NWA WCW WrestleWar 1989

JR and Bob Caudle will handle commentating tonight.

The Great Muta vs Doug Gilbert

MUTA! Rad. Doug Gilbert is best known for being Eddie's shitty brother, portraying Freddy Krueger in Memphis and Japan, and calling King a pedophile on live TV. Muta hits an early kick but is caught off guard and knocked to the floor. Powerdrive elbow. Handspring elbow. Doug moves out of the way of the moonsault. Muta lands on his feet and does a pescado instead. Eddie came out for support. Moonsault for the win. 3 minute squash.

Hacksaw Butch Reed vs Ranger Ross

Is this a PPV or Saturday Night? Or Thunder? Teddy Long is at ringside with a visitor pass, taking notes. Absolutely nothing match. Reed wins with a flying shoulder block.

TO THE LANCE. My favorite Lance Russell talks with US Champion Lex Luger on his upcoming match with...Michael Hayes. FUCK.

Dick Murdoch vs Bob Orton Jr. Bullrope Match

Sweet. Love old Dirty Dick. Hoping for a great punch and a brainbuster in this. Captain Redneck (much better nickname than Captain Charisma) is in Bunkhouse attire while Orton is in wrestling gear. It quickly heads to the floor. Orton tries to run away and gets yanked back and then into the ring post. The ref was counting. Count outs in a bullrope match? Dick takes a boot off and goes to town with it. Orton gets back in control for a moment. He makes a mistake going up top. He's yanked off and hog tied. Dick drops some elbows and gets the pin. This is an awfully weird PPV so far. Gary Hart joins the fray after the match and Murdoch is laid out. Cowboy literally tries to murder Dick by hanging him from the ring.

TO THE LANCE. Banana Nose talks with..Michael Hayes. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Samoan Swat Team vs Dynamic Dudes

Paul E. is now managing the SST (Headshrinkers) since the Original Midnight Express were sent packing. The Dudes don't even skate on their boards. Posers. Someone with a blonde mullet is about to get stiffed. Johnny Ace and Fatu start the match. Facebuster does nothing to Fatu, but a toe stomp does. Johnny tries a leapfrog and gets superkicked right in the god damn throat. That's probably what made his voice the way it is today. Johnny hits some amazingly bad kicks which is turned into a dragon screw. Paul is calling someone. Johnny continues to get his ass kicked for a while. Johnny Ace is not a good wrestler at all. Paul gets on the mic to trash talk, telling Johnny that he's as useless as a Nashville woman. Hot tag to Shane. He's cut off with a clubbing lariato to the face. Superfly splash from Fatu. Fatu has Shane up for a slam. Johnny does a missile dropkick to Shane, causing Fatu to fall over. Dudes win. Bullshit. No fucking way should the Dynamic Dudes been able to beat the SST even on a fluke.

TO THE LANCE. Lance talks with Pat O'Connor, Terry Funk, and....LOU THESZ! They'll be judges for Flair vs Steamboat tonight.

Lex Luger vs Michael Hayes NWA US Championship

FUCK FUCK FUCK. Michael Hayes is the kind of guy who would say his sister has great tits. The kind of guy who would take the batteries out of your remotes and not tell you. The kind of guy who trims his beard in your sink and doesn't clean up. The kind of guy who uses your coffee mug as a dip cup. The kind of guy who would piss on your floor. The kind of guy who would steal pain meds from his grandparents. The kind of guy who borrows your car and wrecks it and doesn't tell you. The kind of guy who rubs cum on your dog. The kind of guy who jerks off in a bush. The kind of guy who says "gash" and "wound". The kind of dude that makes fun of Mexicans who don't speak English. In Mexico. The kind of guy who would borrow your shorts and go commando. The kind of guy who tells you he can change your tire, makes you wait an hour and and then tells you the rim was damaged and he couldn't do it. The kind of guy who still uses the term "Japs". The kind of guy who still uses the term "Chinaman". The kind of guy who offers booze to recovering alcoholics and calls them pussies if they don't drink. The kind of guy who would give coke to an 8 year old. The kind of guy who would make a big scene at Terry Gordy's funeral because he was jealous. The kind of guy who has been so racist for so long that he thinks he has legitimate n word privileges. The kind of guy who still parties with high schoolers. The kind of guy who borrows your phone to call sex lines. The kind of guy who would order porn on your credit card. The kind of guy who would eat all your god damn frosted mini wheats. The kind of guy who steals the DDT, does it shitty, and wins the match with outside interference from Terry Gordy after saying he'd do it on his own. New champion. BULLSHIT.

TO THE LANCE. Banana Nose speaks with TV Champion Sting! Sting is amped up to face...The Iron Sheik. God damn, who booked this show?

Sting vs The Iron Sheik NWA TV Championship

Sting has his legit entrance not over dubbed with generic stuff, kids running out for his entrance, and his rat tail is dyed black for some reason. Sheiky gets a cheap shot with the flag pole and chokes Sting with something. Sheik can barely move. Still can't believe Vince brought him back in 1991 as an IRAQI. Sting hits a quick Stinger splash and locks on the Deathlock for a 2 minute win. Title retained.

