shirt off for many minutes.  Fatu takes the traditional Wild Samoan head in the ropes spot and this allows HHH to get into the match for the first time.  Look at that obsequious bow.  Mother fucker.  Not That Motherfucker.  Just mother fucker.  It's kind of amazing that 19 years later, HHH has been the best heel in the world and put on the WWE match of the year with an indie darling at Wrestlemania.  JR thinks a grown man shouldn't be carrying around a bottle of perfume.  Why does that not surprise me?  Vince calls HBK a, "stand up son of a gun".  That made me laugh for some reason.  HHH with that lariatooooooo.  Fatu fights out of the pedigree, but not the DDT.  Too bad DDTs don't work on Samoans.  STUPID IDIOT.  HHH, so smart and cultured, doesn't even know that Samoans and black people have super hard heads.  Pathetic.  Fatu throws out a lot of offense, including a running Kanyon Cutter.  BANG!  But then he misses the Superfly Splash.  Pedigree for the win.  HHH remains undefeated.

TO THE KING.  HHH talks about how ghastly and repulsive Fatu is.  Henry Godwinn arrives with his slop bucket.  HHH hides behind King.  No one ends up being slopped.

TO THE CUNT.  Fucking Michael Hayes AND Jim Cornette?  At the same time?  FUCK.  Bulldog is also there.  Bulldog turned on Diesel about 2 months ago, and pinned him 2 weeks ago in a 6 man tag on Raw.  This is apparently the first title shot of Bulldog's career.  

Smoking Gunns vs 123 Kid/Razor Ramon WWF Team Championships

A quick pre-match promo from Razor and Kid.  They've had their issues over the past month and a half, but finally seem to have cleared everything up after Razor beat Kid 3 times in one match.  Kid seemed to accept Razor was better than him and let it go.  Billy has cut his mullet and got rid of his mustache and no longer looks like a man you'd want to make sure is never alone with your children.  I thought the Code of Honor was going to be followed, but then I remember that Kid and Razor are 2kewl4skewl2sweet4life.  Billy and Kid begin the match.  Their speed and strength nullify each other.  Bart out wrestles Razor.  Razor out punches Bart.  A low bridge sends Bart crashing hard into the apron.  That was violent.  Kid won't put the boots to him on the floor, though.  Razor might have to pace himself considering he now has a shot at the IC belt tonight.  Crowd is definitely behind Razor.  Razor fall away slams Kid into Bart.  Poor Bart.  His name is Bart, for one.  He has to wrestle in jeans.  He got murdered on live PPV.  Dean Douglas is watching and taking notes.  Mr. Ass comes in as a HOUSE UPON A FLAME!  Kid is now cut off from his corner.  Both teams are cheating and the fans are into it.  King calls the Canadian fans out on condoning cheating.  BIZARRO LAND!  Razor's Edge on Billy.  Razor doesn't go for the pin.  Then Kid asks for a tag, so he gives it to him.  A TON of time wasted.  Kid gives a cocky pin and Billy reverses it for the win.  Titles retained.  Kid attacks after the match.  Bart's wrist gets tied up in the ropes.  Kid knocks both men from the ring and takes the titles.  Razor comes back to return the titles.  

TO THE CUNT.  Hayes tries to sell cut outs of Bret and HBK.  ONLY $25 for painted cardboard!

Marty Jannetty vs Goldust

After months of vignettes, Goldust finally makes his in ring debut.  Much like HHH earlier, it is amazing to see Goldust 19 years later in MUCH better shape, as good or maybe even better than ever.  Here, he had been out of the ring since March in a completely different gimmick, in a tight body suit that is not flattering to any of his shapes.  I think it is interesting that his boots are still wrestling style cowboy boots.  Marty seems to have a bad knee or ankle.  Goldy does a lot of stalling.  Once he actually gets to wrestling, he wrestles a lot like Dustin Rhodes.  Not much at all of the sexual harassment master we all know and love of early Goldust.  Lariatoooo, with Marty taking the Jannetty bump, which Goldust himself took on the floor and Fatu took earlier to a HHH lariato.  Goldy's gloves are giving him a lot of issues.  They're too big and he is constantly adjusting them.  Marty also takes the Jannetty bump into the ring post, which he did on a random episode of Thunder once.  The match grinds to a halt with rest holds and miscommunications.  Goldust wins with a gourdbuster.  Not a great debut.  It's clear that Goldy hadn't been doing many house shows to keep in ring shape, he wasn't really comfortable with the gimmick yet, his gear didn't fit and bothered him, and Marty seemed injured either before or very early into the match.  I don't think you'd imagine that Goldust would be around 19 years later.

