ECW on Sci-Fi 8/29/06

TO THE BACK. A sweaty Paul Heyman has booked himself in a match against SABU! Lmao. You could say he's gonna kill his own creation.  

Rob Van Dam vs Hardcore Holly

Heyman had convinced Bob that RVD was talking mad shit about him. That's why RVD was attacked last week. And let me tell you, Hardcore is stiff as fuck. Bordering on wtf stiff at times. Bob brought a chair into the ring, but it was used against him and he was knocked into the crowd. 

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TO THE BACK. Rene Dupree gets his pump and cardio on at the same time.

The Big Show comes to the ring and invites DX to ECW next week.

TO THE REJECT. "Fight the power." You can fight these hands, breh. 

CM Punk vs Steven Richards

Probably not great for your career when Stevie Richards is bigger and more cut than you. I mean, Punk never main evented WM. That's probably the reason. Stevie got a lot more offense than CW and Justin, and Punk opens up some more of his trademark indie war crate. Another win with the anaconda vise. Pretty fun little TV match. Punk is picking up a lot of steam. 

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TO THE CLASSROOM. "If he's so smart, why's his tie so short?" Mr. Striker is in the ring to give a lesson. he talks down to the fans and ECW talent for a while until Sandman comes out. Lmao, he was waiting for it and hit Sandman with THE BLACKBOARD. And then a stapler. 

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TO THE BALLS. Kelly Kelly joins him and flashes Balls. 

Joey Styles and Kurt Angle talk about Kurt Angle's unconditional release from WWE. They both wish him well. "One day, maybe we'll see Kurt back in the ring where he belongs." 

Paul Heyman vs Sabu EXTREME RULES

Of course, Heyman's security immediately beat on Sabu. Sabu fights back, and then randomly dives over the ropes, where Show was standing off camera. Show caught him, but Sabu hit a DDT. Security and Show beat his ass. Lmao at Heyman slapping the shit out of Sabu while talking mad shit. Sabu makes some briefest of comebacks with Show, but they're all ineffective. RVD comes out to even up the odds. Sabu finally gets his hands on Paul Heyman. Just as Sabu was about to put Paul through a table, Show speared him out of the air. Hardcore Holly shows up and hits RVD with an Alabama Slam through the table. Paul Heyman pins Sabu. Looooooooooool. After the match, Show chokeslams Sabu through a table and then does a whole lot of suck its. 

Truly a fuckery main event befitting ECW.

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ECW on Sci-Fi 8/22/06

To start the show, Torrie Wilson and Kelly Kelly have a dance/strip off. Before Kelly can get her robe off, Mike Knox and Test arrived to ruin things.

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Mike Knox/Test/Kelly Kelly vs The Sandman/Tommy Dreamer/Torrie Wilson

Every fucking week. I believe this is 5 weeks straight of some kind of pairing of these dudes. Adding in two non-wrestlers sure won't help things. LMAO the lights randomly went off. It really is ECW. CATFIGHT! STINKFACE! Obviously, Tommy works most of the match. Tommy pinned Knox with a DDT. This is the first time they've been booked to look good this entire feud.  

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TO THE BACK. Paul Heyman hypes Big Show up, but doesn't want him to give Sabu a rematch. 

TO THE CLASSROOM. Matt Striker uses a bunch of big words because he's a smarty pants and wrestling fans are dang ol' dumb dumbs. WWE definitely needed a Dean Douglas redux. 

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Kevin Thorn vs Balls Mahoney EXTREME RULES

Lmao at Balls doing a head kick spot where he has to have the guy bent all the way over and still barely gets his foot to the head. And stiffs the shit out of Thorn on it. This seems like I must have missed a week of feuding or something. As Balls went for his chair, Ariel BIT HIS LEG (cuz she's a vampire, you see), Thorn punted the chair into his face, then won with the hanging stunner.

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TO THE REJECT. "The system is oppressive." Man, fuck Shannon Moore.

CM Punk vs CW Anderson

CDub OUTTA NOWHERE. Punk continues to get good reactions each week, despite being an unknown in most areas where ROH didn't run on the regular. Tazz puts him over huge as a big star in the making. CW nearly won with the spinebuster, but Punk won shortly after with the anaconda vise.

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TO THE BACK. Paul Heyman talks to the newest member of the ECW roster...HARDCORE HOLLY. Lmao. 

Rob Van Dam vs Danny Doring

An easy win for RVD. After the match, Hardcore Holly came out and blasted both guys with a chair, then hit RVD with the Alabama Slam. 

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TO THE BACK. Rene Dupree brushes his hair. His gyno is off the charts.

Big Show vs Sabu ECW Championship

A Summerslam rematch, this time under normal rules. Show demolishes Sabu until a ref bump. Sabu then uses a chair about 5 different times, but the ref is dead. A second ref comes in, but Big Show kicks out. Sabu gets the ring bell and hits Show with it right in front of the ref, getting disqualified. Shoe is busted open ,and Sabu continues to blast him with the bell, the last of which sent Show over the top rope through a table. There was a LARGE puddle of blood around Show's head on the mats.   

