WCW Halloween Havoc 1995

So nice to not have Mongo or Bischoff around for a show.  Fans, we've been told that before the show started, Arn Anderson and Brian Pillman attacked Ric Flair.  We're not sure how this could change the tag match later tonight.  

Johnny B. Badd vs DDP WCW Television Championship

Badd wins a shot against Sting.  When it was time for the match, he no showed.  It turns out DDP had his tires slashed.  Pillman would take Badd's spot.  Badd would arrive at the end of the show.  DDP had this done because he thought he would get the shot at Sting since he was the TV Champion.  The champ enters first and shoots of the Badd Blaster he stole from Johnny.  Johnny backs to the ring.  The REAL Johnny B. Badd comes from out of the crowd.  SWERVE!  Trick or treat!  DDP is quickly sent to the floor.  Then into the crowd.  Johnny gets a random rusty bucket out of the crowd and puts it on DDP's head.  Why would that be sitting in the crowd?  Are you allowed to bring rusty buckets with you to sports entertainment events?  It was a pre-9/11 world, I suppose.  DDP gets in control after a hot shot in the corner.  Kim doesn't agree with the 10 signs that DDP wants for all of his moves.  Pancake Norton.  Looks like DDP is busted open on the side of his face.  This is...not interesting.  At least with the match with Pillman, there was a lot of action to keep things moving.  This is just a bunch of rest holds in between really choreographed spots.  Because that's all either guy knew how to do in 1995.  Copious cheating from DDP.  Using Maxx Muscle for leverage, using wrist tape to choke with.  He also repeatedly calls Johnny a woman.  DDP needs to check his privilege.  Johnny fires off a flurry of punches and a top rope double ax handle.  Kim gives him a 10.  Ugly Bateaster Bomb.  That'll fuck your shoulder up.  Not enough to prevent DDP from hitting a float over DDT.  Kanyon Cutter is blocked.  DDP is sent to the floor.  Johnny does a terrible 619 feint, then does a tope on to both men.  He comes in the ring with a twisting splash for 2.  Maxx accidentally hits DDP.  Johnny pins him for the win.  New champion.  That crowd noise doesn't sound real at all.  Kim seems very happy about DDP losing.  

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Zodiac vs Randy Savage

This was supposed to be Kamala, but Kamala left the company.  Zodiac has Rey Jr's original music.  A fan hits the ring and seemingly tries to go after Savage.  Randy Anderson holds him back until security can get to him.  Uncharacteristically of Savage, he didn't stomp the fan's dick into the dirt.  The match stays on the floor as the fan apparently gets a god damn riot squad in the ring to get rid of him.  Macho pins Beefcake very easily with the elbow drop as the fan is taken out.  If Lex wins his match, he and Macho will have a match.  

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TO THE MEAN GENE.  Big plug for the hotline with Mike Tenay and Mark Madden.  Oh no.  That sounds so terrible.  The new TV Champion is his guest.  If you believe, you can achieve!  Gene is pretty excited about going out to the clubs with Johnny tonight.

 

Hawk vs Kurasawa

This is a REVENGE match.  Kurasawa broke Hawk's arm months ago at a COTC.  Kurasawa doesn't seem to fit in with Col. Parker.  In fact, Kurasawa would probably be more in line in the Dungeon of Doom.  Hawk's entrance music is a stock piece that was used frequently in 1997 WWF promo packages, but with WHAT A RUSH laid over it.  Hawk starts beating ass right from the start.  "That sounded like a fat girl sitting on a bean bag!"  Col. Parker gets clotheslined off the apron.  Hawk gets sent into the post.  Kurasawa wins with a Samoan drop.  He had his feet on the ropes and Parker was holding them.  Another sub-5 minute match.  I think the last two matches together weren't 5 minutes long.  

TO THE MEAN GENE.  Macho Man is the guest and he's amped to get to face Lex tonight.  YOUR MUSTACHE IS CROOKED!  Your beard is a little side ways!  One of my favorite exchanges of anyone with Gene.  Completely random.  Macho's reaction to Gene coming right back at him is great.  *Nod* That's okay, man.  