Yokozuna vs King Mable

This was originally to be Taker vs Mable, but Yoko and Mable crushed Taker's face, so Monsoon decided to put them against each other.  Get this out of here.  I like two hosses throwing bombs, but these dudes are too fat to do anything.  Yoko moves like molasses with the body of jelly.  Mable looks like he's actually wearing a purple parachute.  The match ends in a double count out.  The fatties hug after the match.

Vince throws to Hayes, who he thinks is in the back, but is actually in the ring.  Monsoon is in the ring with him and they bring Dean Douglas out.  They then bring out HBK, who was assaulted by the entire United Nations army outside of a night club.  As he hands the title over to Monsoon, Dean snatches that shit and celebrates.

Dean Douglas vs Razor Ramon WWF Intercontinental Championship

Razor walks right into the ring and punches Shane right in the mouth.  He then immediately slows the match down with rest holds and arm work.  I'd think you'd want to come out with some exciting shit after the last 15 minutes of the show where nothing happened.  Instead, 5 minutes of a hammer lock and arm bar.  I'm starting to think I like Hall in WCW more than in WWF.  He's way better as a cool heel than a cool face.  He's much more entertaining on the mic and in the ring as a cool heel.  Razor gets the pin on Dean after a back suplex.  Dean's foot was under the ropes.  The decision stood.  New champion!  This was even less interesting than their previous match, and it definitely wasn't because of Shane Douglas.  Razor is now the first ever 4 time IC champion.

Diesel vs British Bulldog WWF Championship

PPV in Canada: Bret on commentary for one match, Owen in a dark match.  Is this WCW?  King runs away from Bret.  Bret catches him and hits him a few times.  King came back and Bret chased him off again.  And again.  Bret will get a title shot at Survivor Series no matter who walks out as champion.  JR calls native Canadians, "native Americans".  Diesel's hair almost looks purple.  Was he coloring his hair by this point?  Bulldog runs into a big forearm and some slams and then bails on this shit.  Corny causes a distraction and Bulldog goes for the leg, but then switches his focus, with Bret calls a mistake.  After Diesel is knocked to the floor, he bumps into Bret.  Bret helps him up and gets pie faced.  Bulldog then chop blocks the champ.  Bulldog sticks with the leg work, doing an ugly standing figure four...thing.  Cornette drops an elbow on Diesel's knee on the floor.  Bret says that while he doesn't agree with where Davey has taken his career, he doesn't have the friction with him that he has with Owen.  Diesel has a brief come back.  Bulldog then puts the Sharpshooter on, falls, and Bret shits on him for not knowing how to put it on.  Twice.  Diesel shoves off the powerslam and hits a big boot.  Corny gets blasted.  Nash gets sent into the post.  Bulldog randomly slaps Bret.  Bret jumps in the ring and attacks Bulldog, which causes a disqualification.  Bulldog wins, but the title remains with Diesel.  Bret and Diesel start fighting in the ring.  You know, Bret has fought with 3 different people tonight.  I'm starting to think that perhaps he is the asshole.  Officials try to pull them apart.  Other wrestlers come out and can't keep them apart.  WE'RE OUTTA TIME SEE YOU ON THUNDER!

This should definitely would have been much worse with a different crowd, but Manitoba doesn't get too many shows and they're happy with whatever gets thrown at them.  I think it's fucking weird not to have Bret or Owen in matches on the show.  They would both be in dark matches after the show.  Bret had a match with the Devils Favorite Dentist.  They had a cage match on the go home Raw.  I don't know why they didn't just bump it to the PPV.   Goldust had a pretty bad debut after months of build up.  The highlight of the main event was both guys punking out the guest announcer. 
   

WWF In Your House 3: Triple Header 9/24/95

In the main event, ALL TITLES ARE ON THE LINE!  I notice the In Your House logo has once again committed the crime of breaking and entering.

 

Savio Vega vs Waylon Mercy

This is definitely the New Generation.  It took me 19 years to get the pun of Waylon Mercy.  Wailing mercy.  Waylon is a notorious slow starter, and this match is no different.  I wonder how the character would have turned out if Spivy wasn't broken down, but then, I can't imagine his character would have lended itself to a main event spot or anything.  Split screen with MICHAEL FUCKING HAYES to inform us that Owen Hart has not arrived.  He has no "ideal" on what kind of repercussions that will have on the main event.  Savio is able to fight out of the sleeper.  The first to do so I believe.  Savio hits a big boot and spinning swizzle dizzle Zwarte Piet back front side leg kick.  Big brainbustaaaaaah only gets a 2 count.  Same with a back drop.  Savio has that Caribbean gumption.  Savio wins with the spinning heel kick in a very non-descript match.