TO THE LANCE. Lance speaks with NWA Champion Ricky Steamboat.

Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat NWA Championship

Why is this half way through the show? Ricky comes out with his family and Richie riding a pony. Pat O'Connor, Terry Funk, and Lou Thesz are the judges. I'm not sure how the judges work. It hasn't really been explained, but I assume it would be they would pick the winner in the event of a draw. The pace starts hot and heavy with some slaps being traded at the end of it. Steamer works the shit out of Flair's arm. Deep arm drag. Flair just can't get loose until he gets a cheap break in the corner. Throwing elbows. Part of me really can't believe that Vince didn't run with Steamboat. Not only was he incredible and could work with everyone, but he was a beautiful man with an outstanding build, especially in 1985-1987. Dude had one of the best bodies in wrestling history and still was in amazing shape up until the day he retired. Big hip toss from Flair changes the momentum. He misses an elbow and gets taken back down with an arm drag. More cheap shots from Flair. For the first 15 minutes, Steamboat has won the judges' votes. Steamboats chops look like they really fucking hurt. So much velocity on them. Steamboat is sent out to the floor, and Flair elbows him right in the Adam's apple. Working off the Savage/Steamboat angle. This just fires him up and he chases Flair all around ringside and back into the ring.  This match is very start-stop, but in the best way possible. They rev the crowd up, then slow it back down, then get them crazy, slow them back down. It's really well done in a way that isn't wearing the fans out, but making them more excited each time it revs up. Great butterfly suplex from Flair.  Double chickenwing! Flair was too close to the ropes. Flying chop. Steamboat goes up again and gets knocked off, bouncing off the ropes, the apron, and the floor. He appears to have injured his knee. Flair goes right after it. Figure four. Steamboat fights back and hits an enzuigiri. Flair rolls through a body slam....new champion! Ric Flair is 6 times the man! This was totally dope. Better than their first match, which was pretty damn good. Flair and Steamboat embrace after the match, which appears to be a face turn for Ric. JR gets into the ring to talk with Ric. Ric immediately puts Ricky Steamboat over as being the best champion he's ever faced. Terry Funk jumps in the ring to be the first to congratulate Ric. He also says that if the match had gone an hour, he would have voted for Flair. He's also going to be the first one to challenge Flair. Flair doesn't think Terry deserves it since he hasn't been an active competitor. He's not a top 10 contender. Terry does not appreciate this at all. Terry says he was just kidding. They shake hands and Terry decks him. SWERVE! Piledriver on a Japanese table! Since the table didn't break, he threw it on Ric and then smashed him with a chair. By god, would somebody stop this? This is ridiculous! Somebody get some help out here!

TO THE FAT GUY. Fat guy interviews Nikita Koloff, who will be the special guest ref for the NWA World Tag Team Championship match.

Varsity Club vs Road Warriors NWA World Tag Team Championships Special Guest Referee: Nikita Koloff

The Club got their own 80s cheerleaders. LOD are definitely faces again. Nikita immediately ejects Kevin Sullivan. Nikita will not be intimidated. IRS tags in and hits a dropkick. Top rope cross body is countered with a powerslam. I believe IRS is now SWEATING HIS FUCKING BALLS OF AFTER ONE SPOT. I really can't get over it. I've never been able to get over how sweaty that dude gets. Blows my mind. Hawk hits a flying lariat off the apron on Doc, but then misses one and hits the post. The VC go after the injured arm. Hot tag right away. IRS goes flying over the ropes. Sandwich lariats. Doomsday Device on Doc. Kevin Sullivan and Dan Spivey show up and fight with Nikita. The match is thrown out. Wtf, Iron Man is totally playing on this video, not dubbed at all. WWE is so weird about their music dubbing from what I've seen. No rhyme or reason at all it seems.

Eddie Gilbert/Rick Steiner vs Dan Spivey/Kevin Sullivan NWA US Tag Team Championships

Another wtf...this is the main event. After the NWA Championship and world tag team championships. Rick is immediately rammed shoulder first into the ring post, leaving Eddie on his own from the start. Eddie gets his ass kicked for a while. This is the weirdest booked show. Seems like a Clash of the Champions instead of a PPV, but having the NWA Championship match go on 3rd from last makes no sense to me. Then having the US tag go on as the main event after the world tag. Rick Steinerlines Sullivan while he's trying to piledrive Eddie. Eddie flips over and gets the pin titles retained.

Most definitely a one match show. Flair/Steamboat was great. Top tier stuff. The rest of the show was rubbish filler bullshit and the whole booking of the show was weird. Two tag title matches go on after the NWA Championship match, a 15 minute Michael Hayes match AGAIN against a guy like Lex Luger, a few squashes. Fucking weird. A major PPV bookended by the fucking Gilberts.

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