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JL vs Sabu

This is in Detroit and the Sheik is with Sabu.  Sheik comes out with a god damn sword.  Sabu hits an Asai moonsault that takes out JL and Sheik.  Sabu then tries Air Sabu off the steps and misses.  JL dives off the top.  Both guys try moonsaults in the ring.  Bateaster Bomb from JL.  2  count.  Zero heat for this.  Less than zero.  Can you have negative heat?  If you can, this match has it.  Even with Sheik in Detroit.  Sabu nearly wins with a top rope victory roll.  He wins a few seconds later with a split leg moonsault.  Sheik throws a fire ball!  Most of which was missed by the camera.  For a crazy wild man who throws fire, Sheik has a pretty dope suit.  This was definitely under 5 minutes as well.

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TO THE DUNGEON OF DOOM.  The Master and Taskmaster are doing this shit in front of the live audience.  Sullivan wants to die.  There will be a total eclipse of the sun.  Walking upon galaxies and and shit.  This has taken a turn from fun and playful to please stop.

TO THE MEAN BROTHERJACKDUDE.  Gene is with Hulk, Jimmy Hart, a bike winner, the bike winner's fiance, the biker maker, and the bike maker's wife.  Hulk is basically full blown Hollywood.  Black shirt, black tights with white lightning, black weight belt with white HULKSTER, Hogan written in white on the bandana.  But minus the beard and mustache.  This is so bad.  This show is really, really bad.  Hulk, Andre was buried in France, dick head.  Andre.  Oh man, I just realized that Boss Man confronted Show's mom because he knew that Show wasn't Andre's son.  And then she had to admit that Show was a big nasty bastard.  Inter-company continuity.  

Lex Luger vs Meng

Please let this be another 3 minute match.  Quite a bit of trash is thrown at Sullivan on the way out.  I'd probably throw trash at this show too.  It's garbage.  What a weird CROCKETT tombstone.  This is the second PPV in a row that feels like it is booked and produced by a completely different team than Nitro.  It's gone longer than 3 minutes.  WCW pls.  This is so BORING.  God.  This show is awful.  I'm not even half way through and I'd have little problem saying this is one of the worst WCW PPVs.  This is just awful, lifeless shitty wrestling.  Meng hits Lex with the golden spike.  The ref takes a while to make the pin and then Sullivan kicks Lex, which gets Meng disqualified.  SO BAD.  Lex will now face Macho, and it seems to be part of the plan.  But at least the match is over.  

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TO THE MEAN GENE.  Gene is with The Giant, in his racing outfit.  The sumo truck match is up next!  Oh.  It isn't next.

Arn Anderson/Brian Pillman vs Ric Flair/Sting

Before the show, Flair was attacked.  Sting didn't know until he got to the building.  Sting has to go it alone.  Arn starts for his team.  Loud WE WANT FLAIR chants.  Almost like 1991 all over again.  Big face buster to Arn.  Pillman gets bumped around.  Pillman tags in.  Arn tries to bait Sting into getting hit with a hidden lariato, but Sting baited the bait and lariatoooed both guys.  Press slam to Pillman.  Arn seems tentative to get back in with Sting.  He gets sling shot into Pillman, who was climbing the ropes.  Pillman is then sent from the second rope to the guard rail.  Arn uses the old Anderson trademark of throwing Sting's head into Pillman's head.  OH SHIT RIC FLAIR HAS ARRIVED!  He's in his street clothes, has tape all over his head, and he wants Arn.  Flair takes his shoe off and tries to hit Arn.  Rocket launcher doesn't work out for Brian.  Ric wants that hot tag.  Tag him, Sting!  Arn cuts him off at the last second.  Flair chases Pillman all around the ring.  Sting gets close many times, but can't make the tag.  Spinebuster!  Sting finally makes the tag!  OH MY GOD RIC FLAIR JUST ATTACKED STING!  It was a SWERVE the whole time!  My god!  Ric Flair, you no good son of a bitch!  This was a 2 month SWERVE just to fuck with Sting!  

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TO THE MEAN BY GOD GENE.  Gene gets a few words with the Three Horsemen as they head to the back, but not before plugging the hotline.  Arn says the fans asked for this, and now the Horsemen are back.  According to Gene, this is the worst thing that has ever happened.  There is still an HOUR left in this show.  Sting is helped to the back.  Sting warned Flair if there was a SWERVE, Flair would be left for dead.  