TO THE BACK.  Michael Hayes catches up with Cornette arguing with Gorilla Monsoon.  Gorilla isn't going to cancel the triple header even if Owen doesn't show up.

Sid vs Henry Godwinn

Oh no.  Who booked this?  I need to know.  Of all the guys on the roster to put up against Sid, you pick Henry Godwinn?  HOG hurts himself doing a suplex and Sid picks up on it.  He's not a big dummy.  Was there ever an angle to reinstate Danny Davis?  A lot of Steiner Recliners.  How the fuck did Sid go from main eventing 2 IYH in a row to a second on the card match with Henry Godwinn?  And having to have DiBiase save him? Sid wins with the powerbomb in another non-descript match.  Sid and Ted were going to dump the slop bucket on Henry.  Bam Bam Big Yellow rand down.  Kama ran down.  Ted decides to dump the bucket on Bammer instead.  Henry grabbed it and dumped it on Ted's head.  SWERVE!

TO THE CUNT.  Gorilla gives the official decision that the triple header will proceed.  Corny can either send Yoko alone, or find a replacement partner just for tonight.

British Bulldog vs Bam Bam Big Yellow

I kind of forgot Bam Bam was still around before the end of the last match.  I thought he had been let go by this point.  "He almost went with that Mexican hairless look..."  What the fuck does that mean, King?  Are you trying to say that Bulldog almost went for the cholo look?  Split screen shows us that Cornette is trying to convince Sid to join Yoko tonight.  Bulldog does a standard suplex because even he can't get Bammer's fat ass up for a stalling suplex.  Bammer hits a diving headbutt, but then gets chop blocked.  Bulldog sticks to the knee.  3 non-descript matches in a row.  Why am I not surprised?  This is the New Generation, after all.  Bulldog wins with a standard powerslam.  

MR. BACKLUND comes to the ring with a dictionary.  "Where's your lexicon?  YEAAAAH!"  He tells us about how people have to learn and stuff and other stuff and then some other stuff.  He then brings out Dean Douglas.  

Dean Douglas vs Razor Ramon

Dean for some reason introduces Razor.  Dean Douglas is the dumbest shit.  Maybe if he had a better gimmick, the Kliq wouldn't have been able to tank his run as easily.  Those vignettes of his were DEATH.  Even Matt Striker's version of the gimmick was better.  They should have just had him as the midcard Franchise.  He had been in the WWF before as Shane Douglas.  There was really no reason to change his name even half way.  Long exchange of hammer locks.  Razor showing he could wrestler if need be.  Fall away slam gets a near fall.  Razor starts some arm work.  Can you imagine how much it must have hurt Shane to not be able to say AAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS HAHA in all of his promos?  That's probably why his body immediately exploded once he got back to ECW.  Chico gets thrown to the floor and injures his back.  Dean, being a dean, focuses his attack on the back of Razor after this.  The guard rail, floor, ring post, and steps are used.  Lol at Shane doing the Triple Threat sign and then remembering he's not in ECW anymore.  Razor gets tired of all this nonsense and punch/slaps the taste out of Dean's mouth.  That was loud as shit.  Razor is SLICING UP.  I wonder how many refs from the 80s and 90s have terrible wrist problems from that hard as fuck ring.  Shane gets out of the back superplex.  Razor rolls through a cross body.  Ref bump!  ECW!  Razor's edge.  The 123 Kid comes down and counts the pin while Backlund has the ref distracted.  When Razor realizes that, he shoves Kid around.  Kid shoves him back.  Razor shoves him so hard he flies out past the mats.  Shane gets the roll up with a handful of tights.  What a weird finish.  Razor throws Kid back into the ring and they get into it, with a host of officials pulling them apart.  They've had a rocky relationship as of late, mostly due to Dean Douglas.

TO THE CUNT.  Michael Hayes is hocking HBK gear.  Then he talks to the Dudes with Attitudes.  HBK compares Owen to a girl that he really wants to fuck, but she's crazy, so he ends up frustrated.  They're going to be 2 Chaps with 4 Straps after tonight.  Elsewhere, Bret Hart gave a promo saying his upcoming match is like Captain Hook vs Captain Crunch.  And he's Captain Crunch.  Vince suddenly sounded like he was speaking through a vocoder.

