AVG: My Struggle With The Biggest Piece Of Shit Anti-Virus Software In The World
When it comes to computer viruses, you can never be too careful. It was with this in mind that when wrapping up my PC dongle, I chose the AVG brand. Noted for it's high quality (They're so confident that they give it away for free, banking on you enjoying it so much you'll pay for the full version. You know, the first one's for free, kid.) and brand awareness, I took the plunge and lovingly wrapped this bad boy around my hard drive.
The next few months were quite a ride. Frequent blue screens of death, lock ups, browsers becoming unusable, random terribly loud sounds from the speakers. I thought, "Gee, I must have a virus or something. I should run AVG more often". Months went by and, sure enough, every 2-3 days my computer would crash. Frequent hard drive errors had me looking online for new drives. And then, after months of such behavior, my computer finally had a heart to heart with me. Using the CHKDSK and SFC utilities, I found the problem was, in fact, AVG. What I thought was my protection from the dangers and diseases of the world wide web turned out to be fucking me in the ass the whole time.
The normal reaction would be to delete the program as soon as possible. Well, guess what? You can't. This fucking thing will error out on you every time, which, coincidentally, fucks more with your registry each time you try. After my computer got stuck in a loop for FOURTEEN FUCKING HOURS of Startup Repair, Safe Mode, and reboots that would take over an hour per boot, I was able to ever so briefly check online about my problem. Can you guess what the solution is? You probably can't. Because it is fucking ridiculous. In order to remove this awful, awful program that is worse than any actual virus you'll ever get, you have to, get this, DOWNLOAD ANOTHER AVG PROGRAM SPECIFICALLY MADE TO REMOVE THE PROGRAM. You read that right. In order to get rid of Ebola, you have to get AIDS.
Wearily, I downloaded the program, reasonably confident that it was going to ruin my computer further. At this point, my only other option was a clean reinstall of Windows, losing hundreds of gigs of programs and videos, most for this very site. Remember, it takes 30-60 minutes just to boot up, another 15-20 once booted for things to actually load up. The program begins to run, saying it has removed all traces of AVG from my computer, but the process may take multiple reboots to complete. As you can imagine, seeing as it takes an hour to reboot, I was not pleased. But I pushed through and it appeared everything was gone. And then I looked at my program date folder. Why, there was AVG, staring at me. I try to manually delete the folder, thinking it was just some junk left over from the uninstalling process. These things happen. "Only an administrator can delete this file." Well shit, I AM the administrator. Yet, I can't delete this folder. This means AVG is still infecting my computer's dick.
It takes FOUR MORE TIMES of running the program before every last trace of this sack of shit program is gone. Suddenly, my computer works again. Like it's brand new. All because of an antivirus program destroyed my registry, causing errors in every sector of my hard drive. An antivirus program.
Now, during all this, I did get a lot done. In the time it took to rid my computer of Escáner de virus del Diablo, I was able to watch The Terror of MechaGodzilla (Which is bizarre even for the series, as it features aliens mind controlling cyborgs who mind control other cyborgs, and a regular dinosaur that throws knees from the clinch and has a weakness only to supersonic sounds) and the Pacers get a win over the Knicks (Fuck you, Spike), head to the library to return Scream 2 and pick up Son of Kong, Amityville II: The Possession, and Argento's Dracula (all possible candidates for Halloween Havoc), and read 2/3rd of Casino Royale, which is quite good when it gets away from Fleming's hatred of women and the French.
AVG started all the way back in 1992. In Czechoslovakia. You know what was super safe on all fronts in 1992? Not Eastern Europe. Keeping true to its war-torn beginnings, AVG is known to install other programs without consent or warning, including a toolbar that secretly reinstalls itself when deleted. The company also announced in 2015 that they would be tracking and analyzing user data in order to sell to advertisers. The only way to opt out is to delete the program, which, as you can see, will make you want to kill people. Just two months after the announcement, a massive security leak was found for Chrome users.
This is, without exaggeration, the worst piece of software I've ever encountered in my life. Even when it would be working properly, it hogged up most of your PC's resources, making it nearly impossible to do anything. When attempting to shut it down or exit out, the program outright would not let you. Not even through Task Manager. You would be denied. On your own computer. The only way I was able to shut it off was to change the start up settings through MSCONFIG, but it still would turn on and scan on its own regularly and without warning or permission. This program IS a virus. It might not pop up in a scan, but it is a destructive, disruptive, damaging piece of shit that you should avoid at all costs. And after uninstalling the program, you'll find it had hidden viruses that were deep in its files that the program blocked from detection. Do not install it. Do not install it on a family member's computer. Do not recommend it to anyone. There are thousands of posts on message boards spanning nearly 10 years about the issues with AVG. The very same ones I went through. Yet, AVG has teamed up with Facebook and is rated 4 out of 5 stars by CNET.
Fuck AVG. Fuck AVG Technologies. Fuck everyone who has been involved with the design and implementation of the software. This is a product clearly designed as malware disguised as a virus scanner. It's nearly impossible to get rid of, and attempting to do so will have you computer immediately besieged with popups in an attempt to scare less technically inclined people to keep the program. A program which is openly selling your data, destroying your registry, and ruining your operating system. This is a malicious program made by malicious people. If you have this program on your computer, do everything you can to get rid of it as soon as possible.