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No fucking wonder Show needed a whole year off after this run. I think my biggest complaint about these shows is that the replays always look much better than the live shots. Why they couldn't use the replay angles on the lives shots when they showed them every week and clearly looked better is beyond me. I also want to lol at the idea of ECW now having a French joke character, a member of 3 Count, and Sparky Plugg himself, but that's actually more in line with OG ECW than a lot of things.

ECW on Sci-Fi 8/15/06

The show opens with Paul Heyman (with Big Show) announcing that Kurt Angle recently tore his groin, and as a result, he has been medically suspended and removed from the triple threat ladder match, which will now just be Sabu vs RVD. It's true (it's true), Kurt did suffer a groin tear. He also had various other injuries and a serious, serious pain pill addiction that would lead to him being released early from his contract 10 days from this show. His match against Sabu was his last televised in ring appearance for WWE until he returned in 2017.

Mick Foley comes to the ring about his feud with Ric Flair. Neither are ECW talents. In fact, Foley had invited Flair to the show, but Flair declined. Foley then goes on to rant about Ric Flair, Hell In A Cell, and some other shit, completely ignoring all that shit he said about ECW and ECW fans in the run up to ONS. Then he brings out Kelly Kelly and Melina. To have a THREE WAY DANCE. Literally. The three of them dance. Ric Flair DOES show up and they start fighting. A reminder, these are both Raw talents, building up their Summerslam match on a brain they aren't affiliated with. Flair takes his belt off and tries to hang Foley.

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TO THE REJECT. FUCK SHANNON MOORE. At least this time he says something. "Question authority."

CM Punk vs Justin Credible

Justin about to get his win back! Lol at Punk's entire moveset being 2002-2004 puro signatures. Punk won even faster than the first time, again with the anaconda vise. 

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TO THE BACK. RVD is sitting on top of a ladder, prepared for anything against Sabu.

TO THE PHOTOSHOOT. Extreme Frenchie Rene Dupree is getting pictures taken.  

FBI vs Mike Knox/Test

Complete squash of the FBI. Sandman and Dreamer hit the ring after the match. The heels ran away.

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TO THE BACK. Paul Heyman is giving his security instructions hwne Kurt Angle shows up OUTTA NOWHERE and tries to kill everyone. He's eventually restrained by Show and police. This is actually his last TV appearance before 2017 in WWE.

RVD vs Sabu Ladder Match

The winner will face Big Show for the title at Summerslam this Sunday. No way this isn't a mess. They couldn't even do a match a decade earlier without fucking everything up. Lol, it takes about a minute and a half before things start falling apart and RVD is trying to do pins after botches. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RVD tried to jump from the turnbuckles to get the contract. This match is hilarious. Two dudes doing shit they would have botched a decade earlier as well. This is ECW as fuck. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Sabu tried a triple jump moonsault off a ladder. On it's side. LOLOLOL. This match is an embarrassment of botch riches and ridiculous spots. Like MONKEY FLIPPING A LADDER AS A PROJECTILE ATTACK. RVD was about to grab the contract when Big Show came out. Instead of grabbing the contract, RVD jumped off the ladder at him. Big Show requests the contract be lowered. Sabu jumps on his shoulders and grabs the contract. LMAO. What an amazing finish. Sabu will get his match against Big Show! Too bad Sabu ate the contract after the match. 

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Let's see, they spent about 15 minutes of a 45 minute show on two guys that aren't even on the roster, going from terrible comedy to super violence on a dime. A former ECW Champion and former ECW Tag Team Champions both got squashed. Then they finished off the show with the most ECW thing possible: A Sabu/RVD botchfest gimmick match with a fuckery finish.

ECW on Sci-Fi 8/8/06

Mike Knox vs Tommy Dreamer

Minutes in, as Dreamer was getting in control, Heyman and the riot police came out. Tommy got a beat down and lost to Sister Abigail. After the match, another attack was about to happen, but Sandman came out. Paul books him in a handicap match against Knox and Test.

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The Sandman vs Test/Mike Knox

Sandman quickly got disqualified for caning both men.

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TO THE SABU. Fucking Sabu cutting promos. He will get a shot at Big Show if he can defeat KURT ANGLE tonight.

TO BALLS TO THE WALL. I'm sick of this shit.

Kevin Thorne vs Al Snow

A quick squash for Thorne. Those ECW Originals are really on a roll tonight.

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TO THE KURT. Angle hypes up the match with Sabu.

TO THE BACK. RENE DUPREE lmao. He's joined ECW.

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ECW Champion Big Show, wearing a hilarious blue suit that reminds me of the one Kevin Nash worse as commissioner of WCW. He's classing up the ECW brand. "Kurt Angle, if you get in my path, I will crush your spine like I crush crackers in my soup." 

TO THE PUNK. Punk's facial hair is fucking awful. He thanks the fans for welcoming him to the ECW family more than he ever was to his own family.

Kurt Angle vs Sabu

What an absurd match to have happened. Lol at Kurt starting the match literally taking Sabu down at will and embarrassing him. Things don't change until Kurt runs into the post on his own. Kurt really just beats the shit out of Sabu. I don't recall seeing him hit anyone harder than he was hitting Sabu in this match. He's almost running through him to some degree. As Kurt had Sabu in the ankle lock, RVD showed up OUTTA NOWHERE and hit Kurt with a Vandaminator, then busted Sabu open with the skateboard dropkick. WE'RE OUTTA TIME. 

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