Jean Pierre Lafitte vs Bret Hart

Bret actually comes out through the front door.  He starts the match with a suicide dive that he over shoots.  Why is Pierre wearing stripper boots?  Those aren't waders.  You ain't fool me, monami.  Vince gets pissed at the ref not doing his job.  "What are you there for?!?"  Bret controls the match until CARL blocks a hip toss with a lariatooo.  Bret goes hard shoulder first into the ring post.  He gets thrown into it next time.  CARL gets back dropped over the top and lands on his feet.  Then chucks Bret into the steps.  Spinebuster.  Not near TMF level.  Guillotine leg drop.  2 count.  Time for a cannon ball.  It misses.  5 moves of DOOM start.  CARL shoves off the Sharpshooter and does a tope to NOWHERE.  God damn.  Just SPLAT.  Indie as fuck.  You'd think this would pretty much end the match, but CARL is able to actually fight back, again stop the 5MOD and hit a Finlay Roll.  Bret runs HARD into a knee in the corner.  CARL shoves off a bulldog into a brutal sternum bump.  The second one of the match.  CARL misses a Superfly Splash, but Bret is moving slow after getting all tied up balls first in the ropes.  Both collide in the middle of the ring.  Bret is able to apply the Sharpshooter while both are on the mat, rolls it into the proper move, and gets the win.  Pretty fun match.  Certainly the best match on this show.

TO THE CUNT.  The Bulldog is replacing Owen tonight.  

Alundra Blayze comes out to model the t-shirt of the event.  This is probably why she threw your title away, Vince.  If you order the shirt, you get a free classic video.

Yokozuna/British Bulldog vs Shawn Michaels/Diesel WWF Tag Team Championships, WWF Intercontinental Championship, WWF Championship

ALL TITLES ON THE LINE!  Bulldog and HBK begin the match.  They have a pretty fast exchange.  Yoko tags in.  HBK stays in.  It was probably a bad decision.  He's able to avoid getting squashed and tags Diesel in.  Diesel looks like he's going 90 miles per hour against the 3000 pound Yoko.  God, what a fat fuck.  Bulldog is unable to get Diesel up for the suplex and drops him.  He's able to get it the second time.  Those 2dudes do the old Andre/Snuka spot.  Then HBK gets his balls ruined on the ropes.  He narrowly avoids getting his head squished by Yoko's taint.  Loud USA chants as he works for the hot tag to his big homie.  Bulldog does his wacky Euro flip into Yoko, who then falls on him.  Owen Hart comes OUTTA NOWHERE and gets jackknifed.  Diesel pins Owen to win the match and tag titles.  Even though Owen wasn't in the match.  That's some WCW shit right there.  2 Chaps with 4 Straps!

Bret/JPL is the only match worth watching.  It was fun.  Razor/Douglas was okay.  Everything else was lame.  Which sounds like a typical New Generation show to me.  Owen being the one to take the pin was so stupid.  The match should have been thrown out as soon as he jumped into the ring.
 

 

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WWF In Your House 2: The Lumberjacks

Well fuck me.  This show is from Nashville, so it starts out with a country rock song singing about the show.  It sounds like Michael Hayes is singing it.  Or maybe someone doing a Michael Hayes impression, which is even crazier.  Fittingly, the show starts with the IYH logo breaking and entering.

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Vince is in his best country-Western gear, while King is wearing a cowboy hat with his crown on top of it.

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123 Kid vs The Roadie

Kid attacks in the aisle to get this shit started, because this time, it's PERSONAL.  You see, JJ and Roadie were the ones that put Kid out of action for a few weeks.  There are some leap frogs, one of which Kid rolls under and appears to hit Dogg in the balls or knee.  A head scissors sends Roadie to the floor.  The ref won't allow Kid to dive.  So he does a sling shot karate kick to the face instead.  More kicks in the ring.  The Kid looks pretty serious tonight.  Roadie gets back into things with a powerslam.  Double J is preparing for his live performance later tonight and is not watching the match in the back.  Suddenly, Kid is on the floor and Roadie is flying off the apron with a lariato.  Balls to the ring post.  Kid's head hit it as well.  Flapjack Norton.  Leg drop.  Big back drop.  The Roadie is ROCKIN!  HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA.  Diving headbutt misses.  Big ass spinning heel kick from the Kid nearly ends the match.  Corner dropkick.  Guillotine leg drop.  Frog splash!  2 count.  Bateaster Bomb!!!!  Kid kicks out.  I don't know how I've gone through almost the whole match and not even realized the DX EXPLODES angle here.  Kid goes up top and is crotched.  YO WTF SECOND ROPE PILEDRIVER.  Kind of.  It put the Kid down and out.  The idea that there was a time when someone in the WWF could do a second rope piledriver is bananas.  It's a good thing Roadie landed on his feet first, because Kid still got fucking planted.  If there had been more impact, it could have been bad.  Roadie makes sure everything is ready for Jeff's performance later before he heads to the back.