TO THE TENAY.  Nooo, Tenay interviews Lex Luger.  Lex totally almost says World Wrestling Federation.  There are forces in the world bringing he and Macho into combat with each other.  There are forces in the world bringing this terrible show to my face.

Hulk Hogan vs The Giant Monster Truck Sumo Match

Both trucks are welded together by the bumpers.  The way to win is to push the other truck out of the circle.  And it is on a roof.  Bischoff takes over for Tony and the creator of Big Foot joins the team.  Within the circle are 2 random BOMBS.  What the fuck?  This is the dumbest shit.  It's amazing.  It's also awful.  Oh my, a "charge" goes off!  CZW!  Hogan wins!  Both men get out of the trucks and fight on the edge of the building.  My god, Giant has fallen off the roof of the Cobo Hall!  MY GOD.  Fucking LOOOOOL the Big Foot guy clearly wasn't clued in.  He was really confused at Eric's reaction and asked "That wasn't supposed to happen?".  

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Lex Luger vs Randy Savage

Lex tries to follow the Code of Honor.  Mach does not.  You know, this crowd didn't seem to worried about having just seen a guy fall off a roof.  Jimmy Hart comes to ringside.  Lex didn't appreciate the cheap shot.  The booking for this match was stupid as shit.  Why have Lex's first match go 13 minutes and Macho's go 90 seconds?  Lex is really the guy you want working two full matches?  Brain gets heated as fuck over not getting any info on Giant.  The brawl heads to the floor.  Northern lariatooo from Macho.  Lex tries a pin with his feet on the ropes.  Jimmy Hart has the ref distracted.  Then Lex gets bumped into him.  Macho hits the elbow for the win.  

Hennan storms off because no one will give him any info on Giant.  Then he comes back.  We get a replay and Brain flips his shit.

 

Hulk Hogan vs The Giant WCW Championship

Hogan comes out first.  The King of Hulkmania.  God damn it Buffer, you've been introducing Hogan for over a year now and you still don't know it is Hulkamania?  Hulk tells his Hulkamanoids that what happened wasn't supposed to happened, brothers.  The last time he saw The Giant......WAIT A MINUTE.  The Giant has arrived!  He's alive!  And with his manager, "The Taskmasker".  Friends, Hulk is legit shook.  No doubt about it.  This is Giant's first match.  And it is a title match against Hogan.  Hulk has the same face paint as the Taskmasker.  Hulk's shots have little effect, even after the dude fell off the roof.  The first slam doesn't work.  It's fitting that this match is also boring and terrible.  You don't need a play by play.  It is terrible.  The whole show has been really, really bad.  Hulk puts himself in a bear hug at one point.  I like how WCW has built this whole feud over Wrestlemania 3, but without ever actually saying Wrestlemania or showing any footage.  Chokeslam!  Hulk powers out and he's HULKING UP.  Of course.  Big boot.  Body slam.  Leg drop.  Jimmy Hart hits the ref.  I think.  OH MY GOD JIMMY HART HAS ATTACKED HULK HOGAN!  SWERVE!!!!!!  Giant locks on a bear hug.  Out comes Luger and Savage, together.  It's THE YETAAAY!  Luger stomps Savage!  The Yetaaay and Giant DP Hogan!  Lex puts Hogan in the torture rack!  SO MANY SWERVES.  I'M ALL SWERVED OUT.  The Giant is declared the winner via disqualification due to Jimmy Hart hitting the ref, however, titles can not change hands on a DQ.  Fans throw trash into the ring as the DoD celebrates. 

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What a terrible, terrible show.  If the go home show was pure Wrestle Crap, this show was garbage that Wrestle Crap would be embarrassed to promote.  Just so bad.  All the wrestling was bad, half the matches were under 5 minutes, everything involving the monster trucks.  It's just so bad.  If there is an upside, two different multi-month angles came to a head.  Both involved big time SWERVES.  It's a bad show.  Not enjoyably bad.  Just bad.  100% the best thing on the show was Tony's call of THE YETAAAAAAAY.  It's wonderful.

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