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TO THE BACK.  Todd speaks with the Million Dollar Corporation.  Sid is going to win the WWF Championship, ya dig?  Elsewhere, the merch dude is in Diesel's locker room, where everyone is pretty into coke or something.  HBK and Diesel hawk the merch.

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Men on a Mission vs Razor Ramon/Savio Vega

I'd like to note that I'm pretty sure Mabel wasn't on TV once except in a lumberjack segment in the month between KOTR and this show.  And on one Raw, Vince gave a pretty passive aggressive "We are paying attention to and appreciate all your comments and discussion about KOTR on the internet, chat lines, and letters at WWF Headquarters" in that way that was basically an apology for how shitty that show was and to please stop mentioning it.  Razor throws his rib bandage right at Mabel.  You see, at KOTR, Razor got squished on his already injured ribs.  Mo and Razor start.  Mo is REALLY BAD AT EVERYTHING.  It's kind of shocking.  He doesn't seem to know how to do anything.  Savio is in and superkicks Mabel.  Then he's caught in a Boss Man Slam and and Mabel bellows like a sad purple seal.  Mother fucking Savio stealing Bret's sternum bump.  And then Mabel steals Bam Bam's enziguri.  This sucks.  Mo sucks.  Mabel sucks.  Savio is ok.  Razor is good sometimes.  Adds up to IT SUCKS.  Mabel's ring gear is offensive to my eyes.  Savio is FIP and tries to body slam Mabel like a dip shit.  Razor looks a little deflated and soft.  I'm not suggesting anything involving drugs, lack of juice, or alcohol.  Big belly to belly thing from Mabel.  Mo misses a moonsault.  Now, why would he be trying a moonsault in the first place?  Hot tag to Razor.  Back superplex.  Wish he had tried that on Mabel.  I'd also like to see the Razor's Edge on Mabel.  Instead, Mabel climbs to the top rope and Razor is able to press slam him off.  Stiff as fuck DDT from Mabel.  Mabel pins Razor with a belly to belly.  Weird year for Razor.  Lost the IC championship to Double J at the Rumble.  Won by DQ at WM.  Beat Roadie and Jeff at IYH 1.  Injured before KOTR and was a manager for Savio.  And now losing to MoM.  Unrelated to Razor, I think it is so weird that they announce Savio as "The Caribbean Legend" when he was just a guy that came out of the crowd to help Razor.

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TO THE SUPERSTAR LINE.  Road Dogg and Kid are talking on the phones.

TO THE TODD.  Todd talks to Double J's back up singers and band.  Big Al is ready.  Todd also likes to scat with the drummer.

TO THE DOK.  This piece of shit talks with Diesel's lumberjacks.  Rumors say DiBiase has bought off one of these guys.

TO THE STAGE.  Road Dogg (introduced as such by Vince) introduces Double J for his live performances of the smash hit, With My Baby Tonight.  God damn, so much down time here.  The best part of this is most definitely Vince's random GEEEEETAR and THIS IS A GREAT TUNE kind of comments.  And how awful Double J's theme sounds done by a life band.  

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Henry Godwinn vs Bam Bam Big Yellow

Oh gross.  The Bam Bam face push sucked.  He's a natural heel.  Nothing about him says face.  Bam Bam immediately no sells a back suplex, then does two of his own.  A shoulder block sends HOG to the floor.  DDT back in the ring.  A low bridge sends Bam Bam to the floor.  Slam on the floor.  Oh my.  Lariatoooo almost keeps Bammer down.  Unsurprisingly, this is not good.  Diving headbutt misses.  HOG misses a second rope knee drop.  Bam Bam pins him right after.  At least it was short.  I guess.

TO THE BACKLUND.  Mr. Backlund confronts a fan in a Kurt Cobain shirt.  

TO THE TODD.  Todd speaks with HBK, who has fresh new stripper gear.  

 

Jeff Jarrett vs Shawn Michaels WWF Intercontinental Championship

God, more stalling.  Roadie talk talks for like 3 minutes before Jeff even comes out.  Champion enters first, too.  Fists fly right from the start.  HBK's fist was meatier I guess.  Double J gets an arm drag off.  So much stalling for the last 30 minutes of the show.  HBK gets some speedy moves off and then gets decked in the mouth.  And now Double J shows off like HBK did moments earlier.  Oh shit, poke to the eye!  HBK, still dastardly.  Cactus Clothesline.  HBK skins the cat and does the Fargo Strut.  Vince thinks HBK did it better, and then wonders if HBK can sing.  Have you never heard HBK's entrance music, Vince?  More stalling from Jeff, doing 9 counts and rolling in, then rolling right back out.  When Jeff finally does get in the ring, he gets a cheap shot in on HBK.  This doesn't last long as HBK quickly stooges Jeff and Roadie off.  After a back drop to the floor, HBK does a plancha on both men.  We got us a flying HBK, Maggle!  He's just having FUN out there!  He has too much fun and gets back dropped over the ring post.  Gourdbuster in the ring gets a near fall.  Abdominal stretch.  The IRS Special!  Earl finally catches Road Dogg cheating and kicks his hand away.  HBK runs right into a DDT for another near fall.  Vince's head set breaks so King does play by play and color at the same time.  Roadie gets involved again, but this time HBK moves out of the way and Jeff does the flying tea bag to his own roadie!  Flair Flip sends HBK back to the floor.  Roadie gets more cheap shots in.  Jeff was ready for a count out win, but Shawn got back in at 9.  Shawn rolls through a cross body and counters a sunset flip.  Which is then countered.  Dropkick to the MOUTH.  JJ got some hops, y'all.  HBK fights out of a sleeper and hits a back suplex, but can't capitalize.  HBK is KIPPING UP!  Flying forearm.  Face stomp.  Flying ax handle.  Flying elbow.  Not enough to put Jeff away.  Balls to the post.  HBK goes back up and Roadie shakes the ropes.  Superplex from Jeff.  Now he goes for the figure four.  ROLL UP!  Knee breaker.  The match has been going on for about 15 minutes and that was the first time Jeff did anything to the leg.  He tries it again.  HBK shoves it off and we got ourselves a ref bump.  Roadie is back in with a chop block.  Christ, Road Dogg is allllllllll over this show.  And then he accidentally grabs the wrong leg.  Superkick!  New champion!  This is very 80s house show.  Which might sound like an insult, but it isn't.  A lot of stalling, a lot of almost comedy spots, very drawn out, dudes just taking their time out there to do what they do.

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TO THE BACK.  Razor, Diesel, and the rest of the crew celebrate Shawn's win while the merch guy tries to sell an HBK shirt.  Elsewhere, Hayes flips his shit about Roadie and Jeff fighting and HOLY FUCK WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING CUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTT HOLY SHIT.  Likely the most annoying thing Hayes has ever done.

 

Yokozuna/Owen Hart vs Allied Powers WWF Tag Team Championships

Lex and Yoko begin the match, renewing their rivalry that did absolutely nothing to the world.  I forgot Lex even existed since he's been so sidelined from the main action.  I almost want to compare him to Ryback after HIAC 2012.  Just a complete non-factor.  And Yoko is so fucking fat he can't do anything.  Yoko falls on Owen's foot and now they get into it.  Bulldog almost breaks Owen's neck on a Flapjack Norton.  That's the only thing worth mentioning in this match.  Complete waste of time and Owen.  Yoko pinned Luger with a leg drop.  Titles retained.  

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TO THE TODD.  Interview with Diesel.  Nash already had grays fill up near his temples.  

 

Sid vs Diesel WWF Championship Lumberjack Match

Fucking Christ, so many gimmicks at ringside.  A rocker, a grunge rocker, a fitness guru, a minotaur, a pirate, a blue blood, a race car driver, a tax man, a trash man, an Indian, a pig farmer, two rappers, two inbred twins, a trash man, two cowboys, a male stripper, and a guy who was born out of nuclear waste.  I'd like to know who really thought a Nash/Sid feud was a good idea.  Both guys are very limited and essentially have the same move set.  Any good qualities they have are canceled out.  We can see how well it worked in 1995, so of course WCW did it TWICE in 1999.  There is nothing to this match.  And then Nash does a pescado.  Standard lumberjack match, with a lot of fighting between the heel and face lumberjacks.  Sid hit the powerbomb.  Just like the last match, he takes 30-40 seconds to do nothing before making the pin for no reason.  Lumberjacks get in the ring and Earl doesn't give a fuck.  Diesel wins with a BIG BOOT.  Title retained. 

     

 

 

 

This show sucked.  Roadie/Kid was a fun Raw match.  HBK/JJ was a fun 80s house show match.  Everything else on the show was garbage.  The subtitle should have been THE ROADIE, because he was fucking everywhere on this show.

WWF In Your House 1

The debut of a revolutionary concept in pro wrasslin PPVs: Shorter run time, lower price, no encores.  Oh no, DOK HENDRIX IS CALLING THIS SHOW.  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCK.  True to form, he seems to imply that he's going to crash in the house of whoever wins the house give away whenever he wants.  Because no matter what name he's going as, Michael Hayes is a scum bag.

 

Hakushi vs Bret Hart

Bret had a quick pre match promo and dedicated the match to his mother.  The show was on Mother's Day.  Hakushi shows off his agility by rolling and doing cartwheels.  It's intimidating.  Cartwheels are always intimidating.  The Kush works Bret's arm.  Bret does his own arm work.  WE GOT US A DUELING ARM BAR, MAGGLE.  Some miscommunications early in the match.  Bret ends all that with an elbow to the head.  SHOOT hip toss.  Arm drags everywhere.  Hakushi bails.  Hayes seems to be a heel.  Or at least happy to see cheap shots.  Sternum bump.  Vader Bomb gets a 2 count.  King is watching in the back as he'll face Bret later in the night, regardless of who wins this match.  FACE FULL OF STUFF FACE FULL OF STUFF.  Bret takes a weird bump to the floor and Sato takes some cheap shots.  Hakushi chokes Bret in the corner as Sato distracts Tim White.  Remember when he had weekly skits of trying to kill himself?  And it was done a month after Eddie died?  And then ended up with Josh Matthews getting shot?  That was a weird time.  Handspring elbow from Hakushi.  Not as good as Muta's.  No one has ever done it as well as Muta.  Tiltawhirl backbreaker.  Diving headbutt.  I really don't get the concept of the diving head butt.  Seems like it would always do more harm to the guy doing the move.  Always.  Bret dodges a springboard splash and unloads on Hakushi.  Russian leg sweep.  Bulldog.  Diving elbow.  Sato distracts Bret from the Sharpshooter, but Hakushi can't get away from the lariatoooooo.  Sato continues to get involved, so Bret dives on his ass and beats the shit out of him.  Both guys take a hard fall to the floor struggling over a suplex.  An Asai moonsault appears to destroy Bret's knees.  Back in the ring, Bret reverses a German suplex into a victory roll for the win.  Divas Special!  

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TO THE BACK.  King tries to get his match with Bret right now.  Todd tells him that Bret is on his way.  King bails because he got a page.  Stan Lane and Madusa were on the phones.

 

TO THE STEPHANIE.  Stephanie is about to draw the winner for the In Your House House Raffle at In Your House.  She pretends like the set is the actual house.  Which makes no sense for a few reasons.  One, the set clearly isn't a real house.  Two, the show is in New York and the house being given away is in Florida.

 

Jeff Jarrett/The Roadie vs Razor Ramon

This was supposed to be a tag match, but the 123 Kid got injured and Razor demanded the match not be called off.  Kid did call in and didn't want to talk to Michael Hayes.  Quick pre-match promo from Razor during Jeff's entrance.  This is apparently the first handicap match of Razor's career.  I guess it is the first ever handicap match on a WWF PPV as well.  Razor and Jeff start the match and Jeff is quickly knocked to the floor.  Jeff goes back on offense in the ring, only to miss a dropkick and he's sent right back to the floor.  Jeff pulls Razor out and Roadie gets a sneak attack from behind in.  Enziguri from JJ.  Oh shit, fall away slam.  Roadie is tagged in.  This might be his first match in WWF.  Certainly no more than 3.  He goes right to town on Razor.  Jimmy Del Rey inspired dancing.  Disgusting.  Jeff is back in and nearly loses to a small package.  He quickly tags out.  Then he's back in and gets out of the Razor's Edge with a back drop over the top rope.  Roadie flies out with a clothesline off the second rope and Razor appears to be down and out on the floor.  Kind of weirdly booked match where Razor can't get any offense on Roadie, but Jeff gets the shit knocked out of him when he's in the ring.  Razor rolls through a cross body for a 2 count.  Dropkick from Jeff.  Do you think JJ will hire Scott Hall for GWF?  Jeff misses the flying tea bag.  Is that Jaime Kennedy in the front row in the Charlotte Hornets Starter gear?  Double noggin knocker.  Hot tag to the Roadie.  Second rope knee drop.  Roadie is by far the strongest booked guy in this match.  Jeff tags in, but Razor is SLICING UP!  Just punching the shit out of everyone.  Back superplex to Road Dogg.  Jeff tries for the figure four.  Razor shoves him off, sending him into Roadie and Roadie off the apron.  Razor's Edge!  Razor gets the win.  Boy, Jeff was made to look like a total putz while Roadie was booked stronger than Razor and Jeff.  Roadie got one after the match just for fun.  BUT WAIT, Jeff chop blocked Razor and put him in the figure four before the move could be completed.  ALDO MONTOYA makes the save and gets a beat down.  Eventually a brown fan jumps in the ring and saves Razor.  That's all we know about him.  He's brown.  Police escort him away.

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TO THE BACK.  Jerry Lawler is arguing with Jack Tunney and what appears to be a very old Buddy  Rogers, but I'm not positive on that one.

Sid hype video.  Followed by some shirt shilling, including a Bret Hart shirt where the SELLING POINT was that it has stuff on the back.  They call it an "all over" shirt.  Because it has stuff on both sides.  

 

Mabel vs Adam Bomb King of the Ring Qualifier

This is basically a squash match.  Adam has a flurry of offense for a minute and a half and then gets smashed with a powerslam.  Mabel advances to the KOTR.  

 

TO THE TODD.  Razor introduces us to his good friend, Savio Vega.  

 

Smoking Gunns vs Yokozuna/Owen Hart WWF Tag Team Championships

King tries to get his match with Bret to happen right now while Bret is still hurt, but agents take him TO THE BACK.  Billy and Yoko start the match.  Bart is quickly in and headbutted down.  Owen tags in.  Press slam.  Dropkick.  Dropkick suplex combo.  Billy is in and god damn does he look disgusting with his mustache and mullet.  Just fucking gross.  Lariato from Yoko.  Shit does he look terrible.  He had to have gained 80 pounds or more from WMX to WMXI.  Yoko runs into the ring post like a fatty.  Not much going on here.  Bart takes a hard bump through the ropes.  Billy decks Corny.  Yoko drops a leg on the floor on Bart.  Owen gets the pin.  Titles retained. ALL BY HIMSELF.

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TO THE BACK.  Todd catches up with Diesel.  This is his first Mother's Day without his mom, who passed shortly after Christmas last year.  Sid says he's the master, but Diesel is the walrus.  Goo goo goo joob.

 

Jerry Lawler vs Bret Hart

King said he'd bring his mother out with him.  It's a 20 something year old hottie and he wants to fuck her.  I think that explains some things about King.  Another quick pre-match promo with Bret.  His knee is 100%.  He wasn't hurt at all.  It was all a SWERVE!!!  A SWERVE all along!  RUSE!!!  Bret does a beat down for about 2 minutes and then gets hit while a piledriver, which he no sells and goes back to the beat down.  Bret hits his own piledriver.  Nice BOB HOLLY COULDN'T DRIVE A GO CART sign.  Sato comes out and distracts the rope.  Earl is half in the ring and an Irish whip gets his foot tangled up in the ropes.  Bret has the pin but Earl is out of place like usual.  Hakushi runs out and breaks the pin.  Then hits a diving headbutt.  And another.  Earl is now free.  King does a jackknife pin and gets the win.  

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TO THE BACK.  Sid's chin fills the screen as he rambles about some stuff.  The go home Raw had him talking about a lion who was "the greatest of ever...of all time".  

TO THE IN YOUR HOUSE RAFFLE FOR A HOUSE AT IN YOUR HOUSE.  We get one last look at the house.    And the winner is...I don't know because Todd dialed the wrong number.  And the winner is...Matt Pompacilli!!!!!!!!!!!!  In Nevada.  He won a house in Orlando.  Anything can happen in the WWF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Diesel vs Sid WWF Championship

I hope this ends like their Starrcade match.  Sid randomly stares down Vince.  Stare down.  Sid gets shoved right on his ass.  Nash doing Stinger Splashes all up in this mug.  Sid bails and Nash comes out with a double ax handle from the apron.  Short arm lariatoos don't take Sid down, but a leaping one does.  Sid bails again.  Sid needs Ted to distract Diesel to get on offense.  A knee to the back sends Diesel over the top rope.  Snake eyes on the apron.  Surely these guys should be counted out by now.  A few times.  Running Orton Punt!  Sid is focusing on the back that Henry Godwinn injured on Superstars.  Camel clutch.  It's broken.  And then reapplied.  Diesel won't be counted out.  Chokeslam.  Powerbomb from Sid!  Sid takes too long to make the cover and Diesel kicks out.  And now he's REVVING UP!  Snake eyes.  Big boot.  Jackknife.  Tatanka hits the ring and causes a DQ.  DiBiase also jumps in and lays in some boots.  Sid goes for another powerbomb.  Bam Bam runs in to make the save.  Title retained via disqualification.  

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Bret/Hakushi was definitely the match of the night, even though they had quite a few miscommunications and never really seemed to kick it into high gear.  The rest of the show was...a New Generation show.  I appreciate Nash showing a lot more energy than usual trying to make up for Sid.  One of the dark matches was Owen vs Bulldog in a 15 minute draw KOTR qualifier.  That should have been on the show instead of the tag match, Mabel vs Adam Bomb, and Bret